KatVanD

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Little 'wow' moment tonight.

My hubby and I went out to grab a bite to eat at KFC, and the booths that I previously had to squeeze myself into, now fit me comfortably!

Yay for booths!

As of October 9'th, which is now a week and a half ago, I was down to 346lbs... for a grand total of (ddddddddddrrrrrrrrrrrrrr) (that was a drum roll in case you couldn't tell) 53lbs!  Yay me!

I really have to convice myself that 53lbs is something to be proud of.  It's funny, a year ago, if I had lost 53lbs on my own, I would have been so proud of myself!  But now, it doesn't quite feel like enough.  I want more.  I try to remember that on my own, I was only able to lose 20lbs over the course of 2 months.  And now I've done 33lbs in just over a month... that is something to be proud of, I guess.  

Life after surgery is alot of sacrafices.  I miss not caring about what I put into my mouth.  I miss being able to do my groceries in 1/2 an hour, and not having to read label after label after label.  I miss being able to drink a pop without getting lectures from 20 different people.  I miss my clothes fitting properly! I don't care too much for the back pain that's accompanying this weight loss, and I don't like the way our families make such a big fuss over what we can eat, where we can eat.... what ingredients are going into dinner......

It really is a whole new way of life, and so far, 53lbs doesn't quite seem like an adequate reward.  Maybe in a few months, when I'm down 100lbs, or 150lbs, or at my goal weight.... maybe then it'll seem like it's all worth it.

Of course I'm happy about the weight I've lost, and how easy it seems to be coming off. We haven't even gotten back to the gym yet, and we're already down so much.  I'm excited to see what happens when we get back to working out regulairly.... then I may see the numbers drop as quickly as I was hoping for.

I've had things pretty easy so far.  I have a much higher tolerance to sugar than Dave does.  Although that is a bad thing too.  I know that I can handle more sugar, so I eat different things.  Mind you, still within my limitations, but probably things I should have.  Example, at work the other day, a guy was handing out those little bity boxes of halloween size smarties.  Instead of saying no thanks, and making myself stand out, I accepted it and said thank you.  Being daring.... I tried 1 smartie.  I waited, and waited and waited.... I felt fine!  So about 1/2 hour later, I ate another smartie.  Waited.... Waited... waited... felt fine!  So over the course of the day, I ate that whole little box of smarties!  

I can handle bread... Dave can't.  I drink an occasional diet/caffeine free pop, or Coke 0... both of which have 0 calories, 0 fat, 0 sugar, and 0 carbs. It goes down fine.  I drink with my meals...(only sips, but I still do it) I can drink a glass of water twice as fast as David can...

Sometimes I'm greatful that I have more tolerance than he does for certain foods, it makes my life much easier, I don't have to worry as much about what I can have, how much sugar is in it, am I going to get sick, whatever.  But on the other hand, is it going to make it more difficult for me to keep the weight off?  I think that despite the smarties and the pop and whatever else, my weight loss is pretty far on track.  I'm down 33lbs since surgery.  Even though I want it to be more, I think that's a pretty decent number.... 

Can't eat eggs.
Can't eat grilled cheese sandwiches.

That's about it!

More pics to come soon.....

Thanks to my dear friend Cheryl, I was finally able to check my weight for the first time since surgery, and was plesantly surprised!  Down 12lbs in 11 days. 

(side note:  if you're going to make a talking scale, make one with a pleasant sounding friendly voice.  I think that most women (especially overweight women) don't like to let others know what just how much we weigh! We especially don't want to let bitchy women know our weight.  If they had given that scale a deep sexy austrailian voice, with a sympathetic, or encouraging tone of voice, you wouldn't be able to keep me off of him... I mean it. Off of IT.)

Anyways....Dress shopping this past weekend, what an event that was!!  Two Penningtons in this city.  First one we tried had literally 3 dresses in the entire store. Nothing dressy enough to wear to my mother's wedding.  So while at that end of town, we hit up Laura+.  I found a beautiful deep purple/eggplant halter marilyn munroe style dress.  Only problem, 2 sizes to small! Oh how I long for the day when that doesn't happen anymore!

A trip to the second Pennintons turned out much better.  Tried on several dresses, and finally found a really good one.  It's a little more casual than what I had in mind, but still very pretty and very appropriate.  We also picked up some 'goal panties'.  They are tucked away in a drawer, can't wait to wear them!!

Dave is losing faster than me, of course!  He hasn't stepped on a scale yet, but we can tell without the numbers.  We bought him a new pair of pants yesterday.  I picked up a pair that is 2 sizes smaller than the last size I bought him, thinking that they may not fit right away, but soon he'll grow into them, and then out of them again (smaller, that is).  We get them home, and what do ya know, they fit perfectly now!  Damn male metabolism! He's also wearing his old belt already that he hasn't been able to wear in a year!  

