jfelix
I understand how serious this descion is and I have struggled with it for some time. But after researching on my own and with support from my husband I am believe the possible benefits out weigh the risks.
6/29/05
It was just this month that I finally decided to take control and go for WSL. It's a bit scary but I am committed and need this to work. Everything else has failed. I have not always struggled with my weight. Just since having kids. With each pregnancy I would just add weight and never lose it (or lose it only to regain +++). I admire people who, despite their weight, still have such a great positive outlook on life and on themselves. I cannot even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I avoid anything that has to do with my body. I get dressed as quickly as possible, I am naked only as much as I absolutely have to, I don't even like taking showers/baths anymore. I feel like I lost myself somewhere inside this fat girl. I do not enjoy much of anything anymore because it either causes me pain (back, knees, feet, ect), I can't keep up with everyone and I just don't have the energy I use to. I get so tired (I guess everyone would feel tired if they had to carry around and extra 100+ lbs, huh?)
I am so worried that I will told no from the Dr. I know I just have to go in there well prepared and confident and hopefully I can present my case and my PCP will be understanding and most importantly supportive. HAVE TO STAY POSITIVE!
SO currently I have an appointment with my PCP on 8/22/05 (but that is WAY to far away). So starting Monday I am going to call every morning )7am) and see if I can be fit in (DR suggestion). I would start today but I have Dr appts today and tomorrow already for other things. Today I see my new physc. should be quick and painless and I hope by having a relationship with her already when it comes eval time it will go smoothly. On Friday I have an appointment with my OB/GYN I am going to approach him for a referral in addition to the real reason for going. At least it will be good practice and base case he'll make a referral! Can't hurt right? I don't know why I am so worried about this. I am so afraid of being told no. But if that happens I just have to be up for the fight and advocate for myself I know. ObesityHelp.com has helped so much. To alive fears of the unknown and educate myself on not only the surgery but the process it takes to get there. And I fully intend on using it for support the whole way through and as a support post-op (and I WILL be post-op some day)! Ok enough ranting for today. I will add more after I see my GYN.
6/30/05
Last day of June...hey maybe it wil be the last day of June that I am fat?? Ok don't put the cart before the horse. I saw my physc. today for the first time (new DR). It went great (I think). SHE actually brought up the subject of gastric by pass and asked if I had ever considered! I said yes and told her of my research and my hopes to gets a referral. She seemed supportive, at least not negative about it. So tomorrow it's on to my GYN (seeing him for other reasons) and hopefully a referral. If not then it's telephone time. Call, call, call, call, call, call, call, until my PCP will fit me into her schedule. Now that I have made my descion I am not giving up.
7/1/05
So happy! I saw my GYN today and he sent in a referral right then and there!! Now it's a week or so wait to see if I am approved (Fingers, toes and every other available digit crossed!)!! I am still doing research like crazy, but the more I read the more I am convinced I made the right choice to presue WLS. So here's me waiting and praying and hoping!
7/9/05
OK am trying sooo hard to be patient and wait to hear from Kaiser. I am so nervous that they are going to deny me! So I decided if I was taking some action, even a little one, to help the process it might help calm my nerve. So I wrote letters to a few Dr. I have been seeing on a regular basis (besides my PCP) asking for their support. I used a form letter I found on OH and changed it a little here and there. Basically asking them to each write a letter to the review board simply saying that there are no medical reasons I should NOT have the surgery and in some cases what medical conditions are the reasons I should have it. So that's all there is to report so far. Hopefully I will have GREAT WONDERFUL news of an approval letter soon....
