Cynthin
Thanks for reading my profile, I hope that I can some day be as inspirational as many of the stories on this board. I live in the beautiful Hill Country of Texas. Married for 16 wonderful years with 2 children, 15 and 12. Diagnosed with polycystic ovary disease since I was 18 and have been battling my weight ever since. Have tired EVERYTHING to lose weight, am very, very tired of the battle. More than anything, tired of losing the same 20 pounds over and over again. 
03.02.06-Today is the "informational seminar". I can't wait. Just want to get started. Have been so impressed with the wonderful stories about success and especially the before and after photos. They have truly been inspirational. Called my insurance and they have already said that they would cover the surgery 100%. What a blessing. Here we go.....
03.09.06- Made my appointment for the psychological testing. I am still waiting for Southwest Bariactric to call me for the initial consultation. Learned in the informational seminar that obese folks tend to have a very large liver, that enlarged liver can interfer with the surgery. As a consequence, I am starting the lo-carb diet now...don't want anything to jeopardize the surgery. Hubby and I have been walking 2 miles a day. My next big hurdle is to convince dh to go along. He is against the surgery as he sees it as "unnecessary". Quote "All you have to do is exercise more and not eat so much" . Love my hubby, but gosh honey, is that all? Why didn't I think of that before??? (DUH!)
The surgeon has stated that the normal time from start to finish is 3 months, I will push this envelope. I had a dream that the surgery was May 16. This part is the hardest....the waiting. I almost feel like I am pregnant again....and waiting.
03.11.06-Love this web site. Great place to stay focused and most of all HOPEFUL! This hope has motivated me to list a series of weight loss goals.
1. Slide into a pair of jeans and feel really good about the way I look. DONE
2. Have the energy to keep my house clean and organized. DONE
3. Have the look in hubby's eyes that tells me he's proud to be with me. DONE
4. Not to be the fattest woman in the room DONE
5. To see "Onederland'. DONE
6. To feel confident enough to push my business in front of a room full of people.
7. To push my grocery cart in our local small store and not be ashamed...("The last thing she needs is more food") DONE
8. Share clothes with my 15 yo daughter DONE
9. To be comfortable enough to tell my Dad (who is a fantastic shopper) my size and to keep a look out for me. DONE
10. To stop hating my self and all of the evidence of my failures. ALMOST DONE
03.14.06 Called Southwest Bariactrics Surgery (SBS) Trying to be cute and chatty and get in earlier. Hit a brick wall, seems I am not the first person who has tried to be nice. Will call on Friday and try again....will call in the morning....if not completed...will call in the afternoon. I can be very persistant if needed. Hubby is coming around to my side of the fence, but has stated if there are any complications that this surgery is my doing and I can't hold him responsible, as if I would.
03.17.06 Today I have my psych consult. Not too worried, figure it is a standardized personality test. Today is the day I get to call SBS and get a inital consult. I am truly leaning toward the band, but the RNY stories are so inspirational. The whole idea of being down 50 pounds in 3 months is fabulous. But, my hubby was difficult enough to sway toward the surgery, so I guess I won't push it. Besides, I can't afford the hair loss, my hair is thinning as it is. Although I haven't really got to know anyone on the OH board, it is still amazing the heartfelt prayers and best wishes that seems to be the glue that holds this group together. Can't wait to be on the losing side.
03.17.06 YAY! Ok first part of psych done and.....March 31 initial consult with Dr. Longoria! Now it is back to waiting! But at least there is progress! The funny thing is that the insurance said that by using Dr. Longoria, that it would be covered 100%....but the Dr's office said that, no, they cover Dr. Longoria if you use him as a general surgeon, but not a bariactric surgeon. Ok, this means that I now have to pay 20% of the surgeons fee prior to the surgery. Then on top of that, the Dr.'s office said that I would be responsible for the 20% of the hospital bill because I am using an out of network Dr.....surely this is not right! St. David's is an in network hospital. Went on the UHC web site, NO HELP! FUSTRATION!
