faylavi

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Ok so I bought my way out of my funk, literally.  If this keeps up I am gonna have to open my own amusement park to get better use of the roller coaster that is my life.  Not sure what is triggering my funk(s), but I may have to start journaling or something so I can get a clue.

I was cheating on my eating program.  They say a little honesty goes a long way.  It only works if you are honest with yourself.  For some reason I was eating on the go an making bad choices.  The only good thing is that I did not gain any additional weight.  So today I am back to shaking and measuring (more than my waist), my food.

I am impulsive by nature.  So sometimes it gets the better of me and i roll with it.  Nothing a little Adderal cant curb (yes I have a Rx).  How is it possible for a fat person to have ADHD?  Leave it to me to have a hyperactive mind and an underactive body....freaking freak of nature

Fay

My weight is not moving again. Fay is in need of a hug....

its not what you think.

So I got lots of compliments today amd I am soooo grateful.  The enthuasim led me to eat at highspeed.  Its been weeks since I have had a stuffed chest. All it took was curry beef. 

Yes I cooked, I ate and I choked.  Checks and balances.  My sleeve is still incharge and our on again off again love affair is going strong.

Fay

2 things I dont understand

Some times they both make me sick but I cant live without them!


Fay

music to my ears and eyes.  I was pleasantlt surprised this morning.  Its been a while since I said this.... I LOVE MY SLEEVE!!!!!  Yes the love affair is back on.<-- yeah as usual I am dancing.

Happy Sunday

Fay

is to stop eating when full.  Yesterday I attempted to convince myself that there is a way "to get it all in".  I waited too long to eat and was hungry (I was surprised too). 

I am learning S L O W L Y.  Cant teach a old dog new tricks, according to my mother. This OLD dog may have to agree with her. 

Damn it I am almost 43.  The worst part is my BMI is 43.  Soon my age and BMI will overlap.  I pray they overlap at 42. 

Did I mention I haave ADHD?  Well there you have it, PROOF!

Fay

That number has been haunting me for years. Three years ago I went to nutrition and I told them if I can get to 250 I wont do surgery.  I am starting to think I have a mental block around this number. 

I am close to finally conquering 250.  Yes panic is starting to set in.  This will be epic for me.  I hope it happens this weekend.  I was gonna say that I will hold my breath until I am 250, but I remembered how poorly that worked when I was a kid.


Fay

My stall finally broke!  This moring I step on the scale and could not believe my eyes 252.2 <-- I literally did this dance.

Fay is very happy!

I say that to say that my fat is too much not to lose!  Stall be damned. 

I have been in a real funk, since my 6 week weigh in.  I lost 5 pounds in a month

My fears:
That I wont lose any more weight
I will always be fat
If I eat any less I will faint

Where is my zooloft?  My mind is running rampant, but my humor isnt.  So today I am grasping on straws. Seeking a new perspective.  I have taken my lumps (not talking about my stomach).  I have eaten too fast, too much, not enough and not at all.  I am guessing that change cant be far behind.

Fay

My stall prevailed, but its the weekend.