7/12/05
Drum roll PLEASE.......I have GREAT WONDERFUL news!! I got my approval letter this afternoon. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest when I show the Kaiser envelope! I have been referred to The Richmond Kaiser which is fine (I'd thought it would be in SSF) but Richmond and SSF are about the same distance from home so same-same. I am sooooo excited. Now I have to do an orientation class, a nutrition class and consult with my surgeon. The letter said not to call about appointments (they are booked automatically) unless you have not heard from them 3 months from the date on the letter (July 7th). 3 MONTHS!!! Are you kidding??? I know it will take some time and I need to pace myself. Right now I just want to revel in my joy over being approved. After that wares off a bit I'll worry about how soon I can get appointments. Hopefully everything will continue to go smoothly and I will get appts no prob. I am just so happy right now!!!! :)
7/20/05
Well back to square one for me. I was approved and on my way...awaiting orientation and nutritional classes from Kaiser Richmond. Well it's a good thing I totally ignored the "don't call until 3 months after you receive your letter" rule because as it turns out since both my psyc and nutritional eval were not from Kaiser Dr. & they were not going to accept them! I should have known things were moving along to easily! I have been politely invited to start ALL OVER AGAIN! Once I am able to complete proper Kaiser evals my application will be reviewed AGAIN and I will be accepted or denied into the Richmond Bariatric's Program at that time. So I agreed (like I had a choice) and scheduled the evals, one only 2 weeks away, not bad, but the other is not until Sept. Then I can be referred again and then reviewed, ect, ect the whole process from step one. I am so disappointed and let down. Right now I am just picking up the pieces and trying to not let this get me down. But damn it why did they approve me in the first place if there was a problem??? Just to turn around and say no? It was like a big joke on me. I knew better than to let myself hope about this. Until my fat a$$ is on the operating table I should just keep my hopes about it in check. Talk about a reality check. I know it's not the end of the world and in all likelyhood I will go through the process and be approved again but it's just such a major set back.
7/29/05
So my last post was a bit down because I felt like I was going backward instead of moving toward my surgery. (I was informed that I had to re-do my psych and nutrition evaluations b/c they were not done in Kaiser). Anyway I called right away to try and get appts for the evals. I got the nutritional eval for 8/3, not bad. But They didn't have anything for me in psych until September!! I was so upset, this was setting me back 2 months on an already long wait. But my little mind started turning and so I started calling every Kaiser I could think of with a pysch dept to see if I could get in sooner or if there were any cancellations. Mind you I have been calling over and over again for the past week and today I hit pay dirt!! I have an appt for week Thursday in SSF!! The Dr. was worried b/c she said they do not do the psych part until after the nutritional, but when I explained I already had done it just not with Kaiser she agreed to book the appointment! So my psych eval will be the day after my nutritional eval! I know this is a small thing but I am sooo happy right now! After these appointments I will be on my way once again! Just one step closer to the loser's bench!!!
8/1/05
I have not told anyone but my dear hubby that I am pursuing WLS yet just because I am still at the very beginning and I don't want to *jinx* myself I guess and I do not want everyone's opinion on this one. Eventually I will be more open with those close to me. I am not ashamed or anything it was just such a personal choice that I want to keep it for myself a little longer (just me, my doc, my DH and alll my cyber-buddies!) So knowing this not telling friends has not bothered me, but I felt like I was keeping it from my mom (we are pretty close). And I was actually feeling dishonest and that is not how I wanted to start my journey, but I was terrified of telling her because I was sure she would freak out. I nearly died 2 years ago during a "routine" "safe" surgery. Well we all know there is no such thing as a safe or routine surgery. But nearly lossing me really affected her. I was worried her fear would cloud her opinion. But I told her today. And she was reserved but not negative AT ALL!! She even seems, dare I say, approving ??!! I do not know if she really knows how hard being overweight is but she seemed to get that I had already made the descion and wanted her support. Which I feel like she is giving. That is so special to me because I know that cannot be easy. Maybe I will even take her to a support group one of these times. I know once the shock wears off she will want to be really involved!