03.21.06 Geesh, alot has happened. Have had alot of time to do research. You know how it is when you kinda know how you want things to be, so when you start doing the research you zero in on information that you want to hear. Guess that MIGHT be what I have done in relationship to the lap band. The jury is still out, but am looking to do further research. In addition, have spoken with a Dr. Nilesh Patel....hmmmm. I recieved a brochure from Dr. Patel, and his creditentials (sp?) looked good. So I called the toll free number and low and behold, Dr. Patel himself answers! WOW! Ok, imagine my surprise when not only does this guy answer his own phone, but seems very knowledgeable, AND geniunely interested in my choices. He invites me to the seminar at Innova hospital on Saturday. Oh, and by the way, his partner is in-network for my insurance company so no out of pocket costs for me on that end. So, kinda in limbo. Not canceling my appointment with Dr. Longoria, but I am rethinking the lap-band. So, like the researcher that I am, I immediately go to the OH website and look up Innova Hospital and find out that the ONLY thing they do is bariactric surgery, AND the reviews are glowing. Ok, so then I call for information. Wow, there's a sweetie on the other end of the phone who is as pleasant as she can be...so I explain that Innova is NOT in network with my insurance company, so I was looking at another hospital. She explains in my case, Innova would be willing to give me a discount (in writing no less!) to bring my cost to the same as if I were using an in-network facility. What can I say? Let's hear what they have to say, and find out which is best for me. Hey, anybody that wants to email me and give me their opinion, I am all for it.
03.23.06-Had the a consult with the psychologist today. It was good. She said she thought that I was a great candidate for the surgery. She gave me some very insightful advice....she said that WLS patients need to establish a great support system before the surgery or immediately after. In my mind I am thinking, rather smugly, "Well, of course, EVERYONE knows that". But here is what blew me away. She said that after the first 2 years, when all of the excitement and compliments taper off, THAT is when we need the support. She said that WLS patients become essentially positive reinforcement junkies and when that positive reinforcement stops, then we look to comfort our selves. Many times we turn to what worked before....and that is food. Now that I am aware of this, wow! I can be on the look out for it. Ok, perhaps, I thought the psych consult was a little overkill....but man, this was GREAT advice.
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 You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be. |
03.27.06- Saw Dr. Patel on Saturday. This is definitely the surgeon for me. Ok, here is the low down, SWBS (Southwest Bariactric Surgeions) were and seem to be quite good. The presentation was somewhat dry, and if anyone has done any research what so ever, then perhaps, even redundant. There was no real new information, and seemed to be very little statistical information other than that of the problems associated with morbid obesity. The office staff was somewhat rushed and in addition gave me incorrect information, (said that St. David's Hospital was not in-network). The wait time for the surgery is a MAJOR factor, patience is not my virture once I have made up my mind. Finally, the cost issues. The out of pocket cost for me was beyond what my family can comfortably afford. In addition, according to an office staff person, since none of the Drs. are in-network, then the co-pay will cover my care for one year or 5 fills (for the lap band) which ever comes first. (I would still have to pay the co-pay for each appointment) After that year, I have to go back to paying the co-pay plus 20% of my visits. Now, if this is supposed to be a life changing surgery, why won't my surgeon follow me for life? On the other hand, Dr. Patel's presentation was informative, but here is what clinched it for me....Dr. Patel produced studies from well respected journals (JAMA) that supported the use of WLS. His presentation explored the two major options with statistical analysis. Lap-band vs. RNY. The information on the grehlin hormone and its production related to the two surgeries was especially compelling. Innova hospital was modern, clean and very comfortingly low key. My understanding is that the nurse patient ratio was 1:2. My goodness, where are you going to find that kind of care? My out of pocket costs for the surgery will be minimal. Finally, Dr. Patel offers LIFETIME CARE! Other than my normal co-pay, there are no other costs!
Those are the objective points, now the subjective, Dr. Longoria was cute and sweet. A little nervous, but once he began speaking it was obvious his knowledge base was there. Dr. Patel ,on the other hand, was enthusiastic, passionate and very well versed in his field. He is an up and coming physician in the San Antonio area, and I feel lucky to have found him.
