Cathy M.
I thought it would be a good idea to keep a journal of this process, since I do not plan to pass this way again!
I have been overweight for most of my adult life. I was an average sized child and teen, but after I had my first child at the age of 21, I began to put on weight and start the losing battle with obesity. I went up and down in my 20's, but by the time I reached my 30's I was losing ground fast.
I went to Weight Watchers, did Slim Fast, went to Jenny Craig, took diet pills, and even took Phen-Fen. All of this took off weight, but it came back as soon as I stopped each of them.
When I reached 243 pounds, I told my PCP that I wanted to have WLS. He agreed that I would be a good candidate due to my co-morbidities. I have had a heel spur, plantar's faciitis, obstructive sleep apnea, high blood pressure, depression, back aches and fatigue, and my knees and ankles have started to bother me.
And so it begins.....
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
On May 28, 2004, I went to Dr. Carroll, my PCP, and asked him if he thought I'd be a candidate for gastric bypass surgery. He agreed that I would fit the criteria, and told me that if I could find a surgeon, he'd refer me. There are no surgeons here in Humboldt County that do the surgery.
My weight: 243 lbs.
On June 16, 2004 I went back to Dr. Carroll, and told him that I'd learned of a clinic in Pleasanton, CA that does this surgery and is covered by my insurance. I got the info from a girl at work. She knows that another co-worker went there and she has the same insurance that I do. Dr. Carroll agreed to write a referral.
In the meantime, I'd contacted the clinic in Pleasanton, and had an appointment set up for June 23, 2004. Since I live so far away, they agreed to make all of my appointments on the same day.
On June 23, 2004 I met with the nurse/RN, Lola first. She explained the surgery to me and we talked about what is involved. Then I went to meet with Dr. Mary Estakhri, the surgeon. She did a brief exam and also went over the surgery with me. She told me that I fit the criteria, but that the committee would be meeting on June 25 to discuss candidates. She weighed me at: 234.6 lbs.
Next I went back over to the clinic and met with the dietician, Valerie. She went over the process again, and asked me a series of questions about my diet, habits, etc. She took my photograph (for the before picture) and also weighed me. I weighed 235 lbs. there.
From there I took a brief break for a late lunch and then went to Livermore to keep my appointment with Jennette Lobao, the therapist. She just asked me a bunch of questions to see if I was mentally stable, I guess, then gave me the humongous personality test (written). Finally got out of there around 5:00 pm to begin the long trip back home and wait for the results.
I got the letter from the clinic stating that I was eligible and telling me what requirements I have to meet before surgery is scheduled. Whew! Looks like I will be making appointments right and left.
I've had the lab work done and the mammogram. I have the ecocardiogram scheduled for June 20, and the Sleep Apnea test for August 11. I was also told to lose 10 pounds before surgery. That seemed ironic, in view of the fact that it's my inability to lose weight that brought me here in the first place. But Dr. E. said she'd give me credit for the weight loss starting at the 243 lbs., so it's not as bad.
I was going to start the classes telephonically on June 30, but I completely spaced them until it was 6:30 pm and too late. Drat! I will be trying again tonight (July 14).
The daily exercise requirement has been a little trying since I'm so basically sedentary. But I've been swimming nearly every day, and the days I don't swim I've tried to do other things, like mow the lawn and vaccuum.
I've been reading as many web sites as I can find to try to familiarize myself with the whole process. I'll be glad when I'm on the "other side" of surgery.
For some reason, I've been hungrier than usual lately. I wonder if I'm subconsciously sabotoging myself. I know I have the weight loss requirement, and yet I'm eating more. Maybe saying goodbye to food?
July 20, 2004
Well, I've made some progress. By now I've had 2 of the Nutrition classes and 2 of the Life Style classes by phone. I've gotten the most out of the Nutrition classes.
I posted on the Obestity Help message board, and the people there are friendly, and their stories are encouraging.
I went today for the Echocardiogram. The tech told me that of the 3 people she knows that have had the bariatric surgery, none of them has lost weight. I don't believe her, really. And that reenforces my decision to keep the surgery a very private matter.
Don showed me the latest National Geographic magazine for Aug. 2004, and one of the articles deals with weight and the surgery. He is definitely onboard with the surgery, just has the same misgivings about the risks of surgery. But as I pointed out to him, the medical problems that I have because of obesity might all result in some surgery eventually, with the same risks as the bariatric surgery.
I went by Dr. Carroll's office today for copies of my lab tests and pap smear, and they didn't have them. Sigh.... the nurse called back this afternoon and managed to "find" them and will mail them to Dr. Estakhri.
I just have my sleep apnea test on Aug. 11, and then my lab work should be done. Just need to get in some more classes and lose a few pounds.
