DianeI
1/15/02
I am researching and looking into getting a referral from my PCP. I am looking forward to finding out all I can and then going forward with this surgery. Height 5'6" Weight 287.
2/4/02
I had therapy session this past week, my Dr. is on staff at Johns Hopkins, Bayview. I have been seeing her for almost 5 years for binge eating disorder. Thank God for her, I have only gained about 15 pounds in the last 3 years. I asked her how she felt about my having this surgery and her words to me were, "You are a textbook candidate for this surgery." I was so thrilled I could have kissed her. She said she does psych evals for Dr. Magnuson and that she would send him a letter stating that I had already had my eval and she recommends me for this surgery. She also told me, had I still been in the thros of BED, she would never advise that I have the surgery.
I called my primary care physican right after I left her office to see if he had any cancelations, and he DID. I saw him several hours later and left with a referral to Dr. Magnuson in my hot little hands! I faxed the information, my weightloss history, family history and a cover letter to him that afternoon. Now I am just waiting to hear from his office to schedule an appointment. I am SURE it will be months, but this part has gone so smoothly that I dare not say too much, for fear nothing will come to fruition.
I have been told my insurance is excellent and probably won't have a bit of trouble now that Maryland has passed their law about the surgery.
I notice that people drop off this site after surgery or just never update. I plan to update with new information and keep a running history of this. Who knows, I may become like all the other "wannabe" writers and write a book about this!
2/12/02
Well, I have a date for my intial consultation! April 14, 2002. Andi from Dr. Magnuson's office called me this morning. I had to send him an email last week to find out why they were dragging their feet on this consultation. He said he would talk with his secretary and low and behold, first thing this morning, she called me. I don't mind waiting and know this is a slow process. I just like to see movement in the forward direction, no matter how slow it might be!
4/16/02
I met Dr. Magnuson today. My husband and I went together. Dr. M seems very down to earth, yet knowledgable. I know so much about the surgery that I really didn't need to ask a lot of questions. Now all I have to do is wait for his assistant Andi to submit the Pre Auth. to my insurance company. My primary care physician will send them a letter discussing my past attempts at weightloss. Now all I do is pray for a quick approval and then a surgery date. Andi seems to think the date will be in July sometime. I don't want to wait.. hehehe but I HAVE to. God grant me a peace about this and make it all go smoothly! God is good!
5/2/02
Frustration abounds! Dr. M's secretary is difficult to deal with. I don't know if she is just really busy or what. She doesn't return calls, she is always on the other line and it has taken her over two weeks to tell me that she still doesn't have my information typed for the insurance company. She claimed she didn't have a letter from my therpist, so I had my therapist resend it. She finally told me she had that. Now she says she doesn't have anything from my family PCP and he said he faxed it. I think I am going to go into the office tomorrow and hand carry all that I have and ask her if I can fax it all to the insurance company. I do not know what to believe or do anymore.
I can wait for surgery, I just want the approval and it is nonsense to have to wait this long just for paperwork to be typed. Let it be known, I will NOT say good things about someone who is incompetent. All of my observations will be quite candid!!
May 13, 2002
APPROVED!! YES! I had to fax the information myself, but after 2, yes 2 DAYS I had approval. Now I just have to get Dr. Magnuson's secretary to return my calls so I can schedule the surgery!! I am so excited! (Can you tell?)
May 13, 2002
YES I have a date! August 8, 2002 at Johns Hopkins Bayview. I am so excited I can hardly stand it.
May 15, 2002
I am enjoying not having to stress over the approval and a date. It is so very nice to know that I am offically "pre-op". Anyone in my area who would like to contact me, PLEASE DO! My Maryland friend Deb got her approval and date also. She will be about 4 weeks behind me. We are both very happy and it's fun to share with others!
May 21, 2002
I hadn't intended to tell very many people about this surgery. I certainly wasn't going to tell my family. My sis, who lives 1000 miles away KNEW because she found this site and found my profile. She is not a candidate for the surgery, but she was just curious one day and found my name. What a coincidence! She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone! May is drawing to a close and summer will fly by. I can't wait!
May 30, 2002
I have an angel!! Amy Chetelat has agreed to be my angel. I also have a nice new friend, Deb who is having surgery a week and a half before me. I hope to be her angel and provided support for her. I am spending 4 weeks in LaJolla, CA. My husband has a short-term assignment there so my daughter and I will live there with him. I will return on July 27, about 1 1/2 weeks before my surgery. I think this will make the time go by even faster.
June 9, 2002
Each day it gets harder and harder to wait. I keep thinking that this time next year there will be so many things I will be able to do and FEEL like doing that I don't or can't do right now. It used to be that I wanted so badly to look thin and be thin because of what others thought of me. Now, this is FOR ME. Boy does that feel wonderful to say!
June 12, 2002
I went to my first support group meeting. It was wonderful to meet all the great people there. It was uplifting and informative. I won't be able to make any other meeting as I will be in California next month and my surgery is before the August meeting! I am now officially an ANGEL. Jason Youngbar, a patient of Dr. Magnuson's asked me to be his angel! I am thrilled. I am also thankful for my friends that I have met here online. Jason, Deb, Amy, Kim, Teresa, Toni.. thanks to all of you.