3.31.06 Almost afraid to type it....but here goes....unless something funky happens...I have a date....YEAH! April 10th! Wow, such a messy house and so little time. Have all of the particulars settled out, my hubby will take off on Monday, then I will hang out at the hospital Tuesday, then after work on Wednesday he will bring me home. I can do this! Right? This is what I have been dreaming about right? Ok, just a little nervous. BTW, I have decided on the RNY. My decision was based on a completely different issue....I have had some reconstrutive surgery that involved silicon based products...I have developed an unusually hard scarring and adhesions around this area. My decision was based on my potentially harmful scarring...not anything else.
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04.03.06 Wow, one week from today, I can say, today is surgery day. I have worked my fanny off this weekend! My house is much cleaner, and a few chores that I have been putting off have been done. Haven't had this much energy in forever! Not nervous, actually have a true peace. Feel very driven to get things done....wow, that is a first as I am usually a HUGE procrastinator! 7 days and counting.....
04.07.06 Ok, t-minus 3 days and counting. Got the scripts, the mag citrate and the house clean...I think I am ready. Hubby is trying one last time to talk me out of it. But I think he knows I am committed...or as least he thinks I should be committed...why should I put my body through this when all it takes is a little self-discipline...Wow Honey, thank you...everything is different now! Yeah, uh right. Creasa and Vickie my Patel Partners have been great! Creasa has been so good with information and Vickie has just been so positive and helpful...I just couldn't ask for better. Thanks to everyone who has been so kind to leave me a note on my surgery page...the encouragement has been so appreciated and uplifting when I started to get a little overwhelmed at the thoughts of this journey. Well, I will post again right before surgery.
4.10.06- Ok, this is it....I leave in a few minutes and then on my way to the losing side. Nervous, yeah....scared, you betcha, reconsidering....NEVER! See ya when I get back!
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4.11.06-Wow! This was an absolutely fabulous experience. No surgery is painfree, but besides the nasty gas pains....this was very very easy. Much easier than my two c-sections. One day post op and I am nearly pain free. Still love my doc! He is attentive, kind and positive. My only regret is that I waited so long in doing this.
04.17.06 Ok, well back to work and although sore, I already feel much better. I have lost 10 pounds but have gained a immeasurable pleasure in my new WLS friends. This is the best thing I have done for myself and for my family. Even hubby is coming around. He even said, in his cute, backhanded way, that maybe this wasn't the easy way out. Whew, truer words never spoken.
04.22.06 Wow, walked and walked and walked today....yes I am worn out but geesh, I really feel great. Found out the importance of keeping hydrated. Got behind in the fluids a couple of days ago and felt really, really yucky! Down to 263.5! Talk about GREAT incentive! I even showed my hubby....i am so excited! For the first time in a very, very long time I am excited about "me" again. The feeling is almost euphoric and well, sexy. Hubby is pleased. (as well he should be...grin)
04.28.06 Down to 259, thrilled. According to my scale it takes me out of the morbid obesity range. I am THRILLED at the progress. I got to speak with Vickie last night, what a cutie she is, wicked sense of humor. I am going to my first support group meeting on Saturday. Hopefully I will get to see Creasa, Mel, and Vickie there. It is great to have such a wonderful support group, all with the same Dr. These ladies have been so wonderful, I consider it a blessing to have met them. Thank you !
05.05.06 Down to 252 this AM on my scale. Was thrilled! Had my 3 week post op yesterday with Dr. Patel. Asked him about the protein issues. He feels that it is most important to ingest protein from natural food sources and if our blood levels indicate a problem THEN follow up with supplemental protein shakes. Being a relatively wholistic person my self, I kinda go along with this reasoning. Went to lunch with Mel yesterday to celebrate our newly acquired dietary freedom. It is good to know that food can still be a pleasurable experience, as we had Chuey's tortilla soup. The hard part is I find myself wanting to eat more, but not wanting anything else in my stomach. Talk about a conflict. Oh well, this is one of the psychological issues that this surgery doesn't fix. Guess I gotta figure something else out. Maybe rejoicing in a 27 pound weight loss in 3 weeks should compensate. Dr. Patel said that this sort of loss will be isolated to this one time....that is like an open challenge for me. Hmmmm....we will see about that. (Grin!)
