just stacey

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Hey O.H. Family

It is sooo sooo hard to believe that 4 years have passed since I had my surgery...Tonight I am going to FINALLY add some current pictures as I have been waaaay too lazy at updating my page.
Let's see how would I sum up this past year as far as my ongoing battle with maintaining my weight and my food addictions...hmmmm...I guess I would say that for me this was the year of walking a fine line....I can tolerate sugar way better than before and I have really tested the waters...I put on 10 pounds but STOPPED the bad behavior in time and got back on track and lost it...One thing is for sure ...I DONT want to go back to where I once was...and it is sooo easy to do this...atleast for me...I remember being so strong and telling myself that I will ALWAYS remember where I was...well truthfully there are many days when I dont even think about the fact that I was once morbidly obese...I feel like a slim woman and I look like one and after 4 years the compliments and shock from other people wear off and you are just another slim person....which is great but I think this type of thinking has hurt me at times...Sometimes I forget that I have had the surgery because after these 4 years I can eat pretty much anything with the exception of pasta...I eat like a normal healthy slim person and my pouch will still remind me once in awhile that I better stop eating or I will pay for it big time.
I am still very happy with my decision to have had this surgery.
Good Luck to all who are considering the surgery...I could not have lost and especially have kept it off with out it.
Peace,Love,Hope and Gods Blessings to all of you
Stacey

I am 44 years old and live in california. I have two grown sons and am engaged to be married on July 4, 2004. I have battled my weight since the age of 9. I was a child actor and being thin was the only way to be. Some how some way my mother found a quack dr who had me on diet pills for most of my adolescent years. When I stopped taking the pills my weight ballooned and at 23 I found out I was pregnant. My husband at the time was so amazed and thrilled that I was pregnant (he was deemed sterile) that he encouraged me to eat eat and eat and that is when it alllll began...I was pregnant and the sacred cow who had a ticket to eat anything anytime and I did...I put on approximately 90 pounds on a very small frame..I was depressed and out of control...less than 2 years later baby number two has arrived and I am still about 50 pounds over weight plus I packed on appromimately 50 more pounds...I was a mess and felt hopeless...I sunk into mommy oblivion and forgot about who I was and continued to use food as my comfort...I was addicted and so very sick ITS ABOUT TIME THAT I FINALLY UPDATED MY PAGE!!!!!! Shame on me...when I first researched this site I spent hours and hours and hours looking up pictures and reading stories...I was so motivated by every ones story...My story didnt seem so different or exciting...we all seem to have a common thread....heavy most of our lives,struggled with one failed attempt of dieting after another,dissapointments that society has thrown our way...being looked upon as being sloppy,dirty and out of control.....what could I say that would maybe be interesting enough that someone would want to read and maybe be as inspired as I was with many profiles I found... I frequent the message boards and if anyone has read my posts I have pretty much told my story over and over again....as I stated above I was kept artificially thin throughout my adolescent years and when I turned 18 I stopped the years of diet pills...the weight stayed off for a short time because I literally STARVED myself....When I found out I was pregnant with my first born as I said before THAT WAS MY TICKET TO EAT and OMG I did!!!!!!! Years passed (they fly by so quickly) I made excuses about my weight I hardly had any mirrors in my home and did the traditional lets only look at ourself from the neck up kind of thing....I was very lonely in my marriage and suffered from depression...The ex husband LOVED me fat...that way NO MAN would look at me...so he thought...There was a man who noticed me and some how looked beyond the 258 pounds of fat and thru a beautiful friendship I started to see me as not such a failure...I decided to make a lot of changes in my life that were very difficult...I divorced my ex...sold my childhood house,made a career change, said good bye to some very unhealthy friendships and got in touch with my higher power...I strongly believe that the Lord let me handle all I could handle and then he rescued me with this surgery...I began to heal physically and emotionally and began to see light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel...The truth is I wanted the fat off so I could look sexy again...thats right it was all about the outer me....but as time progressed and there were some minor complications a long the way I started to put an emphasis on my health...being thin and unhealthy was NOT where I wanted to be...I got in touch with a very serious addiction that I had with food one that I work on daily...I will never have a normal relationship with food but I have accepted that...I needed this surgery because I was quickly eating myself to death...most of you reading this can relate...this surgery keeps me in check and reminds me when I have stepped over bounds which I try not to do.... On August 29, 2004 I will be one year out and looking back I have to say that I was one of those people who thought that I was going to be the ONE AND ONLY patient