July 5, 2002
Well, I am in sunny beautiful CA while back home it is 100+ degrees. I love it here in LaJolla. I have surprised myself by being able to do a lot of the walking and sightseeing that I thought I was too fat or too out of shape to do. My husband, who loves to scuba dive, took a dive off of La Jolla shores the other day. He had to carry his 100 pound plus equipment on his back and around his waist up and down two flights of stone steps to the shore. Later that week he told me that he thought of me when he was walking back up the stairs and that he realized how very difficult it must be to carry around the extra weight that I have on me. I think he was very sympathetic and compassionate to say that. What a complete turn around he has done about understanding my weight. I managed a 9am-6pm trip to Sea World and only really had to sit and rest one time. I guess this trip is keeping my mind off of the surgery and also getting me in good shape for the surgery. I think I am now down to about 33 more days until surgery! Life is good and getting better each day! Imagine how I will feel a year from now!!!
July 16, 2002
23 days until surgery. I am now under a month!!! California is wonderful but I am missing home a lot. I know it's better to be here doing things, but I am anxious to get back home and do the preparations necessary for the surgery. I stopped smoking 2 days ago. That gives me a month to get my lungs in shape for the surgery. I hope this is adequate time.
July 21, 2002
Today is my 23rd anniversary. Hubby and I are going to Coronado Hotel for our anniversary dinner. I have 6 more days before I return to Baltimore. My daughter and I plan to do a few more sight-seeing things this week and then take Friday to pack up our stuff. As of today, I have 18 more days until surgery. I am getting extremely anxious to finally get this done. It seems, at times, like it has been an eternity, but I know it's all par for the course. I have enjoyed eating some things that i usually deny myself, knowing that they are "fattening", such as a dessert when we go out, or a few fries with my lunch. I guess the blessing for me is, there is no scale here in San Diego to watch. I used to always jump on and off of the scale. I don't plan to get on the scale until they weigh me at the Dr. office, because frankly, it doesn't really matter at this point. I think that the hardest thing for me will be not being able to drink a lot with my meal. I generally drink at least 2 glasses of liquid with my meals. I guess though, that I will be eating less, therefore might not crave or need the extra liquid. I have sent away for protein supplements from 3 different sources so I will be able to try many different types and can find the one that's just right for ME. Some people have said they have experienced the "last supper" syndrome. Wanting to eat everything in sight before surgery. I just have an urge to taste all the things that I know will be out of the question for a long time after I have this surgery. I am sure this is normal and am not upset about it. I am pretty much off of soda now and I like crystal light, so that is a blessing as far as what I will be able to drink.
I have enjoyed telling people that I am having this surgery and hope that eventually, I can become an inspiration to some of my friends. Several people that I talk to online have already started the process and are pursuing it further. (good luck PamelaRU2) I have a lot of support from this site, my game site, Pogo WordRiot Clue-givers Extraordinaire, and from my yahoo groups sites. My dear friend Linda is going to come to the hospital the day after my surgery to sit with me so that my husband doesn't have to rush back to the hospital after spending the entire day there the day of surgery. I enjoy visitors when I am in the hospital and really hope that some of my friends stop by and see me, even if only for a few minutes.
My husband got me the cutest terry sweater that says San Diego on it. It's an XL and he said he knows I will be wearing it very soon. It was a really sweet thing for him to do. He hasn't purchased clothes for me since I went over a size 16 because I wouldn't tell him what size I wore. I am sooo bad!! But anyway, he's being so wonderful and I love him very much. Things are so much better than I could have ever imagined after going through "hell" the past few years.
Well we going to Mt. Polomar (sp?) to see the telescope and then to a winery today. It's so fun to do these kinds of things!!!
July 26th, 2002
Well after a wonderful, lovely time in CA my daughter and I are headed back to Maryland. I have 12 days until my surgery. I am so excited I can hardly sleep at night. I have a lot to do in the next 10 days. I have 3 pre-op appointments I have to take care of. The nutritionist, the anesthesiolgy consult and my pre-op physical with my PCP. I have a lot of things planned with friends so that I can do as much as possible before my surgery. I expect that I will be "laid up" for about 2 weeks. I like to go and do... I will miss driving my car!!! (I LOVE my convertible)
July 31, 2002
My very last time I will ever be "obese" in July. How does that sound? It's sounds wonderful to me! Tomorrow it will be exactly one week until my surgery. I had my appointments on Monday 7/29 with the anesthesiologist's nurse and also with my nutritionist. I knew most of what I was told, but it is always good to hear it all again. I ran out of my blood pressure meds on Sunday and didn't have time to refill them since I had just returned from California. When she took my b/p on Monday it was 179/110. I explained that it's always like that if I don't take my meds and she said, "just be sure your doctor clears your b/p for surgery." Maybe I should take about 5 pills before I go in tomorrow to my Primary care doctor for my pre-op physical! (just kidding) As I just mentioned, my pre-op physical, blood work and chest x-ray are all tomorrow. After that, nothing until I hear from the hospital next Wednesday about the exact time of my surgery.
