Crazy_Sally

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Over this past weekend, I found myself entering yet another prestigious club… the one-year post op club.  Time for the infamous "year" blog.  Those who know me know that occasionally I have had the habit of sharing a TAD too much… but oh well.  That's why you love me. 

Officially, I am a year post op and down 101, 99, 100, 101.5 – ish pounds.  I went into surgery a 24, and today I am chillin' at a size 6.  I NEVER THOUGHT that life could be like this! 

First of all, I COULD NOT have made it without my friends.  I am corny… but I can't help it.  They have been with me thru the best of times, and the worst.  If I left your name out hereà I love you.  Get over it. 

Shannon ~ You have no idea how wonderful it was to have your support during my journey.  I cannot thank you enough.  And now that you are on the other side of your own journey, I can't tell you how proud of you I am.  Proud that you didn't give up ~ even when that unmentionable a$$Munch made you cry.  (I wanted to kick him in his beans for you.)  But you didn't give up.  Not when you were about to lose your insurance, not when you decided to say F-YOU to that (bleep), and not when you were told that with all your waiting and all your tears that you only had LESS THAN A WEEK to prepare for your surgery.  I don't know what else to say but BRAVO on being so much stronger than you gave yourself credit for… and BRAVO for being brave enough to do something for yourself that will ensure your future with your family and your husband.  I… am so proud of you.

Sherri ~ Sigh!  I stankin' love you girl!  What do you want me to say?  If I was same-sex oriented, I would totally stalk you!  Thank you for letting me go on and on and on about that unmentionable MD, even though you didn't have the same experience that I had.  And you never told me to SHUT UP.  J  Thank you for being my road dawg… someone not scared to go try kimchee or shop like crazy @ Value Village (or that semi-scary thrift store in Mountain View).  Thank you for fried cheese, pepperoni-flavored egg drop soup, swollen eyes, diarrhea in your bathroom after coffee, and letting me love on that "adowable" Brandon of yours and letting me pet Falco.  I can't wait to see you again… so one of us needs to get a plane ticket.    I love you girl.

Darlene ~ Okay.  Here is the deal.  Didn't think I would like you this much.  Had NO IDEA how friggin' amazing you were.  Sure didn't think I was going to join the "WE YDARLENE FAN CLUB."  But dude, Hi!  My name is Jenelle, and I am a DARLENE addict.  I LOVE your honesty.  I love your spunk.  I love that you live in HOMER ~ and rock that town!  I love that you love Sherri as much as you do.  (I love her too.)  I love that you are such an AMAZING friend to her.  I am jealous of your boobs!  There ~ I said it out loud.  I wanna feel you up.  You get more and more beautiful…how do you do it? You are HANDS DOWN the sexiest (inside and out) Grandma in ANY womb!  I am sad that we didn't have more time together before Uncle Sugar shipped me off, but I know that this is not the end of the Darlene-Jenelle-Sherri story.  To many more chapters…cheers ladies.

Loyce~  I am a fool.  I had you right next door all those years, and did not realize the SUPERSTAR that I was sharing a wall with!  You are a BAD MOTHA (shut my mouth!)  I love watching you do all these things that you love… bike riding, snow machine riding, hiking, running, cross-country driving, video queen, news reporter… and now GOLF superstar?  My goodness lady!  You must pass out at night after all your accomplishments!  Can I just say this… I wanna be just like you!  J  Your kind words always hit the spot, and you don't have a mean word to say about anyone.  You are the epitome of class and charm.  Plus ~ you have FANTASTIC taste!  In hair, furniture, clothes… sigh.  You're stunning!

Support from afar~ It is insane how much love and support comes from afar.  My sister Jenny Lou, who jumped thru hoops to support me thru this.  Michelle, who is the encyclopedia of kind words and motivational thoughts.  Misty who puts the FLAVA in my day, and Jennie who loves me and my family unconditionally.  And yet even to Jessie ~ my once upon a time Angel ~ who taught me that inner happiness is the key to beauty.  Weight loss does not make you beautiful.  YOU make you beautiful.  And that weight loss does not take the misery away.  LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.  I wish her and her family the best of luck in all their future endeavors.  May all her dreams come true…

Okay, that is enough of the mushiness.  I would like to take a moment to thank my sponsors (unpaid I might add) that have made this last year possible.

MySpace ~ Thanks for the forum, dudes!

Canon ~ The fine makers of the digital camera that has recorded my journey.

Sony ~ Life would END without my laptop.

Delta Airlines~ For making me feel TRIAMPHANT that I can fit in your little-a$$ seats.

Torino's ~ For making so many sugar-free alternatives for flavoring my java.  (Which I enjoy sooooooo much more now that it doesn't give me the runs…)

NASA ~ For making the underwire that holds my torpedo-shaped boobs up.

VH-1 ~ Thank you!  You have been my entertainment for the last year.  Rock of Love 2, I Love New York 2, I Love Money, and of course… BEST WEEK EVER!