September 6, 2004
Well, I'm still here. I was called early for my sleep apnea test, on August 2, so I went and had that done. Turns out I do have sleep apnea, and had to get a CPAP machine. I didn't have a whole lot of luck with it at first. The mask really hurt and so I kept taking it off during the night. When I went back for my 2 week check-up on Sept. 2, they gave me a different mask and I've had better luck with that one. I'm only averaging about 5 hours a night with it, though.
I thought I was all through with tests, but they decided to have me go for a cardiologist consult. Sigh... So after much back and forth trying to get Dr. Lock to see me, the nurse, Lola, called his office and managed to talk them into it. I went for the appointment and basically, all he said was that he didn't see a problem and that he wouldn't recommend any more testing. So that's his "release" I guess.
Called Valley Care and they said that they didn't have my mammogram report, or the letter from Dr. Lock. I'd already had the mammogram mailed/faxed to them 3 times, but since I have a copy, I scanned it and emailed it to them. Then I called Dr. Lock's office and found out that that had faxed the letter to ME. And I don't even have a fax. Got that straightened out finally.
So now, with my weight loss (I went to Dr. Caroll's office for a weigh-in, 232 lbs., and they faxed the results to Valley Care), all but one class is completed, all my tests are done and the results sent in, so now I have to wait for insurance approval and a surgery date.
I've been diligently reading the message boards on the Obesity Help website. It seems that some people have a really hard recovery, and some don't. Also, some have complications, such as strictures, and some don't. There's no way to know in advance which category I'll fall into.
Don has now been talking about taking time off to go down with me for surgery. That's unexpected, but surely welcome. I hope it actually works out that way. I'm not looking forward to doing this alone. Especially the recovery part at a motel.
I've been swimming almost daily. Aside from a nice tan, I think I've improved my breathing, at any rate. The pool is really cold some days, but since I hate to sweat, it's the best alternative I have for exercise.
I still haven't told any of my family or friends (aside from one) about my surgery. When I had mentioned it to a family friend, she was so negative and instantly tried to talk me out of it, that I decided not to talk about it to anyone else until it's a done deal. It's a very scary procedure as it is, so to have negative input is more than I can deal with. Not that I don't appreciate the concern, because I really do. But I am going to have the surgery, so I want it to be as mentally positive as possible.
Well, I'm just waiting for word from the surgeon. Hopefully I'll hear soon.
September 14, 2004
Well, I have a surgery date! I got the call today that the insurance has been approved and my date is set for October 21, 2004! Finally! I have to drive the 6 hours to Pleasanton on Sept. 23 for the mandatory pre-op class and meet with the surgeon. Not looking forward to that, since it's such a long drive, but after that, my next big drive will be for the surgery itself! I'm not nervous yet, and hope I manage to stay calm. Just so much to do to get ready. Whew!
September 17, 2004
Well, my surgeon's office just phone and said that they were moving my surgery date up to October 5! That's good news, bad news. Good because I'll get my surgery sooner. Bad because Don says he won't be able to get that time off work to be with me. I realize that presents problems, but I'll just have to figure out a way to make it work.
September 24, 2004
Whew! Just got back from my trip down south to see the surgeon, do the hospital pre-op admitting tests and take the mandatory pre-op class. It was a LONG day yesterday. I had to drive down the day before and stay overnight. Traffic is so awful down there!
Anyway, the meeting with the surgeon was brief and to the point. She went over the procedure again and took care of giving me my prescriptions for post-op so that I can get them filled before I go. Then the hospital pre-op. That was a breeze. They just had me fill out paperwork (I feel personally responsible for the death of a tree by now!), and then they took blood, did an EKG and took chest x-rays. Whole process took less than an hour.
After that I had 3 hours to kill before the class. The heat in Pleasanton kind of killed any exploration urges I might otherwise have had.
The class was from 3:00 to 5:00. First the dietician told us all about what/how to eat. Then the nurse told us about what to expect in the hospital. I met the other gal who is having surgery the same day as I am, and we'll probably be roommates.
Around 5:30 I began the LONG drive home, through rush-hour traffic from Oakland, Berkeley and on up through San Rafael. It didn't thin out until after Ukiah. Finally pulled in the driveway at 11:30 pm, totally worn out and road-punchy. Not looking forward to making that drive again in 2 weeks.
September 29, 2004
Well, it's all over but the waiting. I'm still 6 days away from surgery, and starting to get some butterflies in my stomach. Don will be driving me down to Pleasanton on Monday, Oct. 4, and will drive back again on Oct. 7 to take me home on the 8th. I'm relieved that he will be there. It takes a lot of stress off of me.
