dabble43

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I had my intake meeting last Friday (6/5) and met with nutritionist yesterday (6/10) so now I've gotta lose 22 lbs so I can be officially pre-op and get a date scheduled for my surgery. I'm not super worried about the 22 lbs but am sorta getting scared of the total life style change.. the nutritionist gave me tons of info but it scares me to think how to implement it all into my daily life.. oh well, just gotta do my best and hope the changes come quicker than I am giving myself credit for..

So I have the HUGE packet of paperwork to fill out for Dr Read's program, and after looking it over I made an apt w my regular doc to help me fill it out. Thank goodness she is willing to help me. Honestly I have no idea when my tonsils were taken out, or how much I weighed when I was @ 10, 20 or 30?! In my mind I've always just bent husky, fat, or huge. Never remember actual numbers.. I started seeing my psychologist again after 2 years off, she said she's very happy to help me through this whole thing.. I've told my brother, sis-in-law, & BFF what I am about to embark on, but still not my mom or any of my coworkers.. Guess the next step will be getting an actual appointment with the patient coordinator of the program....... baby steps....

I'm tired of looking for the weight limit on everything I buy, tired of being sore for sleeping in one position too long, tired of my belly hanging over my pants, tired of little kids asking if there is a baby in there, tired of feeling like crap when I look at myself, tired of worrying who’s watching me eat, tired of feeling like I don’t deserve to be happy, tired of being tired all the time! So here I am trying to educate myself on how this surgery thing works. It scares the hell out of me and has for years, but I am finally tired of being too afraid to see if there is something that will give me a better life...