Jeanne G.

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Good Grief!!   Ok, so we lost 3 people in my department, so OT is mandatory! I've barely had time to breath. 

In April I wrapped up all my testing and such and Meghan at Lap WLS associates told me that she wanted to submit my paperwork to see what Blue cross would come back with.  She did not expect an approval but at least a list of what else was needed to approve me for surgery.

May 6th I received a letter from blue cross saying they needed more info, so NOT denied, just needs more info; Laproscopic WLS got together all the info they were asking for and resubmitted it.  (I did not know this.) So a few days ago I got a message from the North Florida Surgeons office telling me to call them back, Oh, I must need more testing or something? right? so I tried calling them back I didn't get an answer.  So I called Lap/WLS associates, they told me that the doctors office was calling me to schedule my surgery... PARDON?  I told the girl I was speaking to that I wasn't approved, she said "yes you are"  so as it turns out, blue cross hasn't mailed the approval letters yet, but lap/WLS followed up with them to find out if I was approved and I was!!!!!!!!!!  

Hi there.  I had my consult with Dr. Deperi at North Florida Surgeons yesterday.  He said that by looking at everything that I was a good candidate for WLS.  My Endoscope will be scheduled here soon.  Since I don't have a gallbladder any longer they don't have to worry about that.  They have to check me for H pylori (Yay ) I guess this means that they are going to be sticking a thing down my throat to look at my stomach? eek.  He said they don't discriminate against smokers but if I don't quit smoking that I will end up with a tube coming out of my side for a few days after the surgery.  I told him I am trying.  I'll post more later.

Hi there.  My 11 year old is a fantastic cook and loves food.  Her and I was talking and last night and I was telling her how WE need to watch OUR food intake.  I've always had to keep an eye on her where this was concerned, she's getting to the age now that she can comprehend what I'm talking about when I tell her "I am telling you to put some of that back because I love you, no one told me to do that when I was growing up."   I was telling her tonight that we didn't need over eat.  I didn't want her growing up like I did and not ever being able to get my weight under control.  I told her that always over eating would eventually catch up with her and cause health issues because some day she wouldn't be able to go out and run it all off like now. I've learned from experience. I didn't mean for it to come out the way it sounded and didn't realize it until later.  I sounded pretty sharp with her. She went off to her room and sulked.   She wants to be a cook when she grows up, and I think she'll make a damn good one. It dawned on me that I may have made her feel like I was mad or upset with her and I felt like crap

I went to her room and told her "Baby, it's okay to love food.  We just have to be smart and healthy about it. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." she gave me a big smile and hug!

Okay, what the hell is wrong with ME??? My best friend told me she is fitting into a size 14 in regular misses.  I think that is awesome, I really am very happy for her.  After 8 months of dieting and exercising, she was over 250 and has lost almost 100 pounds.  Why can't I do that, I diet and exercised and flippin gained weight, hurt my damn joints, and made myself crazy by losing 15 pounds of fat but gaining 15 in muscle.  Gaining muscle is not a bad thing I realize that but it's bad when you go to the frickin doctors and you get brow beaten for gaining weight or not losing it as fast as they think you should.  That part might be only in my mind but damnit it hurts! I'm putting myself on a liquid diet today because I can't breath.  I've used my inhaler, cut way back on smoking and still can't breath, I also feel uncomfortably full.  I believe that my liver is full of fat and needs to be shrunk, maybe then I can breath.  I'm getting tired of trying I think, I want to throw in the towel and say screw it.  I'm tired of asking these medical "professionals" for help and not getting it.  I'm catching myself getting down on myself bad, and being so damn disappointed in myself.  For the most part I'm not one to sit around feeling bad for myself, but today is just one of those days I guess.  I'm so disgusted with myself right now, and I just don't know what to do about it.

Okay, I'm done bitchin now.   

Hi there!  So this is my 5th day on Chantix, and my cigarettes are starting to taste ... um... funny? Kinda icky! I never thought that would happen haha That's all for now.  Carry on

Hi there!  Today I met with Maria! (She's awesome) there was some mix up between us about what time I was suppose to be there this today, but she made time for me anyway! That was awesome of her!  I paid my program fee ($$$$) and I have my nut (2/28) and psych evaluation (3/5) appointments! All covered with the fee I paid today.  They are going to deal with sending the insurance their junk and all that STUFF!  I'm really going through with it this time! It's taken me forever and 20,000 diets to finally say F**k it, this is what I HAVE to do to get healthy. 

