lainy_h

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I am completely amazed and shocked by how wonderful and supportive the people on here can be. I feel humbled by this experience. All of these people have been there or are there and are willing to share their experience, strength and hope. How valuable is THAT? Well I'll tell ya. It's priceless to me. I have always felt "less than" and "never quite good enough" and yet here I feel the unconditional love and acceptance that I have craved for most of my life. How can that be? Is it the shared experience of obesity that creates this nuturing environment? We (as fat people) KNOW how it feels and KNOW what people need to feel secure and offer it up cuz we know how important it is. How just a few kind words can turn a whole day around, maybe even a week! So many of us have reclused ourselves through our obesity and health issues that this contact is essential and necessary on our journey of self discovery and weight loss. How good to know that there are so many of you out there leading the way for me and shining the light. God Bless you all on your journeys and THANK YOU for sharing!

I BELIEVE

I believe in Miracles and dreams that will come true,
And I believe in happiness And friendship, through and through
I believe that when you cry your tears are not in vain,
And when you're sad and lonely someone knows that you're in pain.

I believe that when we laugh a sparkle starts to shine,
And before you know these sparks will spread
From more hearts than just mine.
I believe the gifts you have are there for you to share
And when you give them from the heart, the whole world knows you care.

I believe that if you give, even just to one,
That gift will grow in magnitude before the day is done.
I believe that comfort comes from giving part of me,
And if I share with others, there's more for all to see.
I believe that love is still the greatest gift of all,
And when it's given from the heart, Love will conquer all.

-- Author Unknown

I am getting everything in order as far as stuff I'll need after surgery and trying to make some sense of the holidays as I know I'm not going to want to do much after. Ordered all my new vits I'll need, ordered some reading material (slid that one in...hehe), a really cool diet and exercise journal/tracker thingy I found online for WLS pts that is really cool. I figure I'm not going to be spending all that money on food or cigs anymore then I get some treats too. The kind that are good for me! So far Honey says go for it..... we'll see how much longer he keeps saying that....LOL. Just need to pick up some protein powder (think I'm going to get the tastless kind from Unjury to start with as everyone says that your tastes change after surgery and I can mix that into anything and from all the studying I've done it sounds like a great product, at least worth checking out) and then I think I'm set.... as far as the physical stuff goes. As for the jitters? Hmmmmm. I had to go to my regular psych yesterday to get my wellbutrin (depression and it helped for quitting smoking too) refilled. The nurse was a real smart ass and had me step on the scale. Told him that I really didn't think that was fair as yesterday WAS THANKSGIVING,......DUH! He replied that well you sure don't see ME stepping on there do ya? HA But as it turned out I had lost 3 pounds ......????? WOW. I didn't see that one coming. Funny stuff starts happening then in the ole brain like....well if I could loose that do I really NEED the surgery???? Well YEAH I DO! I have lost lots of weight in the past and it all comes back to haunt me and brings friends along with it. "Party at Lainy's....let's go!"

Maybe if we meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, when we 
finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. 

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times 
we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been 
opened for us. 

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, 
never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation 
you've ever had. 

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that 
we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. 

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! 

Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, 
be content it grew in yours. 

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, 
and a day to love someone, 
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. 

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. 
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. 
Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to 
make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. 

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want 
to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! 

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to 
be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want 
to do. 

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you 
strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy. 

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably 
hurts the other person, too. 

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just 
make the most of everything that comes along their way. 

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and 
those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who 
have touched their lives. 

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. 
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on 
well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. 

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. 
Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone 
around you is crying. 

- Author Unknown

Another holiday in the south, but low and behold I woke up this morning to a cold front and it is a whopping 49 degrees outside....yippee..... (the high yesterday was 91) there are no woods to speak of down here, but there is a river we can go over and it's not to grandmother's house, but favorite in-laws (for what the family is calling my "Last Supper"...LOL I'll be on liquids for Christmas this year). For the first year + of my life down here I had no friends outside of the ones I moved away from and a couple on the internet I heard from occasionally... no one HERE except the family I married into and my bestest friend DH. Now I feel like I am surrounded by support and the love of friendship and most of it comes from here. I have met such wonderful, kind and loving people on these pages. I am truly Blessed. Thank you ALL! 19 days and a wake-up!!!

Here is something I posted on the Over Fifty Forum.... Thought that it fit in well here to help Journal what I am going through right now:

Post Date: 11/17/07 2:21 pm
Last Edit: 11/18/07 8:53 am

Ok...here goes. I am from the Great NorthWest where people really get to experience the different seasons. (contrary to what some people say...there is more than just "cold rain" and "warm rain") Being a transplant down here in South Texas I just can't seem to get into the mood for the holidays. I see all the stuff in the stores and it just doesn't do it for me. No snuggling under flannel sheets, no walks through downtown in the brisk cold air to look at all the store windows. I mean honestly here we just walk fast to get back to the car where the air conditioner is cranked up....sigh. Hot cocoa and warm fires???? Yeah right! More like beaches, sand and palm trees. And as for focusing on the family .... they are almost all 3,000 miles away.....

