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Things are going quite a bit slower for me now, as far as losing.  The mental part has really hit home at this point, and I find myself dealing with issues I never knew existed. 

A huge positive is that one of the issues I decided to deal with turned out to be a re-kindled romance!  We seem to have picked up right where we left off, only better this time.  Instead of supressing my feelings & emotions with food, I am more able to talk them out and share them... a completely new experience for me! 

Another issue I've been dealing with... more attention from men and women.  Honestly, I think it has more to do with the haircut, and the fact that I can wear "girlie" clothes now than it has to do with the weight loss.  Anyway, it has it's good and bad sides.  Part of me can't help but think, "Yeah, 100lbs ago you wouldn't have even spoke to me" ... and really, is that something to hold against someone?? Of course as far as the men go, physical appearance is one of the first things that attracts you to someone, but it's hard to accept that men find me attractive now, for some reason.  I do see a different person in the mirror... I guess everyone else sees it too.  As far as the women go... it's quite disgusting how discriminating women can be.  My entire life I have been treated with a cold, stand-offish attitude when I speak with women who are strangers... call it paranoid psychizophrenia, but I feel like women are now more receptive toward me, want to engage me in conversation... etc.  I even had a random woman in the mall come up to me and tell me she liked my hair, and wanted to know what products I used.  At church, people who have never tried to befriend me are suddenly contacting me, asking me over for dinner, and so on.

I don't know what it is about a "fat" person that seems to alienate people... but I have vowed that I am not going to be like that.  As I lose, I am not going to look down my nose at people who are obese, I'm not going to speak or act differently toward them.  My sister really struggled with teasing & ridicule as a teenager and adult.  She was afraid to go into public because she felt everyone was staring at her and talking about her size.  Unfortunately, she passed away when she was 29 from colon cancer and never had a "normal" life.  I wish friends, family and strangers had been kinder to her... we all deserve a compassionate touch, a warm smile, and a kind word, regardless of our size.

Well, I've managed to ramble on here, so I am going to wrap it up.  Hopefully next time I post I'll be down at least another 10 pounds.  Going to Wisconsin in March... would be great to be 230 by then... which is realistic, I just have to focus, not eat junk and exercise.  Accountability, accountability, accountability...

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted or gotten on the site... but, I am doing awesome!  I weighed in at the doctor's office on Wednesday at 275.  That makes 95 pounds total loss.  I planned a drastic haircut for my 100 pound mark, and ended up getting in for it earlier than expected.  Everyone has loved the new cut.  I've been walking 1 hour at work everyday with friends, and a few weeks ago I joined the YMCA, and have been working out 2-4 times a week. 

Eating has become easier, but it has taken a long time to figure it out.  So much of why we do what we do is in our minds, it's not physical.  Breaking that mental pattern is the most difficult part.  Normally when I diet, I have willpower, and then for some reason I break mentally and just have to go out and eat that Whopper and fries.  The band is a great tool for when you break mentally, because even though you've broken down mentally, physically you still cannot overeat.  It forces you to get back on track sooner. 

I hope anyone considering the surgery will take some time to reflect on the reasons for doing it.  Observe yourself and others while eating.  Recognize habits, and patterns in what you do, or how you eat.  Notice how fast people eat and how often they talk about food.  Order only a drink while everyone else gorges on their favorite food, or order a small dinner salad, but do not drink 1/2 an hour before you eat, while you eat, or 1/2 hour after.   Note how you feel, and be prepared to feel that way almost every single day.  Plan a huge get together, cook all the food and serve it to your guests.  While everyone is enjoying what you've made, eat a few crackers with cheese and nothing else the rest of the night.  Note how you feel emotionally, and plan to feel this way when hosting guests after the surgery.  It is the mental aspect that needs to be noted... not the sensation of hunger, but the way you feel watching others indulge while you do not, or cooking something fabulous and being able to partake.  THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT part of having a "tiny stomach" surgery.

Honestly, before the surgery, I expected the band to "do more".  And although most people give credit to the band for my weightloss, I know different.  I take full credit for what I have accomplished.  The band was the "tool" I needed to get me over that hump.  I still make food choices everyday that can make or break my weightloss and I make a choice everyday to intentionally exercise, or sit on my butt.  I am still accountable for those choices, with or without the band. 