Monday, while at the hospital, I had the opportunity to meet my friend of 4 months, Deb's husband, her two handsome adult sons and her Aunt from Oklahoma. Deb's surgery was Monday July 29th. She came through the surgery with flying colors. Yesterday, I spent from 10 am - 4:00 pm with her in the surgical intensive care unit. I was able to help her with a things and just be there when she needed the nurse. (It's amazing how many things you have to keep track of, your PCA pain medication button, your swab for your mouth, your call button, your little suction thingy for your spit!) lol And you never seem to be able to find them when you have all these tubes sticking out of you. I think I had to find that stuff for her about 20 times yesterday! Her hubby had to return to Hagarstown to go to work and so she was alone her in Baltimore. I was able to see first hand the pain and what is necessary to get you back on your feet. Did this make me want to not have surgery? NO WAY. It showed me that although it is extremely painful, you're up and about within 24 hours after the surgery and start to improve immediately! She is doing wonderfully and I am soooooo proud of her!
I have encountered a lot of "nay sayers" when I tell them I am having the surgery. I have learned to just tell them that I am extremely informed about this surgery and that I know there are risks involved with ANY surgery. I think most people think that losing weight is all about appearances. If you are not or never have been morbidly obese, you have no clue the kind of restrictions it puts on your life, both health-wise and mentally. Walk a day in my shoes, is all I have to say to them!!! (if they fit, I wear a size 11) (hehehe)
I want to thank my angels, Heather and Amy for keeping up with me. Also, I want to thank my wonderful, wonderful friend Linda for being there when I need her! She has been my friend for 21 years and I treasure her friendship like gold!!! You are the BEST Lin!
August 3, 2002
Surgery is in 5 days! All of this waiting and now I am really and truely down to the wire! Most people have asked if I am nervous. I really don't feel nervous. I am more excited than anything. I know it will hurt, I guess I am anxious to get it done, get through the pain, and MOVE ON. One thing I have learned as I have gotten older is that the phrase, "this too, shall pass" really does apply to almost all situations. If I can keep that positive attitude, I know things will work out better. I gained about 5 pounds while in CA.. but considering that it was a vacation and I was there for 5 weeks, 5 pounds isn't too bad!
I am going to take my measurements today. (How big are tape measures? LOL) I don't plan to post them online until I have lost some weight and inches so there is something with which to compare them. No sense in writing them down for the whole world to see until have have some success to boast about!
August 7, 2002
My surgery is tomorrow! YES, tomorrow! I am so excited! My hubby returns from CA tonight and then I go tomorrow. The hospital is going to call me today with the time of my surgery. I got a call from Andi, Dr. M's secretary yesterday. It scared me to death. She said, "Did you have your pre-op physical, because we don't have anything from your Dr. If we don't get it, you can't have surgery Thursday." ARGH!!!! What an awful thing to hear! So after a call to Dr. Kordon's office and two calls back to Andi, they finally received the fax with my pre-op physical and history information. That is NOT the kind of call you want to get 2 days before you surgery!
I have not yet said what I really WANT to gain from this surgery besides the weight loss. I thought it was time to say what my expectations are. So here we go!
1. I look forward to sleeping without my CPAP machine.
2. I want to be able to stop my blood pressure medication and have my b/p remain in the normal range.
3. I want to stop taking ALL the medications that take care of my "co-morbidies."
4. Sit comfortable in a booth or a chair at a restaurant or any other public place. My hubby and daughter have to "ask" me if I am comfortable when we sit in a restaurant. SOOO embarrassing!
5. Ride a roller coaster again.
6. Sit in an airplane seat and not have the seat belt stretched to the limit and almost needing an extender.
7. Cross my legs without having to grab my leg and place it on the other one!
8. Buy clothes in a "regular" size.
9. Wear ANY size that doesn't have a 2 to start or an X in front of it.
10. Run, walk, climb, without feeling like I need oxygen or feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest!
As far as my ultimate "goal" weight? I do NOT have any expectations. If I can do the things I listed above, it doesn't matter what I weigh. I want to feel good and be healthy again! If I look great then that's the PLUS side of it all! :-)
Special thanks to ALL my good friends who are supporting me! Thanks to Diane for becoming a very special friend!
August 19, 2002
First, I want to thank all of you for your love and support. I haven't been able to be online much since I got home from the hospital a week ago. It is hard to sit for any period of time at the computer.
I had my surgery Thursday August 8th at 9:30 am. It took about 4 hours. All went well and it was uneventful. I spent 2 days in surgical intensive care and then went to a regular room. I caught bronchitis the last day I was there and suffered with it for 4 days. The doctor prescribed Zithromax and that really knocked it out fast. It is NOT pleasant to have bronchitis when you have a 5 1/2 incision with 25 staples on your abdomen! I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Jack has taken wonderful care of me. He took vacation all last week to stay home with me. He returned to work today and I am sure he is both sad and glad to return after being away since June. He really didn't want to leave La Jolla.
