ktchnconsult
Surgery a BLINK Away!
Mar 08, 2010
Wow! I can hardly believe that I'm counting down the days on one hand! 3/12/10 - that's only 4 days away now. It's such a long time from now - but also right around the corner! Yes - I know I'm contradicting myself, but that's because my brain has been in a bit of a jumble the last couple of days.
Let's see - it started last Wednesday night when I decided to be a "nice person" and make my husband a meat loaf. What a dumb idea!!! I've been on my pre-op liquid diet since March 1st and I had been doing really well. The first two or three days were a bit rough - but I had settled into a routine, lost 13 lbs. and was feeling pretty good about it. Well - that all came to a screeching halt with the darn meat loaf! I don't know what I was thinking - but that meat loaf came begging me to eat it while it was cooking and especially after I took it out of the oven.
SO - Yep - I gave in to the temptation of that meat loaf and wound up eating 3 pieces of it - not large ones, but ate solid food and enjoyed every second of it! Oh well - it could have been worse - it could have been Cinnabon or a Big Mac for goodness sake. I was really pleased to know that I could go right back to the liquid diet without any severe damage and without any major cravings. I just needed to have that darn meat loaf! 
OK - I gave in - but I've been very dedicated since. What I didn't count on was the rush of emotions that I'm going through. My brain is causing me to go a bit crazy. Hmmm...all those feelings that I haven't been dealing with all the years I was overeating and stuffing them all down. Well - those started coming to the surface in such a big way that last night I was SURE I was losing my mind and that there was NO WAY I could possibly go through with this surgery on Friday!
I talked about the feelings, got them out - even screamed and yelled a little bit. (The cats were the only ones home at the time and they got that they needed to leave the room for awhile.) I wasn't yelling at the cats - but I was definitely yelling dumb things like - "I'm losing my mind!", "I'm going crazy", "I hate...(plug in your own choice)" and "I can't go through with this surgery." LOL
I'm still here today, I'm still drinking my protein drinks and my other liquids, and I'm still planning to have surgery on Friday. All those years of stuffing down the feelings led me to believe that if I let them out, I would explode, die, or worse....but guess what - I'm still here today and I'm doing fine!
Nervous - Sure!
A bit Scared - Absolutely!
Ready for a change....PRICELESS AND YES, YES, YES!!!!
