lesnickmon

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It's so strange to realize it has been five years since my "rebirth".  It almost seems like another life. Kinda like my life before my divorce seems like it happened to someone else.

I haven't scheduled my 5 year post-op yet. I need to, but I'm up to 229 and I just don't want to face Dr. Smith as a failure. I was up to 237, but my IUC fell out about a month ago, and I've been able to lose weight again. Not at a regular rate or anything, but with the Mirena in,  I couldn't lose a single pound.

I'm more self-conscious about my body than I ever was. My thighs and rear end remain HUGE and out of porportion with the rest of my body. Of course I've got the batwings and droopy boobs too, but I AM almost 46, so I'm battling the same problems other women my age are encountering.  I'm starting to get a little bit of a belly, much to my dismay. I've started slacking a bit with my supplements and end up skipping them on my days off, which is for no reason other than I'm lazy. Absolutely not a good excuse, but it's the truth.

I can eat anything I want, but recently developed a sensitivity to sugar which is probably the best for me anyway. I just can't eat hardly any without getting woozy feeling. It's really weird as it's never been an issue for me before. I can eat a whole sandwich or burger now, but I'm STUFFED by the time I'm done and forget eating french fries with a burger.  Salads go right through me and come out practically unprocessed (tomatoes, corn and strawberries too).

Since I've been on the Flagyl for the gas, my life has returned to normal, thank god. If I miss a day or two, I can really tell. I am thankful everyday that Dr. Smith was understanding enough to take this measure for me. It has made all the difference in the world in my quality of life.

My children are doing well. My oldest son is in Afghanistan, which worries me to no end. My daughter-in-law and my grandson are living in California with her parents while my son is deployed. I had the great pleasure of traveling to Germany last May for Mateo's second birthday. I would never have considered at trip like this before surgery. My other children are living in Florida and doing well (my oldest turns 27 this month).

Lori is still married to Jorge and they are expecting a baby in August. I'm so excited for her! Her son graduated from high school last year, and Seth is 15, so this will be a whole new phase of life for her. My ex had a baby with his new wife last year too. All I can say, is better them than me!

James dropped back in my life after an 8 month absence. He had left his girlfriend and moved to Atlanta. We started talking again and were able to visit a few times. Then, predictably, he fell in love, AGAIN, and I was once again on the back-burner. Last April, I decided I deserved better than that and cut off all communication with him. THAT has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still think about him every day, much to my chagrin.

Although I've not met "that special someone" (honestly not entirely convinced he exists!) I'm dating occasionally and I must say, sex is a whole other story without the extra weight! I rather like it.

I live a somewhat solitary life, I miss my kids all the time, and I curse my body daily. But would I do it again? In a New York minute!

WOW...this is my 3 YEAR update!!!!  I really never 

thought I'd get this far! So first, the facts. I've rebounded a bit, and am 

sadly no longer under 200 lbs. I went back over 200 almost as soon as I 

achieved it!  However, my weight fluctuates between 205-215, which I 

can still live with. Currently I'm at 209, but it really and truly does 

vary as much as 7 lbs in one week. Weird!

The only side effect I still deal with daily is the gas, and it can be 

miserable. I was recently on anti-biotics for an unrelated issue, and I 

had three weeks of complete relief from gas. I have my 3 year post-up 

appointment with Dr. Smith on 3/19, and I intend to BEG him to put me on 

a maintenance prescription of anti-biotics for the problem. I still 

take my supplements daily. I'm anxious to have my bloodwork done to see 

what I need to tweak. 

Life-altering changes...wow, have I ever had some BIG ones!  Last May I moved to 

Chattanooga, TN with my company. I LOVE Chattanooga...it's a great city 

with lots to do. The location is awesome. I can drive an hour to an 

hour and a half and be in Atlanta, Nashville, Birmingham or 

Knoxville...depending on the direction you go. I spend a lot of time in Atlanta on my 

days off visiting my niece and nephew, Sydney and Tyler. I'm also only 

six hours from my sisters in Memphis, and 9 hours from my mom in 

Arkansas.  Much more manageable. 

