hooahwife78

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I hate to say this, but I'm really frustrated. I'm only a month in and I'm incredibly frustrated. I feel like the program that I have to go through just to even see a surgeon is long and drawn out. I really understand why they feel it is important to make sure someone is ready, but I feel like they should go by the patient and not some set time period. When I went in for my weigh in and consultation the man told me that I probably wouldn't be ready in a year when it was time to see a surgeon. People, I'm ready now!!! This was not an overnight decision to do something so drastic. I thought and I researched and prayed and I know this is what I want. I guess I'm just impatient.
The good news is that I have lost 12 lbs. Might now sound like much but to me it's great. At least I'm seeing results. It's not been easy changing things so drastically so it's good to see something for it.
I can't help but wonder if I'm the only person that thinks it's insane to have to wait a year to even get to talk to a surgeon.

I'm now on the path to the surgery. The Baraitric program at the hospital has accepted me and I had my first education class last night. I have a lot to do, but I am really looking forward to it. Last night I learned about balancing my diet and it was really great to see all that I could have and still be healthy. I have to keep a food journal and it is really neat to see my habits. It also makes me think about what I eat. I like that there is somewhere there to help me in a kind yet firm manner. The nutritionist was at the meeting last night and I really liked her. She really seemed to love her job and care about her patients. I'm looking forward to my meeting with her instead of dreading it like I once was.
I was looking through the before and after pictures on here and I can't wait to be an after. They were great motivation.

I'm finding myself at the beginning of this journey to find the real me and I'm scared. I made the appointment today to go see my Primary Care Manager and discuss the surgery with him.  I'm becoming obsessed with learning all I can about the surgeries and lifestyle changes. Most of the time I find myself incredibly motivated and encouraged, but occasionally thoughts I never expected creep into my head. What will it be like to lose a good bit of my weight. I've been flopping between the same 50 lbs for at least 6 years and sadly that 50 lbs isn't nearly enough when it's off. I have never been in my normal size range. At least not since I was about 7 years old. I've never known a small me and I have no idea how I would handle it.
What I do know is that I owe this to myself and to my family. My son needs me in his life. Especially now that we are a military family and his daddy is gone a good bit of the time. He needs someone who can keep up with him and be active with him and right now that person is not me. I'm tired of being exhausted all the time. I'm tired of the never ending new health issues that are popping up because of my weight. I eventually want another child. I now realize that a good part of my inability to conceive is probably my weight.
April 5th can't get here soon enough. I know my doctor will take me seriously and be extremely helpful. I have a feeling he has probably been waiting for me to come to him. I'm so thankful that I have him as my doctor. Even though he won't be involved in most of the process, I know he will want to be there for me. He is just great like that.
Here's to new beginnings. One way or the other, something has to change.