Dodgergirl27

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Starting Weight: 338

Current Weight: 286.2

Total Loss: 51.8 lbs

Well, I've lost over 50 lbs (14 of which were during the pre-op diet).  That is exciting.  I'm continuing to have some constipation issues, but I notice that goes away when I ease up on my vitamins (only taking 1 or 2 instead of the 3 my nut recommends).  I realize this isn't the best strategy in the world, so I plan on speaking with my Dr. about it soon.  Also, I still can't really eat anything solid, even though I've been cleared to eat anything by my Dr.  A typical day looks like:

B- Premier Protien

L - Fage 2% Greek Yogurt

D - Either eggface ricotta bake or another premier shake

I've tried eating some eggs, tuna salad, and all types of solid protein (shrimp, pork, chicken, beef, corned beef, carnitas) and non of it has ended up staying in my pouch for longer than 30 sec.  I feel ok, other than that I eat and then puke right away.  That makes me a hard person to go out to dinner with, which kind of sucks b/c it's really cutting into my social life.  That being said, other than the awkward puking, life is pretty good.  I feel great.  I had a pretty major NSV this weekend, I always love to bake (even though baked goods were never really my thing pre-op, I like savory foods not so much sweets).  Anyways, I remember at Christmas being asked to bake and standing in the kitchen for those 3 yrs nearly killed my ankles and knees.  I was in so much pain you would've thought a ran a marathon.  Well this weekend I was asked to do some baking for some upcoming family events and a birthday and I was in the kitchen for 3 1/2 hrs and it was so much fun.  I didn't have one bit of pain.  It was really fun to just be in the kitchen doing my thing and not have this nagging pain sucking all of the joy out of it.  I was home alone so I had my music blaring and was dancing around the kitchen while I baked.  It was a great afternoon and something I couldn't do pre-surgery so that felt really good.  Another NSV was I joined a book club and met some new people.  Prior to losing this weight I hid in my house and was a total couch potato and recluse because I was so ashamed of my weight.  I never would have gone to this book club prior to surgery (it was through meetup.com so I didn't know anyone which usually makes me super self conscious b/c I'm thinking everyone who meets me must be in shock at my size).  Anyways, it was a lot of fun and it was nice to go to this new event and not be debilitated by my own lack of self esteem.  I'm not saying that I'm filled with confidence or anything, but I'm working on it and with each pound lost it seems to get a little easier.  So lots of positives, one negative and I lost weight.  All in all a pretty good week.

Starting Weight: 338

Current Weight: 289.6

Total Loss: 48.4 lbs

Not much to add this week.  I expected my weight loss to slow a bit since I had a really good week last week.  I still get sick every time I try to eat even a bit of food.  As an example I had a work lunch yesterday, and ordered the shrimp cocktail.  I ate one shrimp (it was a medium sized shrimp) and had to run to the bathroom to puke it up.  Luckily I was able to excuse myself without anyone really noticing much was wrong.  Once I throw up, I feel fine, but it comes on quick and I can't stop it.  I don't really miss eating, and to be honest would love to be able to only eat a couple of shrimp every time I went out for the rest of my life, but I'd like to eat 1 or 2 shrimp without fear of vomiting.  That's my biggest regret/negative right now is I hate missing out on going out to diner with people.  I wish I could just participate.  It's not that I can't sit there and drink water, but sometimes that just makes it harder.  Anyways, other than that I feel great, I've gone down a size and my clothes that were way too tight now fit, so that's really exciting.  People are starting to notice and that's both good and bad (sometimes the attention can make me uncomfortable).  Anyways, that's all for this week.

