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down 70 pounds since surgery 110 total.  From a size 34 to a 22-24. Lots of hair loss..started at about 5 weeks out and is getting real bad. Go for labs in 2 days.  I feel GREAT!

Ok Now ya'll can see me in all my fat lovely ness on my video blog on YOUTUBE.  Just a warning hubby is deployed yet again so I am going to have some bitchy days, also most posts are made while in pajamas and without makeup.  So if your easily offended....don't watch!

http://www.youtube.com/user/dasajam

http://www.youtube.com/user/dasajam

So today I got a message from the SURGEON at Balboa.  He left a long message and his email address telling me to email him when I get a chance so we can talk about my consultation appointment and stuff.  So I emailed him and within 5 minutes he called me back!  WTH?  I have never had any doctor, let alone a Surgeon call me and email me and then get this, we chatted for about 20 minutes about this and that, and my concerns etc.  He did not try to rush me at all, he was very nice.  I have to tell you I feel so at ease after talking with him.  I have my reservations about having this surgery at a Naval Hospital, but I am at the point that I NEED this tool to get my life back again.  I know it will not be an easy road but I am SO READY.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  my appointment is on MAY 5th at 1pm.  I am so excited.  And scared!  But the surgeon said that if I get everything done on schedule and stuff that I will have my surgery around the end of June!  Can you believe it!  God is good!

Well I got approved for the referral....in a matter of 8 hours of Tri- Care getting the paperwork.  BUT there is a catch.  They are sending me to Balboa Naval Hospital.  I am NOT HAPPY AT ALL. I have to wait until Monday, call Balboa and plead my case.....I am just going to pray and the Good Lord will take care of the rest.  I feel so deflated right now........I am not open to the idea of having my surgery at a MTF.  I have a whole life of experience of MTF and there is no way I can trust them with such a serious surgery.

So while I was stalking Tri- care today I saw that my referral finally made it to Tri-care and is pending.  I called TriCare to ask how long it takes to approve or deny and they said 7 days for non emergency......so I will be working on my patience for the next 7 days!  Saturday morning James and I are attending Alvarado's orientation meeting and I am getting kinda nervous, excited to start living again but still nervous.  I am glad I am keeping a record of the process though, so that I can look back on this transition time and also maybe other's will learn from my experience. 

Ok so I called Tricare and check on my referral and guess what?  The doctor did not send it.  So I called the doctors office and they told me that it takes them 7 WORKING days to process it on their end BEFORE they send it to TRICARE.  WTF?  Are you kidding me?  A week to write a little piece of paper?  I thought when they said I would hear back from them in about a week I assumed they were talking about Tricare, not them!  But even as I type this I know that I just need to be patient and just put this all in God's Hands.  He will take care of everything, I just need to have faith and show up!  Today is Laura's surgery and I am praying for her to have a safe surgery and a speedy recovery. 

Ok so my appointment with my new P.C.M. started out a bit rocky.  The chairs in the waiting room had arms and I could not fit, and it took them about 8 times to get my blood pressure, but other than that they were pretty cool.

I gave my urine sample cause I have a bladder infection and don't ya know, I started my period!  So the sample was nothing but straight blood.  I felt so bad. The Doctor said I have a high count of white blood cells in my urine?  Not sure what that is about.  My blood pressure is borderline.  I already knew that.  She wrote me a few prescriptions one for antibiotics, one for the yeast infection that will surely come from taking antibiotics, one for heartburn relief.  And then told me to go get some probiotics from the health food store.  But Good news is................Drum roll Please................They gave me the referral!  I am waiting for The approval from Tri-care now.  They said about a week or so they should give me a call to let me know.  So fingers Crossed! 

Ok, so I am getting a bit nervous because Tuesday morning at 10 I will be going to my P.C.M. to get my referral for GASTRIC.  It is a new doctor and I am hoping that they will have

armless chairs
a scale that will fit my weight
a gentle and respectful staff
and a large blood pressure cuff

And that everything goes smoothly and that with all things considered, I don't have any life threating issues.  You know, BESIDES the whole SO thing...lol.

I also hope that I can easily get my referral and get this process off and running.  I know it all takes time but I am really hoping for it to all happen within the next month or so, because James will be going out on a deployment but my mom can come and stay with me and Savanah to help while I am healing. 

I am going to just pray and I know God will be with me through this all.  I need to stop worrying and turn it all over to him. 