I'll have the bowel prep on Sunday, Oct. 3. NOT looking forward to spending the day in the bathroom! But at least it's 2 days before the surgery, so that makes the timing better for travel.
I'll be on a liquid diet for 2 days before surgery. Maybe that'll make some pounds go away beforehand, anyway. Any and all weight loss helps!
I found out at the pre-op class that Dr. E no longer has you leave the hospital with a drain. YAY! Another plus for the drive home.
Probably won't update again until after surgery. I wish the time would just zip by.
October 3, 2004
Well, today was the bowel prep. The 10 oz. of magnesium citrate was definitely easier than the gallon of GoLightly I had to take for my colonoscopy. And there wasn't any of that nasty cramping, either. Just frequent trips to the bathroom.
The biggest problem for me today is that I'm HUNGRY! I'm on clear liquids for 2 days, and there isn't much of anything in a clear liquid to fill you up! So far, cranberry juice has been the most satisfying. I also had some broth, some s/f jello, and lots and lots of water. I started to get nauseous earlier on, so I "cheated" and had some banana. I don't think it will make much difference in the long-range scheme of things, but I just felt so much better after I squished it in my teeth and swallowed it.
I think the bowel prep has finally slowed down, so maybe I'll get to watch Desperate Housewives and Boston Legal tonight. Then it's off to Pleasanton tomorrow, and I won't be updating until I get home on Friday.
October 9, 2004
Well, it's done! I didn't get to come home yesterday after all because my fluid intake wasn't good enough. As for the surgery, I have to admit that for the first 3 days I had serious regrets. I kept asking myself what I had done to myself. And how could I undo it. Then I finally got to the point where I decided that it was a done deal and I'd better learn to deal with it pronto.
I got very nauseous and dizzy from the anesthesia. It was so bad that I couldn't walk very far the first day. Everything was spinning and it hurt to open my eyes.
I had a roommate, Shirley Arnold, who went through surgery with flying colors! She did so well it was amazing. She had no regrets and no problems. I really like her and her attitude. Unfortunately, for me, she went home yesterday, and I was by myself for most of the rest of the day.
As for the hospital experience, I hated it. I know the nurses are just doing their jobs, but I hated getting woken up when I finally managed to get to sleep. I also hated to ask for anything and then have to wait and wonder if there was going to be a timely response.
So, the negatives: reaction to the anesthesia, running a fever, discomfort of the hospital situation. As for the positives: I accomplished what I set out to do. I actually made it to the other side of WLS. I am feeling much better being at home, and I've lost weight already.
On the day of surgery, I weighed in at 224 pounds. After surgery, I ballooned up to 235 pounds! That was a nasty shock. I knew it was normal to gain "a few pounds" but not 11 of them! But when I weighed in last night, I was down to 221 pounds.
I'm being diligent about sipping and walking, but I can't seem to find the time to get all the recommended liquid in. If I manage to take a nap, that puts me behind on the sipping! The deep breathing is really helpful though. I'm glad they insisted on it.
There is no pain to speak of from the incisions. The only real pain was from the fever. It gave me headaches. And I couldn't stand the taste of the liquid stuff they gave me in the hospital. I actually preferred the tylenol suppository over the taste of that stuff!
The drive home was long, but bless Don for making that trip! I was so happy to see him this morning!!! I know how much he hates driving in traffic in the city, and that is a long trip to make twice in 24 hours.
Just glad to be home.
October 10, 2004
Well, even though I swore I was not going to be a "scale vulture", I got on the scales today, anyway. My weight today was 217 pounds. YAY! 87 more pounds to reach my goal of 132 pounds! In May, when I began this journey, I needed to lose 113 pounds. So that's encouraging.
I seem to spend my time sipping, sipping, sipping. One eye on the clock to see when 10 minutes has passed so I can sip another ounce. I hope this doesn't last forever. I don't have that great an attention span!
October 16, 2004
Each day seems to get a bit better than the one before. The liquid diet is the pits! I still felt hungry, and I couldn't seem to reach that "full" feeling that they talk about. But this week I started pureed food, and what a vast improvement. I'm still not feeling full, but at least I'm not feeling hungry, either.
My weight is coming off s-l-o-o-o-w-l-y. This morning it was 210 pounds. That makes 14 pounds since the day of surgery, or 14 pounds in 11 days. I had to quit weighing myself more than once a day because the weight fluctuates so much in one day that it was making me crazy. I couldn't figure out how I could gain pounds while not eating!! So it's time to back away from the scale and just keep on keeping on.
I had planned to go back to my part time job on Monday, the 18th, but I'm just not ready yet. I still need time to get used to this whole new routine before I take this show on the road. Taking 1/2 hour to eat a 3 oz. meal is pretty time-consuming. And I'm having a yucky time getting my meds down. I have to open the capsules and sprinkle them on my "food", and some of them are so bitter they make me gag.