05.13.06 Finally after a week of sitting on the same number on the scales, I am finally moving. Down to 250.5 this AM. Kissing the 240's for the last week has been so fustrating. I have lost this much several times befoe, not this easily, and NEVER with the satisfaction that it was forever, but I have been here before. I am ready for the scale to read in the 240's so I know that I haven't been there for at least 4 years. I read a profile about a girl yesterday that had started running, and you know, it inspired me to try. I used to run long distance in high school and I loved it. Soooo, yesterday morning I tried it and guess what, that glorious feeling came back. I only ran for a short distance, but I ran and it felt great. Had my first Wow moment yesterday. Had a pair of green pants that I were very snug presurgery, yesterday pulled them on and WHAM, that were Waaaayyy too big. I wore them just 'cuz they were comfy, but all the ladies I work with said that I just needed to get rid of those pants they looked terrible. Oh the trials and tribulations of WLS....(grin)
05.18.06-This morning was down to 245.5, rock solid in the 40's with the 30's in sight. My daddy and I have a race going on. He is using a sort of modified atkins. He is coming to visit on June 19, so the race is to see who loses the wt the fastest. If I win, he buys me something pretty, (although he doesn't know it yet) if he wins, he gets one of my famous 1 hour back rubs. I have the best daddy in the whole world. Today I am having one of the biggest estate sales in my career as an appraiser. 10,000 sq feet, - $80,000 in inventory. Tonight is dealer night and I am so excited as I haven't seen many of my dealers since before the surgery. Although I have lost over 35 lbs in 6 wks, I don't expect anyone to really notice, but it would be nice if they did. What I get more than anything is "you look so pretty and fresh". Ok, I can go with that. I don't look as bloated and my eyes seem bigger. More than anything I just plain feel better. My body is recuping from the surgery, I feel energetic and happier. I guess that just plain explains it....I just feel happier. I am not worried about what I am going to wear tonight as most of my clothes are getting too big vs. disgustingly snug. We ordered shirts for tonight and rather than getting an 2 XL , I ordered an XL and it fits fine. Life is good, and I am truly begining to understand the "freedom" that people talk about. You never really understand the stress of being obese, the underlying worries, the social snubs, the fleetingly disgusted looks in peoples eyes until you start not being obese. I guess what I am trying to say is that being morbidly obese, every day you deal with the stigma of the way other people perceive you. Once you begin to loose weight, although, YOU as an individual hasn't changed people perceive you differently. In addition, for years, I have just not dealt with those perceptions. I know inwardly when someone looked at me and thought, "How gross". I see it in their eyes just as clearly as if they had said it out loud. I know that inside I am a very worthwhile person and that it was their loss, but still that "look" hurt. Now that I am losing weight, my first instinct is to be ugly and hurt them back. Not be thier friend, but make them "pay" ....but that is just silly. I don't know if I can ever trust people who are that shallow and that transparent about it. Don't know that they are worth the effort. But , more than anything if I can walk away, resolving any prejudices in my own mind and being kind to all, then I have grown inwardly and spritiually. Thanks for reading my 4 AM musings. I ate some oriental veggies last night with black bean sauce....they must have had too much sugar in them 'cuz I was out like a light at 8 pm. I think that is how I am "dumping" 'cuz it is almost like I took a sedative the sleepiness was so overwhelming. Wish me luck today.
