Jana Ochoa
My struggle with obesity began when I was about 6 years old. Until that time, I was an average sized, very active little girl. Unfortunately, I learned to deal with some very traumatic events by using food. My pediatrician tried to put me on strict diets, my Mom had blood work done to rule out a pysiological reason for my weight gain, and my self-esteem plummeted. I was always very active and outgoing; a bit hyper-active and ultra-social. Although I always had friends and seemed happy, inside I was miserable and loathed who I was. I couldn't see my good qualities past the layer of fat I had built around me. In my early twenties, I started experiencing depression, for which I sought counseling. Although I had always been a "pretty girl", relatively smart and good-hearted, I failed to see that in myself. My weight fluctuated greatly during this time, depending on how worthless I was feeling at any given moment.
In my mid-twenties, I met and married my husband. Although he was attracted to my personality and my "pretty face", he was less than thrilled with my size. He is a short man, and I am a tall woman, so at anywhere from 240-323 pounds, I looked like an Amazon next to him. I had never dated a man who thought I was unattractive in any way, so this was yet another smashing blow to my already fragile ego and self-esteem. Although he never actually said anything to me about my weight in a rude or demeaning way, he became the food police, which forced me into the closet with my eating. At one point, several years after we married, he commented that he just wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. Although he was trying to be truthful with me to save our marriage, it was incredibly painful to hear.
In 2000, my husband and I were expecting our first children; boy/girl twins. Through a horrible chain of events, I gave birth to our precious babies prematurely, and they both passed away shortly after birth. This was a devastating blow to both my husband and myself. Although their premature birth and consequent deaths were in no way any fault of my own, I blamed myself for being unable to carry them full-term. I became pregnant again just months later, again with twins! I spent many months on bedrest, losing much of my muscle mass and nearly going crazy, but the end result was two beautiful babies....although born prematurely and with some health issues. My daughter was very ill, and during her first year in and out of the hospital, I steadily gained weight. At one point, I gained 30 pounds in one month......I wasn't eating insane amounts of food, but this was testament that stress and the stress hormone cortisol WILL make you gain weight at an amazing rate.