I'm sleeping great at night. And my bodily functions are all a-ok, so that's good. I get to the point in the day where I want to take a nap, but rarely fall asleep when I lay down. I need to get around and walk more, though. I went out yesterday for the first time by myself. Went to the post office, the health food store and the grocery store. I was pretty tired by the time I got home.
Oh! and my BMI is now 37.9, making me severly obese rather than morbidly obese. I know it's just a description, but it marks progress!
October 23, 2004
Things are getting better every day. I'm now almost 3 weeks out, and I feel many times better. I don't think about buyer's remorse anymore, since it's just not an option for me. But I'm really looking forward to the months passing so I can be more comfortable with this lifestyle and have it be just a part of my life rather than consume so much of my life, the way it is right now.
I will be going back to my part time job on Monday. That will be good. I need to get out of the house and be interacting with old friends and getting caught up on what is going on with them. Being home for 3 weeks tends to make you feel isolated and wrapped up in your own head a little too much. It will be interesting to incorporate the new changes into my everyday life outside the house.
October 28, 2004
Going back to work was really too early. I went in on Monday and only lasted 3 hours. I was wiped out, but when people kept commenting on how pale I was and was I sure I felt ok, I knew I wasn't going to be able to last the day. I went home at noon.
That afternoon I got a call from the surgeon's office asking me if I had actually returned to work and how did I do. I told them I only made it 3 hours, and they said that's what they expected, and that I wasn't going to be cleared for work until November 16. So, I have another 3 weeks off.
The only big complication I have now is constipation. It hit me big time over the past weekend. I tried everything I could think of: Milk of Magnesia, stool softeners, glycerin suppositories, prune juice, walking, Smooth Move Tea. Nothing works!! Lola, from Valley Care finally told me to call my PCP, so I did, and he prescribed a laxative. I started it last night, and the bottle says it takes 2 to 4 days to work. It has sure narrowed my world. I have an urgency to "go" so I can't leave the house (and bathroom). I'll be glad when this passes. It's been making me miserable. Haven't eaten much at all because I don't want anything else in there.
Also, since surgery I've been cold. I'm usually the one in short sleeves, but now I can't seem to warm up. Interesting changes going on....
And I'm on a plateau, to top things off. Oy vey.
November 6, 2004
I drove to Pleasanton on Thursday, the 4th, so I could make it to my one month checkup with Dr. E on the 5th. Jeez that drive is long. 350 miles each way just for a 10 minute visit where I got weighed, she looked at my belly, talked for a couple of minutes, and said "see you in 2 months". Uh, I don't think so. It costs a fortune for gas and a motel and I just can't see how it's worth it.
I got a slip for blood work for my next visit, so I think I'll just have the lab send her a copy and also a copy to my PCP, and I'll go see him instead to see about the results. I'll have to call her office and tell her it's just too expensive. I can't afford $150 for a doctor visit (that's about what it costs me to go down there).
My weight keeps fluctuating between 206 and 211. I thought that was odd, but Dr. E said it was perfectly normal. She thinks I'm coming along just fine. At least my skin won't be as loose since I'm losing slower. (That's my theory, anyway)
Luckily, the constipation cleared up on Wednesday, FINALLY. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make the trip to Pleasanton. It's such a relief to have that cleared up. I went for a long walk this morning, and it felt great. I no longer have to circle around the bathroom hoping for "luck". And I got the go-ahead to start using ground golden flax seed. I used a teaspoon this morning on cottage cheese.
I got to see Shirley when I was down there. We had our appointments back to back, and so we visited with each other between appointments. She is doing great. Although she says she is tired and wants to sleep a lot. I told her I don't dare nap because I'll get behind on my liquid intake, lol.
I saw the Dateline special on WLS with Al Roker last night. I think they did a very good job of presenting the pros and cons. The talked about the depression that sets in afterwards, and the struggles you face. They also interviewed the wife of a man that died as a result of complications from his surgery. It was informative and unbiased. Definitely shows that this is not the answer for everyone, and it's not a magic bullet. It's a tool that you have to use for the rest of your life. And you also have to face your inner demons without the cushion of comfort food.
Now that I'm starting to feel better, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I've got a long way to go, but I can face it now.
December 2, 2004
I'm making new discoveries all the time. Even though the scale doesn't show a big difference (at least to me), the inches are coming off. I had purchased a size 16 jeans a couple of weeks ago, and when they were on sale again I bought another pair. Turns out I wasted my money because they are already too big. I went clothes shopping, and ended up in a size 14! I don't have a lot to wear anymore, but don't want to spend the money for clothes that I won't wear long.
