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I took my pre-op pics and measurements today.  I am so embarassed with what I have let myself become.  I was out with friends today and took just a random picture out and about and it was even worse. I always though that I had a pretty good idea of my size but I have just let it get out of hand and I was shocked

I start my preop diet tomorrow.  I am actually looking forward to it for now. Of course ask me in a couple days when I am having withdrawl from  carbs.

So, my next chapter starts.

7 days till I start my pre-op diet.  Today I got the rest of the stuff I need for post surgery. Got my vitamins and supplements, got the broth and s/f popsicles, ordered my unjury....getting excited. It is kind of weird though. I am trying to think of what food I 'have' to fit in before I start my preop!  I just don't know if there is anything I want, I feel like I am already mentally ready for the change though scared just the same.
Talk about a lot of changes. I have decided to leave my current job for a different one that will allow me to have a routine which for me is super important but the stress of doing that and then everyone wanting to do a happy hour....good and bad timing...
Today I am going to go to the YMCA and sign up so that when I start my new job I am going to start the habit of going directly to the gym afterwards...habits:-)  Some good ones for a change.

I am very excited, very excited for all the changes and happy to have my mom coming down  to take care of me!!

8/21/12 right around the corner!!

Was disappointed but not surprised that I was denied by my insurance. Basically I haven't been fat enough long enough....so frustrating. Why do you want someone who is morbidly obese to wait for 5 years, give them a chance to develop other problems that are quite costly to insurance instead of taking a 'preventative' measure.  I don't know. 

I am excited though. I have been doing research on Mexico since I started this whole deal and decided with Dr. Aceves and am going to get the sleeve 8/21/12.  Very excited but also pretty darn nervous. My mom is going to fly down which makes me happy. Gets me spoiled for a little while:-)

I have been without coffee for 7 days and finally getting over the headaches.  I haven't had any of my diet sodas for probably 3 weeks.  I am really trying to decrease my amount of food so that my pre-op diet doesn't hit so hard. 

Very excited, very nervous and can't wait to make this change. I am fortunate to have so much support!!

It is so frustrating...going from running a marathon and being in such amazing shape...which I totally took for granted...to this.  Today I ran my 2nd 5k this year and took 2 minutes off my time but I am so tired and my joints hurt so bad.  I hope that I get approved for surgery so I can continue running, rather get back in to running and get back down to my 24 minute times...oh well. At least I didn't and didn't allow myself to get fearful and back out.

All my paperwork was submitted last week and they say it takes about 2 weeks to get authorized from insurance.  I just don't know. I might be approved I might not.  I think that I have decided to go to Mexico if I don't get approved. There seem to be a lot of support for it but we will see in a couple weeks.

I have started my proces towards getting the gastric sleeve surgery.  Had my psych and nutrition consult.  Got my 5 year weight history. Need to do another week of weight watcher's and find a PCP that will write me a letter.  I am really excited but very nervous. I imagine like everyone going through this, I am afraid of failing and letting myself down. 
In general I am in a very good place. I really do think that I am a good person, I have a great career,  I feel very fortunate in so many ways but I feel like I am not letting myself enjoy it because of my size.  I don't feel healthy, I don't feel good and I need to make a change.
What I have been working on since seeing the nutritionist:
1) No more soda- it was diet but I haven't had any for about 3 weeks and I am actually kind of missing it
2) Eating one meal mindfully per day
3) Cutting down my coffee to 2x/week
4) Ending my relationship with ice cream gradually
5) Increasing my exercise in a way that I won't hurt myself which is what I normally do. I think I am still that young Marine that can do anything and needless to say...not quite the case.

Anyway, the journey begins.  I think we will submit to insurance for approval in 2 weeks. My concern, I have a history of bulimia.  While the doctor isn't worried, the insurance company might not be as eager to approve this.  All I can do is wait and see.