Three months after I moved here, I actually, believe it or not, 

FINALLY (after 9 years with the same company!), changed jobs! The

job situation here had gone from bad to worse, and I am blessed to have had an 

amazing opportunity with another company, T-Mobile. I've been working 

there since September of last year, and I absolutely LOVE my job. The 

atmosphere is so positive, and the pay, incentives and benefits are 

phenomenal!  I've haven't regreted my decision for one minute. 

I'm still not dating anyone special, although I have gone out on the 

occasional date. 

James dropped completely out of my life after an impromptu visit in 

August. I've not heard from him since. That was kind of hard to take 

at first, but I've come to realize that it's probably for the best. 

It still hurts to have been cut out so completely after having been 

so close for so long, but what are ya gonna do? I have to respect his 

choice of action; he's got a live-in girlfriend (quite possibly his 

wife by now) to answer to. C'est la vie!

Lori got MARRIED! She is happier than I ever thought she could be and 

I'm thrilled for her. The only problem is I almost NEVER talk to her 

'cause she's all caught up in the whole "newlywed" thing! I do have to

admit, it's kinda cute in a nauseating kind of way (grin). They are 

planning on having a baby as soon as possible, so her life will 

definitely be different...her youngest son is 12! 

Lydia finally finished building her dream home and it is absolutely beautiful! I had the 

pleasure of staying in it when I visited her last month. She still looks awesome and is 

doing well.

Ryan is no longer in the Navy. He was discharged for medical reasons, 

and recently moved to Florida to live with his dad while he gets things 

all figured out. He started a new job last week and I think he's going 

to be fine. Scott and Alex are still working for the same companies and 

doing well.  Matthew and Christine were transferred to GERMANY, which 

did not thrill me. However what DID thrill me was the birth of my 

GORGEOUS grandson, Mateo, on May 20th of last year. He is almost 10 months old 

and absolutely beautiful. It kills me having him so darned far away!  

Christine keeps me updated with online photos, but it's just not the 

same as holding my baby!  I'm hoping to take a trip to Germany next year 

to be there for his 2nd birthday.

I finally had my missing tooth replaced!  Well, sort of. I had an 

implant inserted last month, and in about 3 months I'll be able to have a 

crown put on it.  It will be so nice to have that and not be so 

self-conscious. 

I've become a groupie!  I saw a regional band, Grayson Hill, in Valdosta 

almost a year ago, and fell in love with their music So, now, I follow 

their touring schedule and go see them whenever I can.  I've seen them in 

Valdosta, Atlanta (several times), Chattanooga and Statesboro. They 

absolutely ROCK, and they are really nice guys to boot. I've  

converted my sister-in-law, Tammy, and she goes with me to the shows when they 

play in Atlanta. My friend Arlene is also in Atlanta now, so I can rope 

her into going with me every now and then too.

Next up, I'm headed to Valdosta next month. The band is playing there 

on the 19th, and my friend Steve is getting married on the 21st. Maybe 

I'll find time to swoop down to Jacksonville to see my boys too.

So, all in all, life is good. I won't lie, it's still a little lonely, 

but nothing that overwhelms me like it used to. I mostly just miss having my boys around.

Would I have this surgery again, if I could do it over? Without a doubt...only I would have 

had it 5 years sooner!

Wowsa, it's been a long time again! Diary-x has gone 

kaput, which means I lost all my diary entries. I'm pretty bummed about 

it, but what can ya do? 

So what's new? I FINALLY got below 200 lbs about a month ago...down to 

195! Wooohoooo!  I bawled like a baby when I saw those numbers. I 

didn't think it would ever happen. I've lost 67% of my excess weight, which 

is not as much as expected, but I'm not unhappy with my progress. I had 

my two year check-up this week, and Dr. Smith's PA, Eric, seems to 

think I'm doing fine. I'm still losing a lb or two here and there, but 

nothing to shout about.  The scale seems to have a mind of it's own. It's 

currently on a time-out, as it was being really cheeky this week, but 

I'll let it come of the corner sooner or later. 

I cannot stress how much I love the absence of my huge pannus!  I can 

wear a size 16 or 18 pants, depending on how they are made. I wear belts 

AND tucked in shirts now, something I never saw myself doing. It is 

simply exhilarating for me!  I wear a 14/16 shirt, and sometimes even a 

12/14! On the downside, my thighs look completely deformed and my hips 

are still huge.  Only plastic surgery will remedy either of these 

maladies, but I can live with them. I didn't do this to look like a model, 

after all.  