So I guess what I am getting at is this:  How do I "get in the Holiday Spirit" without Winter? I'm trying to stay focused on the "reason for the season", but all the rest of it just doesn't work and I seriously wonder if I will ever be able to have one of my very favorite times of year back again. Usually by now I have lots of homemade gifts and goodies done and ready. This year I haven't bought one gift yet and not one batch of goodies has gone into the freezer. (I did buy the ingredients though...lol) and with surgery coming up on Dec 12th that is a real scary thought.

Any ideas are welcomed and thank you for letting me vent!

Ok.... this is going to sound really stupid on my part (or just extremely slow. Some things we put off dealing with). I just sat here and was reading all of these wonderful responses to my post and NOW it dawns on me why most of the sadness and tears. My brother died December 13, 2005 and one of my sisters died December 28, 2006. Not going into a lot of details here, just wanted to share my "AHA" moment with ya'll and Thank You once again for all the friendship and support here.

Yep..... this song is so right. Gotta make that change... It's up to ME! Don't care for Michael Jackson's ethics/morals so didn't want to have this as my video as a representation of myself, but the words to this song are powerful:

http://216.180.244.187/videos/m/michael_jackson/man_in_the_mirror-2.html

 I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life
It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right...

As I, turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind?
Pretending not to see thier needs
A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other on the wind ya' know
'Cause they got no where to go
That's why I want you to know

Chorus:
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself, and then make a change)

(Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It's time that I realize
That there are some with no home, not a nickle to loan
Could it really be me, pretending that they're not alone?

A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart
And a washed-out dream
(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind, ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me
(Starting with me)

Chorus
(Repeat - ad lib)

Make that change.

 

I choose to make those changes necessary to create the me that I want to be. I have waited too long and NOW is the time to seize the opportunities that are being presented to me before it's too late. I step boldly into my future!

I've updated on the board, but better do it here too. I got my surgery date and it's December 12th. Seems the nurse did some switching around and "found" an opening then... Anyway, now that it's REALLY happening, I don't know how to react. Scared, yes. Nervous, yes. Happy, yes in fact thrilled is more like it. I keep thinking that this is going to be a new me. At 50 years old I am finally going to have a chance at having a healthy body without all the extra weight. I can't even imagine what this is going to be like after having spent my entire life overweight. I keep looking at my legs and wondering what they are going to look like without all the rolls of fat. I look at my fat upper arms and wonder.... Pulling my pants up over my huge rear end I think....hmmmmm...wonder what a size 14 would feel like. Then I think about all the times I have tried things before and start doubting myself. But you know what??? This time it IS different. I will have a tool I can use for a lifetime to help me reach my dreams and goals and maintain them. We ARE the lucky ones. So many people out there don't even have these options. With this tool we can take charge of our lives and create what we want.

I went to the college yesterday and got all my paperwork turned in for classes in January. Can't believe that the VA is going to pay me to go back to school and finish my degree. The only way I could even consider it is with the surgery and how I will be able to get around better afterwards. I figure that about 4 weeks should be enough time to get back on my feet well enough for school. Not even considering any complications.....I am in God's hands.

Can't get over how fast all this has gone for me. What a blessing. From October 6th (1st seminar) to December 12th (surgery). WOW! I keep reading all these posts of people that have been waiting years for surgery..... I think I probably would have given up hope by then. The human spirit is a wonderous thing, huh?

Thought for the day:

"Death is not the greatest loss of life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."  Norman Cousins (1915-1990)

How much of ME have I allowed to wither and die behind all the layers of fat?

Ok....here goes. I finally got hold of the Dr's office today only to be told that now they are scheduling clear out to the end of December. The earliest that I would get my date is MAYBE for December 26th and that she couldn't even give me that date right now because there was some other papers that they didn't send over to her, blah, blah, blah! Well anyway it doesn't look like I'm going to be able to have the surgery in time to still go to college in January. I'm not going to put myself in that position of only being 2 weeks out from surgery and trying to get around a new campus esp with my walking/getting around problems. At that rate I guess I might as well wait until Fall 2008 as Summer quarter is useless for the classes I need. SO frustrating. DH just says...it's all ok and then darling sweet Sylvia from this site tells me to wait on God. Hmmmm ya know, she has something there. It's not about My time and will, but His! I know that I am a child of The Divine Master and He will create the right opportunities in His time. He knows what is best for me and will provide. Why is it SO hard to remember that??? Once I finally made the decision to have this surgery done I wanted it Yesterday! Now I get so frustrated that it's not happening fast enough. Well Gee Whiz.....maybe it's not supposed to....hmmmm. So ya know what? I'm just gonna go ahead and enjoy my holidays with my family and make the best of this situation. Get as healthy as I can prior to surgery and improve my chances of having a good outcome. Already just from taking all the extra/on a regular basis vitamins I can tell the difference. My hair is growing like crazy and getting thicker, my nails are really growing too. Have to get my acrylic fills every 3 weeks and that really is pushing it. SO I'll just hang out online and learn as much as I can and just get my house in order so to speak. Patience.......breathe........and enjoy my new friendships.