Ok so I have been struggling with the decision to have GB for a year or so and I finally made my decision this past week or so....well that was while hubby was out to sea.  I know when I have brought it up in the past, he was dead set against it. 

Well, he came back last night and I told him I had made the decision and that I am going to do it regardless of what anyone says and I have always supported him in EVERYTHING he does, and I deserve his support in this.  And without a blink of the eye he says, " O.k.".  I was already to go into the rest of my spill about how I moved all the way to Japan for him and then to Cali....and go through deployment after deployment and all that other guilt...and I was floored because he said, "ok".  But I am happy that he is finally behind my decision.

But lets get it straight, I love and respect my husband BUT this was MY decision and when I put my mind to something, I DO IT!  But it's nice to have the support. 

Another twist on this situation is that my Dear hubby is NEVER home.  He just came back about 6 months ago after a 13.5 month deployment, and is always in and out now and leaving on another deployment before the month is over.  He will be gone until about the end of summer and then RIGHT after Christmas, he will leave for 9 months.  So I figured during all this time he will not really see the results until he gets back from the 9 month deployment.  That is when I think it will HIT him that I changed. 

I think part of it scared him and the other part of him is like ,"hell yeah".  LOL  I will tell you I have the best husband ever when it comes to my weight.  He has NEVER EVER said so much as a word about it.  He Loves me no matter what.  And it kills me when I see my girlfriends struggling to lose 10-20 pounds because their husbands are bitching about them being fat.  I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!  It blows my mind how women can stay with a man like that.  It's very superfical if you ask me.  What happened to unconditional love? 

I am already trying to curb my eating habits so that it wont be such a shock when I can't eat carbs and sweets.  We went out last night and bought $50 worth of fresh fruit and veggies, which we all love.  Tonight were having grilled chicken breast and Quionwa (sp). And grilled Zucinni.

I am trying to throughly chew my food instead of inhaling it.  This is proving harder than I thought.  I have to focus on eat bite that goes in my mouth.....something totally new to me.  As much as I LOVE to eat, I am starting to hate food.  It is what got me so fat. 

I still have a ways to go with this process but let me tell you, I can not stop thinking about it.  I am so excited it isn't even funny.  I am just READY to move past this stage in my life.  I am looking forward to a new life.  This is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.  It's a prison in your own body. 

I know the pain will go away, and the hardest part for me will be the food.  Being a Navy wife, I spend a LOT of time alone.  You get lonely and sad and you start not feeling good about yourself.  Food has always been there for me.  My hubby, GOD LOVE HIM, tries, but he has a job to do and when he is gone....he just can't be here when I need him the most.

I do believe that I will be seeing a counselor every week or a support group that is local, just because I don't ever want to live like this again. 

Well, I am off to get dinner ready.

These are all the things I am wanting to accomplish after the surgery.  In no particular order...

1- To be healthy again and Never be ashamed to go to the doctor in fear of being humiliated again.

2- To get my PCOS under control

3- To be able to CONCEIVE and add a member or 2 to our family

4- To be able to participate in my daughters life more without being in pain

5- To be able to sit in chairs with arms and not to plan my entire life around only going to places that have chairs that I can fit in, and missing out on all the wonderful things because of it

6- To have crazy wild sex with hubby again!

7- To not be judged by my pants size

8- To be able to go running with James and Savanah

9-  To be able to shop at a real life store..for CUTE clothes!

10- To be able to be the REAL me again. 

11- To fit in a airplane seat comfortably

12- To stop being ashamed of myself each day

13- To attend my husbands command functions (I refuse to go now)

14- To not humiliate my daughter when I show up at her school

15- To have my mother stop looking at me the way she does

16- To be able to walk without the pain

17- To not have to bend all the way upside down and around just to wipe my ass!

18- To be able to fit seat belts without circulation cutting off

19- To have my sex drive back

20- To be treated with respect when I am out in public

21- To blend in

22- To be able to be the active person I used to be and HAVE FUN AGAIN!

23- Not to be the party pooper anymore

24- To no longer be the FAT TOKEN FRIEND

25- To have my confidence back and that SASSY attitude!

26- To be able to see my Cooch again.

27- To be able to tie my own shoes, and even put them on...and I don't mean slip ons.

28- To be able to cut and paint my own toe nails.

29- To not have to eat a whole butt load of food to be full.

30-  To be able to shower without pulling a muscle while washing certain parts.

31- To not have little kids ask me why am I so fat.

32- To not have heartburn everyday all day.