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I finally did it.  I am offically in onderland!  I weighed 199.6 yesterday and 198.8 this morning!!  I am so very excited.  I can't remember the last time I saw a 1 as the starting number in my weight!!!

I'm doing really good.  I had to have my gallbladder removed last Thursday (7/2/09).  I was a little worried about having surgery just barely 6 months after my RNY but things have went really good.  I am still having hair loss but not has much and I have LOTS of new growth that looks thicker than its been in awhile!  I am tolerating all food ok.  The only time I have a problem is if I get upset before I eat.  Otherwise, life is good!!!

Good grief, it's been forever since I've wrote anything.  What a journey and adventure this has been so far.  I weighed 275 on my scales this morning.  I go see the nut tomorrow so I'm interested to see what my "official" weight will be since I'll have on clothes for that one...  Things are definitely getting easier.  I'm getting more into a routine now.  Tomorrow the nut will add in Phase 1 Soft foods and I'm sure that will add in more variety.  The only thing that scares me about more choices is more temptations.  I have done really well so far I think and will NOT allow myself to become what I once was.  I posted some pics tonight and emailed them to some friends/family.  My mom called me and said that I was starting to look like myself again...the old me...the skinnier, healthier, happier me!!!  My youngest son (age 6) looked at my before and after pics and said with a big grin on his face "Your head shrunk!"   (What a blessing my children are to me!!)  Thank goodness my body is shrinking too though.  I started out in a tight 32 (in the waist but baggy elsewhere) and I am now wearing a size 26 and even some 24's in pants.  I put on a pair of dress pants yesterday that I bought in Dec. 2007 and they actually fell off of me.....That felt sooooooo INCREDIBLE!  On the health side of all this, one of my blood pressure pills has been cut in half.  Progress is sweet!!

I am no longer taking my Glucophage for diabetes - my sugar levels have been normal and I got rid of the stupid, HORRIBLE CPAP machine!!!  HOORAY!!!!

Well, I made it!!  I have been home for exactly one week tomorrow.  I came through the surgery pretty well.  I don't really remember it but I was told I had a lot of nausea after the surgery.  My surgery was at 9 but I didn't get to leave the Recovery Room until almost 3 because of the nausea.  Then the nurse wouldn't let me get up and walk until after 4 because she wanted to make sure I was ok once I got on the floor.  Once I could get up, there was no stopping me.  I walked and I walked quite a bit on the day of surgery and the day after.  I had some of the worst gas and every time a had bad gas pains then I just got up and walked and walked and walked.  It really help.  I slept for 5 hours straight my second night and was up and ready to go home by 7:30 Christmas morning.  Dr. Bour came in and told me that if I tolerated the clear liquids then I could go home at 2. - Back track for a moment........not having anything to drink was the worst on 12/23.  My mouth was so dry and I couldn't wait until I got my blue ice chips around 2 on 12/24....Happy Birthday me!!! - I made it home about 2:30 and my boys were soooo excited that I was home.  Then the hard part really started - all that d*** drinking of clear liquid protein.  I tried the Isopure and it was HORRIBLE.  I made it through the day and headed right over to my Nutrition Store first thing Friday to find something else that I could tolerate.  I found some Health Wise shakes and despite the sweetness they weren't so bad. 

Today is 12/31 and I went for my first post-op visit.  I weighed 299.8 which is down 17 pounds since the Thursday (12/18) before surgery!  Yay me!!!  Dr. Bour says I am right on target and doing great.  He removed my drain which felt wondeful.  I also get to start full liquids now like cream soups, sf/ff pudding, milk but I still have to get in 80 grams of protein a day and 64 oz of fluid.  I felt a little hungry but when I talked to Meg (Nut) she said that it is probably dehydration because I have only been drinking 20 oz of fluid a day.  My stomach is also playing tricks on my b/c it keeps moaning and groaning which makes my head think it's hungry.  But, I'm doing really well and very proud of my success so far.  My DH says he can tell a difference in my face already and I think I see the start of a jawline and the double chin disappearing.  So, despite the few "WTH have I done moments" and the few crying spells I am doing pretty good and happy so far.

Well, it's bedtime.......and no it's nowhere near midnight but I'm ready to sleep now....Good Bye for now!

I went to my final nutrition class and weighed in today......drum roll please.....317.2 - which I know the average person sounds huge but to me means 19.5 pounds since the Monday before Thanksgiving gone forever!!!  I haven't measured since last Friday but when I measured then I had lost 10.5 inches off my neck, breasts, waist, and hips!!  This is so incredible.  I haven't seen 317 in probably 2 years.  Surgery is just 5 days away!!!!!!!!!!

On another note, I am officially not an employee of F***** any more.  It was kind of sad leaving the guys I've grown to really like over the last year.  They are all such great guys and so sweet.  They all made me promise that I would have Kenneth (my DH) call them after my surgery to let them know how I am doing.  I got hugs from everyone and left feeling a little blue.  I am very glad to be rid of the lead of my department   He is such a jerk!  I really feel sorry for the guys left that will have to deal with him.  So, my life is changing in so many ways right now......surgery approaching at lighting speed, losing my job at F******, fighting nonstop with my husband...... good grief.  I'm sure DH and I fighting is from the stress - nervous b/c of the surgery, 1 year anniversary of his father's death, holidays, money....the list goes on.....  I'm gonna make it though.  I will survive and I'll just keep focusing on the positives.

