iliciaq

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I haven't been on here in a while, here's why: My house caught fire and my fam and I have been living in a hotel for about 3 weeks and now we're in a rental house. I had to cancel all my appointments. I rescheduled them all, and I'm trying to get back on track.

My quesion is: If you miss your appointment, does it push you back a month or does it start you over?

 

 I don't think I've ever been this self conscious and depressed before. I have alienated my friends because I either don't have money, clothes, or the self esteem to go out with them. I haven't even had surgery and I feel jealous...and I feel unattractive. I wish my six months was up so I can get this over with and start looking and feeling different. :-(

 Okay so I went to the first appointment and met Dr. Dyslin and my first impression of him, honestly was, he is SO tall. LOL My next impression was how nice and kind he was and how very thorough he was telling me about the process and the procedure. 
The next thing that I was amazed by was the Tanaka (sp) scale ( you get barefoot and step on this scale) and how accurate and detailed that was. 
I will say that in this appointment, I have never felt this self conscious about my weight before now. Even the nurses all were uber skinny and it seemed like I was the biggest person there. I'm tired of having this feeling every time I go somewhere.

Other than that, he gave me a big notebook full of EVERYTHING you need to know about the next few months, pre op, post-op, the surgery, psych, nut, and just ALL of it. This made me feel real good.

I kinda wanted my husband there with me at this appointment but I can't explain why, when I was sitting there in front of the doctor, I felt so... naked/embarrassed almost. I don't know why. Maybe I'm glad my hubby couldn't make this appointment. He'll make the next one though. It's on Feb. 14 @1pm so... he'll be with me. LOL

Later that night:

I know I worried the poor CIGNA lady to death tonight and I had her laughin' so hard but I sat on the phone and learned Your Insurance 101. I sat there and asked every silly question and gave every "what if" I could until I understood exactly how my insurance works for me and I'm so glad I did it. Now I'm not worried about anything and will proceed. My next appointment is Feb. 14th... appointment #2 and I'm so excited ya'll! *dances*

 just how much I think about food until I realized that I'll be having a surgery that won't allow me to gorge on food like I have in the past. I went to CVS today and I went in there for TUMS cause I had already eaten the last of the 2 slabs of BBQ ribs my husband made (both of us said "goodbye" to all that deliciousness today LOL as a final farewell sort of thing). I went in there and I looked at all the snacks "I love" like Snickers, Heath, Reese's, and ice creams... I was SO shocked, angry, and embarrassed at how I feel SAD like really tearing up over not being able to eat that.

I know I have to break the cycle (the cycle of "I eat because I'm fat and I'm fat because I eat") I can't stand it and I want it to stop. TODAY. I let the excitement about the surgery keep me motivated and I know it will be hard. My co-workers (all of them older than me and all of them overweight/obese... ) LOVE to eat out together for lunch and I know it's my responsibility to say no and eat something better and don't tempt myself with going out with them. I have to do better.

I once thought I was gorgeous... and technically I am (I'm not a vain person, by far but I really think I'm a very beautiful woman) BUT over the years and pounds later, I can tell that I am losing my looks and my sex appeal and that what I think I look like in my mind does not match the image in the mirror when I get out the shower. 

I make jokes (defense mechanism, I guess) to stay light hearted about it but I'm tired of talking about how attractive I used to be. I know my husband loves me and he thinks I'm beautiful but I KNOW he secretly wishes for what I USED to look like. I know he didn't meet me like this and he's a very good man. He deserves a beautiful wife. I feel like I let him down.

Anywhoo, I just felt sad... wanted to vent a little. I have a week or so until my first appointment with Dr. Dyslin and I know that will cheer me up (make me feel like I'm making progress).

Thanks for listenin'... (whoever is reading). :-)
-Ilicia

Hey everybody! First I just wanna say that I am so excited for this new year and the chance to actually get insurance that pays for bariatric surgery. This is my year and I'm claiming it. I weight 260 lbs (steady) and I can't wait to see ONEderland LOL. I have watched two different surgeon's on-line seminars so I am very aware of what it is I want to do. I know I want to have the VSG because I basically think, for my body, it would be the best thing for me. I also have an awesome suppose system (two friends, they are sisters, that have actually had the VSG themselves and a wonderful husband.

Tomorrow, I will call Dr. Dyslin's office and schedule an appointment (if they don't call me first) and hopefully I don't have to wait too long to be seen. I'm SO anxious (in a good way). 

Well, I think that's all I'm gonna blog about tonight. It's actually almost 12am and I'm up on the computer researching and looking at before and after photos... just preparing myself for what's in store.

Talk to you guys later.
xoxoxo