Starting Weight: 338

Current Weight: 292

Total Loss: 46 lbs

So this has been a weird week for me.  I am thrilled with the weight loss!  But I've had 1 physical issue this week and 1 mental/emotional issue.  I'll start with the physical:  So in my Dr's plan, I started the pureed stage this week.  I was very excited as this meant (to me at least) an easing up on the protein shakes.  The thing is, I've been extremely nauseous all week long whenever I eat any pureed food.  I feel fine, except for when I try and eat anything other than greek yogurt or a protein shake (and once the nausea passes, I feel fine again).  What ends up happening is that I literally puke within moments of eating one bite, and then have no real appetite after.  So I've only been getting in 1 - 1 1/2 shakes a day (which could explain the weight loss and makes me fearful for re-gain).  I drink the premier protein shakes (160 cals, 3g fat, 4 carbs, 1 sugar) so I'm not ingesting many calories.  The interesting thing is before the surgery, if someone would have told me I could live off 200 - 300 cals a day and have plenty of energy and feel no hunger, I would've thought they were crazy.  Now, it seems to be my new reality (which I love).  The other interesting/funny thing to me, is that pre-surgery I would literally pray at night that I would get through the surgery ok (I was scared of surgery) and that my surgeon would give me the smallest pouch possible  (I had a fear that I would get cut into and still have a huge appetite.  Maybe irrational, maybe not, but it was my second biggest fear about this surgery). Now I'm realizing that my pouch is in fact very tiny.  My bites have to be significantly smaller, I have to eat significantly slower (I knew this prior to the surgery, but this week is the first time I'm experiencing it).  So, the physical (throwing up) was not great (but honestly not horrible either because there wasn't much there to throw up).

The mental/emotional is that people are starting to notice my weight loss.  While I enjoy that, and am starting to feel better (gotta love wearing smaller sizes - I'm down from a 20 to an 18 and the 18's are really starting to be way to big on me as well), one thing that has been hard is that the first question people ask is, "how much weight have you lost?".  For me that's a really emotional question, b/c if I were to say "47 lbs", I feel like that's a lot of weight, however, I still want to lose about 130 more!  So, by admitting how much I have to lose, it gives people a sense of how big I really got (which is stupid, b/c they could see me, so they knew.  But I still had this idea in my head that with all of my baggy clothes I was somehow hiding it from them).  I told my dad how much I lost and god bless him he said, "so how much more do you want to lose?  Like 40 lbs? wouldn't that get you back to your weight in college?"  I said, "not quite dad".  He was off by about 110 lbs. :) Once again, god bless him, but I think he sees me through the eyes of a loving father.  Most people do not, so to admit that I still have so much weight to lose is a hard thing.  Now, I don't have to tell them (and I've become pretty good at evading the question), but still it has brought up some emotional issues for me.  I know this journey will have tons of those so I better pull up my big girl pants and get used to it, but it was just the odd observation I've had this week since it's really the first week people have noticed any weight loss.  

That's all for this week.  Have a great week everyone!

Starting Weight: 338

Current Weight: 299

Total Loss: 39 lbs

Not a lot to add this week.  I was in the "3 week stall" I think (although I know it last longer for some, and considering overall I lost I can't call it a stall) but I've basically been losing and gaining these 2 lbs all week.  So as of today I'm down 2, but tomorrow I could be back up to 301.  It's been frustrating, but I keep telling myself it's part of the process.  Luckily I can use the OH search function and there are a ton of post on this very topic, so it helps to put my mind at ease.

In an effort to "break" the stall, I upped my protein and fat last night.  Technically I am suppose to wait until Fri (2/21) to start pureed foods, but I had a pureed food last night :)  And I have to say I don't regret it at all!  I had the ricotta bake from www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com and it was SO good.  Seriously, I can't recommend this enough.  Try it (if you like lasagna and pasta flavors) and you won't be disappointed.  What was crazy, since this is basically the first time I've had anything to eat in 6 weeks, is that I weighed and measured everything so that I would stay within my 2 oz. per my Dr.'s instructions.  I CAN NOT BELIEVE that 2 oz totally satisfied me and filled me up.  If someone had said that was even in the realm of possibility a month ago, I would have laughed at them.  So, I'm going to chalk that up to a NSV, because the ricotta tasted amazing but I was satisfied and full with 2 oz (old me would have probably finished the entire bake and then made another one to eat).