8/4/05
Nutritional eval??...check
Psych Eval??...check
I was so nervous for nothing! Both were a breeze! Now just waiting for my orientation date. And then it's 10% BEWARE you are comein' OFF! But not before one last vacation, at least my last vacation as a fat woman! The family is going of a Disney Cruise of the Mexican Riviera. It will be a blast. I cannot wait! And now things are rolling with WLS so I am feeling really good. My husband went to his first WLS support group and he was awesome. It was great having him for support. He is going to be wonderful through all this, as usual. I am going to wait until Monday to call Richmond Kaiser, been though the Dr. today said she would fax over the papers from my eval today I want to give them a little time. But no moss grownin on this rock! Monday is long enough for me to wait, before calling and bugging them. Boy are they going to be sick of me by the time I have surgery!
8/14/05
I still do not have an orientation date for Kaiser, but I got a call from Richmond today and they wanted me to schedule an appointment with my surgeon. So I am scheduled to meet with Dr. FIsher in Richmond on 9/2/05. I am not sure if this is good or not, but she did say I can be weighed in at that time and start on my 10%, I will not have to wait until my orientation (which will probably be some time in Oct). So I am taking this as good news! I am glad things are moving. Waiting is so hard for me! But I am leaving on vaca tomorrow and will have no choice but not to worry/obsess about WLS for a full week!
9/2/05
I saw Dr. Fisher today and it all went great! He was worried when he read my medical history but after meeting me he said I was better candidate in person than on paper and would approve me for surgery! He scheduled me for my orientation (9/20) and my nutritional class (10/4) all at once. Now my life is all about losing my 10%. She said once I hit my goal weight there is a 3-4 weeks lead time until surgery actually happens. And he said he expected me to be close to goal around my orientation date. So that would put my surgery roughly at the end of October or beginning of November, if the weight comes off as expected. We'll see how it goes. I am going to use a rapid weight loss diet plan that heart patients use to loose weigh quickly before surgery. No idea if it will work, but it can't hurt and I am also goin to kick start my excersizing routine. In addition I am modifying the hear diet to the 1200 cal diet Kaiser recommends. So it's the heart diet limited to 1200 cal/day. So here's to losing my 10%!! Thanks to a heavy sweater and "heavy jeans" I was a few pound heavier than I am buck naked so that padded my 10% a little. I know it sound bad, but I need all the help I can get and I have heard of people doing a lot more than dressing heavy. (Wear ankle weight, full depends, ect...pretty out there stuff). So I have to loose a few pounds less to loose than my official requirement.
9/13/05
Ok so the whole WLS journey have been a trip for real! Kaiser has this whole thing planned out for you, the steps, the appointments, the consults, everything is done the same for everyone...HA what a joke. I have done everything in the wrong order, but it's getting' done!! To recap I was referred by my GYN (not my PCP) on July 1, 2005. He sent a e-referral to the bariatric program. It was his first referral ever and he had no idea what he was doing, God bless him! So I was referred with no Kaiser physc eval and no Kaiser Nutritional Eval, but was approved anyway and not 1-3 months later as the said but in exactly 7 days! What a trip. Then I did the evals through Kaiser. The next step was to go to orientation (which I am scheduled for but still have not done), but the surgeon wanted to see me first. So on September 2, 2005 I saw Dr. Fisher in Richmond and he approved me for surgery, pending of course my 10% weight loss. I thought for sure it would take me months to get that weight off, but as of this morning....I am 1 pound below my goal! So next week is my orientation and at that time I will be "officially weighed" and a set of appointments will be made (all the pre-surgery stuff) Dr. Fisher will be notified and my surgery will be scheduled shortly after! I went into this expecting to be where I am at now somewhere around next year! I am so thrilled and excited that everything is moving so well! I am super jittery right now. I just want to go down to Kaiser and tell them to weigh my NOW! I don't want to wait until next week. I know it will not make much difference, but things are moving so well now I do not want them to slow down!! I am just going to take the rest for the week and weekend to enjoy my victory over that nasty 10% and try not to be so anxious.
9/20/05
Had my orientation today at Kaiser. It was good, long, nothing new but one more step closer to "game day". The best part is since I met the surgeon about a month ago I was able to make my presurgery weight goal and they have already set up the next round of appts and I will receive my "tenatitve" surgery date at my next appointment on 9/30/05! I can't believe how well everything is going! I am almost afraid to post this because I do not want to *jinx* myself! I will also have my EKG and meet with the surgeon again on the 30th and hopefully make my next set of appointments. Ok that's it, just a quick update!
