Shelia N.

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I have went to my primary care physician a month or so ago with a sore foot.  When I weighed in I was shocked, depressed and extremely discouraged.  I am closer to my starting weight than my lowest weight, by far!!!!  After this appointment I went to a surgeon that specializes in Weight Loss surgery.  I started the process of getting a revision.

I have had a chest x-ray, Upper GI, and today I had an EGD.  I had never had one before and the result were shocking to me.  He said that from my original surgery there was some "holes", I am paraphrasing (my husband got the information while I was still out),  from the pouch to my old stomach.  I really thought this was all my fault and that I had failed the surgery.  I have been carrying this with me for years now.

I don't know what is next, but I am hoping for a revision soon.  The surgeon did say it would be tricky, which I hope does not mean, impossible.  I guess time will tell.

 

I am so depressed over the state of my weight right now.  My lowest weight since surgery was 160 and that was 6 9 months after surgery.  I am currently at 195 (approximately) and depressed out of my mind.  All I think about is eating, which makes me gain weight, I get more depressed and keep eating.  It is a vicious cycle.  I hate myself right now - loathe looking at myself in the mirror.  I thought at 160 I would like to lose down to my goal of 147; however, right now I would give just about anything to be at 160.

I had the stomaphyx procedure done - costing me 6k - and gaining me absolutely NOTHING!!!!

I went to see Dr. Raja today and my "official" weight is 191.6 - ughhhh...  I go in tomorrow morning at 6:30 for pre-op and will be discharged sometime Saturday as long as all goes well...which I fully expect.

The rules he has given me are pretty much the ones I had right after the RNY, but I don't remember having to give up caffiene and diet soda, but that is what he wants and that is what he gets.  I'm nervous, but excited and praying to God that this is the last procedure I have done relating to my weight.  I feel like a failure and I am so worried that this will be one more failure.

I'll keep things posted on here and if anyone has any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Well...I am sitting here at 190 on July 27, 2007.  I leave next Wednesday night to meet Dr. Raja about doing a stomaphx.  I spoke with him today and will meet him Thursday at 10:30.  They will do the procedure on Friday.  He will keep me overnight and I will be able to drive home on Saturday.  San Antonio is 10 hours away and I'll be driving by myself...wish me luck!!!

I have started a support group.  If anyone needs support and encouragement feel free to join us at:  http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Eating_Disorders_After_WLS/

We are not doctors or counselors...just others going through the same problems.

Able to have a child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was able to buy a Medium shirt at Dillards. :)

Able to stand up directly from sitting down...not having to move to the edge of a chair to stand up.

Able to reach down to pick up a piece of paper or something on the floor of my car, while driving down the road. Sounds stupid, but it is a little thing that means a lot to me.

Also, I was tanning the other day and before the lid of the bed would come down and make me feel closed in...the other day I felt like there was plenty of room in there. :) That was pretty cool.

My tight pants are becoming my "too big" pants.

I got into a dress that I absolutely loved - more than 12 years ago. It fit better than it did when I bought it.

I am looking at XL shirts at Wal-Mart that look too big - AND ARE!!!

Be able to walk into ANY store and buy clothes.
Walk without my shorts crawling up :)
Ride roller coasters and not worry about fitting.
Throw away all my fat clothes and replace with skinny clothes. 
Be proud of who I am and what I look like. 
Have people take a "double" look at me because I'm beautiful and not because I'm huge. 
Be able to wear a bikini and look DAMN good. 
Be able to RUN a mile. 
Be able to ride my bike up a hill and not get so tired I have to push it the rest of the way. 
Be able to put a seatbelt on without having to move out of the way. - done :)
Feel sexy. :) 
Wear shorts and not be self-conscious.

Four days and three years ago my life changed drastically. In May of this year I had my precious daughter, Zoe. Without a doubt, I know, that if I had not had my surgery I would never of had my daughter. I thank God for her every day of my life. Things have changed drastically for me since my surgery...I was married and am now divorced, which is probably not an entirely bad thing. I loved my husband, but there were too many differences between us to make it work. 

I am not to the weight I would like to be at, I still have about 25 to 30 pounds I would like to lose and those are coming off slowly, but I can't say that I have really worked at losing those pounds. Life tends to be a little hectic with a 7 month old running around...which she is 7 months old today.

I love my life and I would make the decision to have the surgery again and again, if I had to. I would like to have plastic surgery, but I would also like to have another child...so, we'll just see what the future holds. Life is wonderful. If you are planning on having the surgery I would really recommend evaluating your life, relationships, and self-worth. Your life will change from what you know now. Everything and everyone in it will change the way they react and look at you. If you are married, you will change the way you look at your spouse and how you react to your spouse. Your spouse will change, as well. Your self-worth will sky rocket in some areas and in others you may need help. One lady I was on a listserv with said that she was more self-conscious after her surgery than before...I can very well understand that. I think I look great with clothes on, but oh boy...without the clothes is another issue. The loose skin is a major issue with me, but I feel healthy and happy and everything else will work out. Just be prepared for all the changes your body will go through the first year. Make sure your spouse is supportive of you and the surgery - if they are not, make sure you have a support system (preferrably people who have gone through the surgery) to help you. GOOD LUCK!!!

Tomorrow is my two year anniversary and I have to say, much like my entry last year...life has changed. I am 19 weeks pregnant and pleased to know I am experiencing one of my desires in life...to have a child. I tried and tried to have a baby at a heavy, unhealthy weight, and was never successful. The circumstances behind the pregnancy are not perfect, but I am learning to be happy. I am heavier than I was a year ago, but hey...you expect that to happen when you are expecting. :) My love life is non-existent; however, I am to the point now that I don't want to date....well...if someone asked.. :) I would go. lol.

Today is my one year anniversary. Today brings a lot of happiness and some sadness. I am over one hundred pounds lighter (today I weighed 164, one year ago I weighed 272), healthier than I have ever been in my 32 years of existence, but with the surgery came unexpected events. I thought/wished/hoped/prayed that my life would be automatically happier. I thought I would have a better body image and the surgery would make everything wonderful. My body image is horrible, I still don't feel love or happiness. I still feel ugly and I look at myself and still find it hard to see where the weight was actually lost. In my head I know the weight is gone and I know I deserve love and happiness, these are things I am beginning to work on. The surgery didn't fix my head and I had hoped it would. That was my mistake. My marriage is shakey - not because of the surgery, but because I was mistaken to think that losing a lot of weight would fix me. Weight loss doesn't fix your head - it only changes your body, which in turn messes with your head a little more. I'm not writing all of this to discourage anyone from getting the surgery. I just want to prepare those of you who are thinking about the surgery or waiting for surgery - the surgery isn't a fix all. It is a tool to help you look better, feel better, but I encourage you to seek counseling during this time. Relationships will be changed (good or bad), you are changing and thus your relationships will change.

My heart and love goes out to all who read this. My prayer for you is to find the peace you are looking for (with or without the surgery) within yourself. Love yourself first, love others with all your heart, and give God the Glory for everything in your life. Life is precious and short - live it to the fullest!