Old Navy ~ For making AFFORDABLE clothes.  PS ~ your jeans and things are starting to get spendy.  Time to bring your pricing back down. 

Dole ~ For harvesting my favorite fast food in the world… bananas!

Coldstone Creamery~ For making SUGAR FREE, FAT FREE, but not FLAVOR FREE icecream.  It is called SINLESS SWEET CREAM.  I get mine with strawberries (they are whole, frozen without any syrups) and ½ a banana.  YUM!  And they let me order a kids size (which is $1.39 if I don't add any fruit to it!)

Jergens ~ To the maker of my fine sunless tanning cream…I love you dudes!  My motto is that brown fat looks better than white fat!  Chuckle! 

Sephora ~ Thank you for making me broke.  (Oh… and thanks Darlene for introducing us.)  American Express also thanks you, Darlene!  Hee hee.

MOBSTERS ~ I don't know if I love or hate you!  But you definitely get my attention too much these days.  I just want to build, and fight, and BANK.  I have been pressuring people to join my mob so that I can do bigger missions.  I have even bought the kids ProActive and signed up for a Blockbuster online thing just to win favors with the God Fathers.  I am a nerd… can't help it!

PLEASE JOIN MY MOB!  ACCEPT MY STANKIN' INVITE!  OR send me a message and I will send you an invite.  HELP A GIRL OUT!

Here are the biggest changes in me, as I see them.  You may not know these things about me, and you may not read this blog all the way thru.  But the next items are extremely personal.

Œ  SEXY.  I have never felt this sexy in my life!  I feel SEXY in my skin.  I feel womanly.  (That was cheesy.)  Clothes don't make me sexy. I LOVE that I can rock a high neck t-shirt, a pair of regular jeans and flip flops and make them sexier than a slut dress.  My sexy comes from inside.  (And my husband LOVES me feeling this way, too.  He gets to reap the benefits ~ lol!)

  VOLNERABLE.  I was always vulnerable, but I sure did use my weight to my advantage.  I hid behind my weight.  And I was almost MANLY in my weight.  (I can't explain that to anyone… it's just how I felt.)  Now, I need my husband to be my big, strong hero.  I need him to lead the family.  I am so glad that I submitted to be the wife in our relationship instead of me FIGHTING him for a leg in his pants.  I need him to protect me.  And the AWE INSPIRING thing is that HE DOES.  All of the above, and is PROUD to do it.  It makes me love him more.

Ž  ADDICT.  I traded my addiction for food into an addiction to shopping.  For so many years, I have focused on the family.  I have NO PROBLEM now taking care of me.  But I have realized that I have an addictive personality.  (Hello, Mobsters!  You aren't helping!)  Highlights, clothes, shoes, pedicures, spray-on tans, haircuts… I do for me now.  Gordon doesn't give me a hard time very much at all… which is amazing.  But I think that most of that is because he LIKES me looking good.  J  But I am lucky ~ my addictions don't involve food or drink.  I can see HOW EASY it is to have MAJOR issues post-op.  Drugs, alcohol, shopping, working out insanely, anorexia, sexual promiscuity, pills (prescription or otherwise)… there are MANY temptations out there.

  WEAK.  I have realized how WEAK I am.  I can't constantly battle my kids to do what they need to do.  I can't fight with my sister.  I don't have the physical or EMOTIONAL strength to battle.  While Jazzercise and swimming is building my physical muscles, my mind and heart are TIRED of battling.  THANK GOD I have Gordon (and Jenny Lou) to take care of things for me.  Because I just don't have the strength.  The last 2 years has taken it's toll.  I just don't have the strength…

  HUMBLED.  I feel ANGRY when I see someone get discriminated against because of their weight.  When Gordon and I went to go see Danny Gans, my seat was right next to a woman who was about 320 I would say.  I did not hesitate.  I walked right to my seat and smiled at her, and sat down.  I didn't try to change seats with Gordon, and I didn't try to keep from touching her like she was the plague.  When you are overweight, NO ONE WANTS TO HELP YOU.  They ignore you at the grocery store when you need assistance at the deli window, they ignore you when you are shopping for clothes, they pass you up professionally because you don't look the part, and you just plain get OVERLOOKED.  Hello, people.  I exist.  Jenelle Gordon is here.

‘  JEALOUS.  I have never been more aware of my jealousy towards others, or theirs towards myself.  The green-eyed monster lives everyone.  And he lives under my couch.  I **try** to keep my jealousy in check.  I think that one of the reasons why it is playing so heavily right now is because I feel like I missed so much time… and I want it all back.  Every second that I denied myself, every missed experience, every missed thrill, every missed accomplishment… I want it all back.  Right or wrong, possible or impossible, I want it all back.  My childhood, my ability to be a teenager, a honeymoon with my husband, all the laughter, all the missed memories… I want them.

I am done for now.  I am sure that I will write more later.  If you made it this far, WOOHOO!  You're a winner!  And you love me ~ or else you wouldn't have read this novel. 

I love you guys,