I am carefully monitoring my food and my intake of food and water. I found my "full" feeling only one time and I hope not to find it again any time soon! LOL
I am happy to say that I think I am really doing well, aside from a lot of soreness. My first follow-up visit, to be weighed and get my staples out, is Tuesday, August 27.
August 28th, 2002
I got my staples out yesterday. I have so many different weights from so many different scales that I really don't know for sure how much I have lost. I am going to round it off and say that I have lost about 20 pounds in 19 days. Dr. Magnuson said my incision looks great and that it sounds like I am doing well. My only real complaint is that I am never hungry and eating is almost like a "chore" right now. I know the importance of eating my protein, less hair loss, no muscle loss, more energy, but I find it so hard to eat when I have no desire. I am trying!!!
My mom called me after my surgery, not knowing that I had it and she said she just had a "feeling" something was going on.... We have always had this funny "psychic" thing. So I told her all about it. I think she is happy and excited for me. She sounds great and my dad is doing well, so I am happy all the way around!
Just for those of you who have friends who are "negative". I didn't tell a lot of close friends about my surgery. I just wanted this to be MY decision and keep it within my family. When one of my friends had an idea of what was going on, she asked my husband at church what was up. Well, she was "hurt" that she wasn't told about it. It was all about "HER", not anything about me... alas, are these people truly our "friends?" And all her husband was interested in was if insurance paid for it or not. GRRRRRRRR
Going to visit my parents in Missouri in September, that will be fun!
September 2, 2002
I want to thank Vickie for the AWESOME page! She did a wonderful job! You're very sweet to fix it all up for me!
I am feeling ok. My incision has healed wonderfully. I don't have a lot of energy and I seem to feel sorta sick to my stomach all the time. I have heard that it's all pretty normal and that I should be feeling better pretty soon. I just want to get my energy back and FEEL good again. I felt FAT before my surgery but I did feel like doing things. Right now, I feel so lethargic and don't want to eat at all. I have to be careful about forcing myself to eat also. Yesterday, I tried Carnation instant breakfast and I guess it was too rich for me. I didn't dump but I had the worst tummyache EVER. I just laid on the couch and cried.
Hubby has been wonderful and I couldn't ask for someone more understanding and caring. He's really been great!
Tomorrow, I plan to head to the gym to try to do a little walking on the treadmill. The doctor said that I could do this. Wish I had more positive things to say, but I think that in a week or so, I will feel better! Officially, my scale at home is weighing me at about 256 now, which, if I subtract it from what I said I weighed at the start, 287, makes me about 31 pounds less in 25 days.
September 5, 2002
I think that I have turned the corner on feeling better. The last few days have been much nicer. I am still tired, but as far as my eating, it has improved greatly.
Some of the things that I am able to eat.
1. I found some pretzels at Walmart that have peanut butter in them. They settle well in my tummy and have protein. Just chew EVERYTHING very well.
2. beef jerkey, chewed very well.
3. ring noodle cup-a-noodle soup
4. low fat ham from the deli
5. alpine lace cheese from the deli
6. dannon lite and fit yogurt, they now have CREAMY and it's so good! Comes in smaller containers too. 6 oz
7. med. rare hamburger, cooked on the grill with cheese on top.
8. no sugar added instant pudding made with skim deluxe milk.
9. Snow crab. I bought some at a local fishmarket. It's pure protein and is VERY mild on your tummy. Plus you HAVE to eat it slowly because you have to pick it.
10. Bean burrito from Taco bell. I have to be sure to ask for NO ONIONS. We all usually swallow the onions without chewing much. As a WLS person, we have to chew a lot more. Chewing and chewing on raw onions is NOT pleasant!
11. Pintos and cheese from Taco Bell. Next time, I just want the pintos, no cheese.
I try to choose low fat, low carb, high protein foods. Sometimes, the carbs seem a bit high, but in order to get my protein in, I am compromising a little on the carbs. I think as my ability to tolerate other foods improves, I will be able to lower my carb count more.
Sept 14, 2002
After returning from St. Louis, it appears that I now weigh somewhere around 245. That's 11 pounds in the last 12 days and 42 pounds total in a little more than 5 weeks! YAY!
Sept. 23, 2002
I have my 6 1/2 week check up with Dr. Magnuson tomorrow. I will know officially what my weight loss is at that time. I find myself getting on the scale here at home way too often and not really knowing how much I have lost. Either I need to throw the scale away or get a new one. LOL I have good days and bad days as to what I can eat. Sometimes, I can eat something one day and the next day it makes me really feel sick to my stomach. The things I know I cannot eat are higher fat cheeses, fried foods and breads/pastas/rice. I have only thrown up 2 times but there have been other times when I have eaten something that didn't agree with me/eaten too much, gotten a horrible tummy ache and then had to lie down for 2 hours to get it to go away. When this happens, I avoid that food like the plague. It just seems to be hit and miss and random. I guess it takes a long time to really know what you can and cannot eat. I will post after my appointment tomorrow and put my official weight.
