kitkat34

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I have been having a really bad time the last week or so.  My fibromyalgia has been flaring up really bad.  I know that it is stress related with everything that has been going on in our house.  I have been in a lot of pain and have been existing on vicodin.  

This has all compromised my weightloss program.  I have been unable to exercise, because I have been in so much pain.  I need the stress to subside so that I can get back on track.  I am going to try and do some exercise today, but I am not sure how successful I will be.  

My daughter seems to be doing ok right now, I hope that it stays that way.  As for my husband he has not been feeling well.  He has been pushing himself to go to work everyday and it seems to be getting harder.  I am not sure how things are going to go for us if he keeps going down hill as far as how he is feeling.

Needless to say the stress is bad!

Well I better go try and get some school work done.

Till next time!

Well it has been awhile since I have posted.  Things have been crazy!!!

I honestly know that the Lord stepped in and stopped me from being able to have the surgery.  I don't think my outcome would have been a good one.  I was having trouble with my heart before the surgery day came around so I was already hesitant and then when my blood pressure went through the roof and I got so sick the day of surgery I knew for sure that it was not meant to be.  

Some of you know that the same week of my surgery my daughter, who has kidney problems, went down.  She became very ill and had to go through numerous doctors to get to someone that put her through the testing.  We found out that her kidney damage has gotten worse and she was just having a severe flare up because of it.  Her kidney function is now 25% in the right kidney and 75% in the left.  Since the one kidney is still at 75% we are not looking at dialysis but it could be in her future.  They also told her that having a baby is probably not something she should do because it would probably push her kidneys over the edge.  This just crushed her.  She wants to be able to have at least one biological baby and it is looking like she may have to adopt.  

On top of this my husbands health is not going well.  He is a severe diabetic, he has diabetic retinopathy (blind in one eye do to the retinopathy), diabetic neropathy (which he has lost 3 toes to), and we just found out that he is in renal failure.  My husband is probably closer to dialysis than my daughter.

All of this just pushes me more to get my health under control, my family needs me to be the strong one now!

So we are dealing with a lot health wise right now and if I had just had surgery things would be even worse.  God was deffinately in control!!

Well I better go, I just wanted to give an update on my page.  I will check in as I can as things are very busy for me right now due to the fact I am also taking 12 hours this semester in school on top of every thing else.

No surgery for me!  Too tired and sick to explain!  Just wanted to post so people would know.

Well tomorrow is the day!  I am just hoping that I can go through with it.  I am scarred to death!  I am trying to just keep my faith and trust in the Lord for this, but my fears are many and they are strong.

I am going to go have a SF popsicle for dinner.

Til later!

Ok I am getting very nervous.  This surgery just has me on pins and needles. 

I weighed myself today and realized that I lost another 40 lbs and I start wondering if I can lose this much on my own maybe I can lose it all on my own.  Down deep I know I need the help of the surgery because I have so much to lose, but I would love to still have the option of having some of the foods that I like from time to time.  I would love to have the option of having a soda from time to time as well.  

I am trying to hang in there and keep myself on track.  I could use some prayers!

I forgot to post about this but last week I got my official certificate in the mail for being a Lay Counselor.  So I am officially a Lay Counselor!!    This is the first step of many to getting me where I want to be.  Of course I am not a

licensed couselor but I can counsel as a Lay minister now which is cool.  

I am trying to get excited about my surgery.  I am terrified!!  I think it doesn't help that I am not feeling good today.  When I went to the doctor yesterday I wasn't really feeling good and it has gotten worse today.  Part of me is wondering if I am dehydrated.  I had a period from hell and think I am still depleted from that.  I deffinately feel like I have been rode hard and put up wet.

I am sure I will start getting more excited when I fell better.

I have a date!!  Aug. 9th I will be having surgery. 

After my all day trip to the hospital yesterday to complete my pre-op studies I ended up in a lot of pain last night.  I apparently moaned alot while I was sleeping because of the pain and I am still not doing great physically today, but I have to say that emotionally I am feeling good.  I know that part of it is that I took such a big step yesterday to having this surgery and the other part is that I did so well while I was out yesterday.  I think that is the most walking and the most up and down I have done in quit a while.  

I am also excited that I found one of my favorite songs and managed to put it on my page!  I love this song!!

I just got done talking to my doctors office and my appointment is sceduled for the 17th.  At this appointment we will go over everthing from the pre-op testing and, hopefully, schedule surgery.  So hopefully I will have more good news to come!

I just realized that I hadn't actually listed things I am looking forward too as I loose weight.  So I thought I would list a few.

1.) I want to be able to go to my sons football games
2.) I want to be able to go to all my kids activivties!
3.) I want to be able to walk farther than my bathroom without getting winded.
4.) I want to be able to walk without a walker. 
5.) I want to be able to get around outside the house without using a wheel chair.
6.) To be able to drive again.
7.) To become social again.
8.) Go to church again.
9.) Go on a date with my husband again.
10.) Wear Jeans again.
11.) Wear boots again.
12.) Be able to clean my house again.
13.) Be able to cook dinner for my family again.
14.) Be able to stand for longer than a couple of minutes.
15.) Be able to go back to campus to finish my degree (I currently go to college on-line)
16.) Go spend the day at the mall with my girls and just hang out.
17.) Be able to go to a movie theater again.
18.) Go on a family vaction to disney world (and be able to ride the rides)
19.) Go on a cruise.
20.) Go to vegas.
21.) Go deep sea fishing
22.) I want to be able to dance at my kids weddings
23.) Be able to buy something off the rack (wal-mart) rather than shopping at specialty stores.
24.) Go with my oldest daughter to see her college and help her move in to her dorm room. (Includes all my children, but my 18 year old will be leaving in 2008 to go to Vet. school)
25.) Be able to attend my first college graduation in May '08, wearing a grad. robe and walk across the stage to get my diploma.


These are just the ones I can think about right now, I will probably add more as I go!