jlharrelson

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Well folks I'm down 35lbs from my June 27 appointment.  I was disappointed that it wasn't more but then again, when have I ever lost 35lbs?!?!  My doctor is pleased with my progress so therefore I will be too. 

I'm struggling a little bit when it comes to food.  My dietician asked me to keep a food journal for a few days and email it to her for review.  I'm sluggish and sleepy all of the time.  She increased my protein intake to 80 grams per day... I was struggling to get in 60 grams.  It's a good thing that I enjoy a nice, cold vanilla creme Muscle Milk!

Although I've been eating pretty much anything, I am terrified of food.  Afraid I'll lose control and gain all of the weight back.  I still have a lot of head issues to work on so hopefully in the end I'll be victorious in the battle of Jenny vs the Brain!

My son and I live with my mom & dad... My dad is and always will be a super hero in my mind.  My mother on the other hand hates me.  Just ask her.  She is jealous of the relationship that I have with my dad.  She has stated on more than on occasion how much it bothers her that my dad and I get along so well. 

My dad respects me.  My mother is judgmental and bitter.  Just days after having had VSG surgery she was on my for sleeping too much.  "No one at work is even going to know that you had surgery if you don't get off your ass!"  Yes, she is this supportive. 

The soonest that my son and I can move out is probably February or March (tax return time).  I would love to more closer to my work but love the fact that my son has so many friends in our school system now and hate the thought of pulling him away from that.  

My mother's mentality is "while you're under MY roof" regardless of the fact that I am 36.  Everything is on her time and not a second later.  She's rude, condescending, and just plain mean.  Even though I'm not ready to go back to work, I am.

And no energy! I walk every night (for the most part) and usually a mile each walk.  I drink my fluids, I eat/drink my protein.  I still have no stamina.  I could sleep & sleep and still feel unrested.  I don't go back to my surgeon until Sept 20 and that's my exercise consult. I could sure use some advice.  I guess I'm not sure what being dehydrated feels like? I don't think that's it but it seems more common than not.

Two weeks in and I'm down 23 lbs from June 27 (the day I scheduled my surgery). I feel great most days, only a little tired or worn out here and there. 

My diabetes is no longer a concern,  and the doc took me completely off my blood thinners.  I had been on those since April of 2007.  I was told I would be on those for the rest of my life, or until I started to get active and lose some weight.  The time is finally here where I reclaim my life.  I can't believe how content I was to just sit back and watch everything happen around me.  

I still think about food quite often, more so than I should.  I don't know that the feeling will ever go away.  It's comforting to me to know that I will eventually be able to eat some of those great foods I love again, and enjoy it.  Not just drown myself in it.

Tomorrow starts the new journey of a lifetime. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared... I'm doing a great job of hiding it because I don't want my family to think I'm a failure anymore than I'm sure they already do. This is it. Tomorrow when I wake up from surgery I'll be a new me. Ok maybe not right away but to not be hungry? It's going to be a miracle. I've never had to be hungry to eat. I eat because I love food. I love the smell, the texture, the way it makes me feel. I know this is not surgery on my brain but oh boy I wish it was!

I have done so much research since I made the decision to go thru with this. I have read a lot of people's stories. I can only hope to do half as well as the people that have inspired me.  

I can do this. I'm a single mother... I think I can do anything!

Surgery is scheduled for Monday, July 30.  While I am so excited to start this new chapter of my life, I am also starting to get anxious.  I know that the doc told me that the death rate is insanely low, I still can't help but let my mind wander there.  I do know that at 320lbs, with type 2 diabetes, and past blood clots I am more a walking time bomb without having the surgery.  

Tomorrow I start the 1200 calorie countdown to surgery.  I am so selfish because I think about things that I won't be able to have.  I know eventually I'll be able to eat real food again.  But this time it will be so different.  Right now I'm concentrating on portion size.  It's something my whole family knows little about.  This will be a challenging time for everyone.  Especially my son.  He's always been my "eating buddy."  I don't want this for him so now it's time to show him how we can change together.