I actually have a couple of dates, although I don't think it will turn 

into anything serious! He's 12 years younger than me, which is hard for 

me to wrap my head around.

Life is good. My job is still stressful, and I would LOVE to be able to 

change jobs. However I have ongoing health issues which demand I have 

consistent health insurance.  I have cat scan scheduled for next week. 

My surgeon is concerned about some pain I've been having in my abdomen. 

Hopefully it is nothing. 

My kids are well. Ryan had a very serious accident on December 28th in 

NC. Thank God he recovered well, although his recovery is ongoing.  

Thanks to the goodness of my friends and family I was able to fly to NC to 

be with him while he was at Duke University Hospital.  Matthew and 

Christine are doing very well. Christine is expecting my grandson, Mateo, 

in May about which I am very excited!  Scott is working for McDonald's 

in Jacksonville and loves living there. Alex is still working for 

PetSmart, and he and his girlfriend, Brandi, are getting very serious. They 

are coming to visit next week, and I can't wait to see them! All the 

boys went to their dad's house for Christmas, and my wife-in-law, Heather, 

generously included me in all the plans. It was an absolutely wonderful 

holiday, marred only by Ryan's accident on the way home (which totaled 

MY car, by the way!).

That's my update for now. I'm home sick from work for the third time 

ithis month, but the doc's got me on some powerful drugs to hopefully  

kick this thing this time!

My, oh my...has it ever been awhile since I updated!  

Lots has happened since July. On October 20, 2005 I underwent a hernia 

repair.  It resolved the long standing issue I'd had with "trapped gas" 

at long last. I'd had episodes so frequent that I was down to eating 

only soft foods to ensure nothing got "trapped".  My weight loss has 

continued to creep along at the rate of about 4 lbs a month.  Miraculously, 

my insurance company approved me for a panniculectomy, which I thought 

was just a pipe dream. However it proved to be very real and on 

December 1st, I underwent my second operation in just 6 short weeks.  I am 

still recovering and the two drains are a real annoyance, to say the 

least!  The day of surgery I had gotten down to the 2teens...214 to be 

exact.  Four days later, I was shocked to see the scale say 206!  I'm very 

excited to have had this surgery done, and I'm fairly certain it will be 

my last for sometime. Moma has come to stay with me both times, and my 

step-dad will be having surgery on his heart next month, so she's done 

nothing but take care of sick people lately. I'm wearing her out, and I 

think it totally out of the question to even begin to hope that 

insurance would cover any other plastic surgery.  I simply can't wait for the 

drains to be pulled so I can see what I look like without the enormous 

tummy hanging down!

Tammy and Dave's twins were born on November 19th, 9 1/2 weeks early! 

They are named Tyler and Sydney and they are currently still in the NICU 

unit, and probably will remain there for the next few weeks.  So far, 

things are looking pretty good for them. Mom and Dad are over the moon 

estatic, of course!

I'm thrilled to be able to report that I've lost 

another 8 lbs! I have NO idea how that happened, especially since my weight 

loss has generally excrutiatingly slow. However my diet is really 

limited these days. I still have the occasional intense, labor-like trapped 

gas pains. After one particularly bad episode last week (lasting 4 

miseralbe hours), I finally called my surgeon to find out if there could be 

a solution, or if I'm just stuck with this "side effect".  He sent me 

to my PCP to be evaluated  because he was concerned that my hernia has 

come back and may be pressing on my small bowel. A cat scan later, I'm 

waiting for the results.  I really hope they can figure out what's 

causing it.  Since I've been unable to pinpoint a specific food that causes 

these episodes, I've been especially restrictive on my diet, eating 

only foods that I know for sure have not caused problems as yet. All white 

flour products are taboo.  I eat a LOT of peanut butter on wheat 

bread...probably at least two slices or three slices a day. Dinner is usually 

shrimp or chicken, with MAYBE a touch of rice. 



I've had a lot of "firsts" lately. I wore my first pair of heeled shoes 

in probably 20 years. I bought a fabulous pair of wedge sandals from 

Avon, and I felt like a million bucks!  They aren't even "wide" width 

(actually I've had to wear "WW" shoes for years)! I also bought a pair of 

size 20 pants from Wal-mart and they fit with no problem at all. Not an 

elastic waistband in sight. How every liberating!



