Jessica M.
My accountability - back on track I say!
Apr 05, 2007
Its been a while since I"ve posted..and trust me, its not because I've not thought of it every day.. I"ve just had a really intense family emergency going on for the past month that is finally over... but now, I need to face the music...and please know, I'm not letting the past 3 weeks of drama be an excuse for what I've written below..I'm also not going to beat the crap out of myself.. but I do need to get back on track..so here it is -
Okay, so I'm going to focus on the positive first off... I'm trying this whole "law of attraction thing" focusing on what we want instead of what we "don't" want... I have not gained weight in the past 2 months, and for this I am thankful...As difficult as this is, it is a good thing..and the battle is far from over..I am happy if I stay at this current weight...
On another positive note, I'm still working out every week. I look forward to my spin classes 2x a week and I also enjoy bike riding with my husband and walking our huge dogs as often as we can do this. I find less time to watch TV and movies, and focus more on keeping my house up to my specs and doing little projects.
and now the accountability..
I also haven't lost any weight. I am just terrified that now that the scale has stopped, I'm going to start back in the other direction. NOT an option for me
I've noticed in the past 3 weeks the balance has tipped a bit and I have noticed my size 8's are no longer "baggy", but fit just right again.. and some of my 10's are wearable again.. This is not acceptable to me. I will not allow myself to use the excuse that everyone is giving me. I spent the last 3 weeks taking care of my mother, who almost died due to bad health care and this was a High stress situation. I ate my way through it... And that was WRONG!!! I cannot use this as an excuse to fall off the horse. I need to find another way, outside of food, to deal w/ these difficult situations, as they will continue to happen throughout my life.
I've noticed some things that I am right now changing that i started doing in the past few months (no judging please, I'm just being accountable for my own needs and just need to put this down on paper per say).
1. I've started "snacking" between meals. I've found I can eat every 2 hours, no matter how much what I ate earlier bothered me (mostly because I probably ate too much). This has stopped TODAY. NO more "party in the mouth" NO more day snacking.
2. I've started snacking at night in front of the darned boob tube..salty, low fat snacks, but carbohydrate types...and I know better! We all do right? "a little won't hurt.." well, yeah, not now..but a little here and a little there ads up right? Well, that stopped as of Tuesday night. Nothing goes in my mouth after 8pm. (we often eat dinner late)
3. I have gotten once again addicted to regular caffeinated coffee/latte's. and I'm stopping that NOW! I'm switching back to decaf. Thank GOD I am still not able to drink the sugary, high fat, milky stuff..I'm lactose intolerate and sugar in large quantities makes me soooo sick to my stomach. Please god, don't ever let this change.
4. I have been eating too fast again, and find that if I eat something "bready" or dry, that it gets caught and I have to chuck it up....and then I justify that w/ eating more, because I chuckedup what I just tried eating... well, once I chuck something up, I seem to have more room in the pouch, so I eat even MORE! That too is stopping NOW!.
5. Portion size.. it has gone up.. I'm up to 1 - 2 cups per meal... and I shoudl NEVER eat more than 3/4 of a cup total at any given meal. So, that is going to change as of today.
- I've realized that the "quick weight loss" is now over..here starts the part where I must maintain my weight for the REST of my life. Because this was my one shot.
6. food choices have gone downhill a bit. I'm able to eat pasta's and breads, chips again...and that is NOT okay. I need to eliminate those from my diet, and start cooking the high protein, low fat nutritioinist stuff that I was making before. Traveling is no excuse for this. There are healthy food choices out there. I need to remember " I am eating to live, not living to eat."
These are my affirmations, this is my "kick myself in the @ss and get back on track before I'm so far gone there is no returning". I know, you've ("you" as in the board collective) told me and others that this is a gift that MANY are still waiting for, and for me to backslide (even this little bit), is almost like taking this gift for granted. I WILL not take this gift for granted! I know this is a 1 time ticket to change my life, to have my health be perfect..to have my closet be full clothing that has only 1 number on the tag, To not be afraid of a camera, or video camera.. To love the way I look, saggy skin and all! To be know that I can go on any ride, sit in any airplane, drive in any car or vehicle, and I'm going to fit comfortably. No more fear of walking into stores like Bebe, or Victoria's Secret and getting dirty looks because I don't belong..
I don't EVER want to forget my biggest fear, my constant nightmare..which is that I will gain all of my weight back, and my "before" photos will be the skinny one's, and my after photos will be me back in my size 24's and hiding from the camera, and secluding myself from the world again. This fear is one I hope that I can always hold on to, so I never ever, ever let myself get there again.