Also, I am finding that I can eat just about anything. Meat doesn't bother me, nor do vegetables or fruit. And I can eat popcorn! Also, beef jerky. Popcorn and jerky were on the list of possible foods I might not ever be able to eat again.
I made the full Thanksgiving dinner, and was able to have some turkey, a few bites of stuffing and half a dinner roll. The bread was a new addition, and I found out it goes down well. Too bad, though, because I love bread and I don't want to be able to eat it.
I went out of town for 4 days and wondered what I'd do about meals, but that was easy, too. Once you buy Carb Countdown and protein powder, all you need to add is tuna and cheese and it's a no-brainer. Eating out wasn't as easy, though. I ended up with a chicken/rice type of salad and only ate a miniscule portion of it. But all in all, it doesn't seem that I have a problem with dumping (crossing my fingers and knocking on wood).
But the biggest bonus for me is that I can drink normally again. The sips were so hard for me. It took all day to get in the liquids. Being able to swallow normally is SO much easier!
Emotionally, I feel great, too. Having energy helps so much. I don't feel trapped physically, so emotionally I'm freer, also. Don't know if that makes much sense, but that's what's going on.
December 18, 2004
Last week I finally dropped below 200 for the first time in 10 years! I have 60 pounds to go. Since May I've lost about 45 pounds.
Eating is still hit and miss. I don't get hungry, so I have coffee and a protein shake for breakfast, then drink liquids until lunch. A typical lunch is 2 cheese sticks and some fruit.
I usually finally get hungry around 4:00 pm every afternoon, so I have a protein bar or protein snack. Then a typical dinner is usually a bit of meat or cottage cheese and a vegetable. Then more liquids until just before bedtime, when I have another protein shake. Hard to tell how many calories I'm getting in, but the weight is still slowing coming off.
I'm noticing my skin bagging a little bit on my legs and my upper arms. Drat. I was hoping to avoid that as much as possible. Also notice a lot of hair loss. Luckily, my hair is usually pretty thick, so I can afford some hair loss. But I don't like it!
Don has been so supportive throughout this whole process. I am really surprised at how much he is noticing. In the past, he always said that my weight was not an issue, and I believe him. But he is so excited about the weight loss, and is so proud of it, that it's like we're doing it together. He's told all his friends about it, even though I've been very private about it with my friends. I was prepared for him to be uninvolved in the whole process, and he surprised me!
My BMI is now 34.9.
2005
January 3, 2005
I'm almost 3 months post-op now. The difference is like night and day. The first few weeks after surgery I was so miserable, physically and emotionally. Everything is so much different now.
I'm still losing...I'm at 194 now, which makes me no longer morbidly obese or severely obese, just obese. Next step down is overweight, then on to normal.
I've been constantly amazed at the emergence of my thinner self. It's like rediscovering an old friend. I can actually remember being thin! When I see myself getting smaller and having more energy, it's like deja vu. It's a really strange sensation. Tonight I was thinking about it, and it's almost like when I was so fat I was asleep, and now I'm waking up.
Walking with the dogs is no effort at all. I can walk 2 miles easily, without getting out of breath or tired. My energy level is up, and I am thinking about getting back into yoga. I think it would be good for me both physically and mentally. And now I think I can attempt some of the yoga positions that were impossible with the weight.
I have a hard time feeling full, so I just pay attention to portions instead. I only get hungry late afternoon, so that's a good time for a protein snack. It's been great not to feel hungry. I have some head hunger from time to time, but nothing like it used to be. And I have some good snacks for when I just can't resist. It's all about choices.
January 29, 2005
I'm down to 187 now. I got sick a couple of weeks ago, so exercising came to a screeching halt, unfortunately. I had the flu, and just spent most of my time resting and drinking fluids. Today I finally got out and went for a walk on the beach with the dogs. We all enjoyed it!
I had my labs done around Christmas time, but didn't go down to Pleasanton for my January 7 appointment. It's too expensive to make that trip. But I called the office and asked if the lab results were ok, and was told that they were.
Don and I made a trip to Lompoc to wish his mother a happy birthday, and all of his family was there. It was a good visit, and I had a good time with his sisters. Eating wasn't a problem. I just had a little bit of whatever they were having, protein first, then vegetables. I also took my protein powder along, and picked up some Carb Countdown to make shakes with. I wondered what I'd order for dinner at the Mexican restaurant, but a taco salad turned out to be a good choice, and I had the leftovers the following day.
So far, the food part of this program has been ok. I just need to work on the exercise more!
March 2, 2005
Just a quick update. I finally got to exercise again, walking the dogs daily. But last Thursday I broke out in hives. Went to the doctor, and he gave me Allegra and Rantinidine, but I still have welts and terrible itching. And physical activity makes me itch worse. ICK.
