JackJo

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Ugh dammit! The last 3 or 4 days I started having nausea. I took one bite too many at lunch which resulted in a super fun vomiting episode.  The rest of the day was crappy and I felt weak. Took two bites at dinner and was yucky all over again. about an hour later I was pulled over on the side of the road yacking everything up again. Then the acid reflux started. I put myself back on liquids hoping that would help but I'm getting reflux from drinking water. Water! What the hell? 

I knew this wouldn't be easy but I just feel like every step of this is a struggle for me. When I could eat, it wasn't enjoyable. My belly gurgled and I was uncomfortable. Now, I'm scared to eat and when I do I end up nauseated worse than normal. 

Seriously, I wake up nauseated! What is happening to me? I wish I had a time machine and never did this. I truly hope that someday I'm glad I did this. For now, I'm not. 

Thanks to any of you who let me rant. 

Ok, so I'm like 18 days out of surgery. Eating is still a challenge. Just about everything makes my pouchy gurgle and that's a little uncomfortable. I just keep hoping this doesn't last forever.

I'm down 20 pounds!

As for NSV's, last week I threw on my hubby's coat to run outside for something and I could zip it!! Not something I could do for years. My work clothes are really starting to get baggy which is also very cool but I'm a very cheap person and hate the idea of buying clothes that will hopefully only fit for another couple months. 

I think I'm getting my water in and I take my vitamins faithfully but that dang protein will be the death of me *shakes fist at the sky*. I'm trying to get it all in but it's so hard right now when pouchy isn't happy with anything I put in my body.

Bonus: I think my boobs have shrunk a little. That's awesome for me since anytime I've lost weight, the girls have stayed persistent in remaining huge. 

Well, I'm one week out and down 10 pounds. I got my drain out 2 days ago and WOW what a difference that makes. I'm healing so much faster now that that pesky thing is gone. My surgeon is starting me on phase 3 on monday which is also the day that I go back to work so at least that won't be so awkward. That's exciting and scary. He says I'm doing great. I don't always feel like it, but I'll take a compliment where I can get it. 

Head hunger still isn't too bad. It still sucks a little to watch my family eat but I keep telling myself that this phase isn't forever. I'll be able to eat with them again, I just have to use the tool that was given and not over do it. We'll see how it goes. 

I thought I was going into this with open eyes, but everything has been harder than I thought, so why would the next phases of my diet be any different? I feel better about having the surgery, but still a little sad. I guess I'm mourning food. Dang.

I had my surgery 5 days ago on Thursday and was released with my drain on Saturday. The first few days my back hurt more than my belly. For real, you have no idea how much your back will hurt you. Besides making me super sexy, my drain is a little uncomfortable and slightly gross but it's serving it's purpose. 

So far I"m not enjoying my RNY at all. Mostly feeling like I've made a mistake. I know it's just the pain and frustration talking, but it sure does suck. I was having second thoughts all the way to the day of my surgery (even considered bailing at the hospital) but my good old hubby told me it was time to face this demon (food) and made me feel like a hard ass and I went for it. 

I'm on phase 2 of my diet, eating eggs, yogurt, cottage cheese and soups, adding protein to everything. It's hard to tell when I'm full. Mostly my belly just feels bubbly, so I stop eating. My nutritionist said at first it will be hard to tell, so just stop. Head hunger isn't bothering me as bad as I thought but smelling the food my hubby and son get to eat sucks a little. I just have to keep reminding myself, I'll be able to eat that all again someday.

Ugh, so today is Monday and surgery is scheduled for Thursday. I'm getting so nervous. Thankfully I only have to fast 24 hours before surgery. I quit my diet pepsi almost 2 weeks ago in the hopes that I won't have to deal with those withdrawals as well as head hunger. 

