laurib
From my old profile
May 04, 2007
 |   Initial BMI prior to Surgery was 50.2 7-17-2004 So, it started at birth. I was born nearly 11 lbs. Doctors thought I was going to be twins, but it was only me. I think that the fact I popped out of the womb already fat, strikes me now as seeming like I was cursed. I mean, how much can my willpower or my misuse of food apply if I started prenatally. So, now, I don't think this overeating really is about behavior or emotions, as much as it is about biology. I never ever really was a snack type person. As I go through my pre-op practice, I am really having trouble with this part. At meal times, I would always have second helpings, and large helpings at that. The more I diet, the more I think about food. The less I diet, the less food occupies my time. Sometimes, because of this, I think I hate food. This is a bizarre side effect of too much self-processing. Maybe I will ask that on the boards.  So, I dieted, and dieted. Partly cause my mom was always doing it, and I wanted to be included. Eventually, I went to a doc to do the phenfen program, which worked, and was losing, and walking everyday, but, they took that option away. Damn. But, then, I had an inkling, an epiphany about my relationship to food. It was odder than most, and when I took phenfen, I found I was no longer thinking about food, and still dieting. I NEVER felt this way, except that one time. So, I got into a car accident 3 years ago, which caused damage to my back and hip. I turned from a fairly active person, (building my own house) to sedentary (house is still not completed enough to live in). I have gained 80 lbs since then, on top of the hundred I was overweight to begin with. However, until the wreck, even though I was always obese, I think I was athletic. I have climbed 2 mountains, rappelled off of the Husky Stadium, done rock-climbing, white water rafting, lots of backpacking, horse park trips, kayaking, etc. All of these I did at at least 100 lbs overweight, depending on which table I would look at. Life like that is reasonable, unless you get hurt and cannot exercise. First one injury, and then another hit. Thing is, when you quit being active, and your eating doesn't slow down, and you werent being careful about what you ate all combine with a tendency to be fat, you get really fat. Which is what has happened. The point is, is that I haven't sat in front of a tv and ate bonbons. The way some people look at me and make nasty comments really piss me off. It isn't that I haven't done plenty of time on the tv or computer, I have, especially in the past few years, after I had an accident and hurt my back. So, how do you control an appetite that seems impossible to control. I can control it for awhile, but, I always always always have to think about it. I get more obsessed about food when I diet, than when I am eating. I think that if I can get this surgery, my overeating problem will be taken care of. I hope it doesn't change to some other problem, like being a sweets eater. I am not a sweet eater, in fact, cakes and pies have known to mold in my house. Go figure. Now, pasta, that goes quick, and that is carbs, too. I decided on the WISH Center near Seattle. The stats seemed to me to be really good, with mortality being 1:1650. I like those odds. Plus, I am extremely healthy, no smoke, no high blood pressure, no diabetes. I want to get this part fixed before I start developing some of those side effects. I have done a lot of the pretests, and am practicing a post surgery diet pattern. Argh, it has snacks I have to get. I hate snacks. And I hate having to make my meals last 30 minutes. How can you make a piece of toast last 30 minutes. I eat with a pickle fork and a baby spoon to help. Plus, I can't drink with meals anymore, and that is hard. Oh well. I am glad they are accepting obesity as a disease, and not a character failure. It feels like a disease, to me. 8-21-2004 Wow, has a lot changed. First, I have ditched the WISH Center and the RNY surgery. The more I studied it, the more I decided to find a better surgery. I chose something called a mini duodenal switch with gastrectomy and omentalectomy. It is a modification of the DS developed by Dr. Heap in Eastern Washington. I shopped another doctor and then found this one. Not only does it seem to be a better surgery, the doc has more experience, and he is a LOT cheaper. Because I have to pay for this myself and sue my insurance company later, the cost was important. It is going to cost me a total and at most 15 thousand dollars, doc and hospital etc. all included. Another thing is, that suddenly my surgery date is here. In fact, it has only developed in the past week. 8-23. I have spent the week trying to get a lot of chores done, and getting my legal docs and personal letters done and put aside. Boy, was that tough. What an emotional trial. I think about the kinds of things I want to be able to do, and to feel better about. I want to kayak again, to climb another mountain, horseback ride, bike the San Juans, ride in a hotair balloon, etc. Also, it will be nice to go into a doc office and they are able to use a standard blood pressure cuff, and stuff like that. Now, I noticed for the first time, that my blood pressure is starting to be higher. This is weird because it has always been low. I guess my weight is starting to catch up to me. I hope it goes back down, when my weight does. So, here goes, tomorrow, I will leave for Kennewick Wa and have a couple of days in the hospital. Afterwards, I get to go spend a few days in the motel. The doc comes to do calls there. Go figure. I will be filling you in later. Hope I feel better quickly, although I know to expect a couple of bad weeks. ugh.. Monday, I will be taking a place on the loosers bench.. wow! Aug 27, 2004 Well, it is 4 days after surgery. Now I have thought of about a few hundred things to chat with folks about. but, I will start with the surgery itself. In the OR, I was about to get a morphine shot in my spine, but went out immediately when someone gave me a shot of something. I woke up with a ventilator in, because that is the doc's general policy with us SuperMorbidly Obese Patients. I hated the ventilator, and ended up fighting it. Dang, they restrained me. Bad People! But, I didn't have much sense then, and hated the damned thing so. They won, and I was ventilated for an hour or two. Grr. But, it was for the best. The next most ugly time was when they pulled the ventilator out. Ick. Coughed a lot. But, afterwards, I am glad they had done it, cause it prolly contributed to my early release. I stood up and walked around shortly after that. During that night, I took many walks with my IV machine and the ICU nurse. But, the