September 3

I am two weeks post op and doing great.  Having an occassional burning sensation in the port site when I put great strain on my abdominal muscle, but nothing unbearable or unreasonable. 

I am eating pureed and mushy foods now,  which is awesome.    I mean, we all love J E L L O... but enough is enough.  Mashed potatoes, refried beans, yogurt, cottage cheese, sugar free fudgesicles and applesauce are among my favorite foods right now.  My friend Lisa made us dinner tonight and it was cabbage, potatoes and carrots boiled down until they were pretty mushy... I ate that and tolerated it well.

The problem I seem to be having right now is not getting a sensation of being satisfied prior to being too full.  I take a bite, chew slowly, swallow, wait, everything seems fine, so I continue... but the next time I swallow it's too much and I immediately feel uncomfortable like I've eaten too much, but it's too late.  I haven't had any emesis or feeling like I needed to rid my stomach of excess food, but I just felt uncomfortable and too full.  I need practice at finding the correct amount of food to eat and recognizing when I've had enough.

I'm also having a problem with NOT drinking when eating and 1/2 an hour before or after eating.  I mean a bite of refried beans almost BEGS for a sip of water! 

I started walking this week because I can't start back at Curves until September 20th.  Walking reminds me how much I love Curves.  I keep looking at the time and thinking "change stations now"... but alas, no station.

Praise God I lost another 7 lbs since the 25th!  That is a total of 47 pounds lost now.  I feel truly blessed that I have insurance to cover this surgery.   I feel this surgery is going to improve my quality of life with my girls and lengthen my time with them and someday my grandchildren.

Surgery on the 19th

Arrived at the hospital at 11am.  They seemed to be much more "together", maybe they were fully staffed?  At any rate, things moved along pretty quickly.  I requested to keep my IV from the previous day, but it would not flow properly, so it had to be removed and a different IV inserted into the other hand.  OUCHY!  Better safe than sorry I suppose.
Dr. Tomita was running ahead of schedule, so although I wasn't scheduled in until about 1pm, I got in about noonish.  Everyone was very nice, very kind and eager to explain each process as we went along.
Got on the table, took a few deep breaths and the next thing I knew I was being asked to move from the OR gurney into my hospital bed.  Very painful at this time to move and if was extremely difficult to transfer onto the bed, but I was told it was very important for me to do it myself, so I sucked it up and managed to do it... I'm thinking it took about 15 minutes, seemed like eternity.  My girlfriend Bobby was with me the entire time.  An angel really.  She stayed at my house from Sunday night until today, and my girls went to her house and stayed with her mom and her husband.  She stayed by my side while I tried to wake up a bit, and when my blood pressure stabilized, about 4 hours later, I was up and walking.  The incision for the port, and the one adjacent to it are the most sore at this time, and the stomach muscles feel non-existent.  I almost feel like I did when I was pregnant, how you kind of have to protrude your stomach out in front of you and use your arms to push and pull on everything to get up and down.  Walked 2 more times during the night, pain medicine was liquid Vicodin every 6 hours, and I had 2 IV pushes of Toradol the entire time I was there.  I was offered Morphine, but I had Morphine once before when I was in a car accident, and I didn't like the way it made me feel... made my heart race and made my face and chest very hot, almost felt like I was having a heart attack... so I opted for the Vicodin.  Didn't sleep all that great as hospitals are not a place to actually rest.  I think they took my blood pressure 3 times during the night, and for some odd reason it was deemed necessary to draw blood at 3am.  Why it couldn't wait until morning, I'll never know.

