dannoda
keeping up
Sep 27, 2007
well, just really checking in with myself. We did go on vacation in August. Let me tell you, I worked really hard on this vacation. We did ALOT of hiking, sometimes 5 to 6 miles a day and then some wlaking around sightseeing for up to 10 hrs. per day. It was very challenging. Sometimes the weather was into the low 100's like in N. & S. Dakota and Arizona. The views were awesome, Hiking in the Gand Canyon is amazing my hard as heck. I was very careful about my eating although I did have about 3 ice cream cones over a 2 1/2 week period, I came home all excited to see how much weight I'd lost only to have gained a lb!! very disappointing. All that work and time. I have since gained another 6 so things have been pretty bad. I have sunk inot depression again and don't know why for sure, most of it is probably about the weight gain. I also stopped taking the pill, I finally went to my surgeon yesterday and got a fill, (badly needed). He took me never to wait so long again, if I need one, he also told me that weight gain will ahppen occasionally and NOT to let it get me so down, he said stopping the pill was one cause and because I could and did eat more than I should because I needed a fill I will be alright. I did stop excersing for almost amonth to, but I am back to that again. I hope I can get past this and be back on track again.
invisible
Jul 19, 2007
I don't know how the rest of you feel, but most of time I still feel invisible, you know, like when you go into a store and need help and they see you but look through you and help everyone else. It's like that, I knew that it was fat discrimmanation and now that I'm 78lbs down, I'm not so sure, I think it might just be me. It's not just out shopping either it's other things, like my support group, we meet the 3rd Thursday of every month and I am in a room full of people, at least 12 or more and I go up and intorduce myself and say hi to everyone who walks in, and aot of times I get no response, I raise my hand to ask questions and never get asked, it's like elementary school, you have to be the cool ones to get noticed. So I get quiet and don't try, then last night my leader says I'm always so quiet that no one notices me and I look good. I tell her that I am down 78lbs now and she says that's great and walks away, now normally that would be fine except that everytime we make a "milestone" the leader announces to everyone and you get a little pin, I should have gotten my 75lb. pin, but nothing. I am going to try another support group and see what happens there. My only support is my husband but there are things he doesn't know. Like he still doesn't know excactly how big I was, my biggest weight, he knows it was alot but now how much so everytime I have made like 50lbs down I can tell him but not when I finally broke 200 cuz then he would know my biggest weight . I know i should trust him enough to tell him but it's really hard to say " hey honey, I was bigger then you, mind you, I'm 5'2" and he's 6'. It's one of those things I'm hung up on. but I digress, it's not just the support group I still get treated like I'm not there other places to. This isn't helping with my self-esteem issues at all. I fight depression everyday for other things and I really don't need anything extra. Well, I've ranted enough for one time.
feeling better
Jun 28, 2007
I got tired of feeling sorry for myself all the time and just decided to stop it. It hasn't been easy. I finally broke through my plateau and lost 4lbs this last month plus 2inches off my waist and hips. I have been riding by bike for 1/2 hr to 1 hr everyother day. We are going to go to alot of National Parks for vacation in August and I need to have my legs in shape for alot of hiking, since I live in South FL, it;s kinda hard to hike especially in this heat so I ride the bike at about 6:30 am. My self esteem is starting to pick up and I have days where I don't think I "m the fattest person alive. I know I still have a long way to go up that mountain that Wendell talks of but I think I'm getting there. Thanks to all the support I get here.
still struggling
Jun 07, 2007
can't believe it, it seems like when I fnally get around to this blogging all I do is complain. I am 13 months out now and I feel like I have so much left to learn. I feel like I'm still not doing it right. I have been very deligent about keeping a food diary but that really doesn't seem to be helping. My calorie intake seems to run betweem 900 to 1100 per day, my protein intake is fab. so is my fat, keeping it low. don't do any bad carbs at all, have given up all thinks made of flour plus rice and anything else. My body seems to hang on to everything. If I eat anything made from pork I sweel up with water for like 2 days. I haven't lost any weight in 3 months and then I lost 2 lbs when I got my last fill. My restriction is good so I don't need another one. My dr. is not help, he just says to make sure I tract everything and excercise, he thinks I'm doing great, I don't, I think I should be losing at least 2lbs a month. I am self-pay so I have to try to be careful not to go for fills when I don';t need it. I really feel like I don't need one. I really don't need encouragement, although that's nice, I need for my body to let go. Thinking of trying out maybe South Beach or Weight Watchers again, but I pretty much do South Beach now, just not so restricted. Well enough of my ranting for today.
1 year baniversary and depressed
May 10, 2007
Here I am coming up onto my 1 yr. baniversary, May 17th and I have fallen into quite the depression. I have no idea where it came from. I hate when this happens. I had been feeelong really good about myself, I am down 73 lbs. So I think I'm doing wonderful, I know I look alot better and most of the time I feel better about myself so what has happened to me? We are having a pool put in soon, just waiting on permits, so I will be able to do water aerobics or just relax. Right now my hubby is out in the Bahamas working onad only coming home on weekends, but I was depressed before he left by about 3 weeks. So, anyway, this is causing my lots of fights with myself in eating what I can get my hands on. I have not been doing very good, I have been having extra helpings of frozrn yogurt and 2 of those 100 calories packs at one time instead of just one. Things like that. Well, just mostly talkin to myself.
feeling better.