next day when I was going to show off to my family, I threw up after I brushed my teeth. That was NOT fair at all. Next, I went to my regular room, where I continued to walk. The beds were painful and rough on me, but the folks were nice. Anyway, I got my nasal-gastric tube out Weds afternoon, where I had another glorious bout with a damned tube. I went to my hotel room yesterday and have spent the time resting and trying to keep my drain tube from leaking out my pants. I finally tried to soak up the fluid by taping sanitary pads on my stomach around the tube exit. Never thought I would have any use for THEM again. Today, I got my drain tube removed as well as all my staples. Whoo hooo! Time is going by in two different speeds.. slow and fast. I am having two reactions with the pain meds, one is woozy thinking and the other is jumpy muscles. I am having the most bizarre dreams as well. See ya SOAPBOX TIME!! I have recently come to the realization that just because I lose all of this excess weight, I am still not cured of obesity. I would most likely be considered a super morbidly obese patient in some level of remission. I think this is a good way to look at it, because, it will remind me that I always have this hundred headed snake to fight. It will help others if I don't let people think that I am cured, therefore they can insult anyone in my presence with impunity. Third, I think this is accurate description, because like diabetics that can go off their meds, cancer patients and chemo, and heart attack patients treated with meds and surgery, I am a victim of a disease that it only held in check, in remission, by my will. Gastric Bypass Surgery is a great tool, which will show off my discipline skills which have been finetuned to a point that I will have bragging rights over a drill sargeant. So, from this day over, I am a morbidly obese patient in remission. Well, on Monday, I will be hitting 4 weeks out. Today, I am down 48 pounds. I still dont have much energy, but I did go back to work pretty quickly. Hope things settle down more. A lot of people are concerned that I am losing too much weight too quickly. I think I have seen others lose as much. My family bought me cases of Ensure to make sure I am getting a lot of nutrients. I am having difficulty getting much real food in. I just don't like to eat much. I like the idea of eating, but, I dont like the smells, or the texture, etc. One thing I have noticed, is that I don't seem to have the warning feeling that I am about to be full. I never did believe people have it, and now I am even less believing. Does anyone really have a internal gauge that says, hey, I am almost full? Now, after eating 4 bites or so, I don't get the nearly full signal. Then, all at once, like suddenly, I am overfull. Oh well. Will post at a month. Down from 47 BMI. BMI 43.8 prior to this. It is now over six weeks since my surgery. Eating seems to be settling down for me, but still only eat a few bites before I am overfull. I still have trouble feeling when I am getting full, just know all at once that I am overthetop full. Ew. Hope that gets better. I have lost about 24 inches in total. Down 58 pounds. It sure is getting off quickly. I wonder if that is going to continue. Will post at two months. Lauri Down from 42.0 BMI. The pounds just seem to fall off. I still have some issues about eating. Can't seem to eat slow enough or small enough bites. It isn't like I have this huge appetite yet. I do get hungry, and feel really hungry, but, one or two bites and I am pretty much done. I notice that I am just severely obese now. It is an odd thing to go from super morbidly obese, to morbidly obese, to now just severely obese. I have lost 78 lbs since this started. That is about 25 lbs a month. Seems fast. At least that is what everybody says around me. So, this is 3 months since my surgery today. I wonder what I will be like in another month. Lauri Down from 39.4 BMI Today I went to a doc and got weighed. It turns out that I am down 98 pounds. And this is over Christmas. Go figure! I am losing some hair though, but am at ease because I guess a lot of folks lose some and it comes back. I still dont want to eat much. My hunger, when it is here, goes quickly. So it is four months now. I have to take some protein shakes now, but I don't like it. I don't know how I am going to deal with that nasty stuff. Well, that is it for this month. Lauri Down from BMI 36.4 Wonder what that makes me now? I broke 100 lbs finally, and depending on the scale, am down about 105 lbs. I had my 5 month blood work done and everything looked great. It is strange seeing my clothing hang on me and my limbs shrink. I recently found this weird bump between my ribs and freaked a bit because it was so large and new. Turns out that it was my xyphoid process that had been a bit tweaked out of alignment. Anyway, my pcp said that was what it was, and I laughed a bit. I am finding all these weird hard bumps springing up all over my body. People tell me they are bones! Wow! Anyway, that is about it. Nearly six months out and very happy about my surgery! Lauri Well, I thought I had posted on my 6 months progress, but I didn't. Instead it is 3/12/05. My last BMI was 35.6 and so I think I have come a ways. I am still feeling great. Everybody asks me if I feel better, and in ways I do. I do have more energy. But, I think I feel better about people's responses to me rather than my own physical experience. People still don't get how biased they are. I am finding it difficult to throw away clothes, because I have always needed them later. Guess I am going to have to get around that idea. I still want to know about the hormonal impacts about weight loss and gain. They seem really powerful and now I seem to have an entirely different relationship with food. It is easy for me to say no. Where does that come from? Anyway, that is my update. Down from 34.6 It has been 8 months since surgery and I have slowed down my weight loss. The good thing is that I have also slowed my hair loss. I can't fit my old clothes and am getting lots of hand-me-downs. That is sort of fun, especially because I don't have to buy them yet. I am not having food trouble, really. I think I am tired, but that is more likely from my more than usually stressful job this year. I will post again in a month. Down from 33 and a year from my surgery. Wow! Life has changed a bunch. Okay, I am over two years now and down from 33 BMI. I am searching out how to do this clothes thing. I don't want to get a tummy tuck, but I can't find pants to fit. Urg. Life is very good now, well, at least people treat me better. Wish I would have done this 20 years ago. 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