Karibbean
I have battled my weight my whole life. At two different times in the past 25 years (since I started dieting) I have lost significant amounts of weight through change in diet and daily exercise. The first time, at age 16 and at 205 pounds, I lost around 60 pounds eating low fat and low calorie foods, at a maximum of 1300 calories a day, with a daily exercise regimen of 90-120 minutes of cardio and weight training. I kept the weight off for around 2 years, but once I started college, I was unable to maintain the exercise regimen, and the weight began to creep back on. By age 20, I was up to 195 pounds. The second time I lost weight was at age 32. I was at almost 300 pounds (293 to be exact) and from February 2002 until June 2004, I used the Herbalife Weight Management program (at the time ephedra was part of their program, but it was removed out of the plan in the fall of 2002) and lost a total of around 120 pounds. However, in June of 2004, I was prescribed antidepressants and the weight piled on viciously and I gained over 40 pounds in one year. I am now about I now have been diagnosed with insulin resistance, polycystic ovarian syndrome, and cannot seem to get the weight to budge no matter what I do. I generally eat a very healthy diet of soy, poultry and fish, lots of green vegetables, fruits and colored veggies quite frequently, and low fat dairy and whole grains in moderation and nothing is moving off my 5'2" frame. This has been very trying for me. For the first time in my life, I was happy with myself and who I was, how I looked, and I felt fantastic health wise. The past 3 years of going from a very comfortably fitting size 16/XL shirt back to a 22 pant and a 26/28 top (to hide the rolls) has been heartbreaking for me. I admittedly do not have a problem breathing, moving, exercising as I am very active in my work and do (as much as I hate it) exercise nearly every day, even if it is just 20 minutes of yoga.
I'm tired of this battle. I just look at what I could be and what I am now and think I have a whole life awaiting me if I could just have this surgery. At this point in time, my frame of mind is very much focused on my health. I am terrified of developing type 2 diabetes, breast cancer, as it is very prevelent my mother's side, as well as being sick and tired of a whacked out menstrual cycle, hirsuitism, acne, and gaining weight around my middle. But I would be lying if I said I didn't want to do this surgery because I want to be aethetically pleasing when I look in a mirror. I want to shop for clothes and decide not to buy something because I don't really like it, not because it is really cute but it makes me look like a sow so shouldn't wear it. I don't want to shop with regard to weight. I want to shop with regard to style. And I am sick of body hair and acne in my 30's. I am tired of ruining clothing due to never knowing when my reproductive system wants to work. Fertility isn't an issue for me as I have a child and am happy with just one....however, knowing I could still have more children if I wanted to would make me feel better on a holistic level.
I have done everything. I have tried everything. I am diligent and honest with myself. I have bad days like everyone, but I have been working very hard since the first of the year to lose the weight I have gained, and thus far I am only down 15 pounds. I made a promise to myself that if, by the end of June, things weren't dramatically different, it was time to face facts and accept that traditional methods of healthy weight loss do not work in the long run for me. I do eat well...currently I am following a conglomoration of the YOU: On A Diet method, Body For Life, and the Herbalife Weight Management program. Essentially, I use soy based protein shakes as meal substitutes at least once a day (I try to aim for twice) and then have meals based in low fat protein, lots of veggies, whole grains and low fat dairy in moderation, vitamins and minerals, and daily exercise. I drink over 100 oz of bottled water a day, usually have one to two glasses of green tea per day, have one to three kids sized juice boxes a week, and occasionally will have a Coke (I cannot take anything with aspertame as it induces migraines in me). My downfall is baked goods and I recognize that and avoid them as often as possible, but if I do have the occasional cake or cookie, it is ONE, and it is occasional. I rarely eat fast food anymore (it makes me sick now) and when I go out to eat, I do my best to choose both wisely and with health in mind.
This has been a very hard thing for me to accept, as I exhaust all venues before taking a more drastic road. But I am ready to start living my life, and I feel very much like my weight is stopping me from living it to the fullest. I am ready and completely prepared for what WLS will mean for me.