Apr 03, 2007
I'm actually starting to feel alot better about myself. My self image is getting better, I still have bad days but good ones. I am into a size 16 now and can really tell the difference. I am down 73 lbs. in 10 months so I am really doing great, I have to tell myself that everyday sometimes 10 times a day. This was definatly the right decision to make for me. I look forward to a much longer life now. My hubby bought me a excercise bike yesterday and it's great, set-up right in front of the t.v. so I can bike away to my fav shows. We are putting a pool in, it should be done by the end of June so I am on the look-out for water aerobic excercises to do. I have really gotten alot of support from most everyone here, it helps tremendously.
feeling down
Feb 13, 2007
just feeling down on myself today, well, actually for a few days now. I got my 3rd fill a couple of weeks ago and lost 7lbs in 2 days, liquids, I know and I felt great cuz I had been on a plateau for a coule of months, so I am now down a total of 68lbs, so why do I feel so miserable, I don't know, I think I wanted to be farther along then I am. I am being unrealistic, I know but I can't help how I feel. I got sick about a week ago and lost another 2 lbs, which but me under 200, yahoo!!!! But, alas, it came back so I am at 200 even.. I quit Curves, I had had enough of the owner, Lisa treating me bad becasue I had surgery. She said I took the easy way out and was really cheating myself, everytime I went in there I hoped she wasn't working that day and I realized I just wasn't comfortable with someone like that so I am going to check out a couple of other places instead. In the meantime I am walking everyday.
I am a food addict
Jan 02, 2007
Hi, my name is Peggy and I am a food addict. I have kinda known this for a long time but now I really know it. It has finally sunk in. I must tell you that I ahve been reading Bob Greene's new book "The best life diet" and it has helped me tremendously. It explains how you can have an addictive personality, and boy I sure do. I have been doing some major thinking about my past and realize he's so right. I had my first cigarette at 10, and while I didn't really inhale until 12, I was hooked. then in high school, I found drugs (specifically) speed, was hooked from the first time, I loved that stuff, I didn't try pot for 2 years at least then didn't really "feel" high but I still smoked it all the same. I gave up all drugs when I got pregnant, then started the pot again after daughter was 1 year, quit when pregnant with 2nd child and started again about 6 months later. I am now a little over 1 year pot free. And while I wasn't smoking it alot, just occasionally, I was still smoking, it wasn't making me feel better, just seemed to be a habit. During this time also I started to drink, when I was in my late 20's. My drink of choice was Brandy Alexanders (pre-mixed) I could drink from 1 to 2 bottles a night. Now, my mother was an alcholic, and I swore never to become one but there I was drinking that much. I finally found the courage to stop, just go cold turkey and I haven't had a drink in almost 20 years. Now I know that I can't stop eating so it is going to be alot harder to get this addiction under control, but I will. In the last couple of months I have not been doing very well at it. I am cheating, I am cheating on myself. My husband called me on it the other night when he said that I was eating to much, like having a little frozen yogurt then having popcorn right after. So now I have to really take control of my addiction and get on the right path again. I hope and pray every day I can do this. I need to do this. I haven't lost any weight in the last 2 months and I know I don't need a fill, I have good restriction, I jsut need to make good food choices. Wish me luck, pray for me, any kind or harsh (wake-up) words are greatly appreicated.
today is a good day
Dec 16, 2006
better day today, I have the day off work so that's a plus. So far I have been able to eat without any problems, that's always good. I went to the Avenue to look for some new shirts but they didn't have anything that said "buy me" but I did try on 2 pairs of shorts and had to go to a size 16..WAHOO!!!! Hope it's a new day dawning for me. I went to the company xmas party and I actually sang Karoke (sp). I have never been one to humilate myself on purpose but it was fun. My Hubby gave me 2 of my xmas presents early-what a guy- tickets to see my all time no. one favorite singer, Mr. Bob Seger and tickets to go see Prince. Oh happy day. I also snagged tickets to go see "Wicked" the musical and the "Lion King" I don't know if I would of had the courage to go to these shows before cuz I probably wouldn't be able to fit in the seats. I am so glad I can do more things now.
feeling down on myself.
Dec 13, 2006
I have never posted before, mostly because I am just to lazy to. But sometimes I just need someone to talk to. Lately I have been really feeling down on myself and again, you know, the old self-hatred is sneaking back in on me, some depression. It has nothing to do with the holidays, I am fine with them. I think it is because I haven't been losing. I had my 2nd fill in Oct. and have cancelled 2 appointments for another one because I don't need it, I get full on the right amount of food and am making healthy choices at my meals, but I haven't lost anything since the week after the 2nd fill so now I am down on myself and eating lots of desserts, cookies and Lindt candies. I haven't gained anything back and it's only been a week since I started this I just don't know how to stop. My Dr. won't give me a fill unless I am hungry between meals and no weight loss, plus I really don't need it, sometimes all I can eat is the meat and a couple of bites of veggies, no starches at all. I have to figure this out. am hoping for some help from someone who know what I'm going through.
