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I still can't believe this 'journey' is taking me so long... I've lost a total of 62 pounds since I started my journey... I suppose that averages out to about 10 pounds per month. (I was hoping for at least 15 pounds per month.)  People are just starting to notice that I've lost weight. It feels great when they notice. I've dropped from size 22 jeans being too tight to size 16 fitting perfectly (a very cool thing). However, when I went into the surgery process, I thought I was going to have to come up with all these excuses of how I lost so much weight so fast... but 10 pounds a month isn't anything people question, they have just started to tell me good job! I know "slow, and steady wins the race"... but I hate how slow the turtle runs his race... LOL - I know I shouldn't complain, at least I'm going in the right direction... down! YAY!

I think my bigest problem with my journey is that it's been 5 months since surgery... and I still can't eat meat.... at all. No chicken, no beef, no seafood, not even turkey burger or tuna. It's really frustrating! When I eat meat, or something with too much fat (more than 6 grams) or sugar (more than 8 grams)... I don't know what people talk about when they say they 'foam'... but I feel a hot flash come over me and then severely sick to my stomach. If I don't lay down, I will throw up. (No turkey for Thanksgiving for me!) 

Most the time, I get by on soup and salad,  veggies (except celery & pea pods are too "stringy"), low fat cheese, fruits (except pineapples & oranges are too "stringy") & starches (beans, cereal, crackers, protein chips, combos - However, I'm not so good with bread)... Eggs taste different to me now, scrambled eggs taste nasty and make me feel sick, but most the time I can eat a hard boiled egg with my salad (weird). Combos (cheese & pretzel snack) have become my friend! Believe it or not, I can drink an alcoholic drink on occation... (I haven't tried anything besides captain morgan rum with diet coke), but I was fully expecting it to make me sick because of the alcohol sugar and carbonation, but it didn't. I don't know... I'm starting to get used to this... but I didn't realize I wouldn't be able to eat meat, I thought I would just eat 'less'... and get sick if I ate fatty foods or sweets. Sometimes, I just wish I could have a bite of chicken... It's confusing...

It really frustrates my husband too, he's actually starting to lose patience with me because I feel sick all the time and if I pick the wrong thing to eat, I can't go out to the movies with him... at least for an hour or two, until I feel better. Sometimes he thinks I'm faking sick, and I just don't want to go out... why would I purposely feel this way to get out going to a movie?? He's crazy... I love going out with him. He's confusing...

I've learned, when my husband I go out to dinner, I order a cup of veggie or chicken soup and a side salad, I never order a cream soup... I eat the liquid out of the soup and leave the meat and noodles... I can usually eat a few bites of the salad if the dressing is fat free. I can't order the Weight Watcher's meals from Applebees, because they all have meat. (I tried one with chicken and one with tilapia.) However, I've learned Panera Bread has a great Veggie Soup, I can eat almost half a bowl, and skip the bread. For some reason, I can eat Wendy's Chili... but when I tried making chili at home, I couldn't eat the meat, only the beans. I'm still confused about it all.

I can't drink any protein drink with milk, because it's too thick and it gives me that hot flash feeling like meat does... but I can drink Unjury mixed with iced tea. My nutritionist said I should only have 51-56 grams of protein per day, so I try and get at least 40 grams via Unjury in the morning... but I think I lose more weight if I drink 80 grams... (because I get more liquid and more protein) but she said it could be bad for me if I have too much protein... I'm confused about that too.

I'm assuming, but I think my "slow" weight loss is because most the time, I just don't eat anything at all (because I'm afraid to eat!), or I eat soup, fruit or veggies... which again brings me back to why am I losing weight so slow? But I probably don't think I get enough liquid or protein in me. I exercise a little, but I'll admit, not as much as I should.

Anyway... I'm still hanging in there on this crazy journey... hoping it gets easier... Take Care!

It's been an uphill battle for me. I thought I would loose weight faster, and I thought I would be able to eat dinner with my family, just smaller portions... It hasn't been that way at all. Everything has changed.

I am still limited to mostly liquids, I eat alot of soup. I'm having trouble with anything that is thick.... I can't even tolerate shakes that are made with milk. No meat, unless it's completely chopped up and in liquid... I can't even eat tuna fish.  My nutritionist said she is surprized that I have trouble with fish and ground turkey, but not surprized about steak and hunks of meat. She gave me some good advise and things to try. Thank God she told me to try Wendy's Chili. I can get about half of that down. I'm learning to adjust... I still go out to dinner with my husband, I order soup or salad. I drink Vanilla flavored Unjury in ice tea to get my protein... and I drink lots of unsweetened ice tea.

To me, my weight is coming off slowly... I've only lost 37 pounds since June 15th... and I don't get it, because I hardly eat anything!!! I was hoping the weight would just fly off! Both the surgeon and the nutritionist said my weightloss is good, and I'm right on target. They told me to stop weighing myself every day. At least I'm going in the right direction... down! 

It's been frustrating few months... but last night someone asked me if I had lost weight, and that I was looking good. That made me smile.

It's been a rough week... I was doing good Monday night... then Tuesday happened. I was so sick... I wanted to die right there... and the nurses kept saying "get up and walk around"... and I tried, but I was just so sick! Wednesday was much better. I had sharp gas pains, but the nausea was gone. Thursday... even better... I had aches and pains all over my body. I went home Thursday afternoon. Today (Friday) - again even better. I slept all night for the first time since I can remember (maybe its the combination of the drugs and pure exhaustion of all the emotions and pain I've been going through), I slept for 9 hours! When I got up, I had some pain, so I took my Roxicet, plus all the other pills they gave me... and I've been doing fine. I'm lounging around, walking up and down the halls, I even made dinner for my family. As long as I keep taking the pain medicine on schedule, I'm good. I see the nurse on Monday to take out my staples, and I'm sure I'll be feeling really good by then. I came home thinking I would have lost a ton of weight while in the hospital for 4 days. I lost only 2 pounds. But, better than nothing.

It took me 9 months to go through the process for this to happen... and I'm finally starting my journey. I'm very hopefuly by the end of the year, I'll be feeling and looking really good! 

Start: 247 / Current: 230 / Goal: 118

I'm scared... but I know I'm doing the right thing.

I know I need to get this surgery because: I am tired all the time. I never feel good. I can't sleep. I can't walk up a flight of stairs without being tired. My husband wants me to walk with him, and I can't. My ankles hurt. My asthma is worse than it has ever been. I hate looking into the mirror and seeing someone who isn't me. I can't shop at regular stores. I can't fit comfortably into a seat on the airplane. I'm embarrassed to see old friends. I'm embarrassed to stand in front of my coworkers to give a presentation. I have no self confidence.

I've researched WLS to death... 2 years ago, I went to a lapband seminar and there was at least 200 people there... I felt like I was at a cattle call... I felt that I was just a number to them... so I backed out and waited another year. Then I found Baystate Medical. They have a personalized program, and have hand walked me through every step. I needed that... because I'm scared! I decided with my surgeon my best option was the robot-assisted gastric bypass. I'm just afraid to be that 1 in 100 that could die. I pray every day that everything will work out.

I had my pre-testing today... and found out the surgery takes 5 hours! That scared me too.

I started my pre-surgery liquid diet this past Sunday. It's not too bad. 4 protein shakes, 1 fruit, 1 veggie & 1 starch... thank God for sugarfree popsicles!! Surgery is in 10 days... June 15, 2009.