cstokes80

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Well it's been nearly 14 months since my surgery and I have lost 103lbs.  I am a petite girl at only 5'1 and currently weigh 126lbs.

I was not overweight my entire life or even half of it.  It was a period of about 10 years when things just got out of control with life and no matter what I did I couldn't seem to lose the weight and seemed to be gaining at a pretty scary pace.  At the time I decided to pursue WLS I seemed to be gaining 2-3lbs a month.

So to that point, people who have known me in the time before I gained the weight often said things that made me question WHY I was still friends with them.  Then there are the people I met as an adult and people I have met post surgery.  Oddly, in all of the groups of people mentioned they have all said something so crazy that I wonder if they could have POSSIBLY even thought before they said it out loud.  I get that some people are curious but how the question is asked should be given some thought.

In the age of all this body shaming I think to myself why is ok for you to say things to someone you think is either too fat or too skinny. I have come to accept that at this point EVERYONE is going to have an opinion regardless of your size.  I thought once I lost all the weight my drama with the weight comments would be over, everyone would be happy and they could all go on not worrying about how big I was getting. 

WRONG WRONG WRONG.....

So, when I was bigger, people made comments about my health but only my 5yr old niece EVER said to me that I was fat (you know kids will say anything).  However, now NO ONE seems to have a problem telling me I am too skinny or they are happy that I am no longer fat. Yes, they say fat, because it's ok now, because i'm not fat??????

Either, they think they are being nice or they think they are being helpful, either way..... I just can't deal with them some times.

Too get to the point of all this over the last year I have faced varying criticism of one kind or the other for either having surgery, being too fat, or now... being too skinny.

So, if you are reading this..... Prepare yourself for the kind of stupid you never though possible.  Because here is a list of some of the CRAZY mess people said to me.

- You weren't that fat. (THAT FAT? WHAT??? That's like saying you aren't that ugly)

- How did you gain so much weight? Did you just stop caring how you look? (ARE YOU INSANE????)

- I hope you will be able to find a man now. (Oh thank god I can attract superficial men now! I'M SAVED)

- You have always had a pretty face.  ( I think this is akin to saying good personality)

- Aren't you worried about your skin being all gross? (Well yeah but I'm willing to take that risk)

- Where did your skin go after you lost weight? (Well it's still there?? But I got lucky and I don't suffer from loose skin but thanks for asking?)

- What will you do when your boobs disappear? (Um? Well? I don't think they are going anywhere just smaller? and i'm positive I can get new ones if I need them)

- Do you have a fat twin? (WHAT IN THE HELL?????? Someone really asked me that.  I was like No, that was me.)

- You are hot now, who knew? (Well, thanks.  Go ahead and GTFO you thirsty fool)

- You looked better before you lost weight. (Again, thanks? but you weren't trying to talk to me then soooooo, bye?)

- You don't look like you needed surgery. (WELL THANK GOD!! that was the ultimate goal right?)

- Are you going to stop losing weight? (Nope, this is the part of life where I continue to shrink down and turn back into a baby, Benjamin Button style)

- Do you even eat? (Yeah but I choose not to be a grazing cow anymore.  So if you want to see me eat, ask me to join you for lunch or something)

- Are you sick? I noticed you getting really thin.  (No, not anymore but thanks for checking)

- Do you have an eating disorder? (Nope but I did.... It's called binge eating, i'm in recovery though)

- Are you going to get fat again? (Thanks for mentioning I was fat? and I certainly hope not but, I guess it is possible)

- Do you work out? ( No, NEVER! I look like this by MAGIC)

- When is your hair going to grow back, it looks terrible?? (OMG DIAF!!!!!!!! I am really sensitive about my hair. But I sacrificed it temporarily for the long term good)

- You could have lost the weight if you had just XZY (WHERE WERE YOU when I was trying to lose weight oh wise one? I never even thought about going on a diet or working out)

- Don't you think having surgery was extreme? (Nope, I had a lot of other things going on with me medically aside from the weight you can see)

- I can see your bones, you should stop losing weight. ( I am not that skinny and I'm pretty sure you should be able to see your collar bones)

- are you a size 0 now? ( let's not be crazy people. Obviously I am a size 2)

- OMG now you can shop with me at all the really cute places you didn't fit before. (STOP THERE.... I am not 15 and booty shorts aren't in my future)

Well I hope you enjoyed reading the madness and can totally relate or you are feeling more prepared for future comments...

-C

so I'm 7 weeks post op and I'm down 35lbs.  I'm now a ONEderful 199.4lbs.  I've got about 70lbs to goal but I'm moving right along. I can finally tolerate water and smells again.  I'm also able to eat without feeling terrible for a half hour after.  