As for me? Even though the scale shows down 12lbs, the only place I see it so far is in my ankles and feet.  Sure, my pants fit a little bit better, but they are far from being too big.  I've moved up a notch on my belt loop, which is good, but I'm still wearing the same belt!!  He's down two sizes, and I have thin ankles. WOOHOO. lol

Seriously though, I've realized that the change doesn't come over night.  It's funny, because I somehow had it in my head that when I got home from the clinic things would be different, as in, physcially different.  But, they aren't!  I'm still the same me when I look in the mirror (except my ankles of course!)  It was kind of strange to realize that this surgery isn't an overnight thing.  Of course I knew that it was a long process and would take time, but even so, somehow I thought I would be different when I got out.  

It'll come....

We’re here in Michigan and it’s the day before surgery.  We drove up early this morning, today being labour day, we were concerned about traffic.  We left home at 6:30am and made absolutely amazing time.  There was hardly anyone on the road at all! We saw maybe 3 or 4 transport trucks, and most of the time had the road to ourselves!  It made for a very relaxing drive.

Along for the trip is my husband Dave (obviously!) my mother in law Bonnie, and a friend of the family, Bonnie#2, who had the surgery performed last March and was the one who referred us to Barix clinic.  She wanted to come along to keep Bonnie company, and for support.    She was telling us as we were pulling up to the border guard about the last time she came over.  She told the border guard that she was crossing to go to Barix clinic for a check up on her gastric bypass.  Turns out the border guard had had lapband surgery performed, and they chatted about it for a few minutes before she was on her way.  No sooner had she told us about this man, we pulled up to the border guard, and guess who it is?!?!  Same guy!   He took our ID’s, and Bonnie#2 tells him that she was just telling us about him, because Dave and I are on our way to Michigan for surgery ourselves.  Well!  Forget checking the id’s, asking where we’re going, how long we’re staying, the traditional questions asked… He was more interested in telling us his story, and giving us some tips and advice!!  Since there were literally only 4 cars at the border (total!) we had plenty of time for a chat!  Needless to say, it was the easiest border crossing I’ve ever experienced!  And to think, I’ve been so paranoid that Dave’s old criminal record would give us problems crossing…. Guess not!

We’re at the hotel now.  We popped our poo pills and took advantage of the time we had before they kicked in.  We spent a bit of time in the pool and hot tub, but now we’re limited to our room!

Now that it’s almost finally here, I’m able to start feeling some emotion about the surgery.  For the past few weeks everyone keeps asking if we’re scared, nervous, excited, whatever.  In all honesty, I haven’t really felt anything about it.  What I have felt emotion about though, is whether or not I would remember to pack everything…  Did I leave all the proper instructions for my sister in law who is home right now taking care of my dog…  Did the hotel get our reservations right…  What are we going to eat for our ‘last supper’…Are we going to have any problems crossing the border…What time of day is best to beat traffic…Will our rooms be available for early check in…   I’ve had a million and one things going through my head for the past week, but all of them about the process of getting here, and I hadn’t really thought past that yet.  But now that all that’s behind us, I’m starting to think about tomorrow.  I’m not excited…I’m not nervous… I’m terrified!!!

I’m not terrified about the surgery.  I have faith in the surgeons and nurses at the clinic.  I’m terrified about things that are going to embarrass the hell out of me! 

1.       I don’t want to have a catheter!  I’ve never had one, and I don’t want it!  I’ve heard that they wait till you’re out before putting it in, (thank god!)  however it stays in for 24 hours, and they take it out when you’re awake!  I’m trying to imagine what it’s going to feel like having a tube shoved….up there…. So that I can maybe get used to the idea beforehand. The idea of having it up in there while I’m awake makes me slightly uncomfortable, and the idea of them taking it out while I’m fully alert and aware of what’s happening is so embarrassing to me!

2.       I’ve heard that they give you an enema.  I don’t want this to happen!  My husband and I had been together about 3 years before I would even admit to him that I was even capable of that particular bodily function!  Having to address that issue with strangers is humiliating to me!

3.       I’ve been told that they intabate you while you’re still awake.  Gag me! Literally!

Those are my concerns right now!  So the next time someone asks me if I’m excited about this, my reply will be “I don’t want a tube put down my throat, in my bum, or up my hoohaw.”

I haven't even had my surgery yet, and I've had my first two wow moments already! We've been dieting and excercising for just under a month now, and I was starting to get frustrated at what seemed to be a lack of results.  However what I didn't realize is that at first the results are so small that I just don't notice them!  

Having said that, there have been 2 changes that I've noticed, and as small as they may be, I'm super excited by them!

The first WOW, I made a post about the other day on the Ontario Forum, is about my sleep apnea already getting better.  For the first time in almost a year, I've had an entire nights sleep without waking up once!  And, my hubby is also greatful that my snoring (which used to sound more like choking and gasping) has almost 100% gone away! Wow!

Secondly, last night I was able to put my engagement ring on again! I've never taken off my wedding band, by my engagement ring had started hurting my finger a few months ago, so I took it off. I was barely able to put it on again or take it off. When I tried to take it off my finger got all red and swollen from pulling so hard.  I am so happy that I can now easily slide it on and off. Not that I want to take it off, but.... whatever! It fits again! Wow!

I'm so happy with this progress. I don't even care anymore that I can't step on a scale.  I know I'm making progress, and that's really exciting!