cpatters

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It has been almost 5 and a half years sense my surgery. Life has flown by! 
Last year, I found my self gaining weight... eating more and having to buy bigger sized clothes. I decided that I was not going to spend more money on clothes... ( I am very thrifty) so I made my mind up to stop! 
I was eating anything that I wanted... potatoe chips, candy, hamburgers, french fries.... and the list goes on! I weigh myself every day.. so I could see the pounds adding up. I had gained a whopping 25 pounds up to 170 from my lowest post surgery weight of 145 pounds. I am now down 18 pounds and have 7 more to go until I am 145 pounds again! 
I feel better about my self and am now trying to watch what I eat and back to eating my protein again.
This surgery is not an easy fix... it does not keep the weight off.... and you can gain the weight back!!!!!!
I just have to think about how I felt pre surgery at 245 pounds and know that I worked too hard to gain it back! 

The Christmas craziness is nearly over. My stress level is greatly reduced, but I still feel the urge to eat everything in site. I cant wait to get rid of all the food in my house. I am going to throw it all out if it does not get eaten up in a few days.
My family and I are so blessed and I thank God everyday for our blessings. I think back to the past years before I had surgery and all I could think about was loosing weight. It was constantly on my mind. Every day I was in pain with my back, legs, feet, knees....etc...etc...I was so very uncomfortable. I would pray to God and ask him to help me. I prayed everyday for his help. He did help me.... I was able to have this surgery and loose the weight....And get my life back again.

With the holidays approaching us quickly, I have been finding myself grazing and nibbling on goodies more than I should. This time of year is so stress full for me. The anxiety of finding the right gift and then spending money that I don't have!!! AGHHHHH!!! I hate that I am a cheep-o. I cant help it! Why does things have to cost so much? I guess that I should be thankful that I have a great job, a wonderful family and get over it! I better get my tail into work and sign up for some OVER TIME! $$$$$$$$$ I also need to stop reaching for the snacks and keep my fingers out of the candy dish!
Holidays, here I come!!!

Well soon it will be 20 months for me. I thought that I would have lost more weight than this. I am kinda getting a little depressed about the whole thing. But on the other hand, I know that I am at a healthy weight and I am so very fortunate to have had this surgery. I am blessed with a great husband, 2 wonderful boys, a nice house and a good job....but...(the buts always get in the way of happiness don't they)...but, I cant seem to get a grip on my eating. I am out of control and I realize that I may need some help with it. I should go talk to a nut or a phychiatrist. I really can get through this and I will not let the weight creep back on. I am up 5 pounds from my lowest weight! I can do this.....

 I went on vacation last week with my husband's family to the OBX. We had a fantastic time. I did not get to exercise as much as I wanted to, but oh well what is vacation for?  The mosquitos were horrible! Every time that you stepped out side, you were bombarded with the buggers. I had bites on top of bites. They were not so bad at the beach or out by the pool. The weather was cool and we had a stomach virus go through the house that keep my kids in bed for 24 hours. But I can handle ANY THING when I am at the beach!!
 Cat

I dont know why I feel this way, but I feel fat. I look in a mirror and I see fat. I look down at my lap when I am sitting down and I see huge legs and stomach. Why havnt I lost any more weight?? I was hoping to loose down to about 135, but I cant seem to budge the scale from 150-153. I dont over eat, and I exercise regulary. I also feel like I want to eat more and more. I want to eat things that are not part of my diet. I find myself seaching in the kitchen for something, but not quite sure what that something is. ???? Any way, I need to figure out what it is that is stopping me from loosing more. I am very satisfied with my loss, but I could be much more content if I could loose about 15 more pounds.
I need to drink more water... for sure, I do not get in enough of the nasty stuff. I also need to up my protien from about 50grams to about 80 grams. I will start with that tomarrow, and we will see what happens.....
I know that I sound like I am rambling, but I needed to get it out on paper...............

 I have been grazing a lot lately. I will eat a few bites of  "naughty" foods like chips, candy, crackers, or some other yummy carb filled foods at a time. I guess my rationality is that a few bites wont hurt me. But in actuality, a few bites here and there over the course of a few weeks will hurt me. If you think about it, over the course of a few years and I will be back up to my 245 pounds if I keep it up.
 I do not eat healthy any  more. I am eating like I used to before surgery only in smaller portions. I dont eat meals. I will fix a meal for the family, but then, I dont sit down and eat with them. I nibble while cooking and fill myself up that way. I have to find a way to over come the urge to graze. I have got to get my protein and water in. I dont remember the last time that I got in all of my protein and water. On an average day, I consume about 20 - 30 grams of protein and only about 16 ounces of water. I go to work out at the gym about 3 times a week. I feel myself getting stronger, but I do not see the weight loss due to it. If I could just get myself to eat properly and get in all my required protein and water, I just may start to see a difference. You would think that I would learn. I feel like I am on a spiraling downward course to weight gain if I dont stop. 

