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I feel like a loser (gainer). My mom has been in and out of the hospital for months now and ll the stress and fast food is catching up with me. I need to get my emotions and eating under control before I am back to 315 lbs. Someone stop me!!!

So its been a 4 months since I posted a blog. I got on this site and now I feel guilty. Not like I have some cult following or something but still a slight twinge of guilt. I am down 116 lbs and have been stuck here for 2 months now. I am kinda worried about not losing any weight for a while now. I knew it was going to happen eventually but, I feel like a failure now just from lack of weightloss. I know logically this is normal. Your body cannot continue forever to lose an endless amount of weight or you would die. But I was at my peak weightloss at 8 months out. I have read somewhere that you are supposed to lose weight up to 18 months out. I really dont fit that category, I suppose this is why I am freaking out and not satisfied. I guess I want to look like Twiggy or something, lol. Is that too much to ask for really? HAHA joking totally. I hope everyone is well out there in loser land, or in my case done losing land.( I should just chill...---->)

Well got on the scale today and I am down 104 lbs from my heaviest!!! Yay I am excited. I hope to lose another 25-30 lbs to be at my goal.

I am currently hovering at 216 and a size 14 jeans. I am ok with all the numbers and sizes considering that the last time I was in a 14 I was probably in third grade. I have been trying my best to keep myself in high spirits. Some days I really wonder how much I have really changed. I mean the scale tells me but it just doesnt sink into my brain or something. I still feel the same. I know I told myself I am still the same person just less of me now. My mom says that my brain just hasnt caught up with my body. I am only 4lbs from my 100lb marker... how exciting!!!!! I am in a new relationship, 2 months now. I am completely crazy about him, we have so much fun together and he can make me laugh like no one else. I have quit smoking again for the 6th time. I really want to stick with it this time. So far 09 is looking pretty good. Next month is my 25th birthday. This last year has taken me on one crazy trip, I am excited to see where I end up. Well I will post again soon.

Well I have finally lost some more weight. I think its because mom my was in the hospital for 12 days with pnumonia on top of her having multiple sclerosis, it was a baaad situation. She got to come home on Christmas eve thank the good Lord. She is doing much better, but during the 12 days of being at the hospital 10 hrs a day I ended up losing 10 lbs! It was pretty impossible to find the "right"  things to eat never being at home and all. Plus my nerves and the stress was taking a toll.  As far as the constipation goes metamucil worked wonders, it took a couple days. So the offical weightloss from my highest is 93lbs. I cant wait to hit the 100 lb. marker. I guess it will be next year sometime unless some miracle happens over night lol. I am going to the gym tomorrow to work off these cookies I have been eating... someone needs to smack me. Anyways Happy New Years to all my OH friends and thanks for all the support. See ya in 2009!!!!  I wish you all Peace, Love and Lots of weightloss in the New Year.

Well I have been at the same weight for a month now. I really am not sure wtf is going on with my body right now. Maybe it was thanksgiving, whatever it is it sucks, lol. I have been working out, but I am thinking about working out a few more days a week. I am 30 lbs from the dr's goal weight for me and 50 from my goal. I am bound and determined to make it. Sometimes I wonder though if anything will be enough for me. I honestly look in the mirror and still see the same fatty face looking back. I need a reality check or something I think. I mean I have lost 83 lbs since July and still feel the same. Only thing that sometimes wakes me up a little is the smaller number in my jeans. On the upbeat I havent had any serious dumping syndrome for a while now. I have found that when I start to feel sick after I eat if I lay down as soon as possible the nauseas feeling passes in about a half an hour. I have been having a lot of problems with constipation lately. I plan on calling the Dr. tomorrow to see what I can do to help it. Well hope everyone is well.

Well I had my check up with my surgeon last week. Everything went well. I finally asked him his goal weight for me. It was higher then what I had set for myself. His goal for me is 200 lbs. Because I am 6' tall. I had set my goal at 170, but he said that is very possible for me to reach that goal. I am down 82 lbs from my heaviest weight. Right now kinda chillin at the 230 mark. Not bad for a little under 4 months out. My next check up with my surgeon is 8 months from now on my 1 year anniversary July 16th. Then I get a full work up as far as my blood work goes. It will be interesting to see those results. I am starting to wonder how I am going to feel on thanksgiving... I think it will be kind of hard not to eat like everyone else. The up side is I am pretty sure my family isnt doing anything anyways. Which usually would make me sad but this year it may be a blessing.

So Halloween is tomorrow. One of the best days of the year. =) But I had a big scare a few days early... my hair is falling out, quite a bit here lately. I am scared to death about it. I knew it could be one of the side effects, but I really just started noticing it. I never figured I would have this side effect. So for the last few days I have been super vigilant about getting all my protein in. It just sucks trying to get everything in everyday. I am going to be honest I started getting lazy about it... now I am paying for it with hair. I know it will stop sometime and grow back, but it still is kind of scary seeing hair come out. I guess bald is beautiful though... right? lmao. I am down 72lbs. I go for another check up with my surgeon in a week. We'll see how much he yells this time lol.  Happy Halloween to everyone!!!

3 months out this week. I am down 62 lbs. I am feeling pretty good lately. I am very happy that I made the decision I did to have my roux en y. It was rough going for a while, but it has really been paying off. I feel soooo much better. I have another check up with my surgeon the beginning of Nov. I need to ask him what his goal is for me. I set one for myself but I am not quite sure it is realistic. I am 6' tall and have a large frame, so I don't know if my goal is unacheivable or not. I have been at the same weight for about a week now. I guess I am at a plateau right now. I am ok with it though. Next weekend I am going to ride roller coasters again. I am very excited about it, knowing I am going to fit... and not having that little twinge of terror of oh god please let me fit in this damn seat.

I have recently discovered that dumping syndrome is a bitch!!!! But I am down 3 pant sizes so that almost makes it worth it... lol.