floatinghearts1

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Here I am and it's been 6 months since surgery. As of my 6 month surgiversary (5/9/11) I was down 110 pounds. Now, 6 days later, I'm down 113. I'm in between a 12 and a 14, and this is the smallest I've been in about 10 years, which is saying something, since I'm only 22.

Food wise I'm doing really really well. I'm able to handle most food just fine, and I've even learned that it is ok to have less than perfectly nutritious food sometimes, just in strict moderation. I feel like I'm on my way to normalcy.

I'm having some head issues lately. Mostly just that my mind cannot catch up with my body. I've lost so much weight so fast and I am stuck in the fat girl mentallity. I look at the clothes I'm about to put on and can't believe they'd ever fit, and then they're too big. I don't even recognize myself sometimes. It doesn't help that my friends and family often don't realize it's me walking up to them until I'm right in front of them. I don't know when I'm going to get it through my head that I'm not huge anymore.

I'm also starting to have friends and family ask if I still want to lose more weight. They say I look good now and if I keep losing I'm going to look too skinny. I'm 5'8" and a size 12/14, which I don't think is anywhere close to too skinny. I guess they're just not used to seeing me like this. I've never been this small as an adult, so it is weird for everybody I suppose.

This brings me to my next thought. I've lost weight extremely rapidly, and I'm still losing really fast. Sometimes I worry about that. Sometimes I feel like it's too good to be true. I think part of me is afraid that since I've lost so rapidly I'll stop losing at any moment and just be stuck where I am. In the same breath, sometimes I worry about if I do reach goal and then keep losing and I get way too small. It's so weird to have such conflicting feelings. I've also been feeling a lot of anxiety and stress about the future. David, my fiance, was just laid off at work and our roommate has been going through some serious drama over which we might be parting ways very soon, so we're extremely uncertain about where we're going to be in the next few months.

Aaaanyway, that's about as much of an update as I have for now. Thanks for reading, and I hope everybody else is doing well!!!

 I'm a couple days late in posting, but I've just been soooo busy!!! Here's an update of what's going on in my life.

So I just celebrated my 5 months surgiversary and since the day of surgery I've lost 97 pounds! I'm feeling great, still working on getting all my protein and vitamins in, and I work out at least 4 times a week. I've gone from a 26 to a 16 and am approaching a 14 rapidly. I haven't been this small since I was 14 years old and I'm ecstatic about it.

After a year of quitting cold turkey, I started smoking again. Just one here and there, which turned into a few a couple times a week, which turned into a few every day. I went to the doctor today and am starting on Welbutrin tomorrow to help me quit again before I get completely back to my old smoking habits, which was a pack and a half a day for a few years. :( I'm nervous and anxious, but glad that I'm taking the necessary steps to quit again.

Last month, March 17th, was my third anniversary with my wonderful boyfriend. Scratch that... FIANCE! He finally proposed a few days before our anniversary. He got me the most beautiful ring I've ever seen and picked it out completely on his own. He doesn't have a romantic bone in his body, so he proposed while I was doing laundry (haha!). I didn't mind because it was so genuine and sweet. We have a great life together and things just keep getting better. We're planning our wedding for September 2012 so that I have plenty of time to level out with my weight loss and we have some time to save up.

Other than that, not much else is going on. I'm looking forward to hitting my 100 pound loss and eventually my goal of getting down to 150 (starting from 310 on surgery day). It's getting harder now to lose the weight and I'm able to eat much more than I could a few months ago, but I'm enjoying feeling more normal and having control over what I put into my body. I'll post my 5 month pics in a day or two. :D

So I'm a few days late on my 4 month post. I had my 4 month check up with my surgeon's office on Wednesday and I've lost 86 pounds! I've been having some issues with weird dry painful rashes and some bruising and I brought that up, so I had to give them all the blood in my body to test for vitamin deficiencies. I've been really good about supplementing up until the last maybe 2 weeks because I've been moving and working and trying to get school stuff straightened out. I know it's no excuse and I need to get back on track with that, so I'm trying.

Anyway, I'm feeling really good. I started out at 310 and am down to 224. I'm 13 pounds away from my weight in the 8th grade and only 24 away from being under 200. I'm going to work really hard this month to lose another 14 pounds, because then I'll be at 100 pounds lost in 5 months, which I think would be awesome. I'm having almost no issues tolerating food and I'm really enjoying eating in a healthy way. The nurse I saw at my appointment on Wednesday was gushing about my weight loss and how great I'm doing and that made me feel really good because at all my other appointments nobody's said anything about how I'm doing.