Well,  yesterday was my 14 month surgerversary. It is hard to belive that 14 months have gone by. I went through my summer clothes from last year and had to put all of them in the yard sale box. Nothing will work for this year. Last year I was wearing 16' and some 14's. This summer I will be in mostly 10's. My clothes that I am currently wearing are 10's. I can still wear some of my 12's and I can even fit into a few size 8's!!!! I guess i will have to start checking out the local yard sales this spring. My goal is to be in 8's by the end of the summer. I feel like that is a realistic goal for me. I have started working out at the gym and I can see a difference already. I have muscles now!!! I am proud of my arms. I usually start my work out with 20 mins of cardio, then I go to weigh training for about 20 mins then I end up with some more cardio. I do not strech before or after, but I am going to have to start. I pulled a shin spint the last time that I worked out and it did not feel good at all. I still want to loose about 15-20 pounds, but I really dont know if I will be able to do it. I seem to be staying at 153-156 lbs. I would love to see 135, but I am happy with my weight where it is now. 135 is only dream and if I get there, I will be estactic and if I dont I am still proud of where I am now. I am not skinny, I have curves and I feel GREAT!!!!!
Whoo Hoo!!!!!!
Cathy

 I feel like a big fat failure today. 2 weeks ago, I stepped on the scale and saw that I was 155! I was so excited! I felt wonderful. I was so pumped. I joined the gym. I started working out everyday that I can, which is on my days off. I have been walking and jogging on the tread mill and using one of those weird stepping machines. (I dont know the name of them.) And then, I walk the track for my cool down for about 20mins. I love it. The problem is, I have gained weight! I got on the scale the other day and I was at 159! and today I weighed in at 157. Why???
 My eating is not the greatest. I have been grazing a lot. For example, I get up and drink a cup of coffee and eat a protein ball. I get the kids off to school and then I drink another cup of coffee. Around 9-9:30 I go to the gym. I drink my bottle of water and do my workout. I usually eat a protein bar on the ride home. I get home and eat something like yogurt or cheese for a snack. I eat a sugar free ice cream bar or cookie a little later in the afternoon. I eat a dinner and then I have a snack in the evening. I am afraid that I have streched my pouch. My nut warmed me about grazing. She said that most WLS patients who regain their weight are the ones who graze. That scared me, but it did not stop me. I was feeling invinsable!!! But now I dont feel so invinciable, I am feeling weak. I have to re-train myself to eat healthier. No more in between snacking. I am exercising now so I should see a weight loss again, if that is I can keep from emotionally eating all the time.

Well, one year has came and gone. I wanted to buy myself a new outfit that is something that I would never pick out in a million years. I looked and looked. I kept picking up things that were the same old stuff that I usually wear. I finally found a cute pair of black lace panties. Now I must confess, I have become a panty addict! I cant stop buying panties. I have bought lacy ones, silky ones, bikini's, boy shorts, low rise and yes, I have even bought a thong!!!! ( A blue lace one at that!) Any way, I was getting ready to give up on the new outfit when I saw this wrap around swing style dress with a deep "V" front and back. It is a brown and white interlocking loop patteren. It hits just below the knee and is SO NOT the usual me! I love the way I feel in it. I feel (shall I really say it????) .....sexy..... I cant believe that I actually used that word. That is a word that I have not used in a very long time when describing myself. So here is the crazy thing... I tried on the dress for my boys, they said that they did not like it!!! Guess what their reason was???????
It was too low cut and sexy lookin for their mom...... Can you believe it?
So, I guess that this year has been a very sucessfull year. I have lost nearly 90 pounds and I cant even tell you how many inches becuase I did not measure myself for the first 3 months. I just came back from the wellness center, I used the tread mill (jogging and walkin fast) for 30 mins and I used the bike for 20 mins. I felt great!!!
I cant thank God enough for giving me this opertunity to get healthy.
I am truely blessed!!!!