Joyce S.

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Well it's been a while since I've written.  I've almost forgotten about my OH family, but I need to keep in touch with you all since the only person who knows what being banded is about is someone who's been banded.  I titled this entry to reflect my frustration with myself.  I haven't worked out in quite some time -- over 2 months.  My work schedule has exploded and I only have energy to wake up, work a million hours, and then crash at night.  The interesting thing is, I haven't gained pounds, but my clothes are a little snug.  Kind of like I should have 5 pounds more reading on the scale.  Have my fat cells expanded?  Must be b/c I've been eating more than I should, and definitely not the right stuff.  I feel a little discomfort when I overeat, so I know I have restriction, but now it seems I need mental restriction more than anything.  I know that I can consume larger amounts than this same time last year, and I'm worried that I have either stretched my pouch or that I've lost some of my fill.   I guess I need to go back to the doctor (I've been irresponsible there too).  I am considering changing to the surgeon that my mother is going to meet with on the 30th.  I would love it if he could take over my maintenance (not thrilled with my surgeon's office to be honest).  We'll see.  Whatever the kickstart into motivating myself, I just wish it would come soon!  I need to get rid of these last 30 or 40 pounds to be at goal.  I'm confident I'll get there.  I've never had "only" 30 or 40 pounds to lose in my whole life, so I figure, if I could do 75, I can do another few.

Oh well, I guess I can't really complain too much, just need to keep hope alive! 

Until next time America.

It's been such a long time since I've posted and I've decided to add a quick update.  I am 18 months out and I have lost a total of 75 pounds.  I am truly happy.  I still have more work to do, and I've been on a plateau for several months, but I know I'm much healthier than I've ever been.  My clothes fit better, I can shop for smaller sizes (I went from a 24W to 18 misses) and I like the way I look.  To God be the glory!

My mother is now considering lap band, at the urging of her pulmonologist.  I know she will benefit from the procedure and she will see her weight drop off.  I just pray she is approved and that everything goes smoothly.

As for me, this is my Fabulous 40th year!  I will be turning 40 this year and I am glad that I had the surgery when I did.  Now I can live my life as fully as I've always wanted to.  I'm not afraid to do things and try different things and just enjoy myself!  So here goes!   Enjoy my latest pics from my great vacation in Cancun!

Until next time America....

WOW! WOW! WOW!  I can't believe it!  This update is a little late, but about one week ago, I hit the mark for 50 pounds lost!  Woo hoooo!!!  I am so happy!!!  I was hoping to be further along than I am now, but now that I'm here, I am so thankful for my band.  It's been a long six months, but every single step has been worth it.

I have sustained the 50 pound loss for a few weeks now.  I'm sure I could use a fill, but b/c I still have some restriction, I don't think I want to rush back just yet.  So I've decided to start working out again to jumpstart more weight loss.  I'm trying to do 20 mins in the morning and 20 mins in the evening on the treadmill.  I have no doubt that I can do it, but I need to be consistent for a long period of time -- at least 3 weeks -- to see some results.  One day at a time, and today was a good day.

I have finally gotten into a size 18W, after about 10 years at a 22.  It's a great feeling, and I love going into the dressing room now to see what fits.  I have had a lot of people at my job noticing my weight loss, and it's prompted some uncomfortable questions like "what are you doing to lose weight?" and "how much have you lost?"  I'm a very private person, so I don't like sharing these things with my co-workers.  And only a select few know that I've had surgery.  Everyone else I tell "I am eating less and trying to work out."  Which is true.  

Overall, I feel SOOO much better than I did in the weeks before my surgery.  I love the way I look in my new smaller sizes (not so much the way I look out of clothes! Gotta tone that stuff up!)  Having people notice the healthier me is always a plus.  But I wonder how much further I can go?  Can I lose another 50?  I bet that would be too much.  I think I'd be happy at a misses size 12.  Not too skinny, not too big--just right.

Okay, I'm going to end my mini celebration tonight.  Hopefully, I will have more celebrations in the months to come.

I haven't been this excited since...well, since I can't remember when!!!  There I was, in the fitting room at a department store, trying on a couple of suits for work.  My 22's have been "hanging" off of me, or so my co-workers have said.  So just for kicks, I picked up a couple of 18s and 20s.  Well, (drumroll please) the 18s fit!!!  HALLELUJAH!!!   I haven't worn anything in an 18 for at least 10 years!  I saved one of my first suits that I got while I was in law school (back in 94-95) because I always loved that suit and it reminds me of my days starting out when I was going on interviews.  Then, here I am, over 13 years later and I can fit it!  I couldn't believe my eyes when I fastened the buttons in the fitting room.  I started pumping my fists in the air and just GRINNING in the mirror!  That was such a great feeling.  I just know I'll have more like it.  

I can't believe this journey.   It's been an amazing adventure so far.  Well, one day I'll look back on these days and at my old pictures and remember what I used to look like and how I used to feel, and who I used to be.  I just try to remember the saying "nothing tastes as good as being thin (I substitute "healthy") feels!