My weight is still coming off slowly. I weighed 180 this week. I have saggy, baggy knees, now, too. LOL.
April 11, 2005
Just a quick update. I weighed in at 174 this morning. Looks like the weight has finally started to move again. Whew! My BMI is now at 30.8. Just one more point down and then I'm overweight, not obese!
May 7, 2005
The pounds are really hanging on for dear life. I am down to 171 now, but that's only 3 pounds in almost a month. A friend of mine that had surgery only 3 months ago has already lost 65 pounds. It seems like I'm really a slow loser.
May 28, 2005
My scale finally started to work again. My weight is 166 and holding. I want to lose 20 more pounds. More would be a bonus, but I would feel great if I could weigh 145/146. Then I can see whether or not I need to have any plastic surgery to get rid of excess skin.
I feel better and better all the time. It's really amazing how worn out you feel when you carry around excess weight. Sort of like carrying a 10 year old child around with you all the time. You can never put the child down or ask someone else to carry it, you have to do everything with that added weight.
I'm working full time again, and able to walk most days on my lunch hour. But I am hoping that the sitting each day will not slow down the weight loss. I prefer to be active. But the income is really good to have right now.
I ran into someone that I'd not seen for almost 2 years, and her mouth fell open and she said "You're just a shadow of yourself!" And I laughed and replied "Thank goodness!"
Sometimes I feel like I'm walking around incognito. People that have never met me have no idea that I'm really a "fat" person. I still have that mental image of myself sometimes, and I feel like the "fat" me is still lurking around inside. I hope that self-image goes away, but I don't want to forget it, either. I want to keep the empathy for anyone else who is struggling. You really do get treated differently when you are fat compared to when you are not. It reminds me of that book written back in the 60's, "Black Like Me", where a white man went black in disguise and reported what it felt like to live as a black man. Living for so many years as a fat person, I am amazed at how differently people treat me now. Weird
August 5, 2005
I haven't updated in a little while. My weight is 161 now. I think I'm losing inches, as I had to go get size 8 pants now that the 10's are too big. And I had to return a bathing suit that was too big and get a size 12.
I've noticed that I get hunger surges just before I lose any pounds. I increase my food and lose pounds. Seems kind of odd to me, as I'd expect to gain by eating more, not lose. But I guess maybe I'm not eating enough at times, so I hold on to the weight more at those times.
I feel really good. My energy level is great and my overall health is so much better.
I've been contacted by 2 family friends that want to have the surgery. One is scheduled for August 8, and I hope she does really well. The other one is just looking into it. And a co-worker asked me about it yesterday.
I'm now starting to consider plastic surgery in about a year to get rid of the sagging skin. I don't know if I will actually do it, but I'd like to. I guess because of my age and the amount of time I carried the weight, my skin doesn't have much elasticity. But with clothes on, I'm a pretty happy camper.
Someone else posted the following poem on the Obesity Help message board, and I thought it was really powerful.
Somebody died today of DENIAL
Because they would not see that their weight was out of control.
Somebody died today of EMBARRASSMENT
Because they did not want to be weighed at the doctor’s office.
Somebody died today of SHAME
Because they believed they lacked willpower.
Somebody died today of LONELINESS
Because they could not reach out and ask for help.
Somebody died today of FEAR
Because they thought they could never live without their favorite foods.
Somebody died today of GUILT
Because they felt they disappointed their loved ones.
Somebody died today of REGRET
Because they did not live a full and active life.
Somebody died today of DESPAIR
Because they thought there was no hope.
Somebody died today of OBESITY.
Pray for them. Pray for us.
Believe. You have the power to change your life. --Trish Foley
October 4, 2005 ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!
I can hardly believe it's been a year since surgery. I remember last year, the day of surgery, as if it were yesterday. I felt so miserable after the surgery....dizzy, terrible headache. I even had remorse for having the surgery because I felt so miserable.
One year out, and what a difference. I am down to 157 pounds, and would like to lose another 17 pounds. But it is so slow, as always for me, even after WLS. But I have no complaints. This tool has really saved my life. I can do so much more with my body now, without lugging around the extra pounds. I no longer have sleep apnea, high blood pressure or acid reflux. My joints don't hurt from carrying too much weight, and I almost never have headaches anymore.
I can go into any store and find something to wear that doesn't look like a shapeless imitation of something stylish. I am no longer limited to the "old lady" styles that are so prevalent in the larger sizes. I don't know why that is, either. The clothing industry really is missing out on a major market by ignoring large size styles.
Crossing my legs is so much fun, I can't remember how I used to sit when I had to hang on to the cuff on my pants and haul my leg up over the other knee. And my thighs no longer meet when I walk!
