jmfitzg

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Oh my goodness.... time and our grasp of it just amazes me. How can the same few minutes, days, years feel so different to us when they are a steady unit of time?

First and MOST important...my weight is still down... rah, rah...I added 5 pounds at the request of my man, but I felt better with those off. 140 feels good.  Plan to stay there a good , long while :)
 
Life has taken so many turns.  As a teacher, I am taking quite a beating thanks to our politicians. It feels like I have been hit by a truck, no BUS...and the kids in my classes are not feeling much better. This is not what our kids need. i hurt everyday for them.

I've been struggling with depression, have been for 15 years, but it has reared its' ugly head with the job stress. Thank GOD I have a great Dr.   Personal life is in the pits, but may be looking up....hopefully :)  he is wonderful...

The struggles continue, life goes on, but hey.....I am a size 6...I still can't believe it.....and really can't believ I have maintained for 1 1/2 years!   There is hope for all.  Just stick with it.

"The only thing certain in life is CHANGE."

I hear a bubble bath and glass of wine murmuring my name....love to all.

 Don't know what it is....but this week has been a very LOW week as far as motivating myself to get going. Hmmmmm ......... I think it might be because I am in mourning.  I'm a teacher and school starts Aug the 9th.....sigh......   I know parents across the US are jumping for joy!

Don't wanna preach but it takes a LOT to teach.  Summers are no longer "FREE" ...there seems to be this thought that we teachers do nothing during the summer.  Where do you think lesson plans come from?  How about preping classrooms and ourselves for new students, new textbooks and new expectations from people in the various government agencies that haven't been in classrooms in decades or never..... ok....I'm stopping.....yep...I think that's it.....I'm mourning....

For some reason I have really been into ME this summer.  For the first time in a long time I have truly enjoyed just being....
.....being with friends, enjoying my home and family, enjoying who I have become.  But reality is, I wouldn't be the me I now enjoy without those darn students in my life....I do actually MISS the boogers during the time away.

Well....I've stalked the boards, written on this blog, facebook and everything else I can find...time to stop procrastinating, damn it!!!   GET MOVING...    

Ok, Ok..self...I hear laundry and bathrooms waiting to be clean again....  
i can do it.... i can do it.....I CAN do it....I CAN DO IT !!!!
Whew, I feel better now 

Hang in there fellow losers.......we CAN do it and ARE!!!!!

 Ok....maybe I'm putting off working.....but I needed to catch up with OH today.  Some thoughts have gone through my mind today...here are my random wanderings:

Why do so many people go into this surgery thinking it is going to solve all their problems?  If you have problems before, you'll have problems after.  Re-arranging your insides will not change this...it isn't a brain transplant.  Major surgery is just that MAJOR....there can be complications.  The number of people who seem surprised by complications amaze me. I was lucky and had none (so far).  But I was ready for the worst....had a will, signed power of attorney and knew that I could have some major battles ahead. In my prep binder "Death" was listed in every category. Bless my surgeon for his outstanding pre-surgery  weight-loss/course requirments.

It still beats dying young, obese and wondering "what if"....   Even if you were "healthy"  (isn't OBESE and healthy an oxymoron?) chances or remaining so are not in your favor.

Why does it take some of us sooooo long to understand that we are using food to hide behind.  I still fight this battle every day. My mind plays tricks with me.  I don't see myself as thin or attractive.  Never did and my Dr. says that is a battle I will probably fight the rest of my life.  Again...it's so much better than before.   At least I am now aware of being my own worst enemy.

It's so easy to blame everyone or everything else...isn't it?   We don't have to own up to our mistakes, face our enemies or live with change. We can use food to soothe, blame or reward.   I had a bad beginning to my food week...ate poorly and wrong things.....cleaned the fridge and cabinetsyesterday and went back to protein shakes and the basics....feeling empowered knowing that I did shove food away and CAN do it if necessary.  Yes, I still have to take control....ME, I have to...

Life is sooo good right now....almost limitless....unfortunately losing weight did not make me rich !!!!!   I can do anything...walk, run (have to tie down the boobs and panni or black eyes result ) hike, camp, dance..sit in a movie seat with room for stuff by me, move my car seat up to the wheel instead of back as far as it goes..touch my toes, sit cross-legged, work 18 hours, run more than one errand at a time, play with my niece, go down a slide, swing in a park swing, work in my yard, and best of all make love TO my man not just lay there and moan  !!!!!


I want so much for others to have the success I have found and struggle to keep. It hurts my heart to see some fall and refuse to get back up. Yes, it is soooooo scary....yes it is sooo hard.... yes it is sooooo GOOD !!!!


Thanks for reading my rambles.....have a great life!!!!  

Jeanne

Wow...all I can say is "What a ride this has been".  Two years ago on June 24,2008  Dr. Jack Ditslear helped me begin again.
My outside and inside finally match!   2 years and 170lbs gone.   I am finally who I always wanted to be.  

Was it easy...hell no!
Is it easy now....still NO!!!  I am tempted every day. I can now eat "anything"....but the great thing is...I DON'T WANT TO :)

I thought for many years about RNY. I just don't think I had mentally made the commitment to myself.  Yes...to myself.
I was raised to care for others, so everyone else was more important than me, right?  Finally I realized all the damage I was doing to myself and made the decision because it was FOR ME.

The surgery was the easy part, changing my mental habits and facing reality was and is still tough.  I am an ADDICT...a FOOD ADDICT....I used food for all the wrong things....

I mourned the loss of my "Comforter", my "Crutch", my "Excuses".... it was rough...at least drug addicts, alcoholics etc don't ever have to pick it up again...we have to eat...we have to touch it taste it, smell it...and partake....what a wicked necessity food had become.