KimmySport
I have the standard story- I was always 20 lbs overweight as a child, tried starving in high school and before I was married but never got below 145 and a size 6 jean. The day I got married I was 160 and a size 9/10. After I got married I started gaining weight, didn't really care about how much I was eating, I was happy and married why starve?
We tried to get pregnant in early 2002, I wasn't having periods by that point but I chalked it up to being on Depo-Provera for years and never considered that my weight would be affecting us having a child. I finally got pregnant with the help of fertility pills and in Feb 2003, at my 6 week checkup after he was born weighed in at 260. Early 2004 we decided to try again and again, had trouble conceiving. Again, I blamed the one shot of Depo that I got at that 6 week check up in Feb 2003. This time I ended up having to go to a fertility clinic and tried for an entire year to get pregnant. Finally the doctor told me to try a diabetes medicine as well as the fertility meds and lo and behold.. it worked! This should have been an eye opener, but again I chose to blame something else. My first drs visit to talk about TTC was January 2004, late Jan 2005 I found out I was pregnant. This time when I weighed in at the 6 week post baby checkup I was 300 lbs.
My parents were always larger people- my mother very large. I grew up very defensive of her, daring people to say something while I was there. I tried to protect her feelings. I'd check out a restaurant to make sure she could fit in the booth before she got embarrassed, it became second nature to scout for seats so she could sit down and take breaks in a grocery store. I would watch her sweat and feel bad for her. I'd sit out in parking lots to keep her company while my dad ran in for whatever we needed because she couldn't walk the store. I'd see her wear her 2 pairs of pants and 4 shirts over and over and then pour over 'fat peoples' catalogs trying to find shirts that fit. Sometimes she would only find 1-2 things in the entire PLUS SIZE catalog and I'd get angry on her behalf. I'd swear that would never be me. MY kids would never have to go through that. I would always be able to find clothes. I'd never have to worry about fitting in a booth. Well, guess what? I'm there.
The month before our wedding (July 2000) my mother got her stomach stapled. She did really well at first, lost about 100-150 lbs. She went from a 6x shirt to a 4x. She could go into Wal-Mart and find 4X mens tshirts and THEY WOULD FIT!! Then she got tired of never being able to eat her favorite foods and she started eating around it. She ended up stretching her stomach out and just ate horribly. Cheese enchiladas with cheese sauce and rice and beans every day, cookies every night. 24 weeks into my pregnancy with my son she died from a massive heart attack. (Sept 2002) This was a turning point for me- I was so angry at her for not taking care of herself. I was angry that she loved food more than me. I was devastated that she never got to hold my son. I mourn for all of the things that she's missing with all of her grandchildren- she never even knew about my daughter or my brothers son. I miss her. I felt guilty for being angry so I ate to make myself feel better.
After she died I started thinking about having WLS. I didn't want to die young, too. I don't want my kids to feel embarrassed or protective. I don't want my hot husband to feel embarrassed of his wife. I don't have diabetes or heart disease or high blood pressure YET... and I want to make sure that I never do. Unfortunately there was an exclusion and I was denied. We recently moved to Laramie, Wy and WLS is covered here... as long as I have 5 yrs of a Dr supervised diet- which I do not. I started looking into self pay and I have the surgery scheduled for 6/24/09.
