Dana_Dee

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I lost some weight my freshman year of college, yet I was still a size 14. All of my friends were size 5 or smaller. So even then I thought I was fat. I felt like I was ALWAYS the “pretty” fat girl with all my hot skinny friends. I was always told what a pretty face I had. I would love to be a size 14 again. I would never call it fat again. I continued to gain weight yearly, around 10 lbs, per year.

In 1996 I met my husband Vance. I had lost some weight before I met him and had gotten down to a size 18 from a 22. One year later on our wedding day I had ballooned right back up to a 22! I had quit smoking after 9 years the prior November and packed on about 80 lbs. In a year span. Vance & I wanted to have a baby soon, so we began to try. Month after month, no luck. I told him to get checked. I was sure his guys weren’t swimming. WRONG! He had full metal jackets!

I had some difficulty with my menses for years. Since I was 20 to be exact. That’s when I got my first Depo-Provera shot. I only had one and it took over a year for me to bleed again. So after Vance’s fighter jets were checked & I had gone months (a year) without a cycle from the time we met, we decided it was time to get some help.

I was prescribed Proverb (Progesterone) to get me started. I would bleed for several days heavily but then it would stop and start again for a few more months & have to take the Provera again. By the way, the Provera made me act like a lunatic. This process was getting old quick! “Why is my body doing this? I want answers” I would say.

I went to 4 OBGyns and got the same answer time after time. “It’s your weight,” they would say. I was not going to accept that.

That’s when I went to a different Dr. at a different hospital that did some tests on me and determined I had PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. The doctor determined that I developed it at the start of college. It contributes to my obesity, loss of hair, dry skin, etc. PCOS is when cysts build up around your ovaries. It is caused by an insulin resistance in your ovaries.

I began to have heavy menses that would last up to 3 months and were very painful. At times Vance would have to take me into the ER just for pain meds to ease the pain. I once had to be transferred from work by ambulance when I worked 35 miles from home. How could I drive? I couldn’t move. I was treated with anything from Demerol to Morphine for pain. I became a big fan of Vicodin. I also became very depressed. I don’t know what you do when you get depressed but I eat! Bad thing. I’m feeding that giant that I, me, am trapped in. This had to stop!

In Oct. 2005 I started a new desk job. I previously worked retail most my life and was on my feet all day. Working a desk job has its downsides. My butt got wider and my stomach got bigger. My mom had a theory that if you wore pants or skirt with elastic waists you would gain weight because the band just stretches. She’s right! All I wore were elastic pants and broomstick skirts. I gained 40 lbs. In 1½ years! YIKES!

Sept. 2006- I went to a Lap Band seminar with good intentions on scheduling surgery, I booked an appt. for my $150 consultation, went and was told after getting recommendations from my doctors that Blue Cross Blue Shield of KC (my insurance) would not cover it. I broke down in tears.

My parents generously offered to pay for the surgery but on our way home we stopped at an all you can eat buffet and I had 2 plates and a dessert. My parents saw this as me not trying & immediately thought I would fail this band and regret having it. A week later I started having second thoughts. “Did I want to give up my way of eating forever?” Food is a comfort for me. Then you start to think about Thanksgiving & Christmas dinners, family reunions, and 4^th of July. Our family associates every birthday or holiday with a feast. Life was going to be so different for me. This was just a slight second thought about having surgery. My parents found out and decided not to loan me the money. They wanted me to prove to them I could do this on my own and lose a lot of weight in a four month period. I thought “If I’ve never been able to it what makes them think I can do it now?” My parent’s were gracious enough to buy Vance and me a 3 month membership to a local gym they belonged to. It was great! I loved attending the classes & it was another activity I could do with Vance & mom and Daddy. Just 2 months in to the membership, it had to end. The pain in my knees had worsened over the past couple months & got to the point I needed to see a doctor. They took x-rays of my knees & placed them on display in the room as we waited for the doctor. It didn’t look like anything was wrong to Vance & I but what do we know? We’re not doctors. The doctor said my kneecaps have developed outside of where they should be. They sit off and on top of the outside socket and are creating bone spurs. My left knee has gotten worse to where someone next to me can hear the pop now from the cap being offset. Painful! The doctor informed us that my weight did not cause this condition. My knees would have developed this way if I was normal weight, although my weight is contributing to the pain and the increased chance to get my knee replacements earlier than I should. It is inevitable, even when I lose weight from the band I will eventually need both knees replaced. That doctor also suggested that I get Lap Band b/c he restricted me from activity except for walking or elliptical machines. He also restricted me from stairs, IMPOSSIBLE! The building I work in is not handicap accessible. There are stairs EVERYWHERE! Vance helps out a lot from saving me to do the laundry (downstairs.) Bless his heart. He is wonderful. So the memberships to the gym expired and were not renewed. It sucked b/c we really enjoyed going.