who will not lose any weight or atleast only lose half....The road was bumpy but worth it....I got rid of my scale and focused on just doing all the right stuff...Protein first balance out with fruit and veggies..lots of water and lots of walking....if I hit plateaus (sp??) I would not have any idea because when I weighed myself at the doctors office one a month I always showed a loss so I felt good...Patience is a huge issue with me cuz I have ZERO...but I have learned to take one day at a time and forgive myself when I havent made the right choice...I was 258 last year and today I am approximately 135...I plan to get to 110 but if my body doesnt want to go there and it wants to stay at present weight and be comfy then that is o.k. with me.... For all those who have asked me to continue updating my profile...I promise I will Thank you all for your support....and a very special thank you to my husband Bill who loved me at my heaviest and who is absolutely euphoric at the new me...He is so proud of me and you know what I am proud of me too REFLECTIONS/ 1 year later August 29, 2004 Hello to all my OH friends First off thank you for all your emails wishing me a Happy RE-Birthday, I appreciated each and every word of encouragement...... Second..I want to publicly say a very special THANK YOU to my husband, my BEST friend....He met me at my highest (258) and fell in love with the woman inside of me NOT the outward woman...he fell in love with my soul and I am confident that he loves me for me...He truly supported me through this ordeal (yeah I admit at the beginning it was an ordeal)...He listened to me at the very beginning when I said "THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK FOR ME"....he listened when I said "WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF....he sat with me on the bathroom floor many times when I was DUMPING(DUMPING is a term used when one has taken in too much sugar or in my case too much protein--the side effects are not pretty) and kept saying this will pass hang in there...I cant say enough how important it is to have someone be there for you....I have been BLESSED.... I know there are thousands of success stories out there and mine is not so special but to me of course it is...today is a very special day and as I sit here typing I find myself crying because I am remembering back to where I was a year ago...so very depressed and so bloated and uncomfortable....feeling so out of control and so scared....this all feels so SURREAL almost like I am going to wake up and find myself FAT again.....for me it started out just wanting to be THIN and then some how some way it changed....it is now about being good to this body I was given....being healthy and free from the struggles that obesity brings...sure its great to be able to shop and buy what ever I want (my BIGGEST FANTASY) but the truth is the biggest joy is being able to breathe freely to walk without a struggle to be able to live the way it is meant for us to live and enjoy... Do I have any REGRETS....honestly the only one I have is that I allowed myself to get so out of control in the first place..... What have I learned in a year.....I have learned that FOOD is NOT MY BEST FRIEND....its not the enemy either.... I have learned that my body will not look like the body of a 20 year old.. I would love to have the knowlege I have now and look like a 20 year old again ....but thats just not real so as of today I have decided that it is time to say "Stacey you have come a long way..be thankful and be happy with your body" there are TONS of improvements that I could make but I need to reflect and stay thankful....this surgery SAVED me from a downward spiral that I was on...I am thankful for having a competant surgeon...thank you Dr. Quillici and I am thankful to my higher power whom I believe guided me through this journey.... For all those out there that is THINKING about this surgery....my advice is gain as much knowlege as possible...realize that this is NOT a quick fix...it is ONLY A TOOL and that for me I felt it was "MAGICAL" at first the way the pounds just melted off...but then the time comes when you are flying on your own so to speak and you have to be strong and really make good choices...this surgery helped me to get back in control....and now it is up to me to stay there....as someone once said "the only one that can stop me is me and I can take her on.....thats how I now feel... To all those who feel that they will NOT succeed...I was there too...I understand that thought process...what works for me is to stick to the "Pouch Rules" ...do all the right stuff (we all know what the right stuff is because we are all dieting pro's) and most of all you need to have patience with your body.....it will happen.... Thank you for reading my thoughts today...thank you for offering advise and support.... God Bless each and every one of you and remember that this is NOT the easy way out.....like I have said time and time again...this is a bumpy ride (atleast it was for me) but looking back over the year it was DEFINATELY worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat...even with all the risks involved.....I would do it again Peace,Love and continued success on all of your journeys with love Stacey REFLECTIONS/2 YEARS LATER/August 29, 2005 Geeeez time goes by so fast...I remember back to when I started the process to have surgery, time just dragged and dragged...Right after surgery it seemed like time stopped...I was obsessed with getting the 100 pounds off and it seemed like the scale NEVER moved an inch...looking back I suppose I was a slow loser but