5.28.06 Well, THE SALE went very well. Beittie, one of my favorite nurses from the hospital where I had my surgery came to see me. She says she can tell a huge difference, but I can't really. Well, maybe a little bit, in my face. Aunt Flo is here and i am stuck at 242. Just not prepared for the cravings that hit during this time. I seem to always stall out around this time and it is my own fault. When I am PMS'ing, all i want is crunchy salty foods. Have tried everything I know. Nuts are definitely out...makes me nauseated. Will start more exercise in the AM. Have been going to yoga twice a week. Losing the weight so far has really helped my self confidience. It goes back to that whole perspective thing....ok, I might be the biggest person in the room, but I am doing something about it so that makes it better. Seems like I am dragging weight loss wise, but when I read other folks profile, I am doing average. I take some comfort in that, but I still want to lose faster...but who doesn't. My dad is coming in on June 19th.. My new goal is to be in the '20s. It is strange to think now in 10 pound blocks but it does seem to help with short term goals. I went shopping all by myself yesterday. I bought myself some pretty panties, $8 a pair...thank you. I am such a cheap skate....but the splurge felt good. I also bought myself some stupidly expensive perfume, but...I am worth it and it smells soooooo good! Anyway, despite Aunt Flo, life is good and it is a joy to get dressed in the morning. 'Specially since I went to the thrift store and bought a pair of jeans. Size 16 ....uh huh!!! Happy Dance! They are fairly snug in the waist , but big in the butt and legs. Oh well, I will just keep on plugging away. It just seems that I get fustrated at the loss of time during the week of my period. If the first 6 months is the honeymoon period....then I am losing about 6 weeks of that time with my period....I gotta do something else. Well, enough of my Sunday morning musings. Bye!
06.05.06 Just a short up date....cuz finally broke the 240's and woke to be 236 this AM! The water challenge on the Texas board has been instrumental in helping and my daughter walking my 4 miles a day! We grinningly call it "walking the bitch"...yes, I have been a bit cranky. Losing my best friend , food, is hard and not losing wt, even harder....but well 236??? I am in "uncharted territory" as I haven't been this low since phen-phen. I am thrilled!! Happy Day!!
06/07/06 And the hits just keep on coming....ran, walked and did yoga....results...this A.M. I am 234....albeit neked...and not a pretty sight, I admit, but I must say the numbers on the scale more than made up for it. AND guess what....I will NEVER have to lose this weight again! What an incredible blessing!
06.20.06 My dad is here and although he weighs less....I have lost more...so we are both a winner. My goal was to be in the '20's when he got here....I was 227!!! YEAH!! Off to Padre Island!!! I am still fat....but just not as much.
06.29.06 Saw Dr. Patel today. It is official, I have lost 56 pounds since surgery and here is the amazing thing....10 inches off of my waist!!! I would do this surgery once every other month to achieve these results. It has been great! Melanie and I went to some very ritzy shops in San Antonio, today. I was so impressed with Mel! She just knew her way around those shops and got the sales people to treat us like gold. Now I am a real country girl and some of the shops I went to were ones that I only had read about in magazines...origins, sephora and Tiffany's. Mel walked in like she owned the place and they treated us like gold. Origins gave us both make overs for our eyes, and a bunch of samples. It was glorious. I felt so pretty. Even splurged on pretty panties again at Victoria Secret. I love my life! Thanks for a great day Mel.
07/12/06 Well, still stuck at 222- getting kinda depressed with the stall. But the OH conference was a great motivator and more than anything, it made me sit down and really think about the consequences of this surgery. I heard Dr. Ganz say that on her surgery date, her best friend was murdered. I was taken back, then she went on to say that it was "food". She is right, the relationship with food is totally different now. The final, "take home message" to me was that my bottom line goal, although, the actual wt. numbers were important and being able to do the things that I couldn't because I was fat was very important, today, I actually had a major insight....my bottom line goal is that I wanted a normal relationship with food. Not the addictive, love/hate thing I had going on, but the kind where the old adage, eat to live, not live to eat is applicable to me. I am in control of food, not the food controlling me. Am I there yet? No, not quite, but I am approaching it more and more frequently. I still have breaks where my mind wants me to go back to the "pig out" mode, but guess what, there is no pleasure in it. Have I learned yet not to attempt a pig out? Getting there. This is a work in progress and it is just not easy. People who say that this is the easy way out, only see the physical side of this surgery. "You have the surgery, you lose weight, easy!" "They" are the people who don't have an "addiction" or if they do, they are in denial about being addicted. What I think the hardest part of this surgery is the mind issues. These are issues that bind the whole OH board together, we as a unit, understand the issue of being addicted to the comfort that food provides. For the support that this provides, I am thankful.
