Hey, Girl...Here is my recent take on the whole thing! You will be Super Fine!
What I Learned after my Laparoscopic RNY: (procedure 6/18/07)
1.)Laparoscopic surgery is where they blow you up like a basketball and drag Tinker Toys through you. Day one Hurts Like Hell! Watch the clock and press the pain button!
2.)You will not die if a cute male aide wipes your bottom (And, I actually had a student nurse take out my cath while 9 others (including a very young male) watched! My mom was a nurse for 50 years, so I figured I was training her replacements…all the same….ew!)
3.) RE: those ever-beeping IV machines: If you listen closely, you can hear OTHER machines beeping in other rooms besides yours. For the first 3 days I would tell the nurse, “If you will bring me a hammer, I will fix that thing.” By the third night, I realized what was actually going on! Those beep beep beeps are the MATING CALLS of the Tamed Electronic IV Poles! I suggested that they let them gather, in discreet twos, in a corner now and then, let them have a little IV Pole sex, and they would all SHUT UP. ( The hospital is looking into a new policy…)
4.) I got ¼ cup of ice every two hours. My daughter told me that her new exercise mantra (so she wouldn’t end up in my situation is “one-fourth-cup-of-ice”) I may do a cross-stitch of this motto and hang it in my kitchen or have it tattooed on my right wrist, to remind me of how hard I am working to get healthy and thin!!!!
5.) A red cherry popsicle can become the most wonderful food on the planet!
6.) They did do a leak test during surgery, but I had to have another test before they would release me: Whoever invented the bitter vetch that I had to drink for the swallow-test x-ray should have to drink that sh_t 3 time a day, every day of their life. Killing them would be much more merciful!
7.) Wearing the “magic finger” oxygen level thingy was one of the most annoying things I had to do, post-op.
8.) A hot shower on day 4 may be better than you-know-what!
9.) Having your drain tube pulled out does NOT hurt, but it feels really really strange!
10.) Strapping a memory-foam pillow across my torso in the car on the way home was a brilliant idea, on my part.
11.) Having a hospital bed set up at home (insurance paid for it) has made me more independent! I would have been stuck more in a bed where I require help to get up and out!
12.) There’s no place like home!