judyannsky
December 22, 2007
As I write this first entry I am impatiently and anxiously waitng for 'the call'. First, the major decision from insurance (approval) and then, finally, the surgery date.
It's a relief to hear someone else is experiencing the same things and having the same feelings. I know that people who are not going through it just do not get how this step by step stuff is so important.
I'm brand new to this program system, but so grateful for the lavish and extravagant support! It was absent during my last surgery:
I am dealing with a failed surgery from 9 years ago. Because of half a dozen other digestive problems, including a hiatal hernia, major reflux, belching, discomfort and pain, that required tests, my failed VBG was broght to light. I assumed it had failed, but was given 'the bums rush' from everyone I talked to about it back then, until I began to feel that I was responsible for 'just blowing it'. Now I see how many others have experienced a failed surgery and require revision.
It should mean a lot of correction to the non-stop heart burn and belching and pain I am in.
Now we're waiting for insurance approval call, and then my surgery date. My surgeon wants to operate in January before he leaves for the month of February for vacation.
I am at around 200 lbs. at this point, was 240 when I had my first VBG.
Looking at childhood photos it appears that I was average weight till I started school, and suddenly put on enough weight to say something was wrong. Dysfunctional childhood, violent alcoholic dad... I learned to use food to comfort myself early on. I spent my life battling weight and food issues, among a ton of other major life problems, but fortunately, by the grace of God, I can say that I have overcome most of them.
I have a counseling practice and I am a pastor and have opportunity to help others with the help that I've been helped with.I look forward to developing my space here on this site. I am grateful to be somewhere in the process of development and I have some hope for things to change, once again.
January 1, 2008
YAY!!!!
The last day of the old year I finally 'got the call' I have been waiting for.
My insurance company approved and told me to call my surgeon and schedule a surgery date.
I am thrilled and relieved and moving into a different kind of anxiety.
I don't believe in entertaining fear, but I do believe it is necessary to talk about concerns and to express apprehension in order to get the impressions expressed rather than 'stuffed'. I want to get anxious thoughts out and replace them with some right thinking that will lead to health and success.
I will no longer have access to the same 'stuffing' and I refuse to start any new habits I can't keep. I have had enough to deal with and overcome of self-destructive behavior in my life. This needs to be a solution, and not just the switching of addictions. This is my main concern. I know the tendency and the weaknesses, and I so want to do all I can do to ensure I will co-operate with both the doctor's and God's operation in my life. I am kind of dangling at this point, 'chomping at the bit' to be more 'in the process', but I am at least scheduled... on hold... waiting... wanting to make my self entirely ready for success and integrity and a new and healthy life and life style.
I am wanting to hear some good wisdom and a little grasp of realistic expectations for the next steps I will be experiencing.
I thank God for the movement forward, once again, in the process that began nearly 10 years ago, and failed. half way through.
I am on the road again, and it is the first day of The New Year...
Happy New Year everyone!