07/17/06 Whew, finally!!! After 20 days of a plateau, I am 220.5 this AM and the good news is that this is premenstrual, so maybe I can get down to spitting distance of "onederland". What is spitting distance you ask, hell if I know, just some KY saying a picked up from my hill billy father in law. Nevertheless, the scales are moving, the scales are moving!!!
07/23/06 Down to 217 this AM. This is a red letter day so things could change. Nevertheless I am thrilled with the loss. We have
a sale this weekend. It is funny. With a lost of 65 pounds, you know people notice but either they don't say anything, or they just say, "Oh, you lost some weight.". I don't get it? Why wouldn't you say something....I know I would. Oh well. just try to do my best everyday. I have noticed that I am not nearly as tired after a sale...in addition, I am moving so much more easily. Pick things up more easily and just generally more active. This surgery is great! It has helped me achieve something I thought was never possible. I know I could never have done it on my own.
7.28.06 Whew, finally down a bit, to 215. Went to the river with my son and his friends. We played foot ball and had a blast. I didn't eat, (forgot to, if you can imagine that) and got a bit weak. But other than that played in the water for about an hour then went for a walk. When we got home, i am proud to say that I made good food choices. A sliced tomato and a chicken breast, or at least part of one. I love WLS!!!
08/01/06 Ok, I feel like sh*t! I have to write down what I did yesterday so that I will have some accountablity. I pigged out. Plain ole' pigged out! Grazed all day long non-stop eating. I mean like 6 plums, 2 bites of pecan pie, a snack bag of soy protien chips, a huge tomato and about 1.5 cups of cottage cheese and a big hunking piece of watermelon.2 slices of swiss cheese and 2 triscuits. I am so bloated today and Ihave gained 5 pounds! I hate myself! Today is nothing but protien shakes and water. I don't know what triggered me but I am going to get back in control. I am so scared of failing! I can't believe I did that....it was as if there was no stopping my feeding frenzy. Granted, it was not as bad a pre surgery, but nevertheless, I can't do this again. I will post tomorrow for the accountability factor. I am so ashamed.
08.02.06 Ok, yesterday I didn't do as badly. I didn't eat anything except my protien shakes and some turkey jerky. Not healthy, I admit, but it does help me gain back my control. I did yoga yesterday and ran around town working, so I feel some better today. I lost 3 of the 5 pounds I had gained, but I am still not where I was. The scary part is that I don't know what triggered me....I wasn't particularly sad or happy or anything....just perhaps bored. Maybe I set my self up by engaging in some of the old habits of quiet Sunday afternoon with a book. I don't know, but I will be on the watch out for that again. It is rainy outside so that will delay my walk until this evening. Gotta increase my fluid intake. My goal for the day is 100 oz.
08.03.06 Well, yesterday was eventful. I went for a walk in my subdivision which is considered most rural. After trespassing across a field that I wasn't supposed to do, then another field, I got lost. I mean really lost....ended up about 5 miles from home. It was pretty bad...no water ...no cell phone....and it was HOT!! Learned a great lesson....don't tresspass. But still made good food choices...am back down to my previous pig out wt and feel better about my self.
08.04.06 Spoke to my to 2 out of 3 Patel Partners today, Creasa and Vicki! Wow, they are doing SOOOO well! We all are! It was great staying connected with the girls as we are all within weeks of having had our surgery. It is great to have to support, and being able to confess our deepest and stinkyest secrets. I feel happy today, especially since I heard from my friends.