I have too much loose skin, but what a trade-off for the extra weight. In fact, if I were to have the needed plastic surgery to get rid of the excess skin, I'd probably be at my goal weight!
This summer was so liberating. I could swim, hike and keep up with the dogs. And I finally bought a bathing suit! I always swam in shorts and a tank top because I didn't want to go through the trauma of finding a bathing suit to fit. This year I bought a size 12 speedo to swim in, and it's great! (Still wear the shorts and tank top over it when I go to the river because of loose skin).
All of the goals I'd hoped for have been met. My health is so improved, and so is my outlook. Shedding the pounds also enabled me to shed a lot of the emotional baggage. I'm tempted to wish I'd had the surgery sooner, but I've come to believe that we are where we're supposed to be, when we are supposed to be there.
I can't wait for next year to see what changes are yet to come!
December 10, 2005
I'm still holding my weigh at around 155. Some days it's 153, and some days it's 156. I am not exercising as I should, and I need to start that back up again. The holidays are a real challenge at work,as there is great smelling food all over the place. I only blew it one day, and that was enough to get my attention, I
December 27, 2005
I had a bit of a problem towards the end of the "12 Days of Christmas eating" at work. I succumbed to things I have not had in my mouth since before the surgery. I ate a donut (plain, but still a donut) and even tried a cookie. Both went down just fine, I'm sorry to say. And I did have to make myself not go to the break room because I was NOT hungry, I was just tempted by the sight and smell of the food, the same as pre-surgery.
I ended up having to keep emergency protein bars with me, and ate one of those when temptation screamed at me. I thought I'd gained 2 pounds, and that scared me to death, but this weekend it was gone, so that's good. I don't want to become a fanatic about food, but I sure got a wake-up call. I thought all that was behind me because I haven't been tempted like that in so long. Now I know those things are still a problem for me, and it's good to find that out.
I'm glad the food temptations are gone from sight, and I can get back to basics. Wow, head-hunger is really a hard thing to get rid of after all! Just when I thought I had it licked, it snuck up on me!
February 18, 2006
I think I must have lost as much as I'm going to lose from the surgery. The last 10 pounds will have to come off with sweat. I'm happy with the weight loss. It's more than I'd dreamed I'd accomplish, and the benefits are so gratifying that I'm constantly amazed at how much better I feel.
So far, when I've had the urge to eat I've been able to grab a protein bar or a couple of South Beach cookies. But the whole point is to NOT turn to food.
But I am determined to concentrate on the lessons I've learned this past year and a half and remember to accept that food is nourishment for the body and not for the emotions. (Good luck with that one, lol)
July 2, 2006
I was reading the posts on the main message board today, and one caught me eye, and I decided to copy it here:
Post Date: July 2, 2006, 8:32 am
Guess what everyone!
I took the easy way out of obesity! Yay for me!
18 months, lost 150 pounds, effortlessly...it was so darn easy I don't know why everyone doesn't do it. You know, I always wanted to shell out 25,000 dollars for a "cosmetic procedure" cause my insurance didn't cover it.
It is not like I.... threw up every day for 6 months - scared of food, scared of anything that would make me puke in public. Or, had my intestines re-arranged so now my bowel habits send me running for the bathroom in the middle of a business meeting hoping and praying that I don't crap all over myself. Or, had to leave people alone in my living room while I go upstairs to pass out for an hour because the vegetable casserole someone brought had a boatload of sugar in it. How easy and carefree!
Lets not forget about about having to constantly measure, count and make sure I get enough protein and water so that I don't become so malnourished and dehydrated to end up in the hospital hooked up to a feeding tube and saline for days.
Oh, yes, let's talk about the amount of supplements we have to take every day for the rest of our lives. Forget about those and I'll be having hip replacements when I am 50.
Oh, and did you know that once you take the easy route of WLS, all your problems go away? Suddenly your marriage is great, your finances are wonderful, you have the best job, kids, dog in the world. There are no reasons to keep on taking your anti-depression meds - life is perfect!
I took the easy way out to - I don't know, gain back my HEALTH. Guess what? I'm not gonna drop dead at 40 like my doctor thought. Isn't that a scream!
I did take the easy way out. Losing 150 pounds and keeping it off is something I could never do before. So - screw all the nosy, judgemental, SOBs out there.
Wow, the sarcasm is flowing endlessly from a usually quiet, cheerleader type of girl.... Guess I had too much caffeine today.
So - tell me how you took the easy way out? Tell me what you have gained.
This was my response:
Post Date: July 2, 2006, 10:46 am
You know, when you try to lose weight with Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach or any other method, no one says "you're taking the easy way out". They applaud you and encourage you. The goal is to become a healthier person. But if you explain that you are having WLS, there are those that judge you and criticize your decision. WHY? The goal is still the same. You want to become a healthier person! Why is the method you choose up for debate or criticism? I'll never understand some people.