I have a few fears about it though.  What if I lose myself?  What if I lose all my weight and become a shallow jack a$$?  What if I don't do the things I'm suppose to do and wind up worse off health wise than I am right now?? What if I die physically or metaphorically?  The dieing in the OR isn't something that scares me too badly except what if I'm not right with the Lord?  I'm a sinner, I know that.  I try my hardest to be a good person and put others before myself.  I don't what I would do if I lost my personality with this surgery and become obsessed with my body and looks????      I hate those ideas! Lots of what ifs in there  I know there's some wise saying about what ifs and whatnot out there somewhere, but I don't happen to know any.  LOL

On the lighter side of this I can look forward to...

-cutting my toe nails without holding my breath
-tying my shoes without propping my foot on something
-wearing a bathing suit at the beach
-not having my legs and ankles swell up beyond their limits when I walk     across the room
-wearing a red shirt
-wearing high heels (maybe)
-wearing a mini skirt (and looking good in it)
-wearing shorts for the first time in years!!
-breath after walking quickly or running up stairs
-get off anti-depressants
-go grocery shopping and to restaurants and worry more about health than portions
-go hang outside
-cross my legs
-sit on the floor with my kids
-sit on my husbands lap
-wear a smaller pant size than my husband
...

I have to go have labs done for my PCP tomorrow.  First they make you fast (not an easy task for me people! I did not get here (300#) by my ability to do that well!) then they are going to drain me of half my blood (D**N vampires) then all secret like they are going to ship it off to some dark room where the doctor and my insurance are going to conspire again me and stop me from having this surgery at all cost!!!!!!! Now, what happens in reality, I have to fast, this is going to suck, they will send it off to my doctor he will then proceed to tell me that I am pre-diabetic and I'm too fat and that's why you're doing the six month medically supervised diet so you can have the surgery to lose weight! The labs are going to SUCK! But in the long run I know it's bringing me one step closer to my goal of getting the RNY before Christmas this year.

Hi there.  My daughter and I had a talk about the chores today.  She's an awesome kid, on occasion she has a tendency to be lax when it comes to cleaning, but I feel this is the perfect age to start straighten this out.  We share things like kitchen duty.  When she cleans, it ends up looking like a WIP.  Last week we caught a RAT in our kitchen! I was livid! One thing I've learned about living in apartments, besides that I hate it, is that you have to keep them spotless! This is Florida, one thing I found out when I lived in Texas (warmer climate) is that cockroaches will show up no matter what! EGADS! I'm not happy with this! 

So her and I are going to scrub down the kitchen and bathrooms tomorrow. I'm so grossed out right now. lol

One of the possible side effects of taking Chantix is weird dreams.  Their words, not mine lol I read that and I giggled I couldn't help it.  I didn't know that "weird" was a scientific term

I've always wanted to be a RN.  I'm told that I would make a good one, so I would like to get started on this.  I'm going to wait until I have had the RNY before I go back to school.  One thing at a time... right.  My motto is: MULTITASKING... the ability to F**k many things up at once got to love it, so there are many things I have to change, but can only change one at a time.  Got to get into that. 

My list of things to do after the surgery (not necessarily in this order):

-Play laser tag with my kids

-Play at the beach with my kids (wearing a bathing suit, NOT a pair of jeans and a t-shirt!)

-Go for a jog with my 11 year old daughter!

-Go to universal studios theme park with my family

-Get my BMI down to 21

-Take dance lessons with my daughter (husband says, "I'll go but I won't like it"  haha)

-Go back to college for Nursing

-Go rock wall climbing with my husband

-Get into a normal size pair of pants

-Shop at an Express, Guess, and Victoria's Secret!

-Go out to a restaurant and not look at the largest meal I can get for the money

-Get off anti-depressants

My doctor told me that after I have the surgery and I'm close to where I want to be that WE will work on taking me off of those.  I'm thrilled to hear that. I'm also quitting smoking at the beginning of March, so wish me luck with that, I've smoked for a VERY long time.