Kimberly129

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I am the worst blogger ever, I think about blogging but then get caught up doing other stuff and forget....

Well I finally did it, I had my surgery 2 days ago on December 2nd.  I was laying on the operating table and I decided I wanted to back out I didnt want to go thru with it, I wanted to tell them let me up and let me leave, someone asked me where I lived and I said the town and then the next thing I knew I was being woken up, and it was over with, I didnt really have much pain in my stomach it was more of the gas in the lower chest area.  That has pretty much went away.  I have more pain now in my back from being on my back for so long then I do on my stomach.  I am so glad I didnt get the chance to tell them in the OR to let me get up.  (I have walked out of an OR b4 right as they were getting ready to strap me down. not for this procedure for a c-section) But im so glad i didnt.   I thought it was going to be so much more painful then it was.  I was so scared and wasnt sure i really wanted to give up the food I love so much, but waking up and knowing that its done and over with and I have a change to be a healthier mom for my son, and for myself  its not even a thought in my mind anymore that maybe i was cupcake or bag of chips or anything, im looking forward to eating right and teaching my son how to eat right,  its not the life I want him to grow up and have.  I have been teased all my life for being the fat girl and I dont want him to have to be teased at all ever  for being overweight.  I promise myself I will teach him the right way to eat healthy and we will get healthy together. 

well back to my surgery, im glad its done and over with and I just pray that its smooth sailing from here on out  I have wanted this for so long and its not everyday that it comes along.  I have faught for the last year to get to this date and I am here I am not going to ruin it all for food.  I will take this for what its meant for and I will embrace it be proud that I was given a chance to lose the weight and have this amazing tool to help me get to a healthy weight.  Well sounds like I just did a lot of rambling on, so ima sign off for now.  its almost 2am i cant sleep im still in the hospital my back hurts from being in the bed my butt hurts from sittin in the chair, guess ill go walk for a lil bit and hopefully get tired!

Finally I got a surgery date for December 2nd 2010.  Super excited, and super nervous and scared at all the same time.  I assume its all normal to have all these feelings, I just cant wait to be healthy and more physical and be able to do things with my son.  Look forward to all the changed it will bring

I had met with the Nurtionist and he said since i had gained 20 lbs from the first visit back in march he would not say reccomend me for surgery untill i had showed i was serious and lost some of the weight i had gained on my own, so the patient advocate and i decided that for 4 weeks i would do the diet plan and excersie plan they gave me and then re weigh myself in 4 weeks and he would then ammend his report, so I did and for 4 weeks i busted my ass doing what i could and living by plan they gave me, and it worked I ended up losing 19 lbs its not a lot but its 19lbs closer to having the surgery.  It wasnt as hard as i thought it would be to eat a 1200 calorie diet, i actually did really well, i chose to bypass the lunches and dinners on the plan they gave me and instead i bought Lean Cusines microwave meals and Healthy Choices and Smart Ones, I used those for my lunches and dinners and it was alot easier for me the calories were already figured and the servings were already set, and like the NUT said if i still felt hungry wait 30 minutes and then eat some more veggies, so i followed all that and to my surprise when i went in to my PCP to weigh myself i was down 19lbs I was really proud of myself and as silly as it sounds i got a little teary eyed and was just so happy cuz i knew it meant the NUT would ammend his report so my patient advocate could submit me to my insurance.

So now i continue on the same plan i have been doing and slowly adding more excersise into my day, my son will be going back to school so it will be alot easier to excersise without him wanting to do it all too.  I continue the plan and wait to hear from the insurance company.  My patient advocate said they legally have 30 days but usually get back to her in about 2 to 3 weeks she normally 2 weeks, so i just work on my plan and wait to hear if its good news.  I am praying every day that it is, I have wanted this for so long and i want it to work out for me for the best.  

April 23 2009
Today was a hard day 10 years ago today is the day I found my grandfather after he had a massive heart attack and had passed away at my home.  It was one of the worst things I have ever had to deal with in my life.  IDK why I had to be the one to find him.  I was the closet person to him I dont understand why god made me be the one to find him.  I remember it as if it was yesterday, he looked so peacefull laying on the ground with his knees up as if he was just relaxing,  I thought he was playing with me at first and then he didnt respond after 3 or 4 times of calling him, and then I knew something was wrong.  It was HORRIBLE.  I never really had my dad in my life growing up and my grandpa was "my dad" he did everything with me a dad should have, he was closer to me then my own mother basicly and to lose him was so hard.  I have a lot of guilt for his passin, just a week or two before he passed him and I had a fight and I was angry and hurt and I said things to him that I didnt mean and I know they were hurtful to him, and I was too stubborn to say I was sorry and that I didnt mean them and I never got the chance to do that we were ok when he passed  but I never said I was sorry.  So I struggled a lot with that today and I think I took a little bit out on my doctors medical assistant, I didnt mean to she was just really bugging me.

My Primary Care doctors office is pretty much taking thier sweet ass time in getting the medical records to my surgeons office, They keep saying stuff like "well we cant find your release forms" ok so my surgeons office faxes another one and has confermation it went thru and they keep saying "we dont have it" finally today after having faught with them all month long I finally signed one right in front of the medical assistant and told her the records needed to be faxed ASAP. Hopefully she does it soon.

I have gained 10 lbs, its the 10lbs I have been fighting with since October, I cant keep it off.  I have cut out off all intake of sodas, I have moved to strictly water with crystal light, I try to walk as much as I can physicaly do.  Which is not a lot but atleast an 20 minutes 3 times a week.  I dont know if thats even enough.  I am in a way starting to feel like my goal of WLS may never happen.  I know it will I know my insurance covers it, and my doctors office lost 2 months of my records and my insurance requires I have 6 months consecitive documentation of visits that we talked about my weight and diets plans and goals, so out of that 6 months 2 are completely gone they cant find anywhere, so that probly sets me back about 3 months, which means I may have to go antoehr 3 months b4 the surgeon can even present to the insurancemy case.

I am trying something new I have been reading a lot about FullBar made by a Bariatric Surgeon, its supposed to give the "effect" of the gastric byppass as in you eat this bar and drink water and gives you a full feeling which inturn means you eat less.  So I tried it today for the first time and I was very surprised it actually worked I really felt like I had just eatin a plate of food,  So I am going to try this out and commit to walking 20 minutes every day rather I am in physical pain or not, I am determined to lose weight, I want to be here for my son, the summer is coming and its another summer I cant join him a lot on the playground or push him a long time on the swings. I have to watch from the bench on side of the playground, thats so sad he wants me to run around and play with him hes only 3 and I cant do it.

I want to make sure I am here and I want tio try and lose as much weight as I can b4 I have the surgery.   FullBar is my new best friend, and theres also snacks and bars to satisfy your sweettooth and water packets (like crystal light) all to help you feel full so you eat less, its just want I need to try and see if it helps me lose that 10 lbs and actually keep it off.

I had my very first meeting with my surgeon yesterday, I know its just the first step but its one step closer to my surgery date.  The meeting went great, he gave me a few things I need to complete b4 going back to his office and meeting with the Exercise Physiology and the Nutritionist.  It almost seems to easy and too good to be true, I just have a few things to do and wait for my insurance to give the ok, and then once my tasks are complete we can schedule the surgery he said. I left crying, I was so happy that its really going to happen its just a matter of a couple months or sooner!  Its a dream ive had for several years and its finnaly going to come true.