October 3, 2002 I didn't post my update after my appointment, but I am doing fine. I wish my weight loss would go faster. I can't remember though, when the last time was that I lost 31 pounds in 8 weeks. My body is slowly shrinking. I was wearing 24's and some 26's and 3X in tops. I am now into 20's and 22's after 8 weeks. I bought a 1X top and it fit. I am only buying stuff that's on sale because in a month it won't fit me. I go back to work on Monday, part time. My blood pressure is still high at times, especially when I am tired, stressed or upset. I wish so much that it would get better. The medication seems to hold it at 140/90 and sometimes it goes higher. My doctor only wants me to work 2-3 hours per day and see how I handle the stress. I am okay with this, I do need to go back to work at some point.
Has anyone else had a similar weight loss? If so, please email me!
October 13, 2002
I am now 9 weeks post-op and feeling better each day. According to my scale here at home I have lost somewhere close to 38 pounds. I weigh a lot, but I don't sit and worry if it goes up and down. I know the inches are coming off. I had my first "WOW" yesterday when I went to see my favorite friend at the mall. She works at a jewelry store and hubby and I have become friends with her because she likes to sell him great gifts for me LOL. It's been over a month since we have been in and she just looked at me with her mouth open and said... WOW. I sure felt good. She said she could really tell! I still have over 2 months before I go back to Missouri for Christmas, so I know I will get a few "WOW's" by then!
Eating has been pretty easy. I can eat almost anything but sugar, pasta and rice. I don't even dare TRY sugar! I know it's bad for me and I know I might dump and therefore it's very easy to say NO to it. Pasta and rice fill me up so fast that there's no room for the protein so I just stay away from those things. The closest I have come to "dumping" is when I ate something too heavy or got too full. I get a very weak feeling and have to sleep. It's not a good feeling, so I avoid it at all costs.
I saw the "Rosanne" interview on ET and all I can say is, first, at 170 pounds she is probably healthy, which is why MOST of us have this surgery in the first place, our HEALTH. Secondly, she admitted to "eating around" the surgery, which is something that everyone has to be careful about and aware of. I am trying to use this time to learn new habits and find ways to deal with my emotions, rather than eating. I think that at times it makes me over-react to my family when a stressful situation comes around. What I am saying is, it isn't always easy to deal with the "no food" issue and try to find a way to work things out without eating.
My only concern right now is my depression/anxiety. I get very uptight when I have to go to work. My heart beats really fast and I get short of breath when I get anxious. Then my blood pressure goes up. It's sort of a scarey feeling.
I am going to the gym on Monday, after work for another weight and measurement time. I'll post on my newly made chart after that. Vickie is soooo awesome, she made that chart for me.... Vickie...MUAHHHHHHH
October 19th, 2002
I am VERY happy to say that most of my clothes look like tents on me!! I was feeling frumpy and "old lady like" so I went out and bought two new outfits. I am now in a size 20 comfortably and 1X tops. I even tried on a pair of pants that were size 18 and they fit. I didn't buy them though, I figured why not wait until I can wear the 16's???
According to MY scale, Lord knows whose scale is accurate, I am somewhere in the high 230's now after 10 weeks. I am not exactly sure how much of a loss, but let's just say I am over 40 pounds lost now, in a tiny bit over 2 months!
I look at my arms and hands and think, whose are those?? My husband said he saw me hop in the shower the other day and for the first time could tell my upper arms were smaller. I hate all that ugly flab and to hear him say that was sooooo cool!! He's been a great supporter! He can't wait to buy me new clothes and even said, "Why aren't you buying new stuff, I like it when you wear new clothes!"
November 16, 2002
I am now a little over 3 months post-op. When I weighed at the nutritionists July 30, 2002 I weighed 292 on her scale. I stopped by to see her the other day and I weighed 238 on her scale. That makes 54 pounds according to her scale. When people ask I just say I have lost about 50 pounds in 3 months. I have been wearing size 20's and I got 1 size 18 and a size 16 pants. The weights and measurements on the table below are from the gym that I go to, their scale weighs me much less. I have had a stomach virus the last 2 days and haven't eaten much, so I probably lost a few more pounds since I last weighed. My daughter is actually a bit jealous of me, she doesn't like that my measurements are closing in on hers. She isn't overweight but I think she is a little worried I may catch up to her or get thinner than her. She even said, Mom, I thought you'd lose more by now LOL. Gotta love her though, she's a good girl! Hubby is thrilled, and so am I am. The loose skin on my tummy isn't too bad, but I can see that possibly in the future, it might bother me. Too soon to tell right now. I can't wait to see my family at Christmas time. Hoping to be another 10-20 pounds less by then. Guess I need to start walking! My blood pressure is still holding at 140/90 with medication 2X a day. I am working 3 hours per day. I had hoped it would have gone down but no luck yet. I feel pretty good about working part time in an elementary school. The thought of going back to middle school stresses me out terribly. I am still pretty upset about being shoved by that student last year. The stress sends my b/p way up. Am looking forward to going back to see my therapist when she returns to Baltimore to get to the bottom of this anxiety.