eventually the weight came off and life CHANGED.....I suppose I changed too...my personality is the same but with the weight loss came self esteem and an energy that helped me come out of the downward spiral that I was on...I have learned ALOT about my body in the last year...I guess I can admit it now but in a strange way I didnt actually think that I would gain any weight back (I have actually gained 5 pounds in the 2 years out....back in the day I could have gained 5 pounds in a weekend...and this is the LONGEST I have ever kept the weight off)I know I know I read post ops stating that they gained weight but in the very back of my mind I didnt think it would happen or could happen BUT the pouch stretches over time......IT DOES......I remember when I could barely choke down a few tablespoons of anything then it was 1/4 of a cup then 1/2 a cup and so on....I would say that it has only been in the last 6 months that I can see that I can eat so much more than before and that I really do have to watch myself....GRAZING happens and is easy after time from the surgery.....The body does get used to the changes and it does adapt...I will NOT allow myself to be obese again....so I really watch what I eat..Most of the time I follow the rules of the pouch because my pouch still rules me....I try really hard to stay away from sweets because although I still DUMP...I dont dump as badly as I used to and its strange my pouch has moments where one day I can eat something and everything is great and the next time around it will totally rebel...go figure....all in all I would definately without a doubt do this surgery all over again...I have absolutely no regrets....for me this was the right decision even though there have been some rough moments...It is not for everyone...I'm still not sure I would recommend this....It is a very serious life changing decision...It saved me that is for sure....To all of you out there who have just had surgery and think you will NEVER ever eat normally again....you are right you wont eat normally again...THANK GOD for that one however you will eat more food as time goes on and you will have to be careful with what you eat because you can and will gain weight back if you dont keep it in control....it does get more difficult the longer out you are....Stay committed and focused and always remember what it was like in the other body and how miserable you felt...I think of this often and it is these thoughts that keep me humble and on track....I remain grateful for a chance to live life the way it is meant to be lived BTW..........On July 4th Bill and I celebrated 1 year of marriage...we are happy and at peace...mostly because I am happy and at peace with who I am...Bill has been my biggest support system and I know that I could not have dealt with all the issues that came up when recovering from my addiction to food....Thank You Bill my life long partner and absolute love of my life...Thank You for loving me when I didnt love me and thank you for looking beyond the obesity and seeing the woman within...I am BLESSED God Bless all of you on this journey with Peace and Love Stacey REFLECTIONS/3 YEARS LATER/August 29, 2006 OMG has it been THREE years already....Time really does go by so fast Well lets see how has life changed for me in the last year....The BIGGEST change is in how I can eat....Lets just say that the magic of the pouch is sooooooooo gone...I can now eat like a normal slender person ...I think in the past year Ive pushed the rules quite a bit and maybe in a sense there has been a bit of rebellion on my part...why that is I have no idea...I just know that I have been waaaaaay more adventurous in my eating....Ive discovered that there are lots and lots of foods that my pouch can tolerate now as opposed to last year...Ive learned that just because I tolerate the new foods doesnt mean I now need to add them to my diet...In all honesty I have realized that as much as I promised myself that I would never forget that I was once a morbidly obese person ...I suppose at times I have let it slip from my mind...I often forget Ive had this surgery until I accidently overeat something or eat something that has a tad too much sugar in it and I find myself sweating,heart pounding and shaking...its not pretty and it rarely happens but when it does It makes me stop and think about where I was and how I dont want to go back to that really dark unhealthy place....I did have some weight gain....my own fault NOT the fault of the surgery BUT I pulled myself together and got right back to the basics....Protein FIRST...drinking 1 hour after my meal limit myself to 2 HEALTHY snacks and staying away from trigger foods...anyway thats my story....I will definately be posting some new pictures because they are way over due ...OH YEAH I had a physical the other day and my Doc checked for EVERYTHING and I am so proud to announce that all my stats are not good but GREAT!!!! She told me that everything was excellent and to keep doing what I am doing ....and I intend too!!! As always I give Thanks to my Lord and Savior for His Guidance and Love and to my wonderful Husband Bill and beautiful loving sons who keep me uplifted and feeling loved and to having a surgeon who knows his stuff...Thank You Dr. Quillici!! To all of you on this journey....I wish you continued success ...With this surgery I believe anything is possible and as I have said before even with the UPS and DOWNS I would definately do it again because this surgery keeps me in check and is the ONLY thing that has worked for me in keeping off the weight... Peace,Love,Hope,Joy and Gods Vast Blessings Stacey