Soooo... yeah. That's about it. Doing well. :D
 

Today is exactly 3 months since surgery and I think I'm doing pretty good. I had an appointment today with my surgeon and at my weigh-in I've lost exactly 70 pounds. I'm pretty excited about that, but I'll be honest, I'm not very excited about the gravity issues I'm having with my skin. Not so sexy. My boyfriend tells me he doesn't care and he'd still think I was sexy if I looked like the monster with all the loose skin and eyeballs in his hands from Pan's Labyrinth (Hahaha, what an image!).

I'm tolerating pretty much everything I eat now, which is great. I'm feeling better about being able to eat real food and not feeling so afraid of it anymore. I know how to eat right and when I do eat right I feel good. The few times I have slipped up I've ended up feeling bloated, sluggish, nauseated, and just plain crappy. I'm trying to get in a more balanced diet, but sometimes it's really hard. Most of the time I end up just eating fish, chicken, or ground turkey with very little or no veggies, and my NP told me I really need to start working on getting more fruits and veggies in.

I'm kind of struggling with my doctor's guidelines. They say I should be eating aroun 700 calories a day, but in order to get in all the protein and veggies I need in 3 meals and 2 snacks I usually eat closer to 900 or so. I also work out almost every day and burn around 1000 calories, so I feel like 700 isn't enough for the intensity of my workouts. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, but also try to incorporate more fruits and veggies in because I don't feel like it's very wise at this point to decrease my calories when I've lost so rapidly.

I'm also having trouble with bathroom stuff. I have random days where I have (avert your eyes if you're squeamish) hours upon hours of liquid diarrhea. Sometimes it lasts all day and I can't even go to work. So today they decided to do a poop test and I had to fill specimin cups, which was pretty much the most disgusting task of my life, and it was my own poop! Anyway, I hope they figure out what's causing that because it is just miserable and seems to be brought on by nothing at all.

If you've read this all the way I appreciate your interest and apologize for the gross details. Haha.

-Andrea

A few things have been going on lately that have been freaking me out. I think it's all normal, but for some reason I keep freaking out anyway.

First, I find that I'm able to eat again. Ever since the strictures I've been very very careful about eating and have been kind of afraid of food. Well, now I know that if drink my protein early in the day and get in an early snack, I'm usually fine throughout the rest of the day. And I can eat again. Don't get me wrong, it's great. But to be honest, even though I'm enjoying eating again and can handle most things pretty well I find that I wish I couldn't. I'm afraid of eating, not because I'm worried it's going to hurt, but because I'm afraid of what that means for the future. Yesterday I had my protein drink, some water, about 1 oz. of baked tortilla chips for a snack, a fish taco for lunch, about 1 oz. beef jerky for a snack, and about 3 oz. of baked tilapia for dinner, plus 1 cup of Lactaid 2% milk before bed. And my total caloric intake was 911 calories. That is by far the most I've consumed in one day since November 9th. Everywhere I've looked says that's normal and that at this point I should be between 800 and 1200 calories a day, but I have a hard time getting my head around that.

Now the real mind fuck comes from this. Right after my 2 month surgiversary I hit my first stall. I haven't lost any weight since then and it's freaking me out. I know. Stalls are normal. Expect stalls. Stalls don't mean you're doing anything wrong. But I can't help but associate this stall with my increase in calories. I know that I've lost about 60 pounds since the day of surgery, which I'm sure means my body is in starvation mode. 60 pounds is a lot to lose in such a short amount of time. But the whole "coincidence" of it all is killing me. I've been trying to up my exercise, but as a hairstylist I am just so tired after work I feel like I can barely do my normal exercise (walking only at this point), let alone adding more. As far as that goes, I really just need to stop making excuses. I've definitely increased my protein. Before I was barely making it to 30-40 grams, and now I'm averaging around 75 grams.

I haven't had much trouble with my head since surgery at all. I haven't felt regret or confusion, head hunger, mixed emotions, etc. I've felt pretty calm and cool about everything so far. And now I feel like I'm totally lost and out of control. I have an appointment with the surgeon in the beginning of February, so I'll talk to them about all this for peace of mind, but in the mean time I just had to get this out. I'm thinking about going to a therapist for some anti-anxiety meds and someone to talk to.

Today is my 8 week surgiversary. And I've lost 50 pounds!!! 

I went back to part time at work because I was having a really hard time keeping up without completely exhausting myself. I've had 2 strictures dilated, the most recent one on Dec. 15, and have been fine ever since. Well, it seems to tighten up every once in a while, but if I make sure to eat frequently, even if it's just a few almonds, that helps a great deal. I haven't been able to go to the gym since the stricture because at that point I wasn't getting in ANY calories, I was basically on water for 4 days, and then right after the dilation, I got the flu. So I'm still recovering from that, but once I can breathe again, I full intend to get back in there! I can actually say I miss working out (never thought that would come from me).