December 8, 2002
It is exactly 4 months ago today that I had my surgery. I consider my starting weight to be 288 and today I am 228. I have lost 60 pounds and I am down from a size 24/26 and 3XL to a pretty solid size 18 and XL. My happiest moment was when I was able to purchase clothing at Old Navy when my daughter and I went shopping. She stood and smiled at me and said, "Mommy, I am soooo happy for you!" It was truly a blessing! I seem to be stalled the last couple weeks on my weight loss. This has me a tiny bit worried and scared. If anyone out there has some words of wisdom to share with me, I'd really appreciate it. I guess I wanted to be able to go to St. Louis to visit family and get a real "wow" from them. Maybe I am just having a difficult time seeing myself as I am, I don't know.
December 15, 2002
After reading some posts on the message board, I felt like I needed to post. Some were concerned about not hearing from others by email after their surgery. I wanted to say, at first, you do miss the attention that you get pre-op and also when you're just recovering. BUT the attention that you get after you begin to lose weight, far exceeds that initial excitement. I began to think, "Why did I do this?" I sat for a bit and realized that it was truly for ME. I am happy when others notice and comment on how good I look. But most of all, I am happy when I look at myself and see what I have done for ME. Because really, when it comes down to it, if you do it for anyone but yourself and to improve your lifestyle, then you will constantly be disappointed. A friend once told me, "If you expect others to do what you would do, you will always be disappointed." I am looking forward to seeing my family and my husband's family at Christmas, BUT I will NOT be disappointed if there's not a big "to do" about my weight loss. People notice when you're fat, but when you're normal, well, that's just what is expected of you. Many of us, living obese lifestyles, learn that we have to go above and beyond for others to accept and like us. We go the extra mile to be happy and jolly. A lot of us are "pleasers." We want to make others happy. One thing I learned through therapy is that you cannot make someone else happy. We cannot derive all of our happiness from making others happy or worrying about what they are thinking of us. We can, though, make ourselves happy and then begin to learn how to accept the fact that sometimes, we are unable to please everyone or make them happy. This doesn't mean that we stop being loving or caring of others. It just means that we begin to take care of ourselves first. Wow, I know I went into a lot today, but I just had this on my mind!
January 22, 2003
My progress is slow, but steady. I saw Dr. Magnuson at the beginning of January and he is very pleased. I have now lost 76 pounds since August 8th, that's 5 1/2 months ago. I am exactly 212 pounds. I am wear very comfortable size 18's and some 16's. The larger XL type shirts and tops fit me well. I am able to shop in most stores and dept stores that carry 18's. I find myself sometimes looking over at the Women's sizes and knowing I can still wear some of them, but I also know that most of the pants and shirts fit, but "bag" in a lot of places. The legs and arms just don't fit me any more. And what's with women's sizes and the neck holes? They think larger women have huge necks LOL. I am almost an inbetweener, the Misses sizes are right at the top of my "fit" list and the Women's are too big. Guess I need to make a huge push to lose another 10 pounds so I can get into the right sizes.
My life has been going wonderfully. Daughter and husband are being good to me. I am happy with myself. I might go back to work full time within the next month. I will look for part time for next school year, or an elementary school. I am enjoying my life so much more now that I am smaller and working full time seems to be so stressful. I just don't want to lose that wonderful feeling I have right now.
I had a full panel of bloodwork done last week and will get the results sometime this week. They checked EVERYTHING. It will be good to see if I have any deficiences as far as vitamins, protein, etc. I think they also checked the thyroid etc.
Hubby and I are going away to a warm climate sometime this spring. I told him that I hope he is prepared to spend a little money on me before hand. He said, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well, I have NOTHING that fits for warm weather!" He didn't mind the idea of my not wearing anything! lol Actually, he was excited for me, that I will need to purchase all new summer clothes. My daughter will be going to Ft. Myers to visit her Nana, so this will be a second honeymoon for us. We have not taken a trip like this in years. I had so many "issues" with my weight, that we just avoid the warm climates and places where I might have to disrobe lol. I still have some insecurities about it, I am not thin, but I KNOW that I feel better and look better than I have in years. Not to mention, I will have the energy to do things such as try tennis or golf. All I could do before was sit and read by the pool. I am looking forward to doing a lot of activities! That's all for now..... I am now looking at 199 for my next goal!!!! only 13 to go!
January 28, 2003
Today I saw my surgeon for an emergency visit. I have a large incisional hernia that has to be repaired as soon as possible. The good thing is, I weighed at the nutritionists and I was 208. Her scaled weighed me at 292 a week before my surgery, so according to her scale I have lost 84 pounds in 5 1/2 months. I had lost another 8 pounds since I saw my surgeon on January 7th. All in all, I feel great. I am not worried about the hernia surgery, but it's just something that will have to be done.
January 31, 2003
I have a date for my hernia repair surgery. It will be February 21, 2003. I haven't been feeling very good, I think because of the hernia. It is sore and I just feel a little run down. It has been almost exactly 1 year since I started researching the surgery and seeking the necessary information. It has been a wonderful year of self discovery and of personal growth. The confidence is growing and I am beginning to remember what it was like when I was not obese. Too bad I didn't appreciate it, when I was thinner. I always felt "fat". I realize now that it was more my self esteem and my own image of myself that caused a lot of my problems. I look at each day now as a new beginning and a new start on my happier healthier life.