I tried to appeal the ins. Co. decision b/c I knew now that was my only hope. Denied again. A board at my work came to a decision not to give me an exclusion to the policy b/c of the ramifications of prior employees wanting approval that were denied in years past. The co. felt for me though. I know they wanted to help. It was just too risky to do.

Summer 2007- I join a nutrition class through work and try to learn some healthier eating habits & try to motivate myself to get off my butt and do something about this weight. Every bit helps. Problem is every time I go on a diet I gain twice as much back when I fall off the wagon. I would reward myself once a week with the best food ever!!!! Baskin Robbins Peanut Butter and Chocolate ice cream!!!! Yummy!!!!! If I could only eat one thing the rest of my life, that would be it.

I wasn’t in the nutrition class to lose weight. I was in it to learn how to control the way I eat.

July 22, 2007-The day I find out my life is about to change. I just didn’t know it. Angie, my best friend since childhood, calls me & says she has some exciting news to tell me. I thought she was pregnant. Wrong. She tells me she is getting a lap band at the end of September. Okay, I’m shocked. I have never thought of Angie as obese. She was one of my hot skinny friends. She wore a size 3! She was tiny. Now that she’s had 2 kids she has struggled with maintaining her weight. (I still think she looks great!) I’d give anything to be her size now just like I did in high school and college. She is an RN and told me about one of her patients getting lap band surgery in Mexico. The cost was only $7650. After telling me about it she asked if I wanted to go with her and get one too. She knew I had been thinking about getting one. Go with Ang? That’d be pretty coo. We always did stuff together. But surgery was a lot different than a weekend of partying on a float trip. I would have to talk to Vance.

Before I got the chance to tell Vance, the phone rang. It was my mom. I told her Angie’s news and Vance overheard our conversation. I wasn’t sure if this is what I wanted to do. I was very skeptical. Surgery in Mexico? Is that safe? When I hung up with mom I asked Vance what he thought & he thought I should go for it, immediately. My health has progressively gotten worse with my weight gain & I’m at the point I am in dire need of help. I’m at the point that it physically hurts to do ANYTHING! I think Vance is the only one who truly knows what kind of pain I am in b/c he is around it, and OMG he takes such good care of me! I couldn’t ask for a better man. Truly a Darling Husband (DH.)

I don’t think a “normal” person can understand how hard it is for a MORBIDLY obese person to try and exercise, walk or just get up off the sofa!!! It is physically strenuous and emotionally draining. I have lived my life around people who judge others or make fun of someone by the way they look. Even some of the people who love me will say things about other people that are heavy & even though they aren’t targeting me, they don’t realize it hurts me. Do you not realize that the person you are with is FAT? Fatter than the person you are making comments about?

What really rips my cord is when people call me a hypochondriac. If I’m a hypo then why have “doctors” diagnosed me with all my problems? I am sure almost all my health symptoms would improve or seize if I just lost the weight. Here’s a list of all my ailments and the meds I take for them:

Diabetes-Glucophage and Junovia

PCOS- Glucophage and Yasmin (birth control)

Anemia-Women’s daily vit w/iron

Hypertension-Atenolol

Asthma-Albuterol inhaler and nebulizer as needed

Acid Reflux Disease (GERD)-Protonix

High Cholesterol-Crestor

Bladder Control-Enablex

Bone spurs and joint pain in knees-Glucosamine Chrondrotin

Vit C & E for better health

To all of those who think I’m a hypo: “You are jut scared or not understanding. Please don’t criticize me. If you are a friend or love me you will help me through these difficult times & you should give me some empathy and support.”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want everyone to feel sorry for me. Just quit knocking me down! When negative people approach you with negativity it tends to have negative impact. Duh? What’s the saying? “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Well I say “If you don’t have something nice to say or you can’t be decent, leave me the HELL ALONE!”