August 20th

8am my breakfast tray was delivered, beef broth, crystal light and a Diabetishield.  I was sitting my bed up to partake when the nurse came in to ask if I had been given my "30cc cups".  I said I had no idea what she was talking about and she went on to say that I was only to consume 30cc's an hour until further notice.  I assured her that in all my patient education classes and doctor's visits, no one had ever mentioned this to me.  Also, the previous evening I had already consumed an 8oz bottle of water, a 12oz Diabetasure, an 8oz broth, and a 6oz crystal light.  To put that in perspective, there are 237 cc's in 8 ounces... everything I had consumed about 12 hours previously totaled 1005 cc's... should've taken me 33.5 hours to consume that 30 cc's an hour.  She insists this is the case, and hands me a large stack of 15cc cups telling me to only fill it up twice, then she removes the tray.  As politely as possible I asked her if there was some way she could check with the doctor or dietician to be sure this was the diet I was to follow, as I was certain I had never been told anything like this.  She said she would check, and she returned in about 15 minutes to say that she had been on a leave of absence for some time and that they must have changed the rules while she was gone, so I am allowed to drink what I want, no limit.  She starts to return the tray, then asked if I had been down for my upper GI.  I tell her no, so unfortunately, no tray again... MAN! 

Got myself up and got washed up and dressed then picked up for my upper GI about 9am.  It was very difficult to get onto my back on the table, as my stomach muscles are very sore.  It would be nice if they'd raise it into a standing position and let you slide in then lay it down, but alas, I managed.  Back to the room for fresh broth and a cold Diabetishield... mmm, mmm, good.

About 1:00pm (I think) Dr. Tomita came in to say that the upper GI was perfect and I was ok to go home.  Don't touch the dressings, keep breathing deep and coughing, keep walking, come in on Monday for a follow up, gave me a prescription for the liquid Vicodin. 

My girlfriend Bobby, the angel, drove me to pick up the prescription and then I headed home for some R&R.

August 21st

Slept from 11pm until 11am and when I got up I was terrible pain.  I think everything from the hospital had worn off, and going 12 hours without any pain medication was a bad idea.  Barely got out of bed, got some medicine and sat in the chair for about 1/2 an hour until it kicked in, then got myself cleaned up and dressed.  Took the dog for a short walk.  Bobby took me to the hospital to buy a tub of the beef broth that they serve because I liked the taste of it and I'm going to be "eating" broth for awhile.  The girls came home today.  I missed them terribly and they missed me, especially Adriana.  The pain is better this afternoon, but my sleep schedule is all out of whack.  I need to get that straightened out real quick... supposed to be back to work on Monday.

August 18th

Had to be at the hospital at 6am this morning.  My girlfriend Bobby came to stay with me and be my designated driver.   Arrived at 6am and the pre-op ambulatory staff was short handed.  I am not just supposing they were, I know they were because they talked about it openly in front of the patients, which made me extremely uncomfortable.   In my opinion, they spent quite a bit of time deciding what they were going to do about the short staffing rather than just getting down to business.  None-the-less, I did get into the operating room about 1/2 an hour after I was scheduled.  

I was given a local at the injection site, and give a small amount of something in the IV to relax me.  When the larger needle was inserted into the groin, it was semi-painful, and I did receive some additional medication in the IV.  It only took about 15-20 minutes for them to implant the filter, and I was back in recovery.

I had a pressure bandage on the site and was told I had to lay on my back for 4 hours to ensure there would be no bleeding.  I was then offered something to drink, which I accepted.  About 2 hours later I had to use the bathroom, but was told I could not get up at all for 4 hours.  I thought this procedure was a bit cruel, and suggested that they not offer fluids to patients who aren't permitted to leave the bed... or at least make it clear to the patient there is absolutely not getting up. 

Doctor sent me home with Vicodin.  There is some burning in the site, and it's uncomfortable when I get up and down, but not intolerable.

Took the phoso-soda at about 7:30 and I have been extremely nauseous ever since. 

A little confusion on my part about how I had to submit the FMLA paperwork for time off.  I thought because I knew about the surgery ahead of time, I should call the disability center, but because I'm going to be off for fewer than 7 days, it's not a disability.  Got it straighted out and got the papers I need, so should be no trouble now.

August 14th

2nd Patient Education.  Just went over post op dieting rules.  Basically, more liquids... yipee.  For 2 weeks, then the 3rd and 4th week I can have puree then the 5th week I go in for a fill and after that I am on to some regular food. 

Just wanting it to be Tuesday so I can say it's done.  Not anxious or nervous, but ready for it to happen.  For some reason I keep feeling like it's not really going to happen, like something will stop it just before...

