JoleneH
Well let’s see. I’ve been overweight (or at least perceived myself as being over weight) my entire life. I’ve always thought of myself as the nerdy fat girl, even though I look back at school pictures and was pretty cute if I do say so myself. I remember being 130 in the sixth grade and 155 in high school. By my sophomore year of college I had gotten to a whopping 231. At that point I decided that something HAD to be done. (Even though I had been dieting off and on since middle school). Basically to spare you the boring details of my yo-yo dieting I spent the mid to late 90’s around 170 and then started Weight Watchers in 2001. I had an amazing leader who kept me motivated and by some miracle I got down to 139!!! Then life happened and the scale climbed up and up and up. I had promised myself I’d never get back to that 231 again! Well here I am, age 34 and 248 pounds and sick of it!
This last year I feel I have become the most desperate to lose it and ironically as a result I just keep putting more and more on. About 4 months ago I was doing some research on the internet thinking WLS would be an easy enough but way too expensive solution. The more I started to research the more horrified I became. What do you mean I have to spend all this money to change my body and then give up all the good stuff anyway!?!?! I almost immediately wrote it off as the solution for me. However here I am four months later and feeling like this is the only thing that will save me from myself. Over the years I’ve tried self-help and diet audio books, every diet imaginable, seeing a nutritionist, and even some pills that I knew better than to take….as I’m sure many of you have. I don’t feel that I had any major child hood trauma that feeds this problem, but I was practically raised on fast food. I eat when I’m happy, sad, bored, tired, and especially when I’m hungry. I do know that my mom and I didn’t have a lot and the best times were when we got to go out to eat but I hardly find this a suitable reason to excuse myself eating my way into my own grave.
Sooo here I am reveling in the A-ha moment I had the other day. About a week ago I started doing some serious research (again) on the different WLS’s thinking it was just a pipe dream because of the expense. I went home and shared my thoughts with my hubby and he said “I love you the way you are, but I know this has always been a struggle for you. Don’t worry about the money, if this is what you really want we’ll find a way to make it happen.” That started to make me feel like this could actually become a reality but the guilt of potentially putting our family into debt over a surgery for me made me feel very guilty. And then the A-ha moment came. I am worth it! I AM WORTH IT! Wow! What a concept!?! I mean, hopefully my insurance will cover most of it but if they don’t…then power on! I barely spent a few days contemplating the purchase of my current vehicle, and I certainly didn’t feel any guilt over it. Why on earth should I not feel that I DESERVE to love my body enough to make this commitment that will eventually lead to a healthier lifestyle?? So here I am….I am going to an informational session on Feb 3rd with a local surgeon. I am going to figure out (hopefully with some help from the wonderful people at OH) which surgery is best for me and I am going to power forward! And I can’t wait to get this journey started!! 
