janets
A great article!
May 02, 2007
Appetites with Geneen Roth
It'll Be Better When I'm Thin...
Myths about what does--and doesn't--make you happy in life
Geneen Roth
For many years, I was convinced that by changing my body, I would change my life. Because I was certain that my suffering was due to my size, I believed that when the weight disappeared, it would take old wounds, hurts, and rejections with it. I thought that changing the shape on the outside would alter the feelings on the inside. Silly me.
Consider a milk carton. No matter what you do to change its shape--switch the spout to the other side, round the corners, cut off the top--you know that what's inside is milk. Not apple juice, not vegetable soup, but milk. But somehow we don't know that changing how we look on the outside--shedding pounds or cinching in our waists a few inches--doesn't change what we are, either.
We mistakenly believe that altering our bodies will fix everything. That's because we think that body size is the cause and, therefore, the healer of all wounds. Perhaps our worst mistake is believing that being thin equals being loved, being special, being cherished. We couldn't be more wrong.
Think of the women who live in Samoa. Legend has it that a woman there is not considered attractive unless she weighs more than 200 pounds. Size is relative: Samoans might equate being fat with being cherished, and being thin with being miserable. (Forget about booking a one-way trip to Samoa. It's too expensive.) The truth is that beauty standards vary from culture to culture, but no matter where you live or how big your body is, some things remain the same. We still have to find a way to live comfortably inside our bodies and make friends with and cherish ourselves.
Only Halfway There
A woman once came to my class after she'd lost 100 pounds on a fast and then gained back 50. "They lied to me," she said. "They said my life would be great when I got thin. That I would be happy. That I would love myself and be loved. But that's not what happened. Sure, I liked being thin. I liked wearing clothes in smaller sizes. I liked that my body felt lighter. But I still felt like a fat person--unworthy, unlovable, damaged. I was so disappointed and felt so betrayed by everyone--beginning with my parents, who had always promised that things would change when I got thin--that I started to eat again."
In Into Thin Air, a book about a climbing disaster on Mount Everest, author and adventurer Jon Krakauer writes: "The summit is really only the halfway point...I stayed on top of the world just long enough to fire off four quick [photographs]. Then I turned to descend."
It is exactly like that with your weight. You fantasize about what it will be like when you reach the long-awaited goal. You dream of being thin, and you work hard to get there. You postpone your other dreams, certain that when you arrive, the struggle will have been worth it. Then, at last, you find yourself there; but your new size, like the top of the world, is just another place, and that's all. Being thin is only the halfway point. You have to keep moving, eating, and living.
This lack of finality--the fact that your relationship with food and body size is an ongoing process, not an end point--is the most elusive insight to sustain. Even people who've lost weight 5, 10, or 20 times and always gained it back continue to believe that next time, it will be different. Next time, they will keep it off. Next time, being thin will finally fulfill its alluring promise of everlasting happiness, joy, self-worth, and, of course, love.
Come On, Get Happy
But if it's happiness you want, why not put your energy and attention there rather than on the size of your body? Why not look inside? Somewhere in there are the clues to what would make you happy right now.
I often get letters from people who say that when they start my program of intuitive eating and pay attention to their inner lives, they quickly discover that losing weight is not their first priority. It takes them by surprise because they've focused their entire lives on becoming thinner. But when they begin to take even small amounts of time for themselves, when they allow themselves to rest or do nothing for 5 minutes a day, they realize that it's what they wanted most of all. They want permission to slow down and to live like they are special, valued, and belong here. This is what they thought being thin would give them; now they realize that it is something that they need to give to themselves.
I don't mean that you should accept being fat. Attaining your natural weight is a fine goal. Besides making life easier by allowing you to fit the cultural standard, losing weight also enables you to be more physical, to take stress off your heart and joints, to choose from a wide variety of clothes, and to fit into one chair. There are many good reasons to be thin, but to be cherished should not be one of them. Why? Because it just won't work. The truth is that you deserve to be cherished and should cherish yourself no matter how much you weigh or how you look.
Being thin will never do what you think it's going to do. But you can have whatever you believe that being thin will give you, and you can have it now. The only way to do it? By starting to live as though you love yourself. By making a commitment to be kind to yourself and by not letting anything stand in your way. By setting aside time for yourself daily. By being vigilant about acting on your own behalf. By beginning today.
It'll Be Better When I'm Thin...
Myths about what does--and doesn't--make you happy in life
Geneen Roth
For many years, I was convinced that by changing my body, I would change my life. Because I was certain that my suffering was due to my size, I believed that when the weight disappeared, it would take old wounds, hurts, and rejections with it. I thought that changing the shape on the outside would alter the feelings on the inside. Silly me.
Consider a milk carton. No matter what you do to change its shape--switch the spout to the other side, round the corners, cut off the top--you know that what's inside is milk. Not apple juice, not vegetable soup, but milk. But somehow we don't know that changing how we look on the outside--shedding pounds or cinching in our waists a few inches--doesn't change what we are, either.
