heather C.

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OK so today I realize I'm in a small or extra small what does that mean? I thought I would feel different but Just feel like me.I still worry about looking fat Does that ever change?

I am trying to start a new charitable organization for people with the lack of means to access make-up on special occasions such as prom, homecoming, graduation,etc. I would also like to help those who have terminal diseases and or disfiguring birth marks, scarring, etc. If anyone is interested email me and let me know. I will be sending out letters to companies for donations on make-up, brushes, cleansers, all the things needed for the changing ordinary into "beat down". The name of this project tentatively is "All Dolled Up". I would love to know of need and volunteers for this project. Thanks Heather Canady [email protected]

Today I have realized that no matter how different I may be exteriorly that some people will never see me. That those who I want to see the change and realize that I am worth something can't see me. I will never be that perfect girl with the perfect skin and hair and everything that, someone may want me to be it is elusive, I will never attain that perfection. It hurts and I guess that smart and kind and giving can't make up for aesthetically perfect.

Hey y'all so this morning I weighed. I now am 190 lbs that means I am 10 lbs from 200 which means it can't just creep up to 200 I have to actually pursue seeing 2 as the first digit in my weight. I am so dang excited, I actually cried, I am not a crier. I don't know if any weight will be as satisfying as the fact that the 300's, 200's are gone for me. Yay gone gone gone!if it isn't shining on my face right now it never will lol!

today I fit into a medium, that's right a medium in victorias secret pants no less!!! I am sooooo excited and to top it off they are loose. Ok so they are stretchy but I am in a medium this is such a great moment this year has been and will continue to be the most awesome of my life I just have to keep the faith and keep working. I also got offered a good job this week and start Thursday!! I know 16 hours of school about 10 hrs volunteer hours some tutoring on the side I am in real awe at this moment! Thank God for my blessings, and the new person I am evolving into!!! I just keep living like everyday is my last because one day it will be! The amount of joy I feel in my heart is unequal to anything I have felt before. I just can't explain how thankful I am for this life changing tool. I have so much confidence and such a better attitude than I ever have before. All I keep thinking is WOW this is my life and for the first time in a very very long time I love who I am. I love the new person who is happy and bubbly and full of uninhibited joy. I love that for the first time my outer beauty is showing my inner beauty to the world!

Ok so yesterday I reached what I consider to be my big goal. I was told by 5 different people I was beautiful. Not that I had such a pretty face or that I was even pretty but that I was beautiful. I know my basis for self beauty is not based on others opinions, however when for so long you hear you have such a pretty face. It is a demeaning little hit. It doesn't matter if you are beautiful,all women are beautiful no matter what, at a larger size or a small size. It hurts when no one says you are so beautiful not that you have a beautiful face. I wish the world wasn't so condescending. I just am happy that it has happened, Now if my family would just get the hint!

Today a guy called me hot, me me? I was astounded and wanted to ask if he needed his eyes checked, instead I said thank you and walked away. I may not feel sexy yet but I really hope it is soon.