9/30/05
I got a date!! Surgery is scheduled for Monday, October 24, 2005!
10/24/05
Today I woke up early went to the hospital for my scheduled surgery in Richmond. Waited around for an hour until my surgeon came out and told me that he no longer feels comfortable preforming the bypass on me. He wants to referr me to an outside specialist to have a lapband instead of the RNY. So I have to wait about a month for a new consult to see if he will take me on and then if he will take me it will be at least another month before I get on his schedule. So I am at best looking at 2-3 months before I can have WLS and at worst I am waiting a month to for another surgeon to tell me I can't have WLS at all. I am so completely...I do not know how I feel. Pissed, sad, anxious, upset...you name it. I am trying not to be discouraged. Things really have had a pretty smooth and fast ride thus far. This is the biggest set back by far. I just cannot believe he wanted until the day of my surgery, let me jump through all the hoops, do all the fun pre-op prep actually arrange care for my kids and show up at the hospital!! Gees, I know I sound whiney.
10/28/05
I called and emailed my GYN last week and asked his opinion on the endo situation. He said he had no concerns about WLS in regards to my endometriosis. Since this was the reason given to me by Dr. Fisher for not doing the surgery last week I asked the GYN to write a letter clearing me for surgery. I got the letter in the mail today. I am not sure if it will have any effect on Dr. Fisher's opinion regarding WLS but I have to do something. Dr. Fisher did not feel comfortable doing the surgery because of my endometriosis. Being that endo is often misunderstood and not many doctors really know enough about it, I figured the opinion of my GYN who has not only cared for me for the past 4 years, but has actually operated on me and is the Chief of his department may go a long way. I at least have to try.
11/01/05
I dropped off the letter for Dr. Fisher today. Now I just have to waited a bit and see if he or his office contacts me. Oh I hope this clears things up and I can get back on track!!!
11/05/05
I am still in limbo just waiting. Kaiser called on Friday (11/4) and said my referral paperwork was sent in UCSF and I should be hearing from someone soon. I am not sure how long that will take though. :(
Some days I feel like things are going to be ok and once I get through this waiting stuff things will start moving again and this will just be an interesting part of my story. Other days I worry that this will actually be the end of my story. I know that sounds really negative, but I am sure you know how I feel. Depression has been an enemy of mine for years and this situation is just type of thing that triggers it. But I am really trying to stay as positive as possible. I have a lot of those scary questions floating around "what if my refferal is denied"..."what if the new surgeon still does not want to do surgery" ect. I am just forcing myself not to think about those ones. Because I have no answers. No plan B or back up plan ya know? Ok enough wallowing for today.
December 2005
Ok a quick fill-in. This month I finally got to see the surgeon at UCSF. His name is Dr. Rodgers and he seems great. He was very encouraging and quite knowledgeable. He went over the lapband procedure with me and answered all my little questions. He then ordered so many tests!! Ahhh! More tests! I thought it would be no big deal because Kaiser really puts you through the ringer too, but the ones he wanted were in addition to the ones I have already had. So on the way home from SF I called my PCP and told her which tests I still needed to do and she started ordering them! I was able to have all the blood tests the next day. The following week I was able to have the treadmill stress test (boy that sucked!) and my abdominal ultrasound. I am scheduled to have a chest x-ray and pelvic ultrasound at the beginning of January. And that just leaves the echocardiogram. I am waiting to hear from the cardiologist's office with my appointment info. Once that is done and all the test results are sent to Dr. Rodger they should be able to schedule my surgery within the next 4-5 weeks. So I am hoping that I will have a surgery date by the end of February. The surgery may not be for later this year, but I at least make to make enough progress to have a date.
