Krys730

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So I went for my initial psych consult on Friday....

I'm a little ticked off by what transpired. We went over my past history, which did include some mild depression, but who in the world hasn't had a day where they feel blue or down. I've NEVER been suicidal and I've always managed my depression.  This Doctor JUST met me and spent 30 mins with me and 15 mins in told me he wanted me to see an outside psychiatrist weekly and when I declined because of work and not being able to pay co-pays weekly, he then threw in a behavioral therapy program where I would have to pay $150 out of pocket for 6 weekly classes. And when I asked if I did everything he recommended, would I be on target to have surgery for my proposed date he said he could not guarantee that he would clear me!!!

My best friend is going through this process as well, but with another surgeon.  She started the process 3 weeks after me, did not have to do half of what was required for me, and they already offered her a surgery date. And to top it all off she's only 50/50 about doing the surgery and here I am 100% committed and doing everything that's been asked of  me, and I have some wacky shrink who met me for a half hour and doesn't know me from a hole in the wall and wants to hold me back. I think i'm going to go to another surgeons office, I'm not letting anyone hold me back!

I want to be able to go to a restaurant, and be able to slideeeee into a booth without having my stomach touch the table or chill out on top...

Never having to shop in plus size again..

The ability to walk up 3 flights of stairs to my apartment without feeling like I need CPR...

Run around with my 4 young nephews and niece...

Not having to "suck it in" while walking down the halls of my job, so that others can walk by at the same time..

I don't want to decline an invitation to go out, because i'm too ashamed of how I look and feel..

I want to be able to wear anything other than sweat pants all the time, because my stomach hangs over jeans and dig into my skin...

When someone tells me I look beautiful, I want to feel it and BELIEVE it...

I want to go shopping with my mother and sister anywhere at any store, not just a "big girl" store...

To sit in any chair around, and not wonder if there is a weight limit that i'm exceeding and at any moment that chair could break...

I want to ride roller coasters again..

To go to the beach and lay anywhere I please, not just a secluded area where no one will see me...

To feel good every single day for the rest of my life, because these last few years especially have been the worst...

Most of all....I want to live, not just wake up everyday and go to work and come home to be depressed by myself.  I want to live, because for the past 29 years I haven't lived, I've just exsisted...

I'm hoping by my 30th birthday in July I will have already had the surgery, and well on my way to a happier, healthier ME!