I'm working up until the day before surgery to keep my mind from overload. This week is being spent trying to keep things normal so I don't panic but also getting ready. Make sure clothes are clean so the bag can be packed. Do I have my list of meds ready? Do I have my meds packed? Don't forget the charger for the kindle, take measurements and a "before" picture.  This is why I'm a list making kind of gal.

I'm so excited for my new life (as much as I know it will suck at first). I'm hoping for a miracle where I only have to stay one night at the hospital so I can be home with my little boy asap. Haven't been away from him more than 1 night in his whole life. I know he will have his daddy, but I want to be home with him.

So, I'm thinking positive, healing thoughts. I will heal, I will walk, I will tolerate the food that is required of me to be released with no dumping or nausea. 

I got my approval letter a few days ago. I honestly thought I was going to get denied. I didn't realize how much I wanted the surgery until I got the letter and realized I was actually going to get it. Dang. 10 days until surgery.... wow. 

Still waiting. But I'm told no news, is good news. We'll see. I'm getting crazy nervous and excited. 16 days until surgery. Holy crap, Batman! So close and so far. I consider myself a dead woman walking and enjoying my bucket list of last meals. Not going overboard, but eating what I want. Mmmmmmm carbs.

Funnily enough, I'm maintaining my weight. If I were trying to maintain, I would gain. Oh well. I'm probably not doing myself any favors by doing this. I have to admit, I'm afraid of "head hunger". Man that's going to suck. My poor husband will bear the brunt of those tantrums, I'm sure. It will all be worth it though when hopefully by this time next year, I'll be able to walk without joint pain and maybe even be able to wear fun clothes.

Had my consultation with my surgeon last week . I’ve jumped through all of my hoops and now it’s in the insurance company’s hands. I’m getting crazy nervous and relax myself by reading blogs and looking through pictures of others in this journey. Very inspiring. I can only hope to be as successful as these women.

My goal is around 140lb or about a size 8/10 (I’m very short). Anything beyond that is icing on the cake that I can’t eat anymore .

I admit that by most peoples standards I'm not "big enough" for something like this. I"m 32, I'm 5'4 and around 215-220 lbs. I can squeeze into an 18 but 20 feels better.  My doctor thinks I'm an excellent candidate, my surgeon thinks so as well. My mother struggled with obesity her entire life and was a pioneer in WLS because she was going to die if something didn't change. Do I have to get to that point as well for people to think I deserve this? I'm young, why not make this life style change now when I can enjoy it and reap the benefits?

So I'm almost 4 months into the 6 month waiting period. Oh and how fun the hoop jumping has been. I can't lie and say it all sucks. Mostly things are fine and people are understanding. However, I went for my psych eval 2 weeks ago and had a tall, thin beautiful woman tell me that she thought I looked "great" and wondered why I'm willing to do something so drastic. I told her that I thought she looked great too, but who would we both rather look and feel like? To which she promptly signed my chart and said she would give me the clearance I need since I seem "mentally prepared". Bazinga.

Had the pleasure of doing the 2 part sleep study where I was diagnosed with mild/moderate sleep apnea. Did the pulmonary function test and met with the specialist last week (who was another very tiny woman) and got the same lecture. Grrrrrrrr! Then she told me she is prescribing a CPAP machine and insists I use it for 8 weeks and follow up wither her BEFORE she will give me clearance!  I plan on being close to scheduling surgery in 8 weeks! Why bill my insurance for a machine that hopefully I won't even need in a few months?

I get so frustrated at these people that have no idea what it's like to be overweight! I decided there is a list of questions they must answer to be involved with WLS process.

1.Do your pants cut into your belly when you sit?

2.Do you get sad when you have to buy clothes? (notice I said "have" not "get")

3.Do you have to tuck your belly into your pants to avoid it showing under your shirt?

4.Are you embarrassed to go to buffets?

5.Does your cleavage catch food that falls from your fork and it then rolls down your belly?

6.Can you cross your legs at the knee?

Only if they can sympathize with at least 4 of these questions, should they be able to deal with us fluffy people.