I did all of the other diets, just like everyone else. And they worked, and I gained back the weight, yada, yada, yada. The reason I chose WLS is because I wanted to end the cycle of obesity. I wanted to be healthy and get rid of my co-morbidities. I didn't want them to go away until the diet failed and then all come back. I wanted a solution that would work for me!
I don't care what the nay-sayers think. This is my solution, and it's worked for me and I am healthy for the first time in years. If the diets work for them, then I'll applaud and encourage them. But I won't take crap for having WLS as my choice.
August 17, 2006
It looks like I've reached my final plateau and this is where I'll stay unless I have the plastic surgery I need to get rid of the excess skin. I don't plan any surgery in the near future, so it looks like I'm about done with the weight loss, give or take a few pounds fluctuation. But all in all, I'm very happy with the results.
I found the following post on the OH message board, and thought it was funny, so I'm posting a copy of it here:
(Original Post 9 Dec 2005)
There have been many complaints that we all have different post-op plans and protocols, and that this causes much confusion and angst here on OH.
Therefore, in my infinite wisdom, I have decided that we will declare a single set of OH Post-Op rules, and that any advice from this day forward will be based on these uniform standards.
Lets face it, our surgeons are surgeons, not nutritionists. Most of them have not lived as WLS Post-Ops, we have. They don't "get it", we do.
Those of us that have nutritionists know that most of them do not know what WLS post-op life is like. They may know "normal" nutrition, but when it comes to WLS post-op nutritional needs, it's a whole different world. They don't "get it" either, we do. We have talked the talk and walked the walk.
So, without further ado, the rules:
1. Protein First. If you choose to count Protein Grams, I declare 60g a daily minimum. I will not take a stand on Protein Drinks at this time, so you may continue to drink them as you choose, but I may revisit this at any time.
2. Drink Fluids. If you choose to count Ounces, I declare 64oz a daily minimum. Flavored Fluids are OK. If soda makes you uncomfortable, don't drink it.
3. No drinking for 30 minutes before or after meals. Meals are when you actually CHEW, so protein drinks and vitamins do not apply.
4. Carbohydrates are Evil, eat them at your peril. If you choose to THINK or EXERCISE, you may eat more Carbohydrates.
5. Fat is Evil. But it tastes good. Don't eat too much.
6. Eat between 3 and 6 meals and/or snacks a day. How ever many you choose, be consistent.
7. Grazing is Bad. Once you are able to eat the minimums in #1, meal times should be limited to... oh... 27 minutes. If you are new post-op and having difficulty meeting # 1, take as long as you need.
8. Caffeine is Evil. Don't tell anyone if you drink it.
9. Sugar is Evil. You may eat any quantity you choose, up until your 'dump' level. This does not mean you should eat that much, but you may.
10. Calcium Citrate. Period.
11. Tylenol and Narcotics are OK, NSAIDs are not allowed no matter how much pain. Caveat: I will continue taking Tylenol, Narcotics, and NSAIDs, but I will not reveal that I take NSAIDs.
12. Vitamins are life. Take them.
13. Moderation in Moderation. If you can't be moderate, abstanance is a valid alternative.
14. No one is perfect. If you eat off-plan, at least enjoy it.
15. Walk post-op. This is NOT exercise, this is to keep you from getting a blood clot and dying.
16. Exercise is Desirable, but lets face it... its work. Do it if you can or want to. Exercise is recomended. Counting the steps you normally do each day is not exercise.
17. No Smoking. If you smoke, go outside. On the whole "Its unhealthy" topic... We all eat/do unhealthy, somehow its OK when its MY unhealthy thing, but BAD when its YOUR unhealthy thing, which I happen not to do.
18. This a secret rule. If I tell you I'd have to kill you.
19. Weigh once a week. You CAN'T gain or lose 5 pounds of fat in one day, so when the scale changes by 5 pounds, IT'S WATER. If you don't lose weight for 2 weeks, review your plan. If you don't lose weight for 6 weeks, do a bigger review of your plans. If you don't lose weight for 13 weeks... you're there.
20. You "CAN" eat anything you chose. If you can tolerate it and not dump off it, so much the better. Don't ask US what YOU can eat.
Ask me anything that is not on this list, and I will tell you the rule and add it to the list. As I will be the only one making the rules, they will remain consistent.
We will cover Restaurant choices another time.
These rules are not OPINION, they are not up for DISCUSSION, they are THE RULES. PERIOD.
You may now move about the forum safely.
Pretty funny.
I went to my 40th high school reunion earlier this month. It was so much funhope.
