dlang057

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

It is now two days until surgery and I can't sleep so I thought I would put some thoughts down as a note to my future self.  There are several things I don't want to forget about being 368 lbs. with the hope that remembering these things will be motivation to never be this weight again.

1. Being 368lbs makes your body hurt!  Not every part of you or even every day but for goodness sake you are only 38 years old and sometime you can barely walk.  Your back hurts and knees, feet, ankles and even your arms and shoulders. 
2. Your waist has bruises and marks from where your size 24 pants have been digging in day after day.  Also bruises from too tight bras cutting in to your skin on a daily basis.
3. You now where a size 12 shoe uncomfortably.  You used to where a size 10!
4. You are one of the fattest people at work. You are the fattest person in the family.
5. Your weight has prohibited you from maintaining your house and yard to the degree you expect of yourself.  Only the needed stuff truly ever get's done and that is always a struggle.
6. You have no friends outside of work and you only engage those work friends, outside of work functions, when absolutely necessary because you are so embarrassed by the way you look.
7. You began lashing out at your loved ones because you hated yourself so much.
8. You envied others, even people you didn't know, because they have the lives you so dearly wanted but couldn't give yourself.
9. Lastly, you are 38 years old and very soon to be 39 and life has stood still for far, far too long because of this 368lb. life.

So it is time to stop hating, time to stop being envious of others for the things they have that I don't,  time to stop self-loathing and time to start focusing on the positive gift that I am giving myself on Tuesday, March 25th.  A new chapter, an awesome 2nd act and a time to really live life for all its got to give.