08.06.06 Took my teenage daughter shopping last night on tax free weekend....and well I must say that I enjoyed it too as I shopped for mommy. It was such a pleasure to shop in Gap and Old Navy in the regular size clothes. I even bought a new bra and some cami's. Although I still know that I am fat....I am starting to feel pretty...a bit. It is refreshing. Down to 213, and I can tell you that is simply by the grace of God, cuz I didn't make good food choices yesterday....well made good choices, but portion size was once again an issue. It seemed that I had an epiphany last night....after I had eaten some grapes, and was in the middle of that awful feeling one gets when one eats too much sugar, heart palpitations, cold sweats and nausea, I realized exactily what I had done to myself. I can no longer take pleasure in a post shopping binge, there will never again be the joy in food that I once had. This realization hit me square at home in my heart and I began to bring this knowledge in the deepest recesses of my mind. I realized that there is a need for a huge change in my basic thinking. I have been riding the wave of the surgery but now I have to work on my mind...my relationship with food has to change. It is not about "what can I have" but "is this really what I need"....it is changing the perspective between giving my self permission to explore all the possibilities and keeping myself behind a filter or barrier of food is not a source of pleasure, but a function that is simply essential to live. I am slowly processing this mentality, it is hard work and this surgery is simply the tool that I am using to process this evolution in my thinking. Whew, these Sunday morning musings are hard work....I think I will get ready to engage in retail therapy...yes....SHOPPING!!!.
08.08.06 Today is my 44th birthday and I am down to 211. That is 71 pounds lost since my surgery from the wt at my first visit with Dr. Patel. I feel good, my life is finally coming in to order. My exercise is into a routine, so perhaps, that is an established habit. My fear is when school starts and there is an upheaval in my routine. I don't know, we will see. Today I am just grateful to be down to my current wt.
These pictures on the day after my 4 month rebirth....just a little over the halfway point....
08.14.06 Welll I finally figured out what the trigger was and what was causing my generalized yuckiness...better known as depression. It was the ambian. I was having insomnia and Dr. Patel gave me a 'script for ambian. So I tried it and it really does work. But here is the problem, the next day I have really bad munchies and further more, I feel down. So the entire day is shot 'cuz I feel really yucky and I stayed on the couch trying to sleep it off...then of course, couldn't sleep that night, so took another ambian. My dad was the one who helped me realize that this was what was causing my depression. He said that he can't take this stuff either and that he has the same reactions. So, off of the ambian, feel 150% better. Hubby and I have been walking together. It has really been a great healing time as I have left him out of all of the changes I have been going through. He makes cute fun at my new "girly-girl" 'ness....but I think he enjoys it. He pays more attention to what I am wearing and gives me constructive criticism. I am falling in love with him again...and I am not even ovulating! (grin)
08.23.06 Ok, 208 this AM....here are my goals, I guess I have not recorded them for fear of failing one more time. It has taken a loss of 74 pounds to feel confident enough... But here goes,
Under 200 by 9/10 and 182 by 10/10...so that means 8 pounds in 2 weeks and an addtional 18 pounds in 4 wks. Basically, 26 pounds in nearly 7 weeks. That is going to be pushing it...but I Ilike pushing the envelope. It is still amazing that I have come this far this fast...as I am sitting here typing my rings keep slipping around my fingers, like a gentle reminder of things still yet to come.
08.25.06 Ok, 205 today! How did that happen? I am just happy to be here. Just 5 more pounds till "onederland". I can't believe I am almost there. Just to get there....whew!
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09.02.06 Still 205 this AM....feeling antsy about the 5 month (9/10/06) and being under 200 goal that I set for myself. I am increasing my walking and protien and see if that doesn't do the trick. I admit that I am feeling kinda skinny these days....but I still have so much to lose. I get confusing messages. On Monday, I fit into, ( nicely I might add) a size 10 silk dress. Yet, I still have 55 pounds to lose to goal. At that rate, there is a possibility of fitting into single digit sizes. Single digit sizes? That is simply not within my reality. Weighing 150 is, but single digit sizes???? Like maybe an 8? That is simply Twilight Zone stuff for me.