My sister bought me a ticket to fly to Chicago for our family reunion 

at the end of this month. For the first time since I was in my teens, I 

don't have worry about them making my purchase TWO seats! And if I have 

to walk from one terminal to another, it's NO BIG DEAL!  



The best news though, is that my brother and his wife are FINALLY 

expecting. After three very trying years on the road to conception, Tammy is 

pregnant...with TWINS!!



Nothing else to report. I still have no "significant other" in my 

life...men don't even look twice at me.  Oh well.  At least I feel good 

(most of the time) and I think I look pretty darn good too!  The hanging 

skin is a bit frightful. It's amazing to me how small my arms would be if 

I didn't have the excess skin.  My panni is interesting. I can actually 

fold it in half and tuck it into my pants.  Good times.

Well, three months and a week later, and I've only 

lost 15 more lbs.  I've been sliding up and down the same five lbs for at 

least two months now. I still have to avoid all white flour products in 

order to live a normal life. My body is shifting, and it seems that all 

my excess weight is falling down to my hips and thighs.  I actually 

GREW an inch since the last time I was measured!  How did THAT happen? 



My son Scott has moved into an apartment with his younger brother in 

Jacksonville. The house feels mighty empty.  James has fallen in love 

with a woman he met through eHarmony and is moving to NY to be with her.  

I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.  My son 

Matthew is SERIOUS about me moving to Kansas. He sends me IM's daily from 

Iraq, telling me to "just do it".  I'm giving it some serious thought, 

but haven't made a final decision. Being without a job for ANY length 

of time is a scary proposition.  I only know one thing for sure...there 

is nothing for me here.

I went for my first iron infusion today and it was 

such a non issue!  It took about 4 hours, but I slept most of the time, 

and they fed me lunch while I was there. I'm already warmer, which is a 

nice surprise. I was so tired of being cold all the time.  



I just returned from a trip to NC to see James and Lydia...Lydia looks 

MARVELOUS.  Please see my online diary if you want all the details of 

my "ailment" while I was there!  The great news is that I lost 5.5 lbs 

while I was there, for a new low of....drumroll 

please....248!  I'm just 3 lbs away from reaching 100 lbs lost since my 

surgery date.  My post-op appt is on 3/18, and I am realllly hoping to be 

there by then.  I also got a new PCP, who I met yesterday. I really like 

his straight forward manner, and I think I will be much happier with 

him.  The only drawback?  His nurses can't seem to draw blood on me.  I 

think I'll take all labs to an independent lab for that.

I did hear from Eric on Monday and he spoke with the 

nurse in my PCPs office. I spoke with them yesterday and they have 

referred me to an endocrinologists. They have also requested that all my 

follow-up labs be done at the local independent lab. I must admit, my 

feelings are a bit hurt by this request. 



The GREAT news is that I've lost a couple more lbs!  I weighed in this 

morning at 256.5!!

Well, unfortunately I don't have stellar weight loss 

to report for the last month, as I'm only down a few more pounds...259. 

(Finally out of the 260s, BABY!) However I took my measurements (mostly 

just to reassure myself that SOMETHING was going on!) and I was shocked 

to discover that I had lost 10.50 inches last month!  That's my biggest 

loss in inches in a single month yet! I still worry constantly that I'm 

reaching the end of my weight loss, but I have to keep reminding myself 

to let the DS do it's job!  I wear a size 16 shirt now and a 22/24 in 

pants.  I'm coming to terms with my huge panni and don't restrict myself 

to wearing only shirts that cover it. I have a WAIST now and I really 

enjoy wearing clothes that show it off!  



Unfortunately, my labs are not so good. Which really sucks because I am 

SO diligent about my supplements. I have to start iron infusions soon 

and my PTH is elevated. I'm already on 325 mg ferrous sulfate three 

times a day, and I take 2530 mgs calcium citrate a day. Sigh. My PCP is 

referring me to an endocrinologist to check out my thyroid.  I'm a bit 

concerned that I'm not near enough to my surgeon to get him involved in 

stuff like this.  I've got a call into his office so I hope to hear 

something before they decide to remove my parathyroid!