March 2, 2003
Warning: HUGE whine ahead LOL I had my hernia surgery on February 21st. My RNY was last August 8th, 2002. I am down around 90 pounds, THAT I am not whining about! The hernia surgery was very necessary and could not wait. What the doctor said was going to be a small incision with mesh put in, ended up being the same size as my RNY, 5 1/2 inches with two JP drains, one of which is STILL in. I had 25 stitches in my orginal incision, this one has 23. He said the hernia was the size of a grapefruit. No wonder I hurt so badly. Rather than one night in the hospital, I had to spend 3 nights and 4 days. They did a horrible job dealing with the pain. Even the PCA wasn't enough. They kept saying, it was an 8, now with more meds it's only a 7? I thought, listen you intern, take your privates and pull them over your head, then just pull them up to your eyes... YEAH it still hurts!!!! LOL Well, my temperment is better and I am healing slowly. When the staples and JP come out Tuesday I will feel better. Just a word to the wise, hernia surgery is NO piece of cake!
April 30, 2003
I am now 190 and I have lost 102 pounds. I sent my pictures for the century club, but it seems it takes about a month for them to show up there. I have been visiting the before and after pictures since January 2002 and have dreamed of having my pic there. Now I will just just have to wait...
June 5, 2003 I know I should fill in my new chart that Vicki made for me, but I just haven't had the time. I have a lot of the information printed out.... I just seem to be too busy. I am almost exactly 10 months out from surgery and I am down to around 183. That's 109 pounds. I am thrilled. Wearing mostly size 14 and XL or large clothes. It is amazing to see people who really don't recognize me. I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflection of a window and was really surprised at how different I look. It is sometimes very surreal.
July 6th, 2003
I am down to 172 pounds. In two days, I will be 11 months post-op. That's 120 pounds! Wearing size 13's now and L tops. Wearing a bathing suit is now a pleasure rather than a task. Life is sooooo good!
April 23, 2004
I know it's been ages since I updated. Diana, this is for YOU lol It has been 20 months since my surgery. I weigh between 170 and 175 and wear a size 12 or 13.
I started a group for Weight loss surgery in my home last June. We have a core group of people who come and it's a blast. I have made many new friends and it's been wonderful.
I have a surgery date for my tummy tuck and some other plastics work on July 6th 2004. That will be 23 months after my surgery. I'd really like to lose 10 more pounds, but to do that, I'll have to work for it.
I have had a period of about 4 months where I have been very depressed. I think that after 10 years on prozac, it just didn't do it for me anymore. I just switched to Lexapro and it already seems to be helping. I realize that my depression was not ALL linked to my weight. It is, for sure, a chemical problem for me. I will try to update my pictures when I get an opportunity. I don't look much different than my last picture. Maybe I'll include my family picture from Christmas.
I just wanted to say thanks to my new friends. Sue, Diana, Karen, Robin, Nancy, Karen, Janet, Kim, Paula and Jennifer. You guys have been so wonderful. Thank you all for your kindness and the gifts!
July 1 2004
I will try to get in as much info as I can but it's hard to sit for long and type. My arms hurt when I type. I am 6 days post op today. Surgery was June 25 for bilateral brachioplasty (full arm lift), abdominal paniculectomy (tummy) and bilateral mastopexy (boob lift and extra skin removed! lol). Did not return from hospital until Monday June 28th. Spiked a 101 fever Sunday and no way they'd let me come home.
The 3 drains left are keeping me from moving around a lot. I walk around but hunched over and stiff. I saw Dr. Shermak, my plastic surgeon, today at 1:45. My daughter took me. The 3 drains, 2 in my abdomen and 1 in my left arm are still producing and it's very good to get rid of as much fluid as possible through drains. Dr. S is leaving them until next Wednesday. No stitches out or anything today, just redressing wounds. My arms are still extremely swollen, expecially my forearms, but Dr. Shermak said this is normal. There is a problem with the areola on my right nipple. Not recovering very well. I had 3 previous breast surgeries and this might be why I am having problems.Pray that it heals ok.
My tummy is still very very swollen. But, I can tell that there's at least 3 pounds less down there! That's how much she took off the tummy. My new belly button is gonne be CUTE lol. It just looks like a baby's belly button that hasn't healed yet!
My breasts are in a tight bra and then a binder. I just know that moving around is hard because I get so stiff when I sit or lie in the same position. The actual pain in getting up is more the stiffness and soreness than real "pain" like the first time you stand up from the "open bypass" lol. My arms are swollen but are soooo pretty. I can see the potential and I actually see how good they are going to look! They have contour and a nice shape. The scars are so stratigically placed that it's hard to see them from the front OR the back. EXCELLENT work. She took 1/2 pound total off of the arms. DR SHERMACK is awesome! I highly recommend her!
This is the most I have typed. Sorry about all they typos.
I am sure I forgot to mention something. I am still on good drugs, so if this is a bit "disjointed or odd" well, it's the blonde not the drugs! lol
Hugs to my wonderful Pasadena gals!
d
December 17, 2004
A boost for my Christmas spirit.