When I stepped off the scale this morning, I said (out loud) "well, I guess we've arrived at the Sweet Spot!"    I've heard about it and I think this is it.  I've been steadily losing since my last fill on 1/16/08, and I can finally see the difference in myself.  Since surgery, I have lost about 48 pounds, which is simply DIVINE!!!!  Sometimes I feel like it's not real or that something bad will happen to stop me from reaching my goal.  But then, someone on my job will compliment my progress and I snap back into the happy-happy joy-joys.  It's a great feeling.

Sad to say, I still haven't started working out.  I am planning to get on the treadmill today in order to start a new regimen of daily walks.  I just keep copping out and accepting my own excuses, I guess.  Then I was all anti-exercise because of all the skinny people with New Years resolutions talking about "I'm going to start working out and getting in shape."  Well, guess what -- I've been on that road my whole life!  What else is new?!  Anyway, I know that I need to work out.  I want to work out.  I have the tools and the energy to work out.  SO WHAT'S STOPPING ME!?!?!?  Well, me.

So that's the next leg of our race folks.  Stick with me and pray for me as I try to get up and get moving.  In the meantime, I'll celebrate the 50 pound milestone when I get there and keep it moving!

Well, I guess I am officially a part of the bandster club.  Over the past week I have had 2 episodes with expelling stuff that has gotten stuck.  It was not pleasant.  I felt MUCH better after getting it out -- in each case, just a little of the Crystal Light I was drinking to try and get the food to go down.  But before that it was not pleasant at ALL!  I could barely breathe, I felt myself getting scared b/c I couldn't swallow, and the liquid didn't make anything move, not even an inch.  So I turned to "get rid of it" and that worked wonders.  The first time it happened was after I had eaten a half of a bagel (which I bought for my co-workers as part of a tradition we follow when someone wins their case).  And they were so fresh and tempting, I just had to try one!  Well, my band didn't think so.  Then, tonight I had 3/4 of a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut (I know, I know) which was fine, but a few hours later I was hungry again.  I took a few bites of some turkey that my mother had cooked and the band was like "no and heck no!"  Once again I waited in the bathroom for something to happen, all the while trying to beat my chest so the pain would go away.

I know I don't want to damage my band or my stomach or my esophagus.  I will need to get my portion size under control and eat much slower than I have been.  Wednesday I go for a fill, so we'll see how that goes!

Until next time...

Yes, it is a beautiful new year of renewal and new beginnings!    I am very excited about what this new year holds for all of us.  I know that 2007 was a year of preparation and rest, so that we could be geared up to start a new beginning in 2008.  Well, we made it! Hallelujah!  I am so thankful to be here to see another year.  So much could have gone wrong last year - car accidents, life-altering injuries, or I could have died on the operating table on Sept 17, 2007!  But God had a different plan.  And I'm going to see His plan through so that I can reach my full potential.  I can't WAIT!

Well, I ended the year with about 32 pounds lost in 3 1/2 months.  All in all, that's pretty good.  I am thankful.  Especially in light of my lacking any motivation to work out or eat "right" and definitely slacking off when I had no restriction.  I didn't get the memo on "just because you can eat it doesn't mean you should."  So, I've often allowed myself to have a party, although I must say my band has shut down many a party on me!  Thankfully, no pb's or sliming or anything, but I have gotten stuck sometimes as I noted in an earlier blog.  I guess it's teaching me how to eat again.  I'm a hard-headed student!

So among this year's goals, I'm including an exercise regimen at the top.  I need to work out to feel stronger, better, and to have more stamina.  Of course, it will help my weight loss, so I know it's the right thing to do.  I go back to the doctor for a fill on 1/16, and I will see what they say about the possible leak.  I'm praying there's nothing wrong.  In the meantime, this week I began working out daily in the AM before work - often making myself late.  I have done 15-30 mins on the treadmill.  Sadly, my treadmill is on it's last leg.  It's a Sportscraft TX 400 that I bought from Walmart about 3-4 years ago.  I must say, I'm partly to blame for it's wear and tear - it has a weight capacity of 250 lbs, I know I've been on it when I was more than that.  I need to look into a new treadmill and/or a recumbent bike.  I bought a recumbent bike for my mom for Christmas - a Schwinn which got better reviews than the Nordic Track similarly priced at around $399.  Secretly, I wish I had bought the thing for myself :)  but I know she needs it b/c she's having problems with arthritic knees and her hip, and her weight isn't moving (we've both struggled with our weight forever).  So I hope she gets the most out of it and we are able to work on new beginnings this year together.  In the meantime, I'll probably invest in a better treadmill later in a recumbent bike for myself later and forego the treadmill since my dog can't enjoy the benefits of my walks.  Hopefully I'll get out in the mornings with her so that we can both get some exercise at the same time.

Ok, I will finish my updates later.  I must say in closing -- becoming a bandster was one of the best decisions I've ever made! 

In more than one way.  I feel stuck when I take big bites and don't chew enough.  This happens frequently, so I obviously need to return to the discipline of first being banded.  I was SO scared back then, but now I feel almost as if I abuse my band.  I expect it to do more work than it can, and I think I eat too much.  No, I KNOW I do.  