The Friday before Angie called me, my cousin had died in a car accident. It was at his visitation I made my decision and informed my parents & Vance that I decided to get the surgery. Vance said he would go to the bank & see about getting a loan. We both didn’t think my parents thought we would get it. Well, we did. We have to put my Durango up as collateral. It’s going to be hard to make the payments but Vance says we can do it & its worth having me around. I love him.

I initially wanted Vance to go with me to Mexico except that we couldn’t afford both of us to be off work. So then I wanted either of my parents to go. My mom is one of those tough love moms, which I am not a tough love person. Although our behaviors and interests are similar, we don’t always “click” & that tends to be a huge problem. Mom was afraid I would still fail the band & regret having it done if I felt miserable and was telling me I’d have to live with it. *I don’t doubt that at some points in my healing process I will regret having this band but if I get through the first 6 weeks of this I think it will be the best thing for me. FOR ME!

A lot of people whom have known me for years think it’s a great idea & the best solution for me. I LOVE THAT SUPPORT! That is the kind of positive feedback that has made me stick with my decision. Thank you all.

Mom decided she was going to go with me to surgery. I love my mom as much as as I love my cats, but I went on a trip to Mexico with her and she was miserable. My mom is accustomed to 5 star treatment.  I just know that if she was in a bad mood, it was not going to help me there. When it comes to heartache m mom is the most caring, loving person & who I run to. She has saved my life a couple of times. I really love her for that and I’m grateful.

When I’m sick, I want my Daddy. My dad is also an LPN. Daddy fixed all my bumps and bruises growing up. Mom didn’t ever like the sight of blood or vomit (same as me!)

Mom told me my Daddy was going instead. I was okay with that. i just wish mom would be  a little more supportive.

Before I bought the plane tickets & paid my deposit I did as much research as I could on lap band patients, fills, Dr. Rodriguez and his staff. Everything I found was wonderful comments and reviews. The only negative thing I found negative was the outdated furnishings at the clinic. Big Whoop! If it’s clean & the laproscopic tools are up to date and I have one of Mexico’s top bariatric surgeons doing my surgery-the furnishings are the least of my worries.

I had a few people I told very concerned about having surgery in Mexico and if it was safe and would rather see me try dieting and exercising again. I just kept telling them that if you research it you’d feel a lot better about it.

I still hadn’t told one of my good friends about the surgery. One of his previous occupations was as a personal trainer at a fitness club in NYC. But he knew I’d been thinking about this for a long time. His answer to the news was music to my ears…”I don’t approve of your decision, but I’ll support it.”

SUPPORT-That’s what I need more than anything right now. The best support I have found thus far is ObesityHelp.com’s message board on Lap Band. Real people whom have actually been through everything I’m going through. Great advice, great support.

August 2007-Tried an EAS protein shake for the first time and nearly puked. Same day I read a bad message from a man that had a bad experience with Dr. Rod’s staff. This is the day everything surfaced & I had my first official breakdown. I called Barbara, Dr. Rod’s assistant& she explained what happened and my dad assured me that gloves are to protect the staff, so not to worry if they don’t wear gloves. He was right. ObesityHelp.com support sent me recipes & other drink suggestions. I talked to Angie the next day & she suggested we get together one night and do “shots” of samples of protein drinks. Well everyone’s tastes are different. The one she hated, I liked and the one that I cried over she could tolerate. I found 1 out of all the concoctions we made. I decided I can do this. Mom thought it was very smart of me to try the drinks before I went through with surgery. 

Well the deposits paid, the airline is booked and reservations are made. I’ve had a lot of depression in this one month to go before surgery. I’m in a funk & wish I could get out of it.. I plan to seek some counseling before and after surgery for all the emotions due to the changes in my lifestyle.

My mom has finally come around and has been very sweet & willing to discuss my surgery a lot more. She even wants to know if there’s a support group for parents so she can know the right things to say & do. Just saying that meant a lot to me. Tough love is not always best.

Sept. 12, 2007 I start my pre-op diet. I started easing into this one week prior. I just think I’m kind of numb right now with knowing how I feel about having surgery. I just want to get it over with and start over.

Wish me luck!

Love-n-Friends,
Dana Dee
(Queenie)

 To learn more about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) please visit soulcysters.com