So far I'm doing well, just trying to get back to normal, get into my routine, and keep losing. But overall I'm ecstatic with my progress so far!!!

So today is exactly one month since my surgery....

AND I'VE LOST EXACTLY 35 POUNDS!!!!

I'm super excited. I just had to write a quick post about it.

Now, let's just pray it keeps coming off!!!

Andrea

I just wanted to write a quick post about my dinner.

Tonight I went to the grocery store and got some frozen tilapia from a brand called Waterfront Bistro (Vons and Safeway carries the brand, but I don't know who else does...). This was the first time I've tried this brand and I chose a tilapia pre-marinated in a black pepper marinade. I also got some Green Giant brand broccoli that's "lightly sauced" with a cheese sauce.

The tilapia took 15 minutes in the oven on a baking sheet covered in foil and the broccoli and cheese steamed in it's bag in the microwave in 15 minutes. So within 15 minutes I had my dinner ready with NO DIRTY DISHES other than the plate and fork I used to eat.

I was a little nervous because I have been having some trouble with getting sick and I've definitely been having a hard time getting enough calories in. The tilapia came with 2 filets, but I only made one and split it with my boyfriend, which gave us each about 3 ounces. I also had about 3 pieces of the broccoli. EVERYTHING TASTED SO FREAKING DELICIOUS!!! I had no nausea, no pain, and I was able to eat everything and keep it down. I'm quite full, but not uncomfortable.

I just had to post about this because the meal really made me feel like I can handle this. I can make a really truly delicious meal that is healthy, and I can actually enjoy it! It was quick and easy and had no clean up other than throwing away the wrappers and the foil.

I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately, and I just really needed this tonight. It might seem like it's not a big deal to most people, but it's been so long since I've actually felt in control of my health and my future, and tonight made me feel like I CAN DO THIS!

I guess the post wasn't so quick afterall (haha!) -Andrea

I'm having a hard time right now. I guess I'm bored, but I just don't want to do anything either. I was gonna go to the gym tonight, but I decided to do something else instead. Ok, so it was homework, which is good, but still. I could have done the homework after the gym, and now the gym is closed. I did a little cleaning today, but not like I needed to. I don't even feel like eating.

I'm starting back to work on Tuesday and I'm really anxious. I can't wait to go back so that I can start earning money again and feeling productive and seeing all my clients. But honestly, before I went on FMLA leave, I couldn't wait to get out of there. I just felt so negatively every time I walked in the door. My coworkers have bad attitudes, I feel completely out of place there, and honestly, I have just about zero patience for customers anymore. I don't feel like my month "break" helped much because I didn't get to do anything relaxing or fun, other than go to the beach for one day. Everybody keeps talking about how it must have been a nice vacation, and I just want to smack them and say, what part of major surgery sounds like a vacation to you?!

I'm not usually this grumpy or negative, I'm just feeling really down tonight. I hope that going back to work will make me feel less shitty. I know it's not all bad, it's just a few bad instances that make me feel negative about the whole work environment. I'm also not looking forward to the probing questions about the surgery and how much I've lost and personal stuff. I'm pretty closed off at work. I like to keep my personal business at home.

I'm going to try taking a sleep aid tonight so I can actually get some sleep. I've been up until 5 or 6 am the last week. Even though I'm tired, I just can't sleep. I know that's affecting my mood right now too. Wish me luck. Hopefully I'll be less cranky tomorrow.

I went this morning bright and early and had my stricture problem taken care of. It was kind of a funny experience because they accidentally booked three people (me being one of them) for the same appointment time, so I ended up getting bumped back from 8 am to 10 am. I had my gram there with me, so it didn't bother me too much but the other guy waiting got all pissed off at the nurses as if they had anything to do with it. Some people are just jerks I guess. Anyway, I had two really cool nurses, both named Bryan, and they introduced themselves as B-squared, haha. Now, I've had an endoscopy before and then the wls surgery and both times I was really slow and sluggish afterwards, but I was always aware of what was going on. This time, I was soooo loopy. My gram told me later that I was convinced that there were tiny terriers hiding in the curtains and they were smiling and winking at me. I died laughing when she told me that. So when we got home I slept for about 6 hours and got some really good rest. Unfortunately that means here I am at 2 am feeling pretty awake. But oh well, I was able to drink juice, water, and even some chocolate soymilk and all of it went down and stayed down! I'm so relieved and happy that they took care of the problem so quickly and that I'm not gonna be stuck feeling like that forever! Anyway, that's it for me! Good night!  -Andrea