So that is it.. I hope that folks can understand why I needed to do this, and not judge too harshly. We all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them.. right? Thanks for your time..
Okay, so I'm going to focus on the positive first off... I'm trying this whole "law of attraction thing" focusing on what we want instead of what we "don't" want... I have not gained weight in the past 2 months, and for this I am thankful...As difficult as this is, it is a good thing..and the battle is far from over..I am happy if I stay at this current weight...
On another positive note, I'm still working out every week. I look forward to my spin classes 2x a week and I also enjoy bike riding with my husband and walking our huge dogs as often as we can do this. I find less time to watch TV and movies, and focus more on keeping my house up to my specs and doing little projects.
and now the accountability..
I also haven't lost any weight. I am just terrified that now that the scale has stopped, I'm going to start back in the other direction. NOT an option for me
I've noticed in the past 3 weeks the balance has tipped a bit and I have noticed my size 8's are no longer "baggy", but fit just right again.. and some of my 10's are wearable again.. This is not acceptable to me. I will not allow myself to use the excuse that everyone is giving me. I spent the last 3 weeks taking care of my mother, who almost died due to bad health care and this was a High stress situation. I ate my way through it... And that was WRONG!!! I cannot use this as an excuse to fall off the horse. I need to find another way, outside of food, to deal w/ these difficult situations, as they will continue to happen throughout my life.
I've noticed some things that I am right now changing that i started doing in the past few months (no judging please, I'm just being accountable for my own needs and just need to put this down on paper per say).
1. I've started "snacking" between meals. I've found I can eat every 2 hours, no matter how much what I ate earlier bothered me (mostly because I probably ate too much). This has stopped TODAY. NO more "party in the mouth" NO more day snacking.
2. I've started snacking at night in front of the darned boob tube..salty, low fat snacks, but carbohydrate types...and I know better! We all do right? "a little won't hurt.." well, yeah, not now..but a little here and a little there ads up right? Well, that stopped as of Tuesday night. Nothing goes in my mouth after 8pm. (we often eat dinner late)
3. I have gotten once again addicted to regular caffeinated coffee/latte's. and I'm stopping that NOW! I'm switching back to decaf. Thank GOD I am still not able to drink the sugary, high fat, milky stuff..I'm lactose intolerate and sugar in large quantities makes me soooo sick to my stomach. Please god, don't ever let this change.
4. I have been eating too fast again, and find that if I eat something "bready" or dry, that it gets caught and I have to chuck it up....and then I justify that w/ eating more, because I chuckedup what I just tried eating... well, once I chuck something up, I seem to have more room in the pouch, so I eat even MORE! That too is stopping NOW!.
5. Portion size.. it has gone up.. I'm up to 1 - 2 cups per meal... and I shoudl NEVER eat more than 3/4 of a cup total at any given meal. So, that is going to change as of today.
- I've realized that the "quick weight loss" is now over..here starts the part where I must maintain my weight for the REST of my life. Because this was my one shot.
6. food choices have gone downhill a bit. I'm able to eat pasta's and breads, chips again...and that is NOT okay. I need to eliminate those from my diet, and start cooking the high protein, low fat nutritioinist stuff that I was making before. Traveling is no excuse for this. There are healthy food choices out there. I need to remember " I am eating to live, not living to eat."
These are my affirmations, this is my "kick myself in the @ss and get back on track before I'm so far gone there is no returning". I know, you've ("you" as in the board collective) told me and others that this is a gift that MANY are still waiting for, and for me to backslide (even this little bit), is almost like taking this gift for granted. I WILL not take this gift for granted! I know this is a 1 time ticket to change my life, to have my health be perfect..to have my closet be full clothing that has only 1 number on the tag, To not be afraid of a camera, or video camera.. To love the way I look, saggy skin and all! To be know that I can go on any ride, sit in any airplane, drive in any car or vehicle, and I'm going to fit comfortably. No more fear of walking into stores like Bebe, or Victoria's Secret and getting dirty looks because I don't belong..
I don't EVER want to forget my biggest fear, my constant nightmare..which is that I will gain all of my weight back, and my "before" photos will be the skinny one's, and my after photos will be me back in my size 24's and hiding from the camera, and secluding myself from the world again. This fear is one I hope that I can always hold on to, so I never ever, ever let myself get there again.
So that is it.. I hope that folks can understand why I needed to do this, and not judge too harshly. We all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them.. right? Thanks for your time..