Ok, so I am only one week and one day away from surgery.  I have been on the presurgery liqid diet now since 3 weeks.  So, far I have lost 16 pounds and 10.5 inches (from my neck to my hips)!!!!  It is sooooo exciting getting on the scales and see the numbers decreasing instead of increasing or staying the same.  Kenneth, my husband, has been very, very supportive.  He has cooked me delicious meals for my one meal a day and stayed within my guidelines.  When I doubt my success in this endeavor, then he is my personal cheerleading squad - reminding me that I can do this and WILL do this.

I feel a little yucky today.  I think my monthly "friend" is coming very, very soon to visit.  I really hope the visit has come and gone before next Tuesday.  Unfortunately, I am having horrible cramps and backaches and I have been a little difficult (ok probably a lot difficult) to be around this past weekend.  I took Tylenol but it's not really helping.  I normally take Pamprin but I'm scared to this close to surgery.  I just want to go home and curl up in bed - which I know is not what I need to do.  

Work is ok today.  It's my last week here.  I got the news last Monday that I am being laid off from here.  They tell me that things will pick up again in March or April and that I will be one of the first ones called back.  We shall see.....My employer says they will have work for me to do at home until then.  I certainly hope they do come through b/c we really need my paycheck to survive.

Ok, I'm feeling better now by getting some of this off my chest.  I'm gonna go take a few deep breaths, walk away from this computer, and pray, pray, pray!!  God will give me no more than I can handle! 

Ta-Ta for now!

So, I've been following this presurgery Optifast 5-in-1 plan for 4 days now.  I realized something on Monday (It hit me like a ton of bricks) and I've trying to digest it all week.  I am a food addict.  I have dreamed about food, thought about food constantly, have been very irritable, and very difficult to live with this week.  This realization has been very eye opening to me.  At first, it really scared me a little but as the week has progressed and I've thought about it more and more and it has been very liberating just realizing and admitting it.  I read a blog on Jasmine130's profile and it discusses about food addictions.  I am totally blow away.  I mean, I think I've skimmed over stuff in the past about the subject but never really thought about it or considered it seriously until Monday.  Yesterday, I went grocery shopping with my mom and grandma (who came up to visit for Thanksgiving) and I am so glad they were with me.  I felt like an acoholic let loose in a liquor store - LOL.  The grocery store is a scary place for me right now and I am going to have to come terms with this obstacle and overcome it!  I can overcome this!!!  I will overcome this!!!  I think I'm going to start really researching this on the internet and I may even look into some counseling to help me work through this while I am becoming the NEW and IMPROVED me!! 

Ok, so yesterday I started my pre-surgery liquid diet.  OMG!  It was sooooo hard.  My plan consists of 5 liquid OptiFast shakes and 1 meal (3-4 oz  lean meat, 1 cup veggies, 1/2 - 1 cup of fruit, and 1 fat (like olive oil)) plus I get unlimited SF Jello, SF popsicles, cucumbers, and celery.  Yesterday, I was starving all day.  It didn't help that it was "Thanksgiving Dinner" at work and everyone brought in food.  This one guy who sits near me cooked meatballs in a crockpot all morning.  I was salivating all morning long while eating SF Jello...LOL  Today so far has not been quite a bad. 

I also had my first pre-surgery class this morning.  We talked about vitamins and how important calcium, iron, folate, and B12 will be after surgery.  It was all very interesting and informative. I'm really glad Dr. Bour does these classes b/c it makes me feel not so alone.

I did get that overwhelmed feeling and the "WTH-am-I-doing" feelings last night.  It all seems so scary.  At times, I can't wait for surgery and the "new" me.  At other times, I panic and wonder what am I doing and it's to late to turn back now and how did I let myself get this way!!!  My husband is absolutely WONDERFUL and has been so supportive of me.  I would be lost without him.  He has kept me going and I really appreciate all he has done for me.

Well, got to go get some walking in during my lunch break. 

Ok, so I've never, ever blogged before but tonight I decided to go for it! I had another pre-surgery support group meeting tonight.   Tonight's topic was Surgery 101.  It was very informative and I even learned a few things.  Tonight also helped me confirm that much more to myself that I am ready for this and I want this.  I so look forward to the day that diabetes, hypertension, sleep apnea, PCOS, hurting knees, hurting back, and embarrassment in social situations is a thing of the past for me.  I look forward to feeling sexy and not feeling like people are staring at me in disgust.    I sometimes wonder what my life will really be like - how will I act, how differently will others treat me, how will my quality of life improve, etc.  My kids only know this "me" and I can't wait to show them the "me" buried beneath all these layers of fat, depression, and low self-esteem.  I can't wait to have energy to be able to run with them and play with them like I want to so many days.  I also hope I will be able to show them a new relationship with food.  I want to be a role model for them for eating and exercise and living life to its fullest.  I do worry about how some relationships I have with family and friends will change.  I really don't want to lose anyone but from what I've read things will change whether they change b/c I change or b/c others feelings toward me change - a change is inevitable.  I pray for the strength and wisdom to handle those situations as they arise.  I pray for strength and wisdom to make it through this path I have selected.  I pray for myself and all of you who are also beginning this new journey to a new LIFE.  I really hope this surgery, weight loss, and improved health will help me live and not just exist any more!!!!