March 15, 2006
I finally got a surgery date!!! May 11th! So happy, but still cautious. I do not think I could go through having the surgery canceled a second time. It's amazing that I didn't just curl up into a boll and give up the first time. I surely wanted to but so far I have been able to keep on track.
The only surprise at today's visit was a request that I participate in a study about Nonalcoholic Steatohepatitis. Basically my liver is giant and could be in danger. In a fatty liver, fat accumulates in the liver cells. Simple fatty liver usually does not damage the liver, but is a condition that can be identified by taking a sample of liver tissue (liver biopsy) and examining it under a microscope. Apparently something like 80% of bariatric patients have a "fatty liver" but 30% of those patients have Nonalcoholic Steatohepatitis (NASH). The fatty tissue in the liver may break up liver cells (steatonecrosis) and the patient may develop cirrhosis (scarring of the liver). Recent studies indicate that NASH can result in the development of fibrous tissue in the liver (fibrosis) in up to 40% of patients or cirrhosis in 5-10% of patients. It is not certain why some NASH patients will progress to this serious form of chronic liver disease while others do not. So they are taking samples from livers of bariatric patients and are trying to figure out why.
I have my last pre-op appointment on May 5th and then it's surgery!
05/05/06
Last pre-op appointment DONE!! I am sooo close to the loser's bench I can almost taste it!! I had my last pre-op appointment at UCSF and everything it a GO! My surgery is set of Thursday, May 11th at 7:30 am. So I am the first surgery on the day. So excited. I am getting all of my hospital supplies and post-op things set. It's almost like the close the day gets the more I get impatient!
5/23/06
Well I guess I should write about all that has happened. I had surgery on May 11th. It went well. It took a little longer than planned because of scar tissue from previous surgeries but no complications. I stayed in the hospital for 3 days because I was in a lot of pain. But since I have been home the pain has lessened with each day. I am still sore and a little run down but over all I would say I am doing great. I have lost 8 lbs so far (may not sound like a lot but I am thrilled). I am tried of being on liquids and really want to start the next stage of food.
8/18/06
I am almost 14 weeks post-op and feeling GREAT! Everything in my life has improved! I have lost 36 lbs since surgery. That is an average of 10-11 lbs per month! Overall from my highest (in 2003) I have lost 117 lbs. I am currently wearing a size 14/16. It is just amazing. I will not lie and say it was super easy and didn't involve real work and will power but it is sooo worth it!
4/15/07
11 months post-op! I cannot believe it has almost been a year. I am 136 lbs and am wearing a size 8. So to date my total weight lose is 147 lbs. My BMI is 25.7. I have had a total of 3 fills and they has work wonderfully. It still takes a ton of will power that I am not sure I have sometimes, but it is so worth it. That cookie or bowl pf chips may still look good, but I have decided that they look better on the plate than on my a$$. I still have my "bad " days but they are still good days overall. My journey is about to enter into its last leg. Tomorrow I will have the first of my plastic surgeries. My Doctor is Dr. Javahari from Berkeley. I really like him. I will have to post a ton of before and after pics if I can drum up the courage.
4/30/07
I am 2 weeks post-op from my belt panniculectomy. I posted some before pis but I am going to wait until more of the swelling goes down for the after ones. The surgery went great and my surgeon was thrilled with the results. I have had a lot more pain and swelling that I thought I would. He removed 8 lbs of skin but I am still 4 lbs heavier than I was on the day of surgery. The pain has gotten a lot better I cannot wait until the swelling is all gone.
5/11/07
Almost 4 weeks post-op now. Things are great. No more pain meds, no more drains and most of the swelling is gone. I have gone from a size 8 (which I was thrilled about) to being a 4!! I cannot believe it. I love trying pants. Dr suggested not investing in a lot of new clothes until I am at least 2 months post op because there is still swelling that may or may not affect my size. I am still uncomfortable at times and I get tired fast, but I have no regrets about doing the surgery. I am too happy. In fact I have set a date for stage 2 (arms and breasts) for June 18th. I will take some post-op pics soon.