We mistakenly believe that altering our bodies will fix everything. That's because we think that body size is the cause and, therefore, the healer of all wounds. Perhaps our worst mistake is believing that being thin equals being loved, being special, being cherished. We couldn't be more wrong.
Think of the women who live in Samoa. Legend has it that a woman there is not considered attractive unless she weighs more than 200 pounds. Size is relative: Samoans might equate being fat with being cherished, and being thin with being miserable. (Forget about booking a one-way trip to Samoa. It's too expensive.) The truth is that beauty standards vary from culture to culture, but no matter where you live or how big your body is, some things remain the same. We still have to find a way to live comfortably inside our bodies and make friends with and cherish ourselves.
Only Halfway There
A woman once came to my class after she'd lost 100 pounds on a fast and then gained back 50. "They lied to me," she said. "They said my life would be great when I got thin. That I would be happy. That I would love myself and be loved. But that's not what happened. Sure, I liked being thin. I liked wearing clothes in smaller sizes. I liked that my body felt lighter. But I still felt like a fat person--unworthy, unlovable, damaged. I was so disappointed and felt so betrayed by everyone--beginning with my parents, who had always promised that things would change when I got thin--that I started to eat again."
In Into Thin Air, a book about a climbing disaster on Mount Everest, author and adventurer Jon Krakauer writes: "The summit is really only the halfway point...I stayed on top of the world just long enough to fire off four quick [photographs]. Then I turned to descend."
It is exactly like that with your weight. You fantasize about what it will be like when you reach the long-awaited goal. You dream of being thin, and you work hard to get there. You postpone your other dreams, certain that when you arrive, the struggle will have been worth it. Then, at last, you find yourself there; but your new size, like the top of the world, is just another place, and that's all. Being thin is only the halfway point. You have to keep moving, eating, and living.
This lack of finality--the fact that your relationship with food and body size is an ongoing process, not an end point--is the most elusive insight to sustain. Even people who've lost weight 5, 10, or 20 times and always gained it back continue to believe that next time, it will be different. Next time, they will keep it off. Next time, being thin will finally fulfill its alluring promise of everlasting happiness, joy, self-worth, and, of course, love.
Come On, Get Happy
But if it's happiness you want, why not put your energy and attention there rather than on the size of your body? Why not look inside? Somewhere in there are the clues to what would make you happy right now.
I often get letters from people who say that when they start my program of intuitive eating and pay attention to their inner lives, they quickly discover that losing weight is not their first priority. It takes them by surprise because they've focused their entire lives on becoming thinner. But when they begin to take even small amounts of time for themselves, when they allow themselves to rest or do nothing for 5 minutes a day, they realize that it's what they wanted most of all. They want permission to slow down and to live like they are special, valued, and belong here. This is what they thought being thin would give them; now they realize that it is something that they need to give to themselves.
I don't mean that you should accept being fat. Attaining your natural weight is a fine goal. Besides making life easier by allowing you to fit the cultural standard, losing weight also enables you to be more physical, to take stress off your heart and joints, to choose from a wide variety of clothes, and to fit into one chair. There are many good reasons to be thin, but to be cherished should not be one of them. Why? Because it just won't work. The truth is that you deserve to be cherished and should cherish yourself no matter how much you weigh or how you look.
Being thin will never do what you think it's going to do. But you can have whatever you believe that being thin will give you, and you can have it now. The only way to do it? By starting to live as though you love yourself. By making a commitment to be kind to yourself and by not letting anything stand in your way. By setting aside time for yourself daily. By being vigilant about acting on your own behalf. By beginning today.
One week and 3 months out.
Apr 25, 2007
So I am offically 3 months out. I need to get my blood work done but everything looks good. I have this odd pain in my left side, my doctor told me no weight/ball exercise until he figures it out. He also told me no more protein vials as he thinks it too much protein for my sytem to handle. I did have to sneak one in because I had my first snack size bag of cheetos and that scared me. I am down 63lbs. I have figured out if I don't walk, I don't lose. I also eat a lot of fruit and veggies, sometimes too much I think. But I'm addicted to strawberries. I met someone new but that is just that. We shall see. I get worried about meeting someone and then gaining weight with the whole dating deal. However I am all about outdoor activities and not going to dinner (it's such a waste of money). So we shall see. I bought my first size 12/14 top to wear this summer. I can't wait till it offically fits! :)
My friends Joyce and Missy are having surgery soon! I wish them the best at Cedars! You know how I feel about them, and how great they are! You are going to do great and feel like you own the world soon!
My friends Joyce and Missy are having surgery soon! I wish them the best at Cedars! You know how I feel about them, and how great they are! You are going to do great and feel like you own the world soon!