I'm dating and going out all the time now.  I'm also doing my first 5k this weekend.

if you're feeling lost. find motivation in others :)

Something tasting nasty has been the story of my life lately.  I previously posted about my McNugget issue.  However, after getting a pretty bad stomach flu.........most things taste pretty nasty

Yes, of course they mentioned that my tastes would change but man this is terrible :(

First of all........ I can pretty much only tolerate drinking tea.  I LOVE TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pretty much any kind of tea works.  Water makes my stomach do flips and it tastes like chemicals.  Any other sugarfree drink tastes like it has some weird something about it.  I guess it's the sucrose or something?  So if anyone has suggestions, I'm ready to hear them.

And sadly the love of my life.......STEAK!  Why have you forsaken me?  I can't even think about eating it.

In fact most meat tastes pretty nasty to me right now.... So BEANS, eggs and CHEESE!!!

I know I'm not supposed to eat them but they are a good protein source and they don't bother me........SO I EAT THEM!!!!!!!!  Cashews! I LOVE CASHEWS! oh and wasabi peas.  Some times I eat them together.

I assume I will try eating more foods again at some point but I'm going to stick with what I know and what I can eat.  it's a short list but it's better than the dreaded foamies.

I'm not sure if im happy or sad about losing the taste for some of my favorite foods.  

I ate one chicken mcnugget and it was possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten.  It didn't even taste like food ? It was more like cardboard 

steak is also off the table. I just can't eat it. It does not taste so good

however. I can't eat enough black beans

im still mourning the loss of cake cookies and soda :-/

Since my surgery I have struggled with what my mind wants and what I can actually have.  I still have big eyes for food  and obviously not the capacity.

I know that I can't have the things I want but the desire to have them is huge.  I'm wondering if this feeling will pass.

In other news I had my 1 week checkup and i'm down 8lbs since my surgery.

As I am approaching the end of my first week I am happy to report that I have no complications so far.

im looking forward to my follow upon Thursday, moving on to puréed food and of course going home from my moms house. 

Im tired and a little sore but by far the most annoying thing is the lingering mild headache. 

I am 4days post op and I can think of is how great a nice burp or fart would be.  I walk and stretch and shake hoping  to create some movement but it doesn't come as often as I would like.  Everyone talked about the gas pain but I never imagined it would be like this. 

In other news I feel pretty good otherwise. No problems with pain or puking. Thankfully no nausea either.  I hope things keep going this direction. 

My surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:30am.

I'm drained from work and stressed about surgery :\  I have been going around and around in my head all day about if I am making the right decision.

I am known for making impulse decisions but when I think about it, I started this process 6 months ago.  So it isn't impulsive at all.

I've had plenty of time to change my mind but now that i'm at the last day I'm scared.  I'm not scared about any one thing in particular just in it being final.  I am a serious commitment phobe.

I can't think of anything worse than something being "forever".

I'm all packed and ready to head over to my mom's house so she can take me in the morning but I have a mental list of ways to stall going over there, because it is the start of the process of going to the hospital in my head.

I'm positive that i'm going to be nervous tomorrow and I will probably be thinking WHAT THE HELL DID I DO after surgery.  I know it's all for the best but right now my mind is racing.

So I'm currently 1 week away from my scheduled surgery. I'm reflecting on what brought me to this place in my life.  I was not an obese child, in fact I was very thin.

Once I got to high school I had a boyfriend who was always telling me how fat I was?  I wasn't fat at all, I weighed 127lbs?!?!?! So I started obsessing over my weight and barely eating a thing.  I got down to around 110lbs and ditched the toxic boyfriend.  I graduated HS and started dating someone new.  We moved in together when I was 19 and surprise!!!!!!!! I suddenly put on 20lbs, then 30, then 40.... I gained the weight so fast that my skin was literally bursting at the seams with stretch marks.  I was horrified!!!!  3 years later I was up 70lbs and my live in boyfriend was taking full advantage of my situation by validating his awful behavior by telling me that no one would want me and I should be so lucky to have him.  After 5 years of mental abuse, I pulled myself to get her and left.... At this point I was 200lbs.

At that point I was 24 and alone.  I moved in with friends to get myself together.  I thought I was happy but then the backhanded comments started. You know the ones "you have a pretty face" or " you would be pretty if you just lost weight".  My co worker even came up with the lovely term "Fotty" = a fat hottie :\........... If that wasn't bad enough then my family started on me about it.  My mother, my brother, my grandmother.  ALL OF THEM had something mean to say.  Even the kids in my family would ask me why am I fat?  I fell apart in private more times than I want to think about.

I set out in 2011 to lose weight after seeing a picture of myself at a horse show.  I won 2nd place that day but all I could think about was how terrible I looked in those riding clothes.  I managed to drop about 50lbs and I was doing great!  This was all too short lived.  I got some devastating news that would send me to the point of a mental break down.  I stopped going out, I stopped riding, I stopped talking to just about everyone.  I was gripped with anxiety so much that I could barely even go to work.  All this hiding out did was pack on the pounds and lead to more anxiety.

I got my mind together and made the same thwarted efforts at dieting that everyone does.  I lose it, I gain it.  I couldn't take anymore of the distress I was causing myself.  I did some research and started calling around to get information.  In August 2013, I attended the seminar at Winchester Medical Center and started my journey to this point.