deenurse
the last post...
Oct 14, 2006
This surgery has been a physically great tool. I have maintained my renewed health after my weight loss. However, this tool has brought me to many a profound place in my life, places that supercede any possible physical realm. I have found a true newness, a spirituality, a soulfulness, a joy that has so much to do with life beyond the mere physical. I only hope that those who read this last missive may also know strength beyond the mere physical plane..
As I close this chapter of my life, I write to all of you who I have come to know, those who have grown beyond my life, and those whom I have lost...
I have had many people come to me and ask for advice for my success with this surgery. I had made a mistake years ago with another, not listening, not supporting, not being tender enough. For that experience, I came to each successive person more open, more loving. I have held the hand of some of you, and listened many a night to those of you who have called me in the wee hours needing someone whose voice was sanity. I learned much through each of you and your surgeries. I learned tolerance, gentleness, caring beyond any I was ever taught or felt before this milestone in my life. I thank each of you precious fledgeling weight loss patients...
Thank you to my family, who beat me down so desperately, I had no where to go but up. If you had not harmed me so, I could never have grown from ugly duckling to swan I hear I am today....
Thank you to that childhood friend, whose support came when it was most needed. I shall always miss the comraderie, but know in my heart we needed to part ways. The fashion in which we lacked respect mutually to each other and things said and unsaid and pains we dealt to each other were beynd repair..I only wish I could have known then what I know now about personal strength, honesty, caring, treatment of others, tolerance and love..mayhap things may have been diferent., but probably not. However, I to you, my old friend, I wish you only joy, love and happiness. You deserve more than my ravaged soul could have given. May your family always surround you with joy you deserve. We may have parted, but the good times in the river will always be in my soul....
Thank you to those of you who have been my support and my friends when I thought I would fail in my goals in life.
Thank you to the late night studying and references and all night paper-writing sessions...and to that one special person whose advice probably boosted my grades enough to graduate with Honors..
Thank you to that special someone for being there in the nights when I couldn't hold anything down for several weeks and thought I would die in the process.
Thank you to the one who listened when I cried and cursed the God I have come to know and accept as my personal savior.
Thank you to those three young doctors/surgeons who have given me a new direction to help others while also supporting and nurturing me.
Thank you to the Strongest Mann I have ever known,...you pulled me through Hell and gave me what no one else could have given me...dignity, love, honesty. You have loved me through each loss and gain, never doubting me, never leaving me, never letting me push you away despite my pain of soul....you supported me through the impossible hurt and loss of childlessness, even as you too hurt with grief......holding my hand, letting me cry, letting me grieve, and then turning me loose to grow wings..you know your name and your soul shall always be my guide...for that, I shall forever love you.
Each of you, you know who you are and your tender love and gentle souls will always be close to my heart.
But finally, as before, when I stood upon the precipice I call my fragile life, I must thank myself. I guided myself through darkness to light. Without my existence, my inner strength, my indominable siprit, I could never have achieved and lived to know each and every one of these moments and each of you...
For each defeat, the strength with which I rose from the ashes only makes this all more bittersweet... And for that, the strength to grow, learn, and love, I thank all for this and so much more...
Good wishes to those whose lives have been improved by this tool. Seek happiness and joy always as you have been given a life's chance as no other...
As I close this chapter of my life, I write to all of you who I have come to know, those who have grown beyond my life, and those whom I have lost...
I have had many people come to me and ask for advice for my success with this surgery. I had made a mistake years ago with another, not listening, not supporting, not being tender enough. For that experience, I came to each successive person more open, more loving. I have held the hand of some of you, and listened many a night to those of you who have called me in the wee hours needing someone whose voice was sanity. I learned much through each of you and your surgeries. I learned tolerance, gentleness, caring beyond any I was ever taught or felt before this milestone in my life. I thank each of you precious fledgeling weight loss patients...
Thank you to my family, who beat me down so desperately, I had no where to go but up. If you had not harmed me so, I could never have grown from ugly duckling to swan I hear I am today....
Thank you to that childhood friend, whose support came when it was most needed. I shall always miss the comraderie, but know in my heart we needed to part ways. The fashion in which we lacked respect mutually to each other and things said and unsaid and pains we dealt to each other were beynd repair..I only wish I could have known then what I know now about personal strength, honesty, caring, treatment of others, tolerance and love..mayhap things may have been diferent., but probably not. However, I to you, my old friend, I wish you only joy, love and happiness. You deserve more than my ravaged soul could have given. May your family always surround you with joy you deserve. We may have parted, but the good times in the river will always be in my soul....
Thank you to those of you who have been my support and my friends when I thought I would fail in my goals in life.
Thank you to the late night studying and references and all night paper-writing sessions...and to that one special person whose advice probably boosted my grades enough to graduate with Honors..
Thank you to that special someone for being there in the nights when I couldn't hold anything down for several weeks and thought I would die in the process.
Thank you to the one who listened when I cried and cursed the God I have come to know and accept as my personal savior.
Thank you to those three young doctors/surgeons who have given me a new direction to help others while also supporting and nurturing me.
Thank you to the Strongest Mann I have ever known,...you pulled me through Hell and gave me what no one else could have given me...dignity, love, honesty. You have loved me through each loss and gain, never doubting me, never leaving me, never letting me push you away despite my pain of soul....you supported me through the impossible hurt and loss of childlessness, even as you too hurt with grief......holding my hand, letting me cry, letting me grieve, and then turning me loose to grow wings..you know your name and your soul shall always be my guide...for that, I shall forever love you.
Each of you, you know who you are and your tender love and gentle souls will always be close to my heart.
But finally, as before, when I stood upon the precipice I call my fragile life, I must thank myself. I guided myself through darkness to light. Without my existence, my inner strength, my indominable siprit, I could never have achieved and lived to know each and every one of these moments and each of you...
For each defeat, the strength with which I rose from the ashes only makes this all more bittersweet... And for that, the strength to grow, learn, and love, I thank all for this and so much more...
Good wishes to those whose lives have been improved by this tool. Seek happiness and joy always as you have been given a life's chance as no other...