Some of the reason I started this blog was to try and give people a sense of exactly what I"m doing on a daily basis (because I'm always looking for that from people on OH.  What's working/what's not kind of thing, so for reference, my protein for the week was the following: 

Fri - 68; Sat - 56; Sun - 79; Mon - 57; and Tue - 80

I have read a number of post on OH that to break a stall people upped their calories/protein/fat or even carbs.  My main focus right now (since I'm not really eating much, nor do I have much of an appetite) is my protein, also that's what my Dr. told me to focus on.  Anyways, I'm really going to try and get it up to 80+ for the next few days and see how that works.  Have a great week everyone.

Starting Weight: 338

Current Weight: 301

Total Loss: 37 lbs

Not much to add this week.  I suffered my first bout of constipation (It was literally the worst of my life, I was in tears one night).  Saw my DR. and he recommended Milk of Magnesia or Myrolax.  I went with Myrolax and its seems to have made things much better.  I also had my 2 week follow up apt.  Everything went really well, except the Dr. would like me to be shooting for 80 grams of protien a day (instead of the 60 I was getting).  I have added Fage 2% yogurt into my diet with 2 tbsp of PB2 and it is really good (that stuff taste so much like PB and ony 45 cals and 0 fat per serving).  I'm also trying to up my water, I've found I can hit 64 oz consistently, but I'm going to try and get 75 oz in next week.  I am working on getting more steps in and am planning on joining a gym tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

Other than that, week 3 was a pretty normal week.  One bad side effect I'm noticing is that I have some serious body acne (on my shoulders mainly), I can say I"ve never had that in my life (I honestly can't think of a single zit on my body), so I'm thinking it must be a side effect of the surgery.  I did read some post on OH that said with the release of hormones the first few months that acne was more likely to occur.  I'm hoping that is all it is.  Luckily it's not where any one can see it, so it's a minor problem.  Hopefully I'll keep plugging along this next week and see good results on the scale!

Starting Weight: 338

Current Weight: 307.6

Total Loss: 30.4 lbs

Well, so far so good.  It's crazy that I've lost 30 lbs and almost no one has noticed.  That says a lot about how far I have to go.  There was a time in my life where a 30 lb loss would have been a huge difference.  Oh well, I'm on the path now, I guess that's all I can focus on.  I am noticing my jeans are getting very loose, so I"m liking that.

I'm still on all liquid protiens, but I get to have soup this friday!  That's exciting.  I've been going on 1/2 hr walks during my lunch break which has been really nice and relaxing.  I bought a fitbit one and I love it, it really helps me to challenge myself in terms of total daily steps.  I"m a big fan (I also love the tracker app on my phone, it makes it kind of fun).

I had my first family/social outing since surgery (I've kind of been living like a recluse to avoid food and talking about why I'm not eating as I haven't told many people yet).  I gotta say, it was HARD!  There was so much good food and everything smelled great, but I was good and stuck to sipping my water (I drank a protien shake before and after the event).  The bummer was the next morning when I stepped on the scale, I didn't lose anything (first time since I started this process).  Old me would have taken that as a sign and gone and got a bunch of junk and spent the rest of the day eating crap.  Post pouch me kept to her shakes and water and I saw a loss the following day.  At this point, only 2 weeks out, I really have to remind myself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. that this is a journey.  I think I've been on so many crash diets in my life that changing my mindset is really going to be one of my biggest obstacles.  I just have to remember: I'm a work in progess.

