kprnob1

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

At this time I am tentatively scheduled for 1/12/11 for my surgery. Happy to have a date, not happy that they couldn't do it this year........My insurance coverage goes down at the beginning of the year and I have a new deductible to pay.........should I do this?

Woooohooo!  I  got news that insurance has approved me for surgery!!!!!  Happy dance all around!

I received my notification from the surgery group today.  They are requiring me to attend support group meetings before they will consider me for surgery.  All of the support groups are over an hour drive from my house....ugh...is this normal??

Ok, the initial visit is done.  My visit with the psychologist is done.  Gathered all of my records and submitted them. Went to see my primary care giver to get her blessing.  Now to wait....................................................................................................

So waiting is not an easy thing for me....when I make up my mind on something, I'm usually revving my motor ready to go screaching off the line.  I've only thought about this, contemplated, researched and prayed about this for 20 years...now to wait......

I feel my weight even more now than ever, it's like the thought of getting rid of this blanket of fat has made me even more consciencious of it?  Does that make any sense.  My clothes feel tighter than ever, yet I haven't gained any weight....strange

Still wanting to chat about it with someone, but haven't found anyone really willing to listen.  I'm excited, nervous, anxious, and scared all at the same time.

Also feeling a bit obsessive about the before and after pics....praying for that day to be my day to shine!

Well, I have an appointment this afternoon for the psych eval....road blocks in my way have me frustrated.  Sitter who was to get my little ones off the bus and watch them while I was at the appt has pooped out....scrambling to find a back up so that I can keep my appointment. 

My appointment is 1 1/2 hrs away too....need to figure out gas money too....

Road blocks every direction it seems.....I so want to move forward, but life seems to keep throwing me curve balls and I don't even know how to swing the bat....

In need of a big dose of encouragement that it will all work out..

Today was a better day.  After some tracking down, finally found the person that I wanted to talk to at Dr. Inman's office.  She answered my questions and made me feel a little better.

I have my psychologist visit on Tuesday of this next week.  Have to figure out how I can crap $120 out of the budget to pay for this....just not sure where it will come from at this moment, as I do not get paid until Wednesday....prayers appreciated that the money will come.

So what are the chances that the psychologist will actually determine that I am raving mad.....I have suffered from depression for over 20 years, and know the ins-and-outs of that very well.  What is the likely hood that they will keep me from surgery because I suffer from depression??  The "what-if's" in this adventure are hard to endure.

Going to watch Hairspray and head off to the land of Nod....

My first visit with the Dr. went ok.  I spent two hours waiting for her to come do her presentation with a group of strangers who didn't seem to want to talk with anyone....though we were all there for the same reason it seemed you could cut the tension in the room with a knife...
Got to have a 5 minute conversation with the doctor that left me a little disappointed.  I know that we will have lots more visits to come, and we will get to talk more as things move forward, but for what I was paying her she really didn't even slow down for a minute to truly rest in her chair and converse with me....
I have gathered all of my records and had them forwarded to her office, and I have scheduled my psychological exam.  I also scheduled an appointement with my PCP and one for a mammogram.....I am up and running but how do I know that they are?? 

I guess maybe I am just a bit over-anxious, when I decide to move on something I want to do it, get it done and move forward.  I should know that medicine does not move at that pace, the waiting is hard. 
Not sure I can afford this, but I know that I can't afford to die.  If I died tomorrow because of complications due to my obesity, my hubby would have to dig a BIG hole in the back yard to put me in because he couldn't afford a proper burial....
Then I would have to die worried that he wouldn't bathe the little ones every day and who would do their hair and feed them....ugh, the worries that I have......
Does this feel this way for anyone else??

I am so nervous I can't sleep....my first visit with Dr. Inman is Thursday August 19th.  I have spent a long time thinking about this, years and years actually, waiting for the right time. I've read and studied until I can't read and study any more.  I'm also a nurse, so that gives me another list of issues......lol!

Am I suppose to be this nervous?  What if I don't qualify for surgery? What if my insurance won't pay?  How do I pay what my insurance won't???  I'm so ready to do this, but these questions are just haunting me relentlessly....
Scared...