Then I feel stuck with the scale.  I'm sure there hasn't been any movement in the last week to 10 days.  I can feel when I'm losing or when I'm gaining/standing still.  I know that the lack of discipline in my eating (that includes not enough water/protein) as well as my lack of exercise, is preventing me from seeing dramatic weight loss.  I only have myself to blame and I really need to stop making excuses.  

I am grateful for the progress thusfar, but it's not the end of the road by any means.  As I've been saying all along...I have miles to go before I sleep!

So I had my 2nd fill today.  I was a little nervous leading up to this visit b/c I have had NO restriction and I've just been partying (food-wise) since I realized that.  Thanksgiving was not really different for me from pre-band, but I know I ate less than I have in the past.  I was just aggravated with myself b/c I only lost 5 pounds since my 1st fill on 10/24.  And the scale would NOT move.  I tried to look at the bright side and acknowledged that my clothes are fitting better.  But I'm ready for more progress.  And no, I haven't been exercising like I should, though I'm not giving up on that very important lifestyle change.

As for the fill, I was nervous b/c my doctor's PA does them after the first one, and with all the trouble he had finding my port, I thought she'd really have to stick me a dozen times.  I prayed before she came in, and God calmed me down.  And of course, He answered my prayer b/c she was able to find it on the first stick!  My relief was shortlived though, b/c she said I had lost 1cc since I had the fill of 2 ccs.  She couldn't explain it yet, but said we'll see how I do next time to determine if I have the dreaded LEAK.  I didn't like hearing that word b/c I have no idea how they fix those.  Do they use duct tape?  Will spackling be involved?  I just pray it's not a leak and was just some fluke.

Then, she gave me the fill and I should now have 2.5 ccs in my band (she said i have the 10cc band, but she also mentioned something about 4 ccs that confused me so I'll have to call her tom'w).  Anyway, I drank my water just fine.  I went back to work and got hungry (I hadn't eaten lunch) so I drank a protein soup.  It was nasty, but worked until I left for the day.  By then I was hungry again and I really wanted to eat.  I came home and made a recipe for pasta-less lasagna that I read about on the recipe forum here.  I mushed up a soy burger to add some protein.  I filled up a bowl with layered tomato sauce, ff ricotta, ff mozzarella, and the Bocaburger.  Well, hello Filltown!  I got through about 1/3 of it and I got the pain in the chest everyone talks about, so I stopped before it got worse.  It went away quickly, but I was SOOOO happy that I finally feel restriction!  I hope this lasts and that I don't have a leak and that I'll finally see some progress again.  

I'll update in a few days to see if there's any change.  Ta Ta!

I am about 2 months out now and a little over 2 weeks since my fill.  My weight loss has slowed this past 2 weeks, but I've averaged 2 pounds per week overall.  I got lots of comments in the first month, but they've slowed down to delicate inquiries: "so uh, how's the weight loss coming?"  I guess people were expecting a rapid change in my appearance, but I know 2 pounds or even 10 pounds is just a drop in the bucket when you've got close to 100 pounds to lose!  I see the difference in my clothes most of all, so I'm not really that disappointed, just a little anxious I guess. 

I don't know if my first fill has kicked in or not, because I still feel like I'm able to eat too much.  I am more in mental diet mode than lap band mode, I think.  I always have to force myself to make better choices with my foods as opposed to the band just working "magically" to stop me at 1/2 cup of food (but we all know that's not how it works).  The mental part is realizing that I have to stop myself when I feel like the band isn't.  One good thing though, I know for a fact that I can't consume as much as I did pre-surgery, so for that I am glad.  Yesterday I met my nephew and a co-worker for lunch and although I wanted the delicious chicken fettucine alfredo this restaurant does to perfection, I ordered the grilled chicken caesar salad.  1/3 of the way through I was done, but I attribute that to the bread I had before our entrees came (about 1/2 a dinner roll -- and yes, apparently I can still eat bread!)  I wrapped my meal up to go and planned to have it for dinner.  Then, on the way home I got a terrible craving for fast food, even though I knew I had dinner already.  (This often happens on Fridays when I want to celebrate the end of the work week with a food party).  I went into the drive through, placed my order and then sped off before I could get to the window!  Isn't that terrible?  But I felt I had to do it to prove that I have been delivered from that temptation.  I ate my leftovers on the way home and I was happy.  This morning I had a superb spinach and feta omlette with a slice of light whole wheat toast.  I was proud of myself for whipping up this dining-out style breakfast on the spur of the moment.  I know this weight will be a daily battle, but I have no choice other than to fight for my life!

Then there's this exercise thing.  I hate it that I'm up against this wall that seems to keep me from doing what I KNOW will help me.  I love working out when I get into a regular rhythm.  I enjoy the feeling during and after SO much, and I just want to experience that endorphin high again.  I just haven't been able to wake up early enough or motivate myself in the evenings to do even the simplest 30 min treadmill walk.  I am going to do that this weekend though, and hopefully it will spill over into my week.  Maybe I can fit in a walk during my lunch hour at work too.  I know the exercise will make the difference and I'll see more of the progress that I've seen already.  

I will work hard to lose about 8-10 pounds by my next doctor visit and fill scheduled for 11/28/07.   Keep hope alive!