Sugery Date: 01/22/2014

First consult weight: 338

Date of surgery weight: 324

Current weight: 310

Total weight lost 28 lbs

Hello,

I am one and a half week's post surgery, and I believe I have replaced food with stalking bariatric websites (obesityhelp and bariatricpals) wondering if all of the things I'm feeling are "normal" or strange or I should be worried.  I have read a number of blog post on OH and found them to be immensly helpful.  I think it's because in the blogs people can be pretty honest about their personal journey.  On the boards (which are also great) people are looking for answers to specific questions, and there you get a plethora of answers and even arguments.  For me, this will just be my diary, no more no less.  I hope that at some point I'm a "success", but I'm still so far out and the failure of so many diets is still so prevelant in my mind that it's hard to see the light at this point.

I guess a little about me first.  I have struggled with my weight my whole life.  I have an incredibly thin mother, who had me going to weight watcher meetings since I was 6 (I even remember her having an argument with the group leader about my age).  So I've literally been a yo-yo dieter since my youth.  Luckily I was a pretty serious athlete as well for most of my younger years (even got a full ride for my sport) and that helped to keep the weight down.  Even still, I was always the "big" girl in my group, bouncing between 10/12/14 as my sizes (a 20 lb flucuation in my weight was just the norm).  Post college my weight went up and down quite a bit and then I decided to go to law school, at my heighest weight ever (at the time) of 250.  Because so much studying was involved and I didnt' know a soul (I went to school out of state), I was able to really focus in on a low carb/low cal diet and  I lost 50 lbs and was feeling pretty good about myself when I fell back off the diet merry go round and gained not only the 50 I'd lost but eventually another 83 (over a 7 year period).

I came to the decision to have Wls (RnY to be specific) becasue I have 2 aunts who've had pretty good success and 5 family friends who have had it as well.  Some have done better than others, but all have kept quite a bit of the weight off.  I don't want to yo yo diet any more.  I don't want to think about my weight and how people will look at me (or not look at me) for the rest of my life.  I want to feel good about myself.  I have a history of diabetes and heart disease in my family, and while I dont' have any of those yet, somehow I could feel myself knocking on the door.  Its hard to explain, but somehow I knew 2014 was going to be the year I either took control of my life/weight or it would take control of me and I'd recede into the background of my life forever.

My thoughs 1.5 weeks out are 1. I'm really sick of protien shakes (3.5 weeks with pre-op), 2. It's nice to see the scale moving and 3. Fear

It's fear that I'll really discuss here.  Because I have no hunger (which is amazing and honestly the first time in my life I can say that), I haven't felt any of the super full feelings that some people on the boards talk about.  Also, I haven't had any "real" food yet (nor will I for another 5 weeks).  So there's a part of me that is terrified (I mean losing sleep at night scared) that somehow the surgery didn't work or my stomach is no smaller.  This is where OH has been so helpful, because I realize I am not the first, nor probably the last to have this fear early on.  Still, until I feel that restriction, there will be fear in my mind that the hunger beast that lives inside of me will rear it's ugly head and finishing off a whole pizza by myself could still happen.  Not that I did that very often, but I could pre surgery, and I don't know what I'll do if I don't feel that restriction.  I know I can diet, I've made a life time of it.  I don't want to diet any more.  I want my stomach to stop me from my worst impulses.  I realize there's a fair amount of head work that needs to be done too, and I'm working on that as well.  My hope is that the combination of working on my head and the physical restriction of my stomach will be the answer to prayers.  I suppose only time will tell.

For all the pre-ops out there reading this, the surgery and recovery were pretty simple.  I had surgery on Wed, was released from the hospital on friday and back at work on Monday.  Work last week was no problem (I have a desk job).  I've been going on 30 min walks each day during my lunch hour and plan to join a gym as soon as I'm cleared for exercise (which I think will be 2/10 the date of my post op follow up appointment).  I suppose my goals in these post are two fold: 1.  I think it's nice to have a place to reflect on this journey and work through my thoughts and 2. I'm trying to pay it forward to all of the people who posted before me and who's journey have been both an inspiration and a lifeline in some very scary/nerve wracking moments during the pre-op process.  Good luck to everyone else wherever you may be on this path, and I'll post more next week.