dinas27

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I have always loved Christmas.  I love spending time with my family and seeing everyone.  It was a time to enjoy and eat.  I come from a big Italian family so the eating starts on Christmas eve and just continues all day Christmas.  Now things are different.  My dad passed away 5 years ago right before Christmas, I can honestly say he was my best friend.  We worked together every day for 25 years.  So Christmas is different.  I finally get he passing under my belt (kind of...you never get over it you just learn to live with it) I decide to have surgery and start working on "me".  Do I regret it, NEVER! I am doing this for my daughter, I am doing this for me, I want to live and if I continued the way I was going my daughter would not have a mother.  So please, know, I do not regret this.  But it does make Christmas different.  I'm having a really hard time adjusting.

Well Monday was my first day back to work.  I woke up extra early to make sure I had time and would get there in time.  I'm moving kinda slow still..lol  I get to work and my desk is covered with papers.  I want to cry!  I sit down and dig in.  It was so hard making sure I stopped to walk and get food in.  I'm so amazed at that.  I actually forgot to eat.  I don't think that's ever happened to me.  So I walked, I got my water in and I tried to get all my food in.  I found these really cute Rubbermaid containers that hold about 1/4 cup of food in it, so I just brought an assortment of things to work with me.  One of the girls at work said "that's your lunch, I put my dip in something that size"..lol  By 2:30 I fell asleep at my desk.  One of my co-workers walked up to me talking and scared the crap out of me.  When I left at 3:30 I felt like I had been up for days, my side was killing me, I had a headache and I thought I cant do this.  I drove home on the verge of tears.  Got home laid on the couch and fell asleep.  My mom called and said, "I bet it was because of stress, tomorrow will be better".  Did I mention my mom is Polly Positive..LOL  Well she was right (dammit).  Today was better.  I made it all day, got in all my food, got in all my water, and walked.  That was my goal...and I did it!  Wooo Hooo!

Today...I am grateful for my new beginning.  I know its going to be hard, and a huge adjustment, but I can do it.  I CAN DO IT!

Dina

OK, so normally I'm a very happy, smiley, nothing gets me down person.  Last night was the first night I thought why did I do this.  I hurt! Its not life threatening, its sore.  I think I'm more anxious then hurt, I don't want anything to go wrong.  I'm following my DR's orders to a T...I want the next 3 weeks behind me so I can start moving on and losing the weight. 

I think one of the things that is hurting me so much right now is my sister.  I have 2 sisters and a brother, both of my sisters are a LITTLE overweight.  Nothing compared to what I had to lose.  One sister has been amazing.  Calling everyday, checking to see how I'm doing, telling me to call if I need anything.  The other sister has not called since last weekend.  Not a "how you doing" not a "glad your home" nothing.  Its so hard to understand because we are such a close family.  We are there for each other no matter what.  My life was turned upside down last year helping her through a divorce with her kids, I never complained that's what family does.  I'm hurt, and I think the pain meds are making me more "down" so I'm going to try to just do some extra strength Tylenol today and see if I can get through that way..and not be down.

OK...so I have rambled on..and probably don't make any sense...but just wanted to write it down so when I'm 4 months down the road I can remember how far I came.

Thanks!

Well its Thursday, and its the 3rd or 4th day after surgery..can figure out how to count that..lol  Must be the meds, yeah that's it!.  I'm really sore today, but thank goodness I'm passing some gas so the bloating is going down a little.  The left side is so bad, its amazing how much you use your stomach muscles even thought you don't have a lot of stomach muscles, does that make sense? 

Yesterday I got down 24 oz of juice / water and today my goal is to get all 32oz in.  I just want to get through the next 3 or 4 weeks with no complications and get to the other side and start losing!  Small steps...small goals...but I cant wait!

Ok, so today is day 1 of clear liquid diet.  Can I just say YUK! I'm ready to go to bed..lol.  I have list of things that need to get done before Monday and yet I have no energy to get it done.  I cant imagine what tomorrow brings.

Well its Thursday, I was doing good all week getting things done for Monday "D-Day" and today was like crashing into a wall.  I took my daughter to school, and she wanted me to talk to the nurse about me calling on Monday after surgery to let her know I was ok, and she would pull my daughter our of class and let her know.  As I'm sitting there telling the nurse, with my 9 year old looking at me with HUGE blue watery eyes I'm thinking...WHAT AM I DOING! What if I'm not ok, what if this is the last time I look into that face.  I got int he car and I lost it!  I have to keep telling myself, I'm doing it for myself, but I'm doing it for my daughter too.  I want to move and be a part of her life for a very long time.  Being as heavy as I am it wont happen.  Its not helping the pit in my stomach, but I keep repeating it over and over again.  

Good thoughts...good thoughts...good thoughts...lol