09.03.06-Ok, maybe I don't have to be worried....203 this AM. It is just crazy the way my body drops the pounds. Went to the local open air market yesterday morning...it is so strange, 'cuz as I walk over the hills and valleys I keep expecting to get out of breath. As I start up the hill I start thinking about my breathing and how embarressed I am going to be in front of my hubby when I have to stop and rest....then I get halfway up the hill and I am still not out of breath and I remember....I don't have to be embaressed anymore. It is incredible!
9.10.06 I DID IT!!! Well, me and the Lord...'cuz I don't know where the pounds went! ONDERLAND!!! 198 this am! Couldn't believe it....got off and on the scales like 4 times...but it was undeniable. If you would have told me in April that in less than 6 months I would be under 200 pounds I wouldn't believe you. Thank heavens!
09.11.06 Can you believe it??? 196 this AM!!
09.18.06 Having some pretty significant rt shoulder pain. Went for my ultrasound this AM....don't know anything yet, but if it is my gallbladder, it has been a small price to pay for this tool. Will know something in the next couple of days. Keep my in your prayers.
Well it is official..."multiple stones and crystals seen throughout the gall bladder." Well, I am going to sit on this awhile...just got some time off from my job and I all I want to do is enjoy my home. Make some needed changes, 'specially since I have so much energy. If I can make it to the first week of November....we will see. And yes, I would still do the surgery.
Well, had my appt. with Dr. Patel. This AM woke up and was 192, which put me one day behind on my goal, that is ok though. Am scheduled to have gall bladder out in November. I would like to be down to 170 by then. We will see....
12.02.06- Finally!!! Finally!!! I made to tot he century club. After testing the waters for over 2 months....I FINALLY made it!! I have just been pussyfootin' around (as my mother used to say) and eating too many carbs, seeing what makes me dump and just generally eating too much. I still have 30 pounds to goal, but this is a HUGE milestone for me. Don't let this sugery fool you, you have to use this as a tool and you have to be compliant 'cuz if you don't it will take you 2 months to lose 10 pounds....and you WILL get extremely fustrated. In additon, my goals are a bit more realistic....as I approach goal the weight just creeps off, not falls off like it did in the begining. It is hard work, but so is anything worth while. I did have a wow moment of sorts yesterday. This lady whom I was acquainted with a couple of years ago came to my sale yesterday. Before she was friendly and would always talk to me. Yesterday, she didn't recognize me....I know that she didin't. She just kinda ignored me.....which was ok....but wierd.
Oh well... I guess I am most happy about being able to say that I have lost 100 pounds. I am going to take my skinny butt upstairs and run a steaming jacuzzi and enjoy my skin flapping in the current. Nice visual...huh?
2.17.07-I haven't posted in a long while....mainly because I am so busy shopping! ( Not really but it sounded good) Today I weighed 172...I feel great and I love my life. As I near my one year surgiversary I feel like I will make goal and most importantly, be healthy. I had my gallbladder out in December and talk about a breeze! Went in for surgery at 7 am and by 9:45 am, I was on my way home. Amazing!!! I am slowly getting too small for my 10's and I bought my first pair of size 8's and they fit, and not the lay down on the bed fit, but fit nicely. My friends and family say that I am getting too thin....but you know what they say...you can never be too rich....or , well we all know the rest. The best thing is that I don't mind looking at my self in the mirror. My energy level is through the roof and my house is clean. When I think back to my fat days, I remember trudging around in a island of unhappiness and feeling so very disgusting....but today, I am happy and content. No more battling the fat, no more failures, no more being embaressed at the way I looked....life IS good!!!
2.25.07 Updated a picture that I found....never truly understood how bad I looked. When I was given this picture, I remember thinking..."Boy that camera made me look really fat....I'm heavy, but not that heavy".....guess what...I was that heavy. YUCK!!! What was I thinking???? Now I am at least 120 pounds lighter and 120 times happier. Who woulda thunk it~~
Photos
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4 mos and one day
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1st day back at work, about 5 days post op
