ANN S.

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awsome

The surgery is the shortist part of the proccess but to me right this moment it feels like the biggist hurddle , I need to make it through till tommrow. I have no self controll I cant understand how some people go weeks on these pre-op diets , its only  been anlike a few hours *since i woke up* that I have been on the Liqued Diet and all i want to do is chew on something or eat something with some texture---- I am gonna force myself to do this but I dont no whats wrong with me and why   i am haveing such a hard time putting myself in a mind set . Atleast when my husband gets home I will have the distraction of getting ready for the hospital etc.............

Things arent going to well in the pre-op world my husband who dosent get that beacuse of my waight going to vist his family has become a tourture , his sisters son is turning one this next week and that is also when I am haveing my DS , they live in Northern Ca , we live in Southern , he thinks that i have decided to have waight loss surgery the same week to avoid going up north which isnt the case at all ( i mean i really not want to go) but i just want to have surgery and feel better about myself before i have to face people that are extremely critical of me. It is not fun to be around people like inlaws when they want to go out to eat and you dont fit in the booth , or when you dont really fit on the plane to just fly on up , or when you need to sleep with so many pillows just to breath ,, the last time i slept at there house i broke the bed frame and was so embarsed made my husband (who isnt fat) tell them he stood on it and broke it.  This is the secound night in a row he has told me not to go through with my surgery and that i need to cancell and go to NOCA , or just let him and my 6month old go why i stay here alone and have surgery:( this is a crappy situation and i just need to vent ... in addition to his poor pre-op attitude i am starting my liqued diet tonight and my nerves are on edge beacuse its make me realise how real the surgery accpect is the lifestyle change no biggy its the recovery that i am afraid of , the pain of the surgery or even my biggest fear not makeing it through I know this is not super comon but 1-200 is enough to scare me. I just want my husband to be supportive , its very hard sometimes beacuse he is hard of hearing and our communications is shitty he dosent hear or understand things the way everyone else does which makes explaining why i need my DS yesterday, even harder...sorry for the vent but i guess thats what this is for.... i will post again if I make it through tommrow......

i have a date and now i am getting nervious i cant wait to the surgery / recovery part is over and i am well on my way to healthy lifestyle!!!

bEACUSE ITS BEEN APPROVED AND I AM GOING TO GET MY LIFE BACK AND MAYBE EVEN THE ABILITY TO DANCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No date yet but she re-assured me that they have my paper work from my other doctor and that it was going to be processed. :) :) alright insuraNCE its your turn approve my surgery and we will be all good !!!

Hi , i have decided to start a blog today for no other reason then to help me deal with the anxioty i am feeling !! i had my finaly appointment i needed to get the insurance approval and then its game on :P i saw the shrink today which was kinda cool it reminded me of how much i really understand my current mental state. I know that i am depresed and i know i am anxious and thats exactlly what was reflected!!! I mean show me someone who is 200+ pounds over waight who isnt depresed whether its how they got there or beacuse they are feeling depresed about being so helpeless at this point , and yes i am anxious i am waiting to have surgery!! I would think that most normal people would be !! so besides all that she gave me what i think was a thumbs up to go through with the opration DS here i come!! I cant wait to start being able to exersize  when i was thinner (100 pounds thiner) i could dance like no bodys bussiness , now i dance siting in my desk chair beacuse since haveing the baby standing up to dance is to painful!!! So goal one !! Regain my ability to dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any way thats my random raint for know ill try to do this again soon.


thanks

samatnha