Seems to be getting easier, not drinking as much as I was at first.  Felt initially like I had to be completely full of liquids at all times.  Now I just drink in between my shakes and broth.  I am still having cravings for food, don't get me wrong, but not as severe as I was a few days ago.

August 11th

Surgery Pre-Op assessment at the hospital.  This was for the placement of the filter, as well as the surgery itself.  This seemed to complicate things a bit, and I was at the hospital a bit longer as they tried to sort out the paperwork.  Two separate appointments would have tied up more time, so I am not sure what the solution to this problem is.

Answered a million questions, had blood drawn and gave a urine sample, then I was on my way.

They will call on Friday to give me the arrival time for both surgeries.

August 6th

Wow, hard day.  Free hotdog day at work, they smelled awesome, but I filled up on chicken broth until I thought it would come out of my nose!

Appointment at Dr. Vachhani's office yesterday to discuss implant of the Vena Cava Filter.  Seems like it will be pretty simple.  Basically I will be put under anesthesia and he uses a needle to insert a catheter into my right groin.  He then guides the filter into my inferior vena cava using x-ray and places it.  I have to remain at the hospital, laying flat on my back with a pressure dressing on the insertion point for 6 hours.  The PA said that laying flat was the biggest complaint from other people.  If no bleeding after 6 hours, I can go home.  No driving for 24 hours.   The filter is to trap any possible large clots that may break off in the lower leg from traveling to the lungs and causing pulmonary embolism.  Dr. Tomita's office requires it of all patients with a BMI over 50. This is going to be done on Monday the day prior to surgery.   Had to call Dr. Tomita's office today to verify that it was ok to be done the day prior as the nurse orginally requested it be done the Friday before... Dr. said it was ok. 

Go here to see a non-graphic explanation and demonstration of the lapband procedure... most of your questions should be answered.

http://www.lapbandvideo.com/

Go here to see info on Cordis Vena Cava Filter Implant

http://www.jnjgateway.com/home.jhtml;jsessionid=IDF2CQUT5MSN2CQPCCGWPOIKB2IIWTT1?loc=USENG&page=viewContent&contentId=09008b9880388ef7&nodekey=/Prod_Info/Specialty/Endovascular/Endovascular_Disease_Management/Vena_Cava_Filters

Go here to find out more about Memorial Healthcare/Dr. Tomita

http://www.memorialhealthcare.org/?id=58&sid=1

Go here to see pre op drink required by Dr. Tomita's practice

http://www.optifast.com/Pages/optifast_ready_to_drink_shakes.aspx

Still looking for post op product links... will update when I can.

July 4th

Went into the office for a weigh in, while Sandy was there, and sat and talked with her and was able to schedule my surgery!  I decided on August 19th.  Still have a couple things to accomplish before then... have to get in contact with Dr. Vorenkamp, she still hasn't sent a sufficient letter, have to set up appointment with Dr. Vachhani for the implant, and have to get some bloodwork done... but my date is SET!

July 14th

Appointment with Dr. Vorenkamp.  She apologized for me having to come in and said she would have the letter ready the next day, just call into the office and speak to Kim.

July 28th

Went in for bloodwork at Memorial Hospital, just in time to have it to the office for my appointment on Wednesday, whew!

July 30th

Appointment with Dr. Tomita.  Final questions about surgery, and pickup liquids for 4 weeks of liquid diet.  This is the appointment where the $900.00 fee is due that IS NOT covered by insurance.  They do allow you to pay 1/2 at this appointment, but the other 1/2 MUST be paid prior to surgery or the surgery will be cancelled.  The liquids are provided by Dr. Tomita and are Opti Fast for pre surgery 2 week liquid fast.  And Diabetasure and BenePlus powder for 2 week liquid fast post op. 
2 week pre op diet is 4 of the 160 calorie Opt Fast shakes a day, and clear - sugar free liquids; NOTHING ELSE.   Appointment with Dr. Vachhani is on August 5th,  Pre Op appointment at the hospital is on August 12th, I have another patient information appointment on August 13th, then there will be an appointment to have the filter implanted, probably on August 15th.  This process is not for the appointment shy!