I wanted to share with you some nice things that happened to me today. It really boosted my spirits and gave me a much brighter outlook!
First, I got a call last week from Dr. Schweitzer’s assistant, Pat, at Bayview where I had my gastric bypass surgery. Dr. Schweitzer is also a bariatric surgeon there. My surgeon was Dr. Magnuson. She said she wanted to give my name to someone doing an article for the Bayview newspaper because I had surgery with Dr. M and also my plastics with Dr. Michele Shermak at Bayview. (Andi, Dr. Magnuson’s previous secretary had given her my name.) Later that week, the reported called and did an interview. Early in January, they are coming to my home to do a photo shoot for the newspaper! I am so very excited about this!
Today, I went for a follow up appointment with my plastic surgeon, Michele Shermak. First, I made a stop by the phones to call Dr. Magnuson’s previous secretary, Andi. She came down to see me and we had a wonderful chat. She is doing well in the Renal Department and said she is being treated quite well by the staff there. Her leaving the bariatric department had nothing to do with Dr. Magnuson, by the way. While talking to her, Dr. Magnuson walked by and stopped to chat with us for about 10 minutes. He was genuinely happy to see me and asked me all kinds of questions and then told me he heard I was a “celebrity”, referring to the article that will be done. He told me I looked wonderful! That was a great feeling!
I then walked over to the nutritionist’s office, Ashli Greenwald (Cohen) and spoke with her for about 10 minutes. She gave me a huge hug and told me I looked skinny! I said I was far from skinny and she said, “look around dear, you’re skinny!” That was good thing number 3 for the day… but I am STILL not finished!
I must explain some issues that I have had since my “tummy tuck” also known as a panniculectomy, my breast lift and my arm lift. My arms look nice, they are much smaller. I knew I would have scars but thought that they might have been a bit smaller. I am not complaining at all, I just thought that they might look different. One arm is a bit different than the other also. My tummy is GREAT. I just have some “mid-drift” bulge that is still there around my original bypass scar. I really don’t care for it. Then we get to my breasts. I had 2 previous surgeries on my breasts about 12 years ago. With this third surgery, I have developed, for lack of a better word, hard “capsules” in my breasts. They are not symmetrical either. (not due to Dr. S’s work, but due to the hardening of the breast tissue.) Needless to say, I knew I would be needing some further surgery and that it would not be possible until next summer when I am off of work again. I had been avoiding seeing Dr. Shermak because, number one, I knew I’d have to wait anyway and number two, it’s always hard to admit when things don’t quite go as you expect them to. I am NOT disappointed in any way with my decisions concerning ANY of my surgeries. Plastic surgery is NOT an exact science and no doctor can predict how someone will heal.
I have not talked a lot about these issues because I try not to complain. I am happy with my life and I didn’t want to put a lot of this on others. It also becomes embarrassing when you have to explain the need for more surgery. Sometimes I just do better avoiding it all. Unfortunately, I then become distant and sometimes depressed.
When I saw Dr. Shermak, the first thing she did was give me a hug and tell me I looked wonderful. She then told me that she had also heard about the article in the Bayview News. After looking at all my scars she had so many neat ideas about how to fix them and also how to work around the insurances issues. She said the hardness in my breasts is a health issue, in that, I would be unable to feel any lumps in my breast if one materialized. She said that her specialty is breast reconstruction and discussed some options, one being, taking some extra tissue from my back. I was like, woo woo…. No bulge in the back by my bra!! She said that’s an added perk! She also feels she can reconstruct the right nipple for me! She said revising my bypass scar would take out all of the extra skin and bulge around my middle. (my original bypass was a covered procedure and therefore the revision would be covered) She said my arms would need minimal work and would also go under “general scar revision” She said that starting now on the requests for approval would be a good idea because the approvals are good for 1 year. That way I’d be all ready in June. After another big hug, AND a promise from Dr. Michele Shermak that she would come to one of our meetings in my home, I was on my way….. Great thing number 4 out of the way for the day.
I cannot tell you how relieved I was after speaking with her. She was so warm and kind to me. I cannot say enough how confident she made me feel and how much I like her. I know some might say, “MORE surgery??” But no one else lives in my body or knows how I feel or what I want. This is solely my decision and I take complete responsibility for it.
But my story does not end here! I also went to visit my therapist at Bayview, Dr. Susan Bartlett, whom I saw for about 6 years before my surgeries. She helped me with many self esteem issues and saw me through some hard times. I had not seen her for over a year. She walked right by me in the waiting room and didn’t know it was me! We talked for about half and hour about my life, her life, her almost teenaged daughter and my daughter. I got some wonderful insight into how to handle my daughter and also was reminded that this is not about ME, it’s a “teen” thing! I left there feeling renewed.
After I walked to my car, I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Elated is the only way to describe how I felt. I am sorry if I haven’t shared a lot of this with some of you. Sometimes I tend to just keep to myself on these types of issues.
I am sorry for the length of this post but I hope you found it uplifting and informative.