I just learned how to ticker but don't know how to use it! :(
Feb 01, 2007
It's over and wow.
Jan 30, 2007
So I've been back to work since 1/29. The experience was really great for me. Cedar's had me walking within 3 hours of my surgery and I've been walking ever since. I've all ready lost 25lbs. I can't believe it. My ankles are back. Haven't seen them in years. And all of a sudden I'm wearing make up again and doing my hair up. I do believe I may have been in a little bit of a funk. :)
I haven't had any major problems yet, though that darn gas it hideous. I did have an allergic reaction to the adhesive of the bandages. I did tell them I was allergic, but I guess they didn't believe me. The itching is driving me crazy. On Friday I get to have mash potatoes and some puree'd soup. OH YEAH! I want to chew!!!
Today I finally found a package of chicken broth that tasted like soup and not yellow water. I could have died eating it. Of course I ate that over my protein. But I can get another 45 grams in when I get home so I'm gonna do that. Yesterday at work I couldn't get down my protein or tea. It was wierd. I wasn't hungry. But I was feeling like..damn this has got to go down. :( Well all in all I didn't get it all in, but today I did. I guess I just needed to get a routine down for me.
Now only two more days till potato time. :) Thanks for all the support I've received. I really appreciate it all.
I haven't had any major problems yet, though that darn gas it hideous. I did have an allergic reaction to the adhesive of the bandages. I did tell them I was allergic, but I guess they didn't believe me. The itching is driving me crazy. On Friday I get to have mash potatoes and some puree'd soup. OH YEAH! I want to chew!!!
Today I finally found a package of chicken broth that tasted like soup and not yellow water. I could have died eating it. Of course I ate that over my protein. But I can get another 45 grams in when I get home so I'm gonna do that. Yesterday at work I couldn't get down my protein or tea. It was wierd. I wasn't hungry. But I was feeling like..damn this has got to go down. :( Well all in all I didn't get it all in, but today I did. I guess I just needed to get a routine down for me.
Now only two more days till potato time. :) Thanks for all the support I've received. I really appreciate it all.
My List
Jan 17, 2007
The psychologist said I needed a list of reasons why to lose weight because the compliments won't always be there. So I decided to do it here.
1. To be able to bend like supernanny when disciplining my kids.
2. No more back pain.
3. No more knee pains, both.
4. No more huffing and puffing up stairs.
5. To fit in cars better.
6. To fit in my boss's chairs in her office better.
7. To not have to wonder will I fit at a restaurant booth or airplane seat.
8. To fit in roller coasters.
9. To be able to run with my kids.
10. To be able to wear a size that doesn't start with a 20 something...
Well that's my first list. I am sure there will be more.
This time tomorrow I will be done with surgery. I can't wait.
1. To be able to bend like supernanny when disciplining my kids.
2. No more back pain.
3. No more knee pains, both.
4. No more huffing and puffing up stairs.
5. To fit in cars better.
6. To fit in my boss's chairs in her office better.
7. To not have to wonder will I fit at a restaurant booth or airplane seat.
8. To fit in roller coasters.
9. To be able to run with my kids.
10. To be able to wear a size that doesn't start with a 20 something...
Well that's my first list. I am sure there will be more.
This time tomorrow I will be done with surgery. I can't wait.
2 days to go
Jan 16, 2007
Last night I got really nervous. I was reading through my binder on how to eat for these 2 days and suddenly I was thinking, liquids, 2 days of liquids. Well I just polished off my strawberry/banana jell-o and now I'm working on my tea. I've decided to work during these two days (won't that be exceptionally fun when I have to take my fleet tomorrow at noon). I just don't have any more time to take off at work. And I'm not even willing to consider a postponement. I've postponed my life long enough. I love reading all the encouraging stories.
I think the people in my life, my family and friends will have a harder time dealing with the adjustment. Mainly because I won't ever be this big again. And change is really hard. My Mom is allready concerned about what she is cooking me afterwards. I just keep saying.. all you have to do it shake it up mom. That's it. But she is scared.
They moved my surgery up to 7:15. I did ask to make sure the surgeon would be awake. I know how I function that early. Let's pray he doesn't stay up watching Lost at it's new time. :) Well let the journey begin.
I think the people in my life, my family and friends will have a harder time dealing with the adjustment. Mainly because I won't ever be this big again. And change is really hard. My Mom is allready concerned about what she is cooking me afterwards. I just keep saying.. all you have to do it shake it up mom. That's it. But she is scared.
They moved my surgery up to 7:15. I did ask to make sure the surgeon would be awake. I know how I function that early. Let's pray he doesn't stay up watching Lost at it's new time. :) Well let the journey begin.
I have a date!
Jan 04, 2007
I am so excited I can't stand it. My date is 1/18. My wait was really short, just 2 months ago I was asking my pcp, and now here I am. I am ready